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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I received an email...

...today from a woman who was amazed at how similar Rick is to her ex. I've received a lot of emails, from men and women, who have said the same thing. It doesn't surprise me anymore.

For so long we all feel as though we are utterly alone and while it isn't true, we are part of a large number of people who have been dumped on. That fact doesn't really help much, nothing but time does that. But liars are nothing special and cheaters all have the same things in common. If you doubt that, just watch the show Cheaters a few times and see how they all say basically the same things when they get caught.

As tough as it is to get through the first year after being lied to and cheated on...quite simply betrayed...that year passes and life goes on. I can't say that I'm totally over the betrayal, I still can't believe that he did this all to me. But I can say that I'm able to enjoy life and appreciate my freedom. There was a time when it was so painful to wake up in the morning and realize that this was not a nightmare, my kids were the only thing that kept me from swallowing a handful of pills and just getting the pain over with once and for all. But, as I've heard said, suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem and life is far too precious to give away. I gave away enough of mine to Rick as it was, I didn't need to toss the rest of it after him as well.

Beginning life over again after a devastating blow like I took is a daunting task, to be sure. But there's so much out there to do, people to meet and places to see. Until I've been everywhere, met everyone and done everything, I'm not finished. I have a hard time making ends meet and I have some health problems, but other than that, my life is just fine.

I'm able to take care of things although it would certainly be easier with a driver's license, but that'll be back sooner or later. After all that I've been through, I can truly say that I'm a stronger and better person for it all. No one will ever hurt me like that again because I won't ever give my heart away to someone who has shown any signs of devious behavior. I should have known better with Rick, he had lied a few times before we got married and I married him anyway. That was so incredibly stupid. It won't happen again.

There really are honest men out there and there are men who wouldn't cheat on a woman, not because they wouldn't want to hurt the woman, but because they, themselves, wouldn't stoop so low. They feel like I do, that it just lowers me...and I won't do that. I wouldn't have had an affair for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I wouldn't want a man who would screw Rick's wife. A person who would commit adultery wouldn't be on my list of "must haves". Nothing good could possibly come from that and so many negative things could happen. Families are destroyed, lives are trashed and people are injured beyond repair. My grandmother once said to me, "I hate liars the most. You can put a thief in jail but you can't do anything to a liar." She was so right. The damage done by lying cheats is so devastating, more so than a burglary, but you can't have them arrested for it. They go on their merry way, hurting people that care about them, never knowing what they're missing. Life has wonderful things to offer to people who hold true to themselves and they'll never know what I'm talking about because they will never be true to themselves, or anyone else for that matter. Conversely, they'll never have a truly decent person because decent people don't want them.

They'll miss the best that life has to offer and sooner or later, they'll get what they deserve because they've surrounded themselves with people just like them and decent people have long ago disappeared. Who would take care of Rick if he had a stroke tomorrow? No one. There's not a soul in this world who cares enough about him to see to it that he would be cared for. Since he doesn't have an honest bone in his body, he doesn't know how to teach decency to his kids so they won't be there. His mother is gone and his father is sick. He may or may not have a friend here or there, but not one that would see to it that he was cared for until the day he died. I would have been the only person to do so and he ruined that.

So, as tough as it is to get through such a loss, it does get better and it does open up a space in our lives for a person who would love us the way that we love them. It gives us another chance to find an honest, faithful partner. As much as it hurts, it truly is a second chance at life.

They do us a favor by leaving. While they're with us, we miss the people who would treat us with the respect and kindness that we deserve so when they leave, we have an opportunity to find that person. It may hurt today, but that's OK, it'll be better tomorrow and when life on this planet is over, we'll find that we have people who will miss us and remember us. The bums who hurt us will never, ever have that.

Working with elderly people, I've seen countless husbands or wives holding the hand of a spouse who no longer recognize them or who can't do a thing for themselves. That type of love is rare nowadays and Rick robbed us both of that special lifetime love. Because of him, I'll never have that but I'm sure that I'll find someone who will do just fine and I'm also sure that the woman who wrote to me will do so as well.



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