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Friday, July 14, 2006

A chick named Emily...

...commented on the previous post to say that she can't foresee herself ever making jokes out of her husband's affair. She said that she wants to make him pay instead. I haven't read her blog yet (she posted a link to it in her comment) but I don't see any reason in the world not to make him pay AND make a joke out of him as well. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

I never started out to make jokes about Rick, when I said that his daily tooth brushing was a HUGE hint that he was stepping out, I was as serious as I could be. Anyone who has ever gotten a good look at his teeth or even a whiff of his breathe would have known that. So, you don't have to tell a joke about the man, just the facts.

Anyone stupid enough to commit adultery has so many stupid things to tell about that you don't have to have a good sense of humor, just a keypad or a pencil.

Yesterday, I went to the lake to have a picnic. When we parked, there was a construction van parked next to us. I knew that there was a married man and a slut in the back of that van... and I didn't even need to look inside. I just know that during the middle of the day, the only reason a man would take his work van to such a location would be to meet the tramp who his wife is unaware of. Rick was always home, I never would have thought that he had a chance to cheat...but then I realized that his work van was as good a place as any for a bum and a tramp to carry on an affair during work hours. If I called his job and told them what he was doing with the company van, it would have been funny...but not a joke. So, I didn't have to make a joke out of it, their behavior WAS a joke in itself.

By the way, if you don't think that funny shit like that makes them pay as well, you have never seen the look on a man's face after his wife has told him that she told the boss what was going on in the company property.

So much about a cheating man (or woman, to be fair) is inherently funny. Now, I admit it isn't funny at the time, but start a blog, write a book or just pass out flyers and sooner or later, you'll begin to see the humor in it. Of course, you could help the humor along a bit if you are so inclined, but the truth alone is generally enough to evoke a chuckle out of the normal folks who, like me, can't believe the stupidity of the people who do cheat.

It wasn't really funny that I found Gail Glenn's phone number on my phone, but after I did a reverse look up with the number and found her address...I got a kick out of the tiny, filthy trailer that she lived in and my husband fucked her in. You have to admit, it is a bit Jerry Springer-ish...isn't it? And everyone laughs at those Springer fools, why not the fool that is living in your house? As long as I haven't been sleazing about in trailer parks, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Emily doesn't have to find any of this funny just yet, she's too new in her hurt. But, she has the right idea...making him pay...and I have faith that once she has a court order demanding that he PAY...she will begin to have a feeling of satisfaction that will make her smile. After that, the jokes will come. She may not foresee it right now, but trust me, humor is in her future.

When she finally begins to see the humor in the situation, her mind will be free to make the jokes and laugh about how stupid her husband truly is.

For example, I found Rick's "foreplay in a bottle" in one of my kitchen drawers. For a minute and a half, that hurt. then, it occurred to me that he only needed that stuff because he couldn't even turn his slut on enough to get his twisted, misshapen penis in her dry, tramp pussy. Now, to me, that's humorous. She wasn't sexually turned on by him, apparently she just knew how to act to make him feel as though she was.

It wasn't really funny that my husband had me do his laundry so that he wouldn't have those disgusting skid marks on his underwear everyday when he went to visit his tramp. But, the fact that a middle aged bald man couldn't wipe his ass after all of those years of ass wiping experience, was most certainly entertaining to me.

It wasn't funny that all of a sudden, his uni-brow bothered him and he asked me to fix it for him. But, when I fixed it with Nair and he had a hideous reaction to the stuff, the great big, oozing sore that developed on his forehead was more than funny...it was hysterical. Especially considering he was trying to look all suave and debonair for his little husband stealing, trailer dwelling, dried out pussy bitch.

The fact that his latest bimbo called me to see what I wanted when I called Rick wasn't really funny...but the fact that she knows that he is denying her to me is rather amusing...it shows me that he still doesn't want to be honest with me, her, or any other female. So, I know that whomever he is with, he is still being a liar and he still doesn't get it. He had a chance to start over with a woman and be honest with her, but Tish isn't the one...he's lying to her. And, he's still lying to me ABOUT her. So, I am further amused that the woman who thinks she has a great guy is just another in a long, long line of stupid females (myself included) who think that he is an honorable, kind man.

AND...he said he didn't like MY insecurities. Well, the fact that Tish felt the need to call me shows me that he has another woman who is insecure, only this time he found her like that...he didn't take a confidant woman and turn her into an insecure idiot. So, if she is ALREADY that insecure, his treatment will make that insecurity worse and sooner or later, he'll get sick of her in his search for a "strong, confidant woman".

So, Emily, maybe you don't WANT to make jokes just yet, and maybe you never will. But trust, me the fact that you have a blog about making him pay is proof that you DO have it in you. So, just tell us what happened. We will sit and laugh about it anyway. Because that's what cheaters are...jokes. A real man wouldn't cheat and as long as your hubby is a cheater, he isn't a man and therefore, there isn't a woman who would want him except some sleazy adulterer and when two of those get together, hilarity ensues.


Now I can't find the post that Emily commented on. I assumed it was the last one but it wasn't. If you'd like to visit her blog, here is the link:


I still haven't read it, but in a quick browse of it, I saw that she had hired a PI...so this could be very interesting!


Blogger SolarisGal said...

When I found out that my husband was having an affair with his co-worker, I phoned the boss and told him that not only was this chick spreading salary information about employees at the local bar, but that she was also carrying an affair with my goddamn husband. Well, his boss didn't believe me. He said that it's "not feasible" cause she lives up by Mt. Kisco -very far away. Like, duh!! My husband has the company truck, ya ding dong. (of course I didn't say the last part)

Well, check this out, girlfriend:

Because my husband made me out as a nutcase who's imagining things in front of his friends and co-workers (who I used to hang out with); I composed my blog detailing everything that happened, and forwarded the link to two of his co-workers! The blog spread as fast as wildfire in his office!

Although I was angry and hurt at the time, now I find it truly genius and funny! Of course, this doesn't mean that I am not hurting - far from it.

My husband got a lawyer who threatened me with a lawsuit for "slander and libel." She was very nasty. She told me to grow up and that me and my blog are both "pitiful for airing my "dirty laundry". But she's wrong, I'm not committing slander.

You should have seen the other woman- she went practically insane when she found out that I composed the blog and that she's in it. She sent me a crazy email to please "stop this destructive behavior". She calls writing a blog destructive - go figure.

Er, um, like what consideration did she have for me when she was fucking my husband??

So cheers, ladies! *raises wine glass*

July 14, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

LOLOLOL...see Emily? It may not be funny now, but I assure you, there will come a day when it WILL be at least a tad amusing.

My pal Solaris is right, the pain doesn't go completely away, but it does get easier to live with. There will come a time when you can get through a day without crying, without feeling worthless, foolish and dumped upon. You'll pretty much have to invite the pain back...it's not too far but it will be out of your head as long as you fill your head with thoughts of how to make your life better now that you have been given the opportunity to actually HAVE A LIFE!

And, along with Solaris (without the the wine toast, but I'm raising my bottled water)...CHEERS and CONGRATS!


July 14, 2006  
Blogger Anne Arky said...

Anne checking in here to raise a glass to Meg and Solaris -- here, here, ladies! Emily, I hope you will someday soon be in a place to join us. My ex wasn't a cheater (but not from lack of trying), at least that I know of, just a gutless wonder, but that's another story, and I'm still willing to raise a glass in support of those whose husbands got caught with their ..ahem.. hands in the cookie jar, so to speak. With any luck, the cookie got stuck with the crumbs. (Now THAT would be just desserts!)

July 14, 2006  
Blogger Anne Arky said...


Indulge me, please, as your "chick named Emily" doesn't have the comments option on her blog, which I just finished reading. (Mayhap we should instruct her on the fine art of having comments if she'd like?) Emily, I'm sorry you are in the throes of the new news about your husband and your "friend". That really stinks.


July 14, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

Anne brings up a good point. Emily, if you read this, please consider activating the comment section of your blog. You'll find many, many, many people who will empathize with you and want to help you through this. I did. Anne is my best Georgia friend and I met her through this thing. And, with the ability to moderate the comments, you don't even have to read the nasty ones, the first line tells you it's from a cretin and you just hit reject.


July 14, 2006  

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