Meg...

“…If you can't take a child into your home and stand up for your child against your racist family then please don't bother to adopt a child of a different race. I know I'm off on a tangent but it illustrates a point how Black & White people may see a situation differently…”

Although you’re right, there are some things that you may see differently than I would because of race…that is by no means the only reason that we may see things from a totally different perspective. Men and women see things differently as do people from different generations, different religions, different nationalities…and countless other human differences.

You’re also absolutely correct about your family’s behavior. No sane person could argue with what you’ve said. But I have a feeling that race is the least of your mother’s problems. If she doesn’t stand up for you…to EVERYONE else on the planet…she’s a poor excuse for a parent. But somehow she raised a bright, thoughtful young lady so she can’t be all bad. So, I give her credit for that. BUT…I am livid at the thought that a MOTHER could possibly allow her own daughter to be dismissed like some dirty family secret.

Outside of some bizarre scenario involving some hideous crime…I couldn’t imagine standing against any of my children. My sisters would NEVER behave in such a manner but if they did, NO ONE from my household would be attending the festivities.

As a mother and a woman that I am assuming is quite a bit older than you are…you have my sincerest apologies. I can’t imagine the acute pain that you must have felt when those whom were supposed to be your staunchest allies betrayed you in such a selfish and thoughtless manner.

And for what? A party thrown by a person so truculent, obstreperous, and all around tacky that she not only neglected to invite her sister’s entire family, she boorishly convinced her sister to betray a young woman who did not ask to be brought into this family. (And confidently! She must have known that she could do it. Most people would never, ever have the effrontery to attempt to pull off something so loutishly low. I can’t help but wonder what made your aunt even think that your mom would go along with her disgraceful scheme…can we spell CONTROL FREAK???)

You have every right in the world to feel what I’m sure that you’re feeling right now. You didn’t deserve that…hell, no one does. I admire the way you kept the tone of your comment in such a civil manner. It shows a measure of class that your mother and your aunt will never possess. It speaks so well of your character. I would even hazard a guess that you would agree with me when I say that the smartest strategy in this situation is to take the high road at every single opportunity. So, without lying down like a doormat, I suggest that you do exactly that…take the highest road possible. I’m sure that you’re pensive enough to seize appropriate chances to cruise on up that high road.

But…once again…I don’t know how much any of these notions have to do with race. Certainly in your particular situation…race appears to be a huge slice of the problem. But I am certain that people from all different walks of life can relate to your experience. Whether it be an aunt who’s a racist or a mother who prefers sons to her daughters…the pain and the perfidy are the same.

Regarding adoption…anything that makes a child feel more a part of the family unit is a good thing. If that “thing” happens to be skin color…so be it. But I would think that there are parents who are from a different race than their adopted children but they have talents that more than make up for that. They can share love and make the child aware of his own worth in so many other ways. Then again, there are groups of people exactly the same color that can’t seem to say a kind word to each other no matter what the situation.

I would LOVE to open my home to ANY young child who could use a good, stable home where he or she could feel safe and loved. I couldn’t imagine looking into the eyes of any child who is in need without feeling a tinge of an ache that is my need to nurture. I like to have someone to take care of…it makes my life so much fuller than simply caring for myself. And if I saw a child who needed me, I would see just that…a child who needed me. I wouldn’t see a white kid, a black kid or a yellow kid. I would simply, and thankfully, just see a kid.

No true Christian…or Jew for that matter…could possibly profess to love and honor a God…if that person didn’t also love and honor all of His people.

Any other thoughts on this one, folks?

Meg