Worst line I've ever heard...

...(and I've been listening since the late 60's):

"It'll only take 5 minutes, I just need relief. "

Best line I've ever heard (and I was halfway through with a Long Island Iced Tea):

The guy licked his finger and then touched my sleeve before he offered to take me somewhere to "get out of these wet clothes."

(Had I been 100% sober, I would have found the best line to be gross after he licked his finger.)

Interesting conversation that I just participated in:

He: Could you look up Norelco?
Me: Give me a minute, I'm in the middle of a sentence.
He: But all I need is for you to..."
Me: I can't now, I'm in the middle of a thought."
He: This won't take long."
Me: Let me finish this, it'll just take a minute..."
He: All I need is for you to order 2 parts!"
Me: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!
He: Why do you always have to yell?

By the way, if I want to take my temperature, I'll get a thermometer. Don't touch me whenever you feel the need to "know if I'm warm".

Ya know, now that I think of it, don't touch me at all. If I want to touch you, I will.

I just got out...

...of the hospital and have found that one person has felt it necessary to tell others about my health issues. He is only privy to those issues because I let him close enough to see them. He seems to have no problem sharing that private info with anyone else, even the Facebook world. All the explaining in the world has failed to put a stop to the mouth that cannot close so I have come up with another idea. I shall repay a big mouth with another big mouth. Yep, I'm gonna tell you what an idiot this yahoo is and if he has a problem with that, he can always go back to the old rules, where everyone shuts up when appropriate. I could have played by the other rules at any time, but I default to discretion. It takes serial insensitivity to bring me out of default and it is with serial insensitivity that I have been slapped. So, the bitch in me has been evoked, almost as easily as it ever has been.

OK, when I was in the hospital and quite ill, I told CreepyDude that I wanted telephone notification of all visits. When I was too sick to answer the phone, he would show up anyway. I asked why he just showed up in my sick room without notice and he responded, "I called but you didn't answer." Apparently, if I am too sick to answer the phone, all I need is a visit from CreepyDude.

CreepyDude is one of those guys who doesn't like to let you out of his sight. He's also one of those guys who tries to bribe women with promises of material crap. When he promised me a "BMW or Mercedez", I laughed and said, "You don't like it when I walk down the street, you expect me to believe you would give me a car? The only car you would ever give me is one that you had the keys to."

To be fair, I have to admit that CreepyDude is actually handicapped in a way I have never seen. He is absolutely incapable of shutting up. He, and everyone within earshot, must hear him speak whether they care to or not. Therefore, I have learned to tune him out. He doesn't like it when I do that and he simply cannot understand why I wouldn't be fascinated by his babblings.

He is so full of shit that sometimes his mouth works faster than the part of his brain that thinks up lies. He has to stop, and when he does, you can actually hear him thinking up a lie that would fit the end of the sentence.

I'll be back with more tidbits of CreepyDude later.

:):):)