...but in a reasonable way. He expects us to "fire away" at him for his honesty. We don't do that to men here. We shred them up for being liars, morons or both. (Speaking of which...Hey JQ!)
I appreciate John's honesty and I can debate him calmly because of it. My ex wouldn't know that I have that ability because he never tried to be honest with me. Anyway, here is John's comment regarding men and their use of porn:
I would argue that many men do use porn to an unhealthy extreme, which I would define as affecting the man's ability to have sexual relations with his wife. if the wife wants to make love, and the man just satisfied himself using porn and is physically unavailable, then that would be unhealthy. But there are many sound physical reasons for men to release themselves more frequently than women want, or need. Scientific studies have shown a relationship between some diseases (prostate cancer, for one) and how often a man ejaculates. Not how often he has loving sex with a significant other, just ejaculates. There are other physical benefits to more frequent sex than is normal (three times per week seems necessary according to most of the studies). Still, if porn and masturbation are interfering with sex within the marriage, that is unhealthy.
Before I respond to this comment, let me qualify what I'm about to say. I know that some women don't mind if their man enjoys pornography. I am not referring to them. If you are a man, woman or couple who find porn to be a sexual enhancer, go for it. I'm not speaking to you.
I'm speaking for the millions of women who are bothered when the man who they love finds it necessary to get a nut using images of women other than his wife. And you guys may actually SEE the pictures, we have to IMAGINE what you're doing. We don't like the picture of you and some tramp in our head at all! I've never heard anything regarding John's assertion that an increased number of ejaculations are a healthy thing, but I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.
Say it's true. Let's pretend that a man's very life depends on an ejaculation once every half hour. It's not the fact that the man is ejaculating without us that we find hurtful...it's the fact that the ejaculation is accomplished because the man just imagined some trashy broad sucking his dick, taking his dick up her ass or taking it up the normal portal.
If it is true that a man needs constant relief for health reasons, why doesn't he plan ahead, take pictures of his wife and then just whack off to her image? Man, that would make me feel sexy.
John, I appreciate the poor dude who's very life depends on constant ejaculations. But I still say that, no matter what the health issue, finding sexual satisfaction with another female is absolutely unacceptable to some women.
Now, I'm not an unreasonable person. And, it's true that my rules are different depending on the man with whom I am currently "cuddling". With my ex, I had zero tolerance for other women, whether they were paper women or a hunk of living meat in the back of his work van. With another guy, I wouldn't mind so much at all. It all has to do with trust, honesty and whether or not my man approached me before he resorted to the pornography.
If I were married a to a man who had to get himself 10 nuts before lunch for health reasons, we have an entirely different issue to which I did not mean to refer. But, I must say, in all the years that I've been a practicing nurse and with all the years I spent in college, I've never heard of an actual physical illness that requires frequent ejaculations. You can rest assured that if there were such an illness, some medical company would have come up with a fake pussy/nut cracker that insurance would cover.
If John is simply stating that constant ejaculations are a preventative measure, I have a problem with that. If it were true, I would think that there would be some numbers attached to it. How do you quantify the necessary ejaculations? How many are good for your purposes? How far can you push something like that? "I have to ejaculate 25 times a day and if I must, I'll do whatever I need to do to accomplish my goal."
I'd hate to think that I'd have to hide the family dog. It occurs to me that, even if you leave Fido out of the conversation, a man could justify a LOT of different behavior by crying, "Health reasons!"
Thankfully, John seems to be a reasonable, honest man. The number he mentions is 3 a week. If a man wants to have sex 3 times a week, I would think that it's the rare wife who wouldn't help him out.
Of course, there may be women who would balk at 3 nuts a week. To them I say, "You have a more serious problem than your husband's pornography use."
The bottom line is that everyone is different. Every couple has their own "culture"...things that are normal and acceptable within the confines of their relationship. Some of those cultures include porn and some don't. A smart couple will work these things out before marriage.
As I said, porn use may or not bother me...it's totally dependent upon the guy. If he's an honest man who I can trust completely, I wouldn't mind much at all. But if the guy is a liar, I wouldn't trust anything he did so porn would just be another in a long line of betrayals.
People need to talk about such things within the confines of their own marital parameters. And then, after two people have shared their honest feelings about porn, or any other topic, they should each respect the feelings of the other. I had no problem telling my ex that pornography was unacceptable to me. When I told him that, I gave him the opportunity to take his Hustler and leave. But, he made the decision to stay. When he did so, he PROMISED me that he would rather have me than porn.
Then, I came back into the house unexpectedly because I had forgotten the checkbook.
I found the man sitting on the bedroom floor, whacking off to the snowy, slanted picture of a porno flick with audio coming in and out with the snowy, slanted picture. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
But with my first ex...it never bothered me. Of course, he didn't try to hide it from me either. He would just go into the bedroom, in the middle of the day, and have a penis party. That man didn't even make sure that the door was pulled shut. I would stand outside the door watching and wait for his toes to start wiggling and then I would throw the door open, jump in the room, and shout something annoying. It was all in fun, I didn't care at all.
If I had remained that open, porn might not bother me today. I don't kow exactly what happened to me. I guess it has to do with the entire situation with my second marriage. Everything was dishonest, everything was suspect. If a hair on the passenger seat was a potential problem, can you imagine what a porno magazine would imply to me?
Perhaps John can read between the lines here and see that the damage inflicted upon one person by another can be stunning.
I want me back.
PS By the way, I also was up front with my ex about this fact...if I don't get sex at night, I'm a bitch the next day. During the first 6 years of our marriage, we made love 28 days out of 30...without fail. We were happy. It wasn't I who stopped the sex. So, if I WAS a bitch, he could have easily put a stop to it.