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Thursday, January 31, 2008

A John defends porn...

...but in a reasonable way. He expects us to "fire away" at him for his honesty. We don't do that to men here. We shred them up for being liars, morons or both. (Speaking of which...Hey JQ!)

I appreciate John's honesty and I can debate him calmly because of it. My ex wouldn't know that I have that ability because he never tried to be honest with me. Anyway, here is John's comment regarding men and their use of porn:

I would argue that many men do use porn to an unhealthy extreme, which I would define as affecting the man's ability to have sexual relations with his wife. if the wife wants to make love, and the man just satisfied himself using porn and is physically unavailable, then that would be unhealthy. But there are many sound physical reasons for men to release themselves more frequently than women want, or need. Scientific studies have shown a relationship between some diseases (prostate cancer, for one) and how often a man ejaculates. Not how often he has loving sex with a significant other, just ejaculates. There are other physical benefits to more frequent sex than is normal (three times per week seems necessary according to most of the studies). Still, if porn and masturbation are interfering with sex within the marriage, that is unhealthy.

Before I respond to this comment, let me qualify what I'm about to say. I know that some women don't mind if their man enjoys pornography. I am not referring to them. If you are a man, woman or couple who find porn to be a sexual enhancer, go for it. I'm not speaking to you.

I'm speaking for the millions of women who are bothered when the man who they love finds it necessary to get a nut using images of women other than his wife. And you guys may actually SEE the pictures, we have to IMAGINE what you're doing. We don't like the picture of you and some tramp in our head at all! I've never heard anything regarding John's assertion that an increased number of ejaculations are a healthy thing, but I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.

Say it's true. Let's pretend that a man's very life depends on an ejaculation once every half hour. It's not the fact that the man is ejaculating without us that we find hurtful...it's the fact that the ejaculation is accomplished because the man just imagined some trashy broad sucking his dick, taking his dick up her ass or taking it up the normal portal.

If it is true that a man needs constant relief for health reasons, why doesn't he plan ahead, take pictures of his wife and then just whack off to her image? Man, that would make me feel sexy.

John, I appreciate the poor dude who's very life depends on constant ejaculations. But I still say that, no matter what the health issue, finding sexual satisfaction with another female is absolutely unacceptable to some women.

Now, I'm not an unreasonable person. And, it's true that my rules are different depending on the man with whom I am currently "cuddling". With my ex, I had zero tolerance for other women, whether they were paper women or a hunk of living meat in the back of his work van. With another guy, I wouldn't mind so much at all. It all has to do with trust, honesty and whether or not my man approached me before he resorted to the pornography.

If I were married a to a man who had to get himself 10 nuts before lunch for health reasons, we have an entirely different issue to which I did not mean to refer. But, I must say, in all the years that I've been a practicing nurse and with all the years I spent in college, I've never heard of an actual physical illness that requires frequent ejaculations. You can rest assured that if there were such an illness, some medical company would have come up with a fake pussy/nut cracker that insurance would cover.

If John is simply stating that constant ejaculations are a preventative measure, I have a problem with that. If it were true, I would think that there would be some numbers attached to it. How do you quantify the necessary ejaculations? How many are good for your purposes? How far can you push something like that? "I have to ejaculate 25 times a day and if I must, I'll do whatever I need to do to accomplish my goal."

I'd hate to think that I'd have to hide the family dog. It occurs to me that, even if you leave Fido out of the conversation, a man could justify a LOT of different behavior by crying, "Health reasons!"

Thankfully, John seems to be a reasonable, honest man. The number he mentions is 3 a week. If a man wants to have sex 3 times a week, I would think that it's the rare wife who wouldn't help him out.

Of course, there may be women who would balk at 3 nuts a week. To them I say, "You have a more serious problem than your husband's pornography use."

The bottom line is that everyone is different. Every couple has their own "culture"...things that are normal and acceptable within the confines of their relationship. Some of those cultures include porn and some don't. A smart couple will work these things out before marriage.

As I said, porn use may or not bother me...it's totally dependent upon the guy. If he's an honest man who I can trust completely, I wouldn't mind much at all. But if the guy is a liar, I wouldn't trust anything he did so porn would just be another in a long line of betrayals.

People need to talk about such things within the confines of their own marital parameters. And then, after two people have shared their honest feelings about porn, or any other topic, they should each respect the feelings of the other. I had no problem telling my ex that pornography was unacceptable to me. When I told him that, I gave him the opportunity to take his Hustler and leave. But, he made the decision to stay. When he did so, he PROMISED me that he would rather have me than porn.

Then, I came back into the house unexpectedly because I had forgotten the checkbook.

I found the man sitting on the bedroom floor, whacking off to the snowy, slanted picture of a porno flick with audio coming in and out with the snowy, slanted picture. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

But with my first ex...it never bothered me. Of course, he didn't try to hide it from me either. He would just go into the bedroom, in the middle of the day, and have a penis party. That man didn't even make sure that the door was pulled shut. I would stand outside the door watching and wait for his toes to start wiggling and then I would throw the door open, jump in the room, and shout something annoying. It was all in fun, I didn't care at all.

If I had remained that open, porn might not bother me today. I don't kow exactly what happened to me. I guess it has to do with the entire situation with my second marriage. Everything was dishonest, everything was suspect. If a hair on the passenger seat was a potential problem, can you imagine what a porno magazine would imply to me?

Perhaps John can read between the lines here and see that the damage inflicted upon one person by another can be stunning.

I want me back.

PS By the way, I also was up front with my ex about this fact...if I don't get sex at night, I'm a bitch the next day. During the first 6 years of our marriage, we made love 28 days out of 30...without fail. We were happy. It wasn't I who stopped the sex. So, if I WAS a bitch, he could have easily put a stop to it.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband would agree, actually. He likes pictures of me. I felt silly at first. Especially when he asked me to take them at a time when we were apart (I had to work in a different state). I didn't really know what to do, because I'm not a visual person. But I had some fun doing it.

My turn-on is erotic fiction, though. Does that have the same sense of betrayal? Sometimes I wonder. It's not his thing, anyway. Not that he's said anything about it.

January 31, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

I think whether or not something carries a sense of betrayal is dependent upon the couple in question. I have never considered erotic fiction at all. I don't think it would bother me...unless it had pictures.

:)

January 31, 2008  
Blogger Eliza Doolittle said...

First, his assertions about the prostate and cancer is true. Doctors now recommend that men actually do continue to, uh, wank it well into their old age to stave off cancer. A link has been found between non masturbating men and masturbating men - men who don't are more likely to get prostate cancer.

And I LOVE erotic fiction (especially vampire novels)!!!!

January 31, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

A link has been found between non masturbating men and masturbating men - men who don't are more likely to get prostate cancer.


Whoa! Well, what do you know? Learn something new everyday!

Hit that knob John!

January 31, 2008  
Anonymous Notwitty said...

As a male, I tend to agree with John that occasional porn is fine. Show me a man who honestly says he never read a Play Boy/Penthouse during his teenage years, and I will show you woman born from a virgin mother. Also, in some of your previous blogs, you depicted some pretty explicit details of you intimate sexual relation with your partner at the time, refering to certain body part with urban cliche; that would annoy people a lot more than porn. It made me fill you were denegrating the genuine relationship, the pleasure is all yours.

There is a fine line between/connect love, trust, lust, sex and procession.

January 31, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe a man then should marry a woman who doesnt mind him wanking to nekkid girls. If it comes down to wanking off to porn or staying married I guess wanking to porn is more important to some men.

January 31, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Anon, you're exact;y right.

Notw,

In some relationships, the pleasure IS all mine. In others, I care about the guy. That makes me equal with most men...doesn't it?

January 31, 2008  
Anonymous notwitty said...

What is your average length of each relationship? Have you given up on a relationship that is to last? Was there always a winner and a looser at the end of each relationship? What about the pain?

Marriage is an artificial word, if there were no marriage, there wouldn't be any devoice.

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Jean said...

Here is an article from New Scientist that explains the link between ejaculation and decreased risk of prostate cancer:

http://tinyurl.com/3cj5u6
[link shortened using www.tinyurl.com]

It says '12 times per month' confers benefits, which is what John said.

:)

Meg, I disagree when you say that you think less than 3 times a week means a couple has problems. Even if you meant only when the husband wants 3 and the wife doesn't feel like it. But hey, like you said, normal is different for everybody.

the angel Jean

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Jean,

I only meant that a wife who refused to make love to her husband 3 times a week for health reasons has a problem.

Not, You won't be around here much longer.

Cat food is an artificial word. If there were no cats, there would be no cat food.

It sounds as though you are talking about a totally different topic.

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Jean said...

Okay, my bad interpretation. I even assumed that you meant relationship problems, when really all you said was

You have a more serious problem than your husband's pornography use.

Yeah, a wife who refuses to make love to her husband three times a week if his health depends on it has ... problems. For one, there's probably issues that lead women to refuse in the first place. For example, lack of time, work stress, lack of sleep/energy, lack of quality time together (whatever the cause). In a way, you could say sometimes a woman's health depends on it (some people need their sleep!) A couple in a good relationship might try to make time, but it's not always possible.

A more serious problem than pornography use, though? Still thinking about that one.

February 01, 2008  
Anonymous notwitty said...

I did diverted from the topic a bit on my last comment. And I might have also touch a sore point. If I did, I apologise, thats not my intension.

Geting back to the male watching porn, I would only watch it when I am really bored or stressed. Its a form of escape from reality, I do get sexually aroused, but I never masturbate at the same time. For those who do, thats absolutely fine for me as long as they do it at their own privacy. Watching porn is no different to watching soap or "reality" TV show. How many movies or tv series are there with no nudity or sex scene in it? It just shows the public enjoy watching it, and hopefully, most of them know its only some actors acting out fantasy. I have never been able to sit through a single episode of Desperate Housewife or Sin City. Because it was trying too hard to make beleive.
When I am watching porn, I know right at the beginning its all fake, and I am only seeking some sort of emotional release. It doesn't mean I love my partner any less. I do draw a line in porn though, I hate violence, I strongly beleive paedophile and rappist should be castrated, and I don't like 'unnatural' practice such as anul sex or the so all sex toys. On the other hand, for those consenting couples who enjoy doing it, again thats fine.
You may think the woman/women acting in the porn movie are being degraded, but to me they are only acting, they may or may not enjoy doing it; but at least, they are adults participating with their own consent. Its no more degrading for the female as for the male actors.
As for male masturbation, I did do it often enough when I was at my late teen right through to my adulthood watching Play Boy/Penthouse megazine, its a form of sexual relief, and I didn't have a sex partner then. Since I have been engaged in a permanent relationship which is over 20 years now, I have done it occasionally, for no particular reason at all but to seek releive from boredom or stress. Occasionally, I mean less than once or twice a year. And again, it does not mean I love my partner any less. For those who feel like doing it more often, its their liberty, everybody is different.
Now, again its fine if you are to leave me out of your blog. Its your diary. And I am just commenting, not critisising. I am only commenting on the male's aspect on watching porn and masturbation. If you feel like publishing it, fine, but please don't edit anything out except the last paragraph.

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Jean,

I just meant that if there are 2 problems in a marriage, porn being one and a wife who doesn't love her husband enough to make love 3 times a week, the latter is the huger problem.

Notw,

It's all good. That last comment did strike me as a tad annoying, but you took the time to explain and I slept all night. So, we're cool.

:):):)

February 01, 2008  
Anonymous notwitty said...

Thanks for your thoughtfullness. I am not a geek, the comment to your blog is my first time ever to go on a public bullitin board. And I did it with great respect.
I keep my sex live very private. I don't think anyone can be better my partner. Its only shared between us with lots of love and great excitment and fun.
I wouldn't raise a sex topic at a dinner party. But if someone raise it, I wouldn't feel embarased or offended at all. I would discuse the topic objectively, but leave my sex live with my partner completely out.
Your blog is meant to be fun and chicky, sorry if I spoiled it.

Thanks Friend.

p.s. I grown dependent to my spelchcker. :)

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Jaded said...

First of all, the idea that a man MUST ejaculate in order to maintain prostate health isn't entirely true. The JAMA published a study that says there is NO correlation between a higher ejaculation rate and reduced risk of prostate cancer.

The National Cancer Institute did a study and said:
"In this prospective cohort study among predominantly white men, higher ejaculation frequency was not related to increased risk of prostate cancer. Our results suggest that high ejaculation frequency possibly may be associated with a lower risk of total and organ-confined prostate cancer. These associations were not explained by potential risk factors for prostate cancer, such as age, family history of prostate cancer, history of syphilis or gonorrhea, smoking, and diet," explained the authors."

The words "possibly may be" indicate that there COULD be a SLIGHT chance that all that wanking MIGHT help, but there's no scietific evidence to prove that it's necessary.

Now that THAT'S out of the way, here are my thoughts about porn.

If both people in the relationship are ok with it, fine. However, if one of the partners uses porn as a means to achieve sexual gratification at the exclusion of his or her partner, that's a problem. If your partner is tired that night, rather than understanding his or her need for sleep you run to the computer or your DVD stash and focus your sexual energy on someone else, then it wasn't really about wanting intimacy with your partner in the first place. When you are in a committed relationship, part of that commitment means that you will share that sort of intimacy with your partner only. To say that if you don't "love" your husband enough to have sex 3 times a week is unbelievably selfish and outdated for my liking. If you, as a wife, are working, raising a child or children, doing the housework, cooking etc., and you are tired at the end of the day, perhaps your husband doesn't love YOU enough to allow you time to actually sleep for an extra hour. There is NO physical need for him to HAVE to have sex 3 times a week. Why then are his desires more important than your own?

I just think that if either partner turns to some other sourse of sexual gratification instead of sharing that intimacy with their partner, that's a problem. When you exclude your partner from the very act that is supposed to bring you together, you drive a wedge between you. You create insecurities and distance, which isn't healhy for the relationship.

So, men can get over their grown up way of saying they'll just die if they don't ejaculate. While it "might possibly be" helpful, I'd say it's more healthy to maintain a close, loving relationship with your partner than it is to get off because it makes you feel better.

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Damn...I wish I had said that.

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

"...To say that if you don't "love" your husband enough to have sex 3 times a week is unbelievably selfish and outdated for my liking..."

Once again, remember the context, I was talking about a life threatening case of blue balls. I maintain that if a quickie here or there would make the man I love healthier...I'd find a few minutes. Of course, this crap is dependent upon reciprocation.

:):):)

February 01, 2008  
Blogger Eliza Doolittle said...

Jaded - you are bloody brilliant! I never considered it that way (except to think me missing my extra hour was rude!)

February 01, 2008  

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The department that I work in...

... has a policy regarding call-ins. Our spouses cannot call in sick for us. Perhaps if we were in the emergency room it would be one thing. But when it comes to communication, responsibility and professionalism, we are expected to do our job or suck up our discomfort and explain why we can't. Although a job in nursing is nothing like a job as the leader of the free world, it is one that requires a modicum of personal strength.

Unfortunately, not all of my co-workers have the courage to own their own behavior and speak up for themselves. Sometimes we have employees who would avoid confrontation at all costs. In my experience, those people tend to have something to hide. Just an observation.

Hillary Clinton has been sending Billy boy all over the place. And, she seems to load him with some pretty heavy duty comments. Once he's full of those, Mrs. Clinton aims her husband at Senator Obama and let's him take the heat for all the comments that the former President is making.

Many people have urged Bill to "back off". They should speak directly to the candidate and her staff. Bill isn't some rogue husband out there sabotaging his wife's bid for the Presidency...he's been sent out by the campaign to take the heat of off the candidate.

I think that most intelligent men and women can see this situation for what it is. Unfortunately, they're in the minority. But, they also understand the idea of a strong woman. A strong woman is one who can achieve, accomplish and lead on her own power, not on that of her husband.

The strongest women leaders of the past 50 years have been amazing women, mostly married. But for the life of me, I don't who their husbands were.

I know there was a Mr. Thatcher, but I don't know anything about him. I don't even know if Golda Meir was married or not. Phyllis Schaffly was married...I think. But once again, I know nothing of her husband. The same with Jean Kirkpatrick, Condeleeza White and Jill Morgenthaler. These women all did their own thing and that thing was to rise in their own fields to the point where they became national and international powerhouses.

And they did it all without depending on any help from their husbands with the possible exception of husband-wife conversations that all married couples have about their jobs. A good husband may inspire his wife, but he shouldn't do her job for her.

I think that a woman could...most assuredly do a wonderful job as the leader of the free world. I just hate the idea of that leader, my President, turning to her husband with a helpless look on her face and her hand rubbing his inner thigh as she says, "Honey...could you help me with something?"

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I just had a very long conversation...

...with a friend of mine who is going through a divorce. It's one of those divorces where the wife is accusing him of everything under the sun and I didn't understand it because he is such a nice guy and doesn't deserve this. Well, tonight he mentioned something that finally gave me some possible insight into the behavior of his wife.

My friend mentioned that he enjoyed pornography quite a bit but he never "went outside the marriage for satisfaction". He seemed to neglect the fact that his wife may have felt a desire to be his sole source of satisfaction and she might not have appreciated it when he stared at naked bodies of sexy young women. Sure, he might have been at home, but if he was looking at naked women he sort of WAS going outside of the marriage for satisfaction. I understand that some men enjoy pornography and find it to be innocent fun. I get that, I really do. But unless it is part of a "team" effort, it is akin to cheating. Not all women feel this way, but plenty do. I know there are even women who enjoy it as well but trust me...some find it to be extremely offensive.

"My friend said that he considered his wife to be the love of his life and that sex with her was wonderful as well. He told me how important she and their intimacy was and in the next sentence said that he only turned to porn when his wife was tired or not in the mood. So, basically, he was saying that the wonderful feelings he had when he was with her were evenly swapped out for pornography.

Nobody gave me the job of being a judge of other humans and I am trying very hard NOT to sound like one. But...can you see how a woman might feel as though she is easily replaced with smut? We all know how degrading to women in general that porn is in the first place. But to say that you need it if you can't get it from your wife is saying to the wife that the relationship is something less than she might have thought it was. So it degrades not only women but the relationship as well.

I know that you can be a very loyal husband and enjoy pornography. I also know that some women don't mind porn one little bit. But I am referring to the ones that DO mind. To most of them, it isn't a matter of jealousy. It is simply a matter of respect and consideration. As innocently as men may pursue this little hobby, they are pretty much saying to their women that sex is no more than a bodily function. Sometimes it may be but if you are in a relationship that involves fidelity, sex should be a bit more than that.

FYI...some women feel as though a guy who needs to dabble in the manly art of porn is obviously not at all happy with the woman he is with. I wonder what my friend would have thought if his wife was the one enjoying the pornography. I wonder how the ego's of these men would fare if their women used images of other men to "relieve" themselves.

We women can be pretty sensitive and most of us don't like competition. Especially air-brushed, fake perfection that we could never aspire to. When a man feels the need to look at naked women who aren't us, we think that we aren't good enough ourselves.

Men might not see it that way, but trust me, women do.

So, if you have someone that you want to keep around, let her be the only one who does it for you. If you want to go and get all crazy, go get your wife. She just may have more in her than you realize and she may be waiting for you to bring it out. But it's difficult for a woman to be totally open in bed when she feels less than adequate. So, if a man truly loves his wife and wants to have great sex, pornography is actually counter-productive.

3 Comments:

Blogger Eliza Doolittle said...

As usual, you are spot on.

I might add one other thing:

Men seem to be attracted to things in terms of pornography that they would never do with their wife/gf. That ole Maddona/Whore complex rears it's head again.

But we ladies don't see it that way. We see it as something we aren't good enough to deserve.

January 31, 2008  
Blogger SolarisGal said...

I remember catching my husband looking at Internet porn and me being offended because of it.

The reason why it offended me was because I imagined that he imagined having sex with different women, and well, thought is certainly prelude to ones actions.

Now that I look back, I should have seen this as a warning sign that my marriage wasn't going well (duh)

I once read on another blog (written by a male) that women shouldn't get offended if men look at porn because some women are not able to keep up with a mans need, and men need to "get off" somehow.

I really don't believe that. I think it's just an excuse.

whatever happened to self control?

January 31, 2008  
Blogger John said...

I would argue that many men do use porn to an unhealthy extreme, which I would define as affecting the man's ability to have sexual relations with his wife. if the wife wants to make love, and the man just satisfied himself using porn and is physically unavailable, then that would be unhealthy.

But there are many sound physical reasons for men to release themselves more frequently than women want, or need. Scientific studies have shown a relationship between some diseases (prostate cancer, for one) and how often a man ejaculates. Not how often he has loving sex with a significant other, just ejaculates. There are other physical benefits to more frequent sex than is normal (three times per week seems necessary according to most of the studies).

Still, if porn and masturbation are interfering with sex within the marriage, that is unhealthy.

Fire away, ladies :-)

January 31, 2008  

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I just got home from...

...driving home. I went out for less than an hour and on my way home, I was sitting at a stop light. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, certainly nothing that I remember. The car was quiet because my stereo AND the local radio selection both SUCK! I had Payton with me so I had someone to talk to. But at the stop light, I wasn't talking.

All of a sudden I had a thought that hit me swiftly and like a punch in the chest.

Cheek Dude is a really, really decent guy. I haven't found any faults except some damage around the heart. I can relate. Other than that, he's quite the nice guy. And it appears as though he likes me. That's the thought I had.

The implications of that thought are what took my breathe away. If a guy like that can like me, I might be worth liking myself.

5 Comments:

Blogger Eliza Doolittle said...

Helllloooooo, new outfit and hair!

Go Meg Go!

January 30, 2008  
Anonymous limerick gal said...

Enjoy it! :)

I've decided I'm just going to live vicariously through you!!

January 30, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Damn ladies...it is all quite vicarious...isn't it?

Now I'm gonna do the dishes. Vicarious living will have to wait..although I won't be wearing gloves!

January 30, 2008  
Blogger Eliza Doolittle said...

Meg - another lady of note to add to the role

http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/

January 30, 2008  
Blogger Jean said...

Yay Meg!

It might not seem like it, but it's a huge step up, from general self-esteem to realising that you're the kind of person who could have - deserves, even - a fulfilling relationship with someone who appreciates them. Especially given all those idiots who never realised what a wonderful woman they had. Congrats on taking that step!

the angel Jean

January 30, 2008  

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Check this out...

Julian Beever is an English artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion! Remember, as you view them....... these are all done on level walkways!











WOW!

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Good morning!

Once again, I've come here with nothing to say. I do that every so often and I never know where it'll lead.

Oh! Last night Fuckbuddy dude called for the first time in months. (You may remember him, I THOUGHT that I blew him off months ago.) But, he didn't mention that at all so I'm perplexed. Damn, that man is so pretty. We were chatting and all of a sudden I thought about Cheek Dude and I felt bad for speaking to fuckbuddy dude. Cheek hasn't done anything to make me feel like that...it was just one of those spontaneous feelings that I didn't expect.

What the heck does that mean? I don't understand me sometimes.

I had another one of those unexpected spontaneous feelings the other day when I was speaking with Rick. He mentioned something about his ex wife (the one before me) and it annoyed me. It shouldn't have, he meant nothing by it. I was just surprised that I felt jealous after all this time. What the heck does THAT mean?

Those are some telling feelings, I would think. I don't know what the heck they tell people, but they have to mean something, I just don't know what.

I had a migraine last night for the first time in years. I've had headaches, but this was a full blown migraine/sick headache. It eventually went away but I was freaking out a bit. I thought, "Oh, this is great. I'm gonna blow that aneurysm and be dead by morning." I didn't know how I would let you guys know that I was dead. I should find someone to give my password to so that if I do just drop dead, you'll know what happened to me.

When I had that cerebral bleed last year, I was sitting in my doctor's office waiting room. Quite the coincidence, I had an appointment and felt fine. One minute I was filling out paperwork and the next I was in the emergency room all tied down. I had NO idea what I was doing there. I ended up in the hospital for a while after that.

I was thinking about that the other day. Between the tumor and the aneurysm, I don't know what to expect out of my brain. But, I remember the nothingness that I experienced after the bleed and it made me realize that if I did drop dead, I wouldn't feel a thing. So, I'm not so afraid of it anymore.

I am scared when I drive, though. Especially if I'm going fast. I wonder what would happen if I stroked out on the road. I told my father that because at one point I was just too scared to drive. My dad said that it could happen to anyone, any time. Between that and the time that has past, I have gone back to driving as much as I used to. I can't just sit in my house frightened so I guess I'll just live my life doing the things that I want to do.

Well, I have a few things to do this morning so I'm gonna go. But after that, I don't have to do anything until 5 so I'll be back before that.

Have a good day and remember that there's a stupid R in February that doesn't really belong there!

Ciao!

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

This'll leave a mark:





Phone sex shouldn't begin until a bit later in life. But you know boys...they can't help themselves.
I went on a date once with a guy who was so sweet while he was trying to get me to go out with him. He's in Physician's Assistant school and I thought that we might have some things in common. He and I communicated often for a couple of months before I finally agreed to meet him.
Until then, he had been so sweet. He had a wild sense of humor so when he made veiled sexual references, I took them in stride. I just assumed that was his personality. He had been so much fun to talk to and I have a bit of a dry sense of humor that I pepper with a few sexual allusions myself. I just figured that he and I were similar that way...not really serious about the sex stuff, more or less just silly.
Well, he invited me out one night and since I didn't know him that well, I met him away from my house and we jumped in his car. He kissed me immediately which I didn't mind. But I quickly figured out that he would have been perfectly happy to stay in his car and play.
I haven't done cars (other than making out) in years...hell, decades! Since high school, I've not been a fan of the car...I have a couch. Besides, this was our first date and I didn't want to spend it making out in his car. At one point he finally started to drive away and I was SOOO pleased!
Imagine my surprise when he just drove around the driveway to the house next to where we had met! That dude absolutely would have done anything that I would have let him do.
My father once told me that if you lined up 100 men and showed them a female, 96 of the men would do her. Conversely, if you lined up a hundred women and showed them a man, 96 of them would NOT do the guy.
What a shame that it's on we women to stop the guys and worry about reputations. I hate that.
One of the reasons that I like Cheek Dude so much is that he treats me so decently. That's not to say that he isn't a normal man...it's just that he has enough class to pepper our relationship with dates that have no sex. He takes me out 2 or 3 times a week and he calls me once or twice a day. He opens doors and all that stuff. He does kiss me when we meet and then we go out and have fun. After that...who knows? But our dates are not about sex, they're about having fun and spending time together.
It isn't as though Cheek Dude doesn't have sex on his mind...it's just that he's smart enough to treat me well and only after having a nice evening is it the time for "adult play".
If I were a guy who wanted to get laid, I would work at it. I'd take the chick out and show her a nice time. Then, if it feels right, I would kiss her. But there are so many men who haven't got the class to treat a lady right. Jeez, even if a guy only wanted sex...he should at least be smart enough to be sure that the lady has some fun before he goes for it. High school boys might be able to get away with the selfish, hurried stuff...but a full grown man should be smarter than that.
Oh well, boys will be boys. But smart men will be much more likely to enjoy themselves after they see to it that their date has a good time!
I may be back to add to this and I may just do another post. But for now, I'm going to sit here, think about Dude and smile for a while!
Ciao!
Oh! By the way...have you guys noticed all of the Seinfeld ads online? Does this dude really need more cash?

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stopped to peek into your profile and mind, and liked what I found there. You didn't appear to be a scam, a stripper, nor a lousy band, trying to vie for my attention. In fact, you are downright interesting, intriguing, and sexy, but almost more in a cerebral way. I like how you think. You're funny, articulate, and seem to be quite sexually liberated, or liberating (still pondering the difference). Your blogs are rather amusing. That penis-enlarging technique almost seemed convincing, although you failed to mention that it pretty much just sounded like a run-of-the-mill handjob with extra trimmings. hehe...

OK, Meg... let's be friends. Tell me more about yourself. You may even read my profile and tell me what we have in common. (Yeah, I'll let you do the footwork here.) Aha! Wait, you mentioned having cancer, and I just beat APL Leukemia in 30 days in 2005. Perhaps you know me through that (as I tend to make it quite public as the "I like having cancer" Guy. I'm weird, what can I say. More about that later).

In the meantime, it's nice meeting you. Keep smiling.
Ciao 4 now,

January 30, 2008  

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Monday, January 28, 2008






Hello there! I'm exhausted and I want to be horizontal.

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Something I came across from a couple of years ago:

OK...

...I've started this a few times. The first couple of times the PC just booted me and the last time my power went out. It sounded like a bolt of lightning took it out but there wasn't any lightning. The sky was getting darker and the wind was picking up, but it didn't seem bad enough to knock the power out. It turns out that it was bad enough to knock down a rotten pine tree which took out a transformer.

The folks across the street were pointing down the side street that forms the corner that I live on. I didn't know what they were looking at. Within a few moments, fire trucks came down the street and turned the corner.

That's when I finally did look and I saw the downed tree. My power was out for hours so I had nothing to do except watch the pretty young men who had blocked off my street and were doing all that man work. The one in the cherry picker was pretty cute but there was another one that was even cuter down on the street. If I were 20 years younger, I would have had to invite him in for lemonade or some such refreshing drink.

The power came on just before I fell asleep. I was too tired to do anything except go to my room and wonder where the pretty boys were spending their Friday night. Then, I woke up this morning and started watching Band of Brothers, but that was too depressing for me even though I know that they won the war. I didn't want to watch all of the carnage.

So, here I am. The post that I was trying to write last night was about some of the people with whom I have had the privilege of working. I mentioned in one of the comments that I worked with a man who survived the Bataan Death March. His name was Frank Barker and he was a very kind and gentle man. He once told me that the Philippines were nothing compared to living in a nursing home. That's a pretty sad commentary on the way we treat our elderly.

When I first started working as a nurse, I remember reading the history's of my patients and many of them were born in 18-something. I haven't seen any of those in a long time. I've had the wonderful experience of caring for men who have fought in every war since WWI.

I was 17 when I started working in nursing homes. Back then, you didn't have to be certified to be a nurses aide, you just had to apply. So, I was never a CNA, just an NA. My first job in a nursing home changed my goal from that of wanting to be a teacher to one of wanting to be a nurse. I was a straight A student in nursing school. Before we graduated, we were all getting our jobs lined up.

One day we were all talking about where we'd be working once we graduated and I said that I was going to stay at Villa Scalabrini. That was (and probably still is) a nursing home for old Italian people. My fellow students thought I was nuts. "Why would you want to work there when you could work anywhere you wanted to?"

That was the first time that I realized that nursing home nurses are sort of looked down upon. I had never known that before but I certainly know that it's still true. But, the stories that I have and the people who I met are nothing to look down upon.

I adore working with those folks, specifically the Alzheimer's patients. I don't know why, I just love it. There's enough different places for a nurse to work, you can pretty much pick and choose the place that you enjoy the most. Every few years I would go to a hospital to sharpen my skills, but I always go back to a nursing home sooner or later.

I worked at one place as the supervisor of the Medicare unit and every so often, they would ask me to cover a shift on one of the other units. There was a unit that had a room with a married couple in it. They had been married for 76 years. The wife was alert, the husband, not so much.

When I would go in there to give them their meds, the wife would say, "Daddy, are you cold? Please Nurse, cover him up. He's always so cold." So, I would do it. More for her than for him, he didn't seem to know if it was cold or not. Can you imagine? 76 years. Those two had been married before WWI. They remained married through that war, WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, the moon landing, Water Gate, the entire Cold War, Disco, the Reagan Administration, Michael Jackson's entire career, the Clinton era, the Persian Gulf War and a few space shuttle explosions.

One day I went to work over on their unit and when I went into their room, he was gone. The man had passed away quietly one night and his wife was alone for the first time in decades. There can't be a much lonelier feeling than losing the man with whom you've spent over 76 years of your life. She died shortly after he did, and I was very happy for her. I wouldn't want to face life without him either if I were her.

One place that I worked had 8X10 frames hanging outside the resident's rooms. In them was a picture of them when they were young and a card with a brief history of their lives. I had one patient who asked his girlfriend to marry him before he went to fight in WWII. But, he didn't want to marry her before he left in case something happened to him. The picture in his frame was that of a very young, very handsome soldier. He had suffered a stroke and didn't remember much. He couldn't speak, but when his wife walked into his room every morning, his face lit up as though he was a child who had stolen a peek at Santa Claus. He didn't know much, but he knew when the love of his life entered the room. He was a large man and she, a tiny lady.

He would reach out his hand for her to hold, and she did. She would sit next to him, holding his hand until he would fall back asleep and then she would crochet all day. She sat there making afghans for her husband. She wanted to do something for him, anything. She felt so helpless and she just stood by as we delivered his care. But she didn't realize that she was doing the only thing that he needed and the one thing that we couldn't do for him. She was THERE. What a smart man he was. He invested his life in a woman who paid him back in dividends that he couldn't have possibly foreseen the need for. But, he covered all of his bases. His wife gave me a pair of silk pajamas right before I went to have surgery for my first cancer. I think of them everytime I put those jammies on.

There was Mary, a lady who, at one time, was a lovely, gracious woman who wouldn't have ever said a swear word to save her life. She had been a teacher for years. She developed some type of neuropathy that changed her personality. All we saw was a nasty woman who cussed at us every time we walked in her room. She was a major pain in the ass. But her husband, who remembered the lady that he married, came to sit with her every day. He always brought her favorite foods with him and tried to feed her even though she would nag the bejesus out of him the entire time. We wondered why he would subject himself to that treatment. She didn't seem to care if he was there or not. But, the answer is so obvious, he was in love. He loved her so much that when he looked at her, (these are his words) he "saw the same beautiful girl that I met in 1941."

Then there was Clara. Clara was a funny, funny woman. She would get up every morning and put her make up on, get dressed to the nines and then she would walk out the front door of the home to wait for her husband. She would sit on the bench outside the front door, all prettied up, waiting for her date. Every morning, he would show up and they would walk around the facility to the back door (she said that it made her feel like they were going out on a date) where they would enter the dining room as though they were walking into some restaurant. They would sit at a table alone, sharing her breakfast and talking. After more than 50 years of marriage, they still found things to talk about every single day. They were oblivious to the rest of the people in the dining room. After more than half a century, they were still the only people in their own world.

One day she had a stroke and she was unable to move. She developed huge bedsores in both of her hips and we had to be sure to change the dressings before he showed up in the morning. That's because one day he walked in while we were doing it and he broke down into tears. She didn't seem to know anything but when he finally passed away from a heart attack, she seemed to wait for him for about a week and when he didn't come back, she died in her sleep.

I could go on forever telling you about these love stories. The world is full of people who have spent their entire lives together, quietly loving each other. Unfortunately, our society doesn't value such love anymore, so there aren't as many of these couples as there used to be. To hear it on TV or watching any neighborhood, love is some hot and heavy lovemaking session. Not the daily caring that leads to lifelong partnerships. Real love is what I see in the eyes of an 80 year old man who sees the "same beautiful woman that he met in 1941." Although it's a very selfless thing, it pays you back in ways that you never dream of. It's two people who have been together long enough to watch their children have children and then THOSE children have children. Even when one of the lovers dies, they can look around at their great grandchildren and see their love every day that they live. How do we get that back?

8 Comments:

Blogger Survived said...

Oh Meg, you almost had me in tears with this!

I used to be a nurse and I, too, have seen the likes of the couples you talk about here, as I also worked in nursing homes in the latter part of my 20-year career. Spouses who visit every day, even though they are not even recognised or acknowledged. Not sure I could cope with that.

And it's all the more poignant, as it's our 26th wedding anniversary today, and I was quite emotional this morning, not quite understanding how we've made it this far, so reading this makes me wish we had known long ago how to make a better effort in our relationship.

January 29, 2008  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

Meg,

I remember reading this entry before, and it never ceases to bring tears to my eyes. Beautifully said.

Cheryl

January 29, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

I had forgotten about it. I happened across it last night and it made ME cry.

Congratulations Survived...he's still there and where there's life, there's hope.

:)

January 29, 2008  
Blogger kellie said...

I own a 108 bed psyche unit in california - in 2003 we started a unit specializing in gero psyche - meaning clients over 65 with behaviors far and above what most SNF/alzheimers units can handle. Your story is one that I live today - A couple married over 60 years... she comes every day - every day. He doesn't know her - is combative - sexually inappropriate - yells at her basically alzheimers mixed with Bipolar etc... EVERY DAY that woman is there. She was very upset to have to place him with us. After him being there she realized it is a great place for both of them. EVERY DAY that wonderful woman is there. She sits outside with him in the sun, usually stiching a quilt for an employee's baby, and she pats his hand and kisses his cheeks. And she continues to love him. True Love the way love was meant to be. In sickness and in health til death do us part.....

January 29, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Kellie,

It's amazing how decent, strong and honorable some people can be, isn't it?

On the other hand, it's despicable how some people can be immoral, weak and unbelievably low.

Yes, true love is supposed to be like that. What a shame so many people deny the work and effort that it takes to earn that sort of love.

Oh well.

January 29, 2008  
Anonymous limerick gal said...

I remember that post from before - always makes me tear up!

How about calling someone next time there's cute men loose around the neighborhood???? :(

January 30, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

I would call you but then I'd have competition.

:):):)

January 30, 2008  
Anonymous Limerick Gal said...

I'm not competition!

I'm just a lonely Irish gal, miles from home, with no family close by, looking for comfort and TLC........am I tugging at your heart strings yet???

January 30, 2008  

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Sunday, January 27, 2008

Who Wants to be a Movie Star?!


I am not an agent...


...I don't work for an agency and I have never hired an agency. But I have been working in movies since 1977 when I had my first job as an extra in the movie Heroes with Harrison ford, Henry Winkler and a very stuck up Sally Field.


Most recently, I finished working on my second Tyler perry movie, Madea Goes to Jail. In the last Perry movie I worked on, I was in the diner scene with Jill Scott, I was sitting to the right of Lamman Rucker who, by the way, was an amazingly kind and friendly actor. Ms. Scott was also an extremely pleasant actor to work with as well.


I've worked on Andersonville, Warm Springs, Dirty Dancing, What About Bob, Fried Green Tomatoes and so many more that I can't remember all of them.


I have no patience for people who take advantage of those who don't know much about the movie business. Finding work as an extra in movies isn't that tough to do at all. If I can do it, anyone can. Extras are occasionally hired for speaking roles. You never know what might happen when you walk on to a movie set!

If you would like to learn how to find work as a professional extra, let me tell you how. For a measly 5 bucks to cover my time and effort, I'll send you all you need to know to find work as an extra in the state of Georgia as well as how to behave on the set once you DO get YOURSELF hired and some more helpful hints.

I promise, when you get the information and pictures that I have prepared, you'll be excited to get to work and you also be quite a few steps ahead of others. The entertainment value of my "Extra Special Experience" will be worth more than the 5 bucks itself...the help that I can offer to you in your search for work in movies will be quite a bonus.

Make sure to include either your email address or your street address:








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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Sometimes I think…

…that I have odd thoughts in my mind. But you know, between being dumped for a trailer dwelling bimbo and having New York City Senate candidate Lorraine Coyle-Koppel attribute my work to a New York woman whom I have never met, I think I’ve been relatively sedate when compared to other people. I’ve had a sharp word here or there when it comes to my ex-husband or to the above mentioned disgrace to decent women everywhere. But, when it comes to wild and far out thinking, I have nothing on a Florida woman who has found Jesus in one of the unlikeliest of all places, a potato.

Pastor Renee Brewster prayed to the Lord asking whether or not she should make the potato salad. The Pastor “was hesitant about making the potato salad because Sister Frankie makes the potato salad at church and I said, 'Lord, if it’s not for me to make potato salad then send me a sign.'"

Apparently, the creator of the universe stopped whatever he was doing at the moment and sent the Pastor his already put upon son and he did so by sticking the savior in a potato:

The church leader froze the heart of the Jesus Potato. The remaining holy foodstuff was appropriately used to make the potato salad served during their weekly rescue mission.


I mustard up a bit of curiosity and Googled Jesus Potato. I read the results with relish. Pastor Brewster might have expected a bit of a dressing down for her claims. She had to be egged on to come forth with the Divine Root vegetable. But the Internet is peppered with Potato Jesus’s so the Pastor needn’t claim chopped onions if caught tearing up should the media frenzy over her blessed spud whip together any more of a slaw than that with which she is currently contending.


I was unaware of a theory claiming that, in fact, that "Jesus is a potato. He in fact was not human like the bible suggests. Pages were ripped out of the original bible with all of the information and proof that Jesus was a potato. They have been recovered and the pages are believed to be Salt and Vinegar flavoured."

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Potato+Jesus


Surprisingly, Potato Jesus is a tech savvy deity. He has taken time out of his busy schedule, you know…saving the world and forgiving transgressions, stuff like that…to create his own MySpace page:


http://www.myspace.com/dancewithboots


Jesus isn’t spud-ist…he also does potato CHIP appearances. You can see the son of god in the rotted bit of this potato chip:

The son of god isn’t alone when it comes to visiting us in vegetable form. The mother of god has also graced us with her holy presence as a potato:

And, for a few hundred dollars, you can own the blessed mother in potato form yourself. She's for sale on eBay:

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&Item=150197398037

OK then. I wish I had a glass of wine or a bottle of beer right now. It would sort of lift my spirits, no pun intended. Of course, I could go chop some potatoes. I would hate to think that I've been visited by a heavenly rutabaga and here I sit at my computer. I'll never be able to leave a vegetable unchopped again. God forbid the son of god is stuck in one of them and it rots before I should let him out.

:):):)

1 Comments:

Blogger Meg said...

I got this email and just in case anyone else saw this:

Just wanted to tell you....it's mustered, and not mustard.......
but very funny. at first glance, and wearing my glasses, they looked like cut out Vag's to me....

I meant to say mustard when I put the recipe for potato salad in that paragraph.

cut out vag's...too funny!

January 27, 2008  

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Guess which platitude...

...I was happy that I kept?

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look goodif you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can berecalled by their maker.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to others.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

It was the second one. Damn...I did have to eat my words last night.

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You know...

...Cheek Dude is good. The thing that I was gonna do last night was break up with him. The reason that I was gonna do that is because I don't understand the rules of our relationship. Since I don't understand them, I don't feel like I have any right to expect anything. Since I don't have any right to expect anything, I can't let anything bother me. Since I can't let anything bother me, I have to shut my feelings down a bit. If you do that long enough, you can pretty much shut anyone out and keep yourself free from feeling any pain. Of course, the problem is that after you do that for a while, you don't feel anything at all. I did that to me and Cheek Dude so I figured that it was time to tell him and let him go have fun elsewhere.

When I started telling him that, I was quite ready to walk away. I was just sorry that I didn't have my car with me. I was wondering how I was going to deal with the ride home. I couldn't imagine anything that he could have said to change my mind at that point.

Then he spoke.

Damn it. He came up with the one thing that would get to me. He said, "Well, that's not very fair to me, is it?" Ugh.

No...it wasn't, was it?

I don't get this relationship crap but I'm trying to figure it out.

He started trying to talk about it more, but I think that was more for me than anything else. I said, "That's enough communication for one conversation. I can only handle it in small doses." So, we stopped talking.

:):):)

6 Comments:

Blogger SolarisGal said...

ugh - why do I feel as if I'm reading my future biography?

January 26, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

It's all good, I left out the best part.

:)

January 26, 2008  
Blogger SolarisGal said...

oh no!! ...well, okay... so when's the weddin'?

January 26, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Yeah...right. That's all I need.

:)

January 26, 2008  
Blogger Jean said...

Hehee!

Why do I want to dance with glee? Is it the four smiles at the end?

Meg, I'm a communication junkie. Small doses, okay. But the more you get, the better things are, so make opportunities for small doses often, okay? (By the sounds of things you don't need this advice, I guess.)

I don't know anything much about Cheek Dude. But maybe you'll be happy! I wish it for you.

the angel Jean

January 26, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

:):):)

I'll try. But I think I'm almost as weirded out as Cheek Dude is when it comes to opening up.

I am NOT enjoying this!

January 26, 2008  

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Friday, January 25, 2008

I'm going to...

...do something a tad strange tonight. It has to do with someone that I know. I'd tell you right now but with my luck, he would end up here and read this. This is one thing that I'd rather say to a face. Then, I'll repeat it on the keyboard.

I don't know how long this'll take. I have to go pick up the grandkids first, then I have a date. This will be a different type. I'm gonna do something I haven't done in a long, long time.

Meg

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Good morning!

This morning I have to go to the doctor's office to have an MRI to see what the chemo did to the tumor. I don't have anyone to go with me this time and that blows. I am SO claustrophobic that they shoved my ass back in one of those once and I FREAKED OUT! They couldn't get me out quickly enough.

I can do it, but I need to tape something over my eyes so that I don't see the stupid machine and then, someone I trust has to hold onto my foot. Rick used to do that and my son has been doing it since Rick left but he's not here now so I don't even know if I should bother. Oh well, it's too late to cancel it now.

Maybe if I just tape my eyes up I'll be able to deal with this. They may offer to hold my foot but I don't trust them to pull me out in case of a fire. Oh hell, I thought Rick would do it...these people save people for a living and Rick was banging some skank in a trailer park. If a fire would have started he would have let go and ran. I'm probably better off with the technicians at the MRI place.

Oh well. we'll see. I should be back after that appointment...if I don't croak in the MRI anyway.

:):):)

9 Comments:

Blogger Pandora said...

You know you can be sedated right? I would probably take a Vicadin/Morphine & I'd probably just do it for kicks. :-p

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

LOLOL...yeah but they would give me xanax for it and I take that every day. So, I take it anyway. Anything more and I wouldn't be able to drive myself home and I had to today. I DID IT! Nobody held my feet but I did tapes my eyes shut.

:)

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Jean said...

Yay Meg! You can do it!

[omits random platitude, like 'MRIs aren't that bad...']

*crosses fingers for good results*

the angel Jean

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

No they aren't...unless you're claustrophobic! The first time, I opened my eyes after they shoved me back there and when I did, I freaked. I had no clue that I would react like that. So, I had to leave, get drugs and try again without LOOKING at the sucker! That's what did it the first time.

:(

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Tracie,

Could you email me at megkelsobroderick@gmail.com please? I would appreciate it!

Meg

January 25, 2008  
Blogger AntonioFWW said...

Hey Meg,

I'm sorry you had to go through that today. My mother had to do an MRI and she hated it too.

Perhaps before you go next time you can practice taping your eyes shut at home and instead of having someone just hold your foot, you have a hot guy lick it. That way the next time you have to do it you will have pleasant thoughts instead of those of a life threatening situation. Just a thought!

All my best,
Antonio

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Are you volunteering?

:)

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Jaded said...

I'm glad you made it through. I refuse to be put in that tube. I go to one of the open MRI machines. The docs sometimes complain that it's not as clear as the closed ones, but I tell them that a slightly less clear image is better than no image, and no image is what they'd get if I had to go into that tube. No way, not doing it.

January 25, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

A CT scan is "open" enough but if I can only see a huge tube over my face, the opening in the back doesn't impress me. They do suck when you're afraid of them!

I hope this is the last one for a while.

:)

January 25, 2008  

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

OMG!

I just saw this show on human parasites and it scared the hell outta me! I have to go buy a handgun now because if a segmented invertebrate thing starts to come out my ass...I'm shooting myself in the head. I'll be dead before that fucker hits the toilet water.

Meg

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see that type of stuff on the colon cleansing infomercials.
I waver between feeling the urge to get those out of me now...and never wanting to know if they are in me.

Tracie

January 24, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

No Girl! I saw that too. This was a LIVING ORGANISM! It was a regulation shit sized TAPEWORM! It had a BRAIN!

Oh no. I'm with Sigourney. Shoot yourself.

Meg

January 24, 2008  
Blogger Pandora said...

This is all too funny, especially since my brother had one as a kid! LOL! He freaked & started yelling for my mom (from what hear.) My mother had to come in there with gloves and god knows what else. It's not like she could say NO to her own kid. Still funny.

January 24, 2008  
Blogger Karin's Korner said...

Meg, I just love you! You are too too funny!!!!!

January 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. I am confused. Something can come out of your ass that has a mother freaking brain???? How does this happen....because I never ever EVER want that to happen to me.

Tracie

January 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK....I just read up on tapeworms. And I am just glad I didn't eat dinner. Dis.gust.ing.

Tracie

January 24, 2008  

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I have no clue...

what this is going to be about. I come here with no plan. I haven't a clue what I should say. Ummmm...oh! I learned a new word today.

I learned that a chode is the area between a dude's asshole and his balls. Now that I know that there's a word for that...I'll be avoiding the area in the future. I do NOT want to be known as a chode-licker. If a dude has a word for it, he can tell his buddies that I licked it.

Although, now that I think about it, I should have used it for my screen name on the dating site I used to subscribe to. I heard from BGJHNSN...why should I leave a great gimmick like chode-licking out of the equation?

I'm sort of stumped again. After the chode licking conversation, where do you go? There are as many options as there are directions to go when one is chode-licking. I never have a plan when I do that...I don't know if I'm headed North or South. I guess it depends on the song that's playing when I get all Daniel Boone with my tongue. Like this...Skynyrd has a Southern feel. I'd probably go for the asshole. But if some classy dude plays some jazz...I'm sucking balls tonight.

Don't get me wrong, I know the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line but I never take one. I don't ask for directions either...I just sort of follow the shivers.

I'm in the mood for a cruise...who wants to go? Is your chode clean? There's not much worse than a funky chode. Any non-clean odors are like the order to abandon ship. I'm outta there. Usually I don't get fooled by a funky chode...I see the skidmarks first. That hasn't been a problem since my divorce.

You're thinking that I'm a bitch...aren't you? Well, too fucking bad...I lick chode so I can be a bitch all day long.

:):):)

3 Comments:

Blogger Karin's Korner said...

Chode...that is hilarious. Never knew what it was...now I do...does that make me smarter or a better person....or BOTH :) Too funny Meg!!

January 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I though it was called the 'taint.' You know, taint balls and taint ass.

January 24, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Damn...there's another word I didn't know. Is this supposed to be a man secret?

January 24, 2008  

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Sorry...

...I overslept. No good reason, I didn't stay out late...I just woke up and said, "Fuck it!" and went back to sleep.

Last night I went out to have dinner with a friend from high school. I was playing around Google-land and found my high school's MySpace space and I wrote to the site to say that I saw my brother in one of the pictures. I got an email back from someone who turned out to live here in Atlanta. We've been threatening to meet each other and we finally did last night.

It was SOOOOO fun! We sat and chatted about people who we knew and he told me about a bunch of other classmates who live here now. I was stunned with each name.

When I was a senior in high school I had a chemistry class that had nothing but guys and ME in it. Two guys who we called Hess and Fess (the first syllables in their last names) did nothing but cut up all semester and I sat with them so I had to play along. Fess was a cute SOB and I couldn't help myself. That was the most fun I ever had in high school and the only F that I ever received.

Hess lives in Atlanta and apparently, he looks exactly like he did in high school. That's a humorous thought....when I got home I looked at my yearbook and saw him again. I hope that we all get together soon...although it might very well be another football season before we do. We want to have Bears' parties. With any luck at all, I'll only have to wait until baseball season. I'd host the Cubs' party myself.

My friend, Scott, is divorced as well. We talked about dating and crap like that. It was interesting to hear the views of a man my age who was single again as compared to my views. He said, "The nice thing about being divorced is that you can date 4 or 5 different people at a time." I said, "The worst thing about being single is that there isn't one person whom you can have as a companion." He dates women in their 20's and asked me about my daughter! I said, "Well, she might be too old for you, she's 28." I would bet that it's easy for him to get those young women...he drives a nice Hummer.

Oh! I told someone that I was going to address the handicap system in the American Pool League. That's the organization that overseas my pool team.

For some reason, in one of the very few games in which females and males are equally able to play, they give the new women a handicap of 3 and men start as 4's. Now, I like only being a 3 now because of the kicking ass in 2 games thing. And, that won't last long because I'm at least a 5 according to my team...a bunch of 5's who think I shoot better than they do. We'll find out if this is talent or beginner's luck. In the meantime, I keep beating higher ranked players swiftly because they started me at a 3.

Now, the heaviest stick that I've ever held is a 22 ouncer. I shoot with a 21. I have vision that is pretty poor but with corrective lenses, I can see as well as anyone else. I understand the idea of angles, no matter how badly I did in high school geometry. So, you tell me...why in the hell do they rank women so low? Is it simply because of the boobs? That's a possibility, occasionally I do smack a boob while stroking. But It's more my fault than a natural disadvantage. A guy with a huge wanger could potentially have a similar incident.

Captain Asshole didn't think it was fair. I don't really think it's fair. But that's the way it is. So, until they rank me where I belong, line 'em up and I'll take 'em out one at a time. I've been playing against men almost exclusively for decades and I win more than I lose. If the big boys ever start to beat me, I can always go skunk a few little boys who were looking for their binkies while I was learning to shoot pool.

And I've certainly played against some damn good chicks over the years. Any guy who's ever played pool has met at least one boob person who wiped the place up with them. So, with us, it's just like any other sport, if you practice, you can play....period.

Of course...I always like to be underestimated...it cometh before some dude's fall.

Let me think...anything else? Oh...my. Yes, there is one more thing.

A few days ago I mentioned a guy who I once went out with. Remember the one who looks like Peter from The Family Guy? He told me once that he never reads this thing. So, I didn't think twice about telling you guys that. Well, this morning he read it and wrote me the nastiest email that you could imagine. I don't know how he knew it was about him, it was either the Peter comparison or the allusions to him being a drunk. Whichever, he knew it was about he about whom I spoke. (That's a rather awkward sentence, isn't it? I've tried it a few times and that's the best I can do. If there are any English teachers out there, please help me out on that one. Thanks.)

I never use names so he shouldn't be such an ass. Especially considering I do know his name and if I wanted to, I could put it here. I usually save name using for the most hideous of people. i.e, Colleen Lombardi or deserving public figures like Lorraine Coyle-Koppel.

But I am only a 3.

I'm obviously not as smart as a man. I could mix people up in my silly little female mind and print the wrong name. Then you would all know who inspired me when I coined the phrase, Smother Fucker.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=smother+fucker

Oh, and I could always prove the Peter comparison by putting up side-by-side pictures. Trust me, as fucking funny as that would be, it's all I can do to refrain from doing it now!


:):):)

PS I learned a new word that pretty much describes Peter the Drunk....he is a chode.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Good morning!!!

Sorry I didn't pop back in last night but I was tired. I got home early because I shot first last night and I didn't feel too well so I just played my match and left. I did win though so I went home happy.

Last week I played a 4, remember? I had to beat him twice and he had to beat me 3 or 4 times...I forget. Anyway, I took him in two games.

Last night I showed up first and the other team's captain was already there. He's an ass. I wouldn't date him or play on his team so he was not happy with me last night. He had a 7 on his team and played him first.

We don't have a 7 but we do have a few 5's. The captain decided that the best thing to do was to let me play against the best pool player on the other team because I only had to win twice to his 6 games. Nobody can beat me 6 games in a row so it was a smart call on the captain's part.

The first game showed me why that guy was a 7. He kicked my ass. But I took the next two games and won my match. It was sweet.

There was a bit of a problem though. The idiot captain was a jerk the whole time. During the first game, I started to get hot so I took off my shirt. I had a tank top on under it so it's not like I was playing with my boobs hanging out. Captain Asshole tried to make me put my shirt back on. Then, I was watching my opponent and Captain Asshole shouted, "Stop!" My opponent was in mid stroke...I wouldn't have appreciated my captain doing that unless some redneck with a 357 was standing behind me. He did that just so he could tell me to get out of the guy's "line of sight".

Now, this guy was a 7...it doesn't get much better than that. You don't shoot pool that well being so distracted by a chick. So, if you ask me, Captain Asshole was a helluva bigger distraction than I was.

Anyway, I beat him in games two and three so that was my match. Apparently I shouldn't have played so well. They said that for beating a 7 so handily, I would most likely be a 4 next time.

I don't wanna be a 4. I like only having to win 2 games. I can beat anybody twice.

After the game, my opponent and I were shaking hands and chatting for a moment. After we stopped talking, Captain Asshole said to my opponent, "That's how they have to win, it should have been a better match." There's nothing wrong with my captain putting me up against a 7...that's the entire point of handicaps. We totally played by the rules and he totally was a poor sport.

Anyway, that's what happened.

OK...I smell coffee. Me go find it.

:)

6 Comments:

Blogger AntonioFWW said...

Wow, it sounds like you are a really good player. I would loose 6 in a row I'm sure.

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Submit your pieces to divorcebloggers@gmail.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

All my best,
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January 23, 2008  
Anonymous AnnMarieFWW said...

Hello! I work with Antonio from First Wives World. He pointed your blog out to me to read as well because he likes your style. I just read this post and had to comment. That's awesome that you beat that guy, and the captain is just jealous for many reasons, one most likely being that you are a girl and beat his 7 player. I love pool! I grew up in a small place called New Castle, in Delaware. You have no idea how little there really is to do, so my friends and I took to going to pool halls and playing pool a lot. I got pretty good and I love beating the boys who think that just because I'm a girl I can't play pool. My friend is starting to play in tournaments and wants me to join in the couples ones, I think I just might. Good luck and keep kicking butt!
Best
AnnMarie

January 23, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Hey AnnMarie!

I have to say, I do enjoy shooting pool with a guy who is underestimating me because I bear boobs.

You know, when I have the time, I'm going to write something about why the hell do chicks come into the APA as 3's and dudes come in as 4's?

I'll take the handicap...but I don't have to like it!

Meg

Oh, I lived in Roanoke Virginia for a LONG LONG time, I DO know what a small town is like. THAT'S why I play so well:)

January 23, 2008  
Blogger Karin's Korner said...

Meg???? What is this???? I come here this morning and nothing at all from you. Are you OK? Just a little worried, not like you at all to blog in the morning and then we hear nothing from you all day. Just want to make sure you are ok.

January 24, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Sorry! I overslept. I'm writing as you read this....unless today's post is up there in which case I'm not.

Meg

January 24, 2008  
Blogger AntonioFWW said...

You can submit your pieces to divorcebloggers@gmail.com. That will go directly to our managing editor Tobi, which will be going through them all. I can't wait to read what comes forward. Some of the stories have been so compelling.

All my best,
Antonio

January 24, 2008  

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Oops...


I wanted to take a picture of me for Cheek Dude and while I was doing that...my chair dropped about 7 inches. Can you tell?



Damn it.





OK...now I'm going out to play pool...wish me luck!

I'll let you know if I won or not when I get home.

:)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO...your face says it all. That's to cute.

January 23, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So THAT'S what happened to that Jolie chick's lips. We used to make lips like that too when we were kids-you know, turn your bottom lip out, cover your top lip with your tongue and see how long you can hold your fish-lips stance before you cracked up with your friends.

I'm just not real impressed with people who carry vials of their beloved's blood on a chain around their necks. They're usually Personality Disordered. The other way to refer to them is vampires. One and the same.
TW

May 16, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

OMG! She is in my top 3 of women I despise. I've written about her stupid bloody self

May 17, 2012  

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As much as I hate to admit it...

...occasionally, while flipping through the channels, I stop and watch trash TV. I'm proud of the fact that I've never seen one episode of American Idol, Melrose Place or Sex in/and the City. But, sadly I can't say the same about the show that stars one of my most ardent crushes from adolescence...Peter Brady. Somehow, this relatively normal guy went from child star to adult without being compared to Danny Bonaduce. But I guess he figured that obscurity was a tad frightening so instead of growing old on a golf course somewhere, he chose to do a "reality show".

He met some nasty female who embarrasses the entire Chicago metropolitan area and that's tough to do. I grew up there...some of those wenches can be pretty damned annoying. I'm one of them myself and I'm relatively sedate in comparison. But Peter's wife, Adrianne, is the Queen of Annoyingly Class-less, Sailor Shocking and Totally Emasculating Females who would still be in their home town annoying the guys from the other side of the tracks if she had a third nipple or some other physical deformity.

Now...I think people who know me know that I can pretty much drop a point with enough shock value to make more than a few people blush. But never, not once, even if given the chance, would I belch on TV. Nor would I share intimate details of my marital bed...on or off of TV. But if she were a lady, she wouldn't be on television. There are far too many ladies out there. No one wants to see them. And next to this nit-wit, Rosie O'Donnell appears ladylike.

She's only 24 so her manipulation tactics are rather rudimentary and crude. Not to mention, they're quite obvious to anyone who isn't looking at her ass when she uses them. I think most high school females would even see right through the stuff Adrianne pulls on Peter. You've heard the phrase, "a face only a mother would love"? Well, this chick has moves only a person tapping that thing would fall for. So, poor Peter is being led by his balls all over the world by a tacky little bimbo who has nothing going for her but her snatch.

I can't say that I feel too sorry for him, he's older than I am and should know better. But I guess it's one of those man things that we women just aren't supposed to understand. He's happy enough to have the pussy as long as it's mouth is closed or full (of his dick) so he deserves what he gets when he takes his dick out of it.

The silly little snatch has no clue what she wants. All she knows is that she wants to win. So, if there isn't a contest going on, she'll find some way to start one and twist everything that Peter says or does into something that happened only in her minimally charged mind.

She never fails to take an otherwise pleasant moment and turn it into an argument that she must win or the snatch is shut down. She uses that thing like Hansel and Gretel used crumbs. And it works...Peters crawls on the ground eating the crumbs until he gets to his goal...he nails her and then he forgets how stupid she just made him feel.

All I can say is that she must be great in bed because there's not one other possible reason that a man with an ounce of pride would stay around trash like that for more than one blowjob. That dingbat has not shown one shred of brains, kindness or even a sense of humor that doesn't include a direct verbal assault on her husband's manhood.

The man made her breakfast in bed and she sat there using her fork to scrape cheese off of the eggs he made for her and then she made a point to be sure everyone saw her do it. Even a loving gesture like serving a woman breakfast in bed is turned into something that makes Peter feel like a jerk. That man won't be trying for too long.

I have a feeling that airing her treatment of her husband will get a bunch of women in the mood to make poor Peter feel appreciated. There are a LOT of women prettier than she is that know how to suck a dick well enough to turn an emasculated man's head. And most of them are smart enough not to make a man feel like dirt.

For Peter's 50th birthday, she gave him a "shoot" of her and another woman. Then, when he said that he was offended...I believe the word he used was "disturbed"...she was baffled. The other woman was Kelly...one of the Deal or No Deal chicks. Howie Mandel should kick her down the stairs for that bonehead move. As though any person, man, woman or Adrianne, would appreciate a memorial of their spouse and another person having sex.

I went to the website to see what people thought of her behavior and as you would expect, the men all think that Peter is a fool and needs to make the nut happy. There are a lot of people who see it for what it is but most normal people don't comment on websites like that one so we'll never know what most people think.

I don't know what Peter was hoping to accomplish when he married a person who obviously doesn't LIKE him, much less respect him. At his age he should be thinking about someone with whom he can hang out for the last few decades of his life...not someone who will most likely take a decade OFF of his life.

Oh well. He should have just married Jan and lived happily ever after.

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Good morning!

I'm so sick that I should go back to bed but bed is boring when you're there alone. I've been working myself back and back to an earlier bedtime every night so now I wake up early in the morning whether I have to or not.

I stopped at a Super Target yesterday to pick up some groceries. For some reason, I thought that would be relatively cheap. I was WAAAAY wrong! They have some interesting marketing ploys over there. The biggest is where they take an overpriced name brand and sit it next to their overpriced store brand which now doesn't look so pricey as it sits next to the name brand.
After you've hung around grocery stores for a few decades, the prices are so far from where they started that you get pretty disgusted. Have you bought soup lately?! I remember buying ten cans of soup for a dollar. It was probably tomato soup...but I could eat for days on that dollar. I remember shopping on Monday because Green Street Market always had milk for 99 cents on Mondays. Yesterday I broke the 4 dollar milk barrier. A gallon of milk was $4.40. I wish I had kept pumping my breasts after I nursed the kids. I had no idea how high that shit would go in my lifetime...which seems to be still going on so milk may get over 5 bucks before I croak.
The first time I ever went grocery shopping was at 7-11 the night we moved into our new apartment. I had just moved to California and I had never heard of 24 hours grocery stores. On top of that, I didn't know that 7-11 was so much higher than the other stores. I walked up and down those 3 aisles with my cart purchasing way overpriced stuff. My aunt had to tell me how stupid that was.

I was a young wife and decided to shop a bit smarter after that. I went to Safeway and saw 4 heads of lettuce for a dollar. That may have been a good price but I only ate one head of lettuce for that dollar...the other 3 rotted in the fridge.

My father tried to help my mother shop a bit more frugally once. He bought a gallon of corn and told her how much less it was per ounce. She laughed at him because even with 6 kids...you're not going to finish a gallon of corn before that stuff goes bad.

Anyway, you have to eat so I have to grocery shop.

I hate spending money on some things because there are always other things that I'd rather have. I don't like to buy bras or purses and it amazes me that women would love to have a purse that says, "I just spent more money on this purse than I have in the stupid thing." I don't get the thrill of giving my money to someone else who takes it and pays someone else to carry it.

I get a kick out of being cheap. The other day I bought a 10 pound bag of chicken quarters that I cooked in one day, de-boned and then used to make chicken and dumplings one night, chicken soup the next and then I made chicken bar-b-que. That was 3 dinners and a few lunch's all for 4 bucks. Now THAT'S fun. I would wager that it's more fun to me to spend 40 cents a pound on meat than it is for my daughter to spend a thousand dollars on a purse. I don't know how I raised one of those.
Oh, last night I was watching The Family Guy and I noticed an amazing similarity between a guy that I dated last year and Peter...THE Family Guy. The guy who I dated not only looked like him, he pretty much treated women like Peter treats them as well.


That's a guy who I didn't realize was a drunk because I spoke to him on the phone so much before I saw him. He seemed like a nice guy and even though I had seen a picture of him...I was gonna be nice and see if a goofy looking dude might not be a good idea. I haven't had one in a few years.

Well, goofy looking or not, his charming personality was buttressed up by vodka. When we were on the phone, he could drink all he wanted. I couldn't figure out why his personality changed so much until I realized that he was a bit of a lush. It was the vodka that was charming, he was a buffoon. I'm so glad that I didn't raise any rotten guys like that. Can you imagine a normal family spitting out a freak drunk/buffoon dude? And I met his family...they're normal. I don't think they were all drunk.

Anyway, I've bored me. I'll be back in a bit...I have to suck coffee for a bit.

:)






4 Comments:

Blogger Karin's Korner said...

Meg, I hate spending money at the grocery store to! Buying something that you are just gonna shit out really gets me going. Ahhhh but we do have to eat so we go to the store and try and get through as cheaply as possible.(all the while, having the live in daughter and her son with and of coarse he wants the good stuff and of coarse being the great grandmother that I am, he mostly gets what he wants... he is just to cute to say no too :)

January 22, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

I hear ya. That's why I have a bottle of car shaped, chewy vitamins on my fridge.

:)

January 22, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Expensive purses are my weakness. I also love to buy pretty bras. Which is why I have to be frugal in the grocery : )

Tracie

January 22, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

I can avoid the purses by buying one at Target. But I have to have Victoria's Secret bras...so that's where they get me.

Damn.

January 22, 2008  

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Monday, January 21, 2008


Yesterday morning...

...we noticed that Stewie wasn't at breakfast with the rest of the animly (my animal family). I immediately became worried because that cat has been desperately trying to get outside lately and I had done laundry the night before which...for reasons you have to see, I can't explain it here...meant that the front door was open. So...it seemed as though Stewie had been out for hours during the coldest night of the year so far. I didn't know what to do.

Eventually my sister, son and I started going outside to look for Stewie...during the coldest day I've been victim to in a very long time. My blood just isn't as thick as it was when I was growing up in the Chicago suburbs. I printed up MISSING posters and hung them out in the neighborhood. I had to make them purple because I'm out of black ink which also made it tough to print out a decent picture of Stewie...a black and white cat. Without black, he would be the only thing you COULDN'T see in a picture of him.

It was an awful day. I didn't know if he had been taken in or if he was just out there freezing somewhere. We had walked and driven everywhere in the neighborhood and we didn't see him on the side of the road so that was cool.

Then, when Cheek Dude called, I told him that one of my cats was missing. He said, "The one inside or the one that was outside when I left?" Cheek Dude saw Stewie outside but didn't know that we don't let him out so he just drove away. I figure that by that time, Stewie had been outside for about 5 hours. That's how long Cheek Dude was over and the cat had to have been out there for that long, at least. If I had walked Dude to the door, I would have seen Stewie myself. But, I got tucked in and didn't want to get back out of bed...that sort of defeats the whole purpose of getting tucked in.

Anyway, about every half hour or so I went outside and called Stewie but he never came. My son was outside walking around for over 3 hours during one of the searches.

Then, when it finally got dark, I went out front to call him and instead of walking back inside to go out the side door, I just walked to the end of the front porch and peeked around the corner. There he sat, eating the food we had put outside to lure him home. I shouted, "There he is!" and went out to get him. Just then, my sister came running out of the house saying, "Where? Where?" The stupid cat ran away.

We chased him for a while but neither of us had coats on so we had to go back home.

I sat in my recliner with a heating pad, trying to get the blood moving in my hands. We had flashlights so at least one hand had to be out of a pocket. My son and his girlfriend went back out there and looked in the yards. Nothing. But we knew he was alive...that was something.

My sister went out with a flashlight and eventually called from a neighbor's house. She said she had Stewie cornered but couldn't get him, much less carry him home. My son and his girlfriend went over there but the cat ran away again.

I started sitting out on the steps, first front and then back and then front again...all wrapped up in a couple of comforters. I was hoping that he would just walk home again. During one of my warm ups...I decided that I needed to go back where they had seen him and look some more. I don't have a coat warm enough for that so I couldn't stay out long at all.

I went back home and sat there with the stupid heating pad wrapped around my frozen hands thinking, "If he comes home...that cat is SO grounded!" I have a cage and I'm not afraid to use it.

It's amazing how many cats I saw out there while I was searching for Stewie. I had no idea that so many people just let their cats run wild like that. Anyway, if those cats could handle the weather, I figured Stewie might be able to do it too.

I was getting tired and I didn't want to go to sleep with that stupid cat outside so I put on long johns, flannel pajamas on top of them and then I topped that off with sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I put on two of my sisters coats, 3 pairs of socks, gloves and a hat. I had a bag to carry him in and my flashlight. I went back to the yard where he was last seen and walked back to all the thickets in the middle of the yards of this block that I had never even known were there.

As I was crawling under a bunch of dead ivy, it occurred to me that now that I had put on 2 loads of laundry, that stupid cat would come home. Just then I heard my sister calling me from down the block. I haven't heard my name called out like that since I was a kid and my mother wanted me to come home from a long day of playing outside. (Kids did that when there were only 4 channels and no video games.) I replied, "WHAAAAAT?"

She said, "He's home!"

So, I took my Pillsbury dough boy dressed up roly poly self and walked back home. Stewie was there, all freaked out but apparently otherwise OK. It's amazing how much fat a cat will lose in 24 hours of trying to stay warm. He ate like a pig and then I took him and sat in the recliner with him under the heating pad.

Just about then, Payton came up and started licking Stewie and sniffing him all over. I guess he wanted to be sure that his little buddy was OK. Eventually I let Stewie down and Payton and he sat in the corner playing for a while. Then, I went to bed and they all jumped up there with me. I fell asleep secure that my animly was all safe and sound.

Now I have to send my sister out to get the posters. If she hadn't come running out of the house, I would have had Stewie the first time I saw him. All the shivering I did after that was her fault.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Cheryl said...

Hey Meg,

I'm so glad Stewie is ok! I just adopted two strays of my own - Spottie and Goldie (don't ask, my boyfriend named them). Cats are hard to catch, I don't know how your sister managed to do it! Anyway, I'm glad your story had a happy ending. I used to be worried all the time when my cats were outside in the cold (CANADIAN! BRRRR) too.

Cheryl

January 21, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

She didn't catch him, he just walked back in the house. I left the door open a few inches thinking he might come back like he left...and he did. But, yeah...I hated thinking about him being so cold. He won't be getting out again, I think this is gonna cost him his testicles.

:):):)

January 21, 2008  
Blogger akakarma said...

Poor guy! I'm happy with the outcome. I know how that feels when they go AWOL! No testicles might help.

January 23, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Oh it was awful! I spent the day calling him and crying. My son saw me crying and went out looking for 3 hours. I almost felt worse then. But anyway, the little shit is around here somewhere, he just jumped off my lap.

:)

January 24, 2008  

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You really need to be careful...

there are just so many of them:

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two!" We haven't used Sears repair since...

IDIOT SIGHTING

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window; our total was $4.25, so I handed her a $5 bill and also a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said they were sorry, but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1.75 in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , KS .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. From Kansas City....

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know, I already got that side!" This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and our enemies know it!!!


But, Dennis Kucinich's number are giving me hope.

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,
I came here by chance, watched your hilarious video and couldn't stop laughing.

Congratulations to your divorce and welcome to the club. You'll start a new and better phase of your life. Everything will be a lot easier and more pleasant from now on.

Enjoy!

http://olivia-kroth.blog.de.vu

January 20, 2008  
Blogger Jean said...

Talk about laugh out loud, Meg. And it's so wonderful to see that huge smile on your face! Keep it up!

the angel Jean

January 20, 2008  
Blogger Lara Croft said...

LOL

January 21, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

Jean,

I tried to keep it up for as long as I could. I'll try again soon...I promise!

:):):)

January 21, 2008  

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

OPINION!

A while back...

...I posted an article from a Good Housekeeping magazine dated May, 13th, 1955. At the time I promised an update. I've been busy for a year and a half so I just got to it. So, now I give you the 2008 version of:

The Good Wife's Guide

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2008-Think about dinner early in the day. Plan ahead make reservations for the good table by the window. Most men are hungry when they come home and if you plan dinner well, you won’t have to wash one damn dish.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. HE has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

2008-Prepare yourself. Go to the local nail salon and have a mani-pedi so that you don’t have any hangnails. Put some cucumber slices on your eyes, you’ve just been a work weary person for the entire day.

* Be a little gay and a little more interested for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

2008-Be a little gay and ask your best friend to go on a cruise with you. Your boring week might need a lift and you owe it to yourself to provide it.

* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

2008-Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house and pick up any dildoes that you might have left lying around before your husband arrives.

* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

2008-Tell the kids to GET THEIR CRAP OF THE KITCHEN TABLE!

* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

2008-During the warmer months of the year, have a bikini wax. Your husband will be much more comfortable eating his box lunch and after all, if you make it easier for him, he will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, elimintate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

2008-Get rid of the children. Take them to your mother’s house and let Grandma have fun. They are little darlings but no one wants them there all the fricking time. Minimize all noise. Turn off the computer, the TV and slam the dryer door so that no one sees the clothes waiting to be folded.

* Be happy to see him.

2008-Be happy he isn’t screwing some nasty co-worker.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

2008-Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to serve him a furburger.

*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

2008-Listen to him. Be sure that today’s story matches yesterday’s. Let him talk first, remember, his topics of converstaion can be very telling.

* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

2008-Make the evening yours. Apologize if he had to wait 3 hours for you but just explain that there are some places of entertainment that you’d rather go to without him. Tell him that you live in a world of strain and pressure. Then tell him that if he doesn’t shut up, you won’t come home at all tomorrow night.

* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

2008-Your goal, to get the bills paid so you can have some cash left over for a peaceful, tranquil vacation in the South Pacific.

* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

2008-Don’t bother complaining, fix it all your damn self.

* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

2008-Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out night. Just kiss him as he leaves for work in the morning and then call your attorney. Then, clean out the bank accounts before he sees it coming.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

2008-Get comfortable. Text message your hubby to meet you in the bedroom where you’re relaxing with a nice stuff drink.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

2008-Arrange a pillow so that you can serve him that furburger without straining your back. Tell him to take off your panties. Moan in a soothing and pleasant voice, asking politely for him to “make you howl like a wolf”.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

2008-Don’t ask him questions about his actions. Chances of getting the truth out of him are next to nothing. Remember, he is a man and as such will always tell you exactly what you want to hear. It’s no use to question him. Call Cheaters instead.

* A good wife always knows her place.

2008-A good husband never gets 2 orgasms up on his wife.


This has nothing to do with the post but I just wanted to say that Lorraine Coyle-Koppel is a jerk and Colleen Lombardi screws married men. See ya.

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When I was in LA...

...last October, I went to the Bill Maher Show. I'm not a fan but I was in LA and the tickets were free. The day I showed up, John Edwards was there with a small group of supporters in Edwards for President t-shirts.

As we were lead into the studio, the t-shirt people were seated in the front row so that the audience looked as though they were all Edwards supporters.

Once we were seated, we were "entertained" by the audience warm-up dude who made sure to give us all a lesson in how to applaud. You might think that applause is a natural thing, but you'd be wrong. We were taught how to "laugh at something we think is funny, pause and start to applaud as we suddenly realize what a genius statement had just been uttered".

When Maher came out, he chatted briefly and wondered aloud if there were any "ringers" in the audience. I wanted to jump up and shout, "I'm a ringer!" But alas, I have a bit of class at times. So, I politely sat there and smiled like a lady would. So Maher assumed that the audience all liked him.

But like me, a lot of them were there because the tickets were free and The Price is Right has a long, long line.

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Dr. Phil...

...that dude with the huge ego and overbearing manner has screwed up big time by sticking his nose in a pile of shit that he had no business sniffing. His behavior with Britney Spears has provoked a complaint to the California Board of Psychologists:

http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_documents/0116_drphil_wm.pdf

His defense is going to be that he didn't charge the Spears family but why would he talk about an ill person anyway, anywhere, under any circumstances?

I'm sure all of you have heard of HIPPA. You have to sign those dumb policy's everywhere you go. HIPPA states clearly that people seeking medical treatment have a prima fascia right to privacy in their health matters. There's a reason for that...if people weren't assured of privacy, they might avoid seeking treatment.

Medical people have a special respect for a patent's confidentiality. It's the rare medical professional who would break that trust. It only serves to make all medical professionals appear untrustworthy.

Maybe Dr. Phil will get out of the "practising without a license" charge by saying that he didn't charge for his uninvited visit. But...he can't get out of the confidentiality breach that easily. I wouldn't have to be at work to keep a person's health information private...it's just the way we think. Confidentiality is so important that keeping it becomes a basic tenet of your behavior. It would never occur to any of us to discuss such matters outside of "medical need to know" parameters. It's a habit and basic tenet that is so important that when a person breaches that behavior, they know damn well what they're doing.

We go into the medical profession to help people, not to promote ourselves. This nutty "Doctor" flew to a state thousands of miles away to stick his nose into the medical health of a person who was in the hospital and already in the care of licensed doctors. No one asked him to, why did he do it? Strictly self promoting...no other reason. After the visit, he didn't go get Britney's chart and write any orders in it like real doctors do...he went in front of cameras to blab about the patient he had just seen.

I've always been a tad leery of Dr. Phil. It was nothing I could quite put my finger on but I didn't have a good feeling about him. Now I know why. He's a shameless self promoter who uses people at the lowest point of their lives to show his "amazing" ability to overstate the obvious.

And for some reason, he's trying to pawn his entire family off on us so that we can make each and every one of them rich. Who the hell are these people and what makes them ALL so special? All any of them have is a father/husband who has marketing skills that would make Barnum and Bailey envious.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of nobs check out this post http://larass.blogspot.com/2008/01/another-word-for-jq75.html

January 19, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frankly I never could stand the guy. He lost his license years ago.
TW

May 16, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

I didn't know that! I'm not at all surprised.

May 17, 2012  

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Having a nice weekend?

I hope so. It's too early to judge my weekend yet.

I saw on TV that the SAG Awards will be going on as televised. I think that sucks. They cancelled the Golden Globes for the silly writer's union and that did damage to people we don't know and won't hear about on TV. If the reporters were to report everything that this strike is doing to people, the writer's might have their wittle feewings hurt so you won't hear some of the things that are happening out in LA.

For example, a lady who owns a florist shop does the Golden Globes every single year. That event accounts for 40% of her annual income. What would happen to you if 40% of your income was gone because another group of people wanted more money than they already get...and they get a considerable amount. They aren't striking because something bad happened, they just want money from web based crap. They aren't bitching that they don't get paid enough, they're bitching because someone else is making money that they don't get to share.

My daughter has told me countless stories of money lost over these yahoos. Hilton can more than afford the money they lost but not too many people are as well-off as the Hilton's. But even though the strike is still on and nothing has changed, SAG wants to have their own stupid award show and since they plan on striking in the spring, they will kiss the writer's asses so well that they certainly will get this one award show off the ground...but no other award show will make it to the airwaves. And all because they want to writer's support when they have their on strike. Don't think for a minute that those egomaniacal actors really stayed away from The Golden Globes for some altruistic reason. Not at all. They just have their own strike happening next.

I hope no one watches the stupid thing. I never watch any of the award shows but I don't usually think they cause harm. I am pleading with you guys not to watch that show. (Not that all of you do...I had never even heard of it until this year.)

OK. This sucks. I didn't want to write about that and I don't know why I am. Let me wake up a bit and see if I can think of something normal to write about.

:)

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