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Thursday, March 31, 2005

Meg...

...Maybe his attorney has told him that he isn't to admit anything? If you are willing to drop the assault charges for the admission, the lawyer may be changing his tune now and you'll get an admission.

From what my attorney said, Vex lied to his lawyer and told her he wasn’t having an affair. Apparently, she believed him!!!! She is the one who said he refused to admit it. They could have done it after the divorce was final so it didn’t affect the alimony one way or another. Oh, I never said I would drop the charges, I can’t. I just said that I would speak to the prosecutors and tell them that the restraining order is permanent and that I wouldn’t push it. His attorney led my attorney to believe that I was writing letters to the prosecutor trying to get him prosecuted. I don’t know where she got that idea...I just filled out the forms that they sent me to fill out. I can’t help it if the truth makes her client look guilty...DUH.

He probably knows how much it bothers you that he hasn't owned up. He may be willing to deal with the trial and probably community service/probation he'll have to do in order to see you squirm.

Then he really made a mistake. I said it didn’t bother me much...I just think I deserve it. And besides...he is the one who is squirming. He asked his lawyer when he could drop me from his health insurance so I know he wanted to stop that in late January/early February...that’s when he asked her. She told him he couldn’t do it. So, instead of dropping me like he wanted to do, he now has to provide me with insurance for 3 years and after the divorce, he won’t be able to keep me on his company insurance so he’ll have to pay. Can you believe that he asked his lawyer when he could drop me? LOLOLOL, what is it, $10 more a month for your wife? Apparently, I am not the one who is squirming. I can’t believe that he lied to his lawyer. But, after the way her boobs were hanging out all over the place and knowing the way he thinks...he must have just thought she was as stupid as one of his bimbos.

Margaret,How long does your guest with the missing mind stay. Will she ever return to Chicago? Why don't you let her buy you a car, for services rendered. I think if she is a part of your life now, legal possession is in order, of her.

She is staying until I can fly to Chicago and find an appropriate place for her. That will be sometime in April, probably a week from next Monday...but who knows. I can’t take this much longer, that’s for sure. I can’t leave her alone and I will soon have to hire people to stay with her.
I am not going to let a lady with Alzheimer’s spend that much money on me. I could imagine me driving her to the store and her asking me,

“Where did you get this car?”

I would say, “You bought it for me.”

She would respond, “No, I didn’t."

Then, all hell will break loose. No thank you.

Just 2 more weeks? That's great! If you're anything like me, life will become so much better when you don't have to deal with the divorce stuff anymore.

Oh yeah. I am going to have some fun...wait and see. My life is already so much better now that I don’t have to be afraid of getting hit, lied to and generally treated like dirt. I can’t wait to see how much better it can get.

Meg,
Does this mean that our trip will have to wait for two more weeks?
Kevin

Dude, does that question mean that you think I will fall into bed with you? LOLOLOLOLOL. Isn’t the plane already in Atlanta? You aren’t going to leave it here for two weeks are you? Listen, I need to tell you something tomorrow. And, you better have a computer there, I AM going to spill the beans as soon as I get on that plane!!!!!!!!!

Well, I have had quite a day and I am exhausted so I am going to go to bed. I can be such a nitwit sometimes. Yesterday I went shopping for vinyl liners for the beds in my house and while I was shopping, I saw a nice sheet set that I wanted. Of course, I had to get a blanket to match it. I looked for a very long time trying to find king size sheets and a blanket that I liked. Also, it isn’t easy to find vinyl liners for a king size bed so it took a very long time to find what I wanted. Then, when I got home, I remembered that I don’t have a king size bed and never did. My bed is queen size. When I took my step mother shopping, I exchanged them. Now, my bed is in the other room, all dressed up and pretty. So, I am going to get into it and think about Kevin.

Have a good evening!

Meg

2 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I never said I would drop the charges, I can’t.

Oh, I misunderstood. In that case, he's got no good reason (we already know conscious isn't a good reason for him) to own up.

It could only hurt him. I'm sure he's convinced a lot of people (his parents and such) that he's innocent and doesn't want to own up to it with them. It'll be much easier for him to say that you're crazy and making things up.

April 01, 2005  
Anonymous Jimmy said...

I can remember one time I had a Cancerian girl friend. She was really hept up on me owning up to things. It became quite stressful trying to remember what I did that I needed to to tell the world about. Once or twice during our relationship, I was awakened in the dead of night, with this lady poking me, asking me to break out of my denial and fess up to something I could not remember doing. But I learned this is often a Cancerian trait and they cannot help it. Other than this I got along with her fine.

April 02, 2005  

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Dear Meg...

"....I'm impressed with your patience, as I was with my Mom's. My grandmother was always a little off and would accuse my mother of trying to steal her stuff or kill her. I don't know that I could have dealt with that as well as she did... nor as well as you seem to be dealing with your live-in patient."

Sometimes my patience does wear thin and I have to leave the house...even if it is just to go to the store. I feel guilty but I have to or my brain will explode. Since I have worked in this field for so long, I know how to speak to her and keep her somewhat calm. But, as I said, sometimes I need a break. This is like working 24/7.

You know what? We went to mediation today and his attorney wanted to know how much my "room-mate" is paying me. She is a guest, not a room-mate. Apparently, someone on that side is reading my blog or they wouldn't have known she had come to see her cats. But they must not have read it too closely or they wouldn't have thought that she was a "room-mate".

Well, the terms are set. I thought the last agreement was the permanent one, I must have misunderstood. Instead of $800 a month for a year and then having the payments go down $100 a year for 5 years, I will be receiving $800 a month for 5 years, he will have to maintain my health insurance for 3 years, he will have to pay the check that bounced after he closed out the account that I put my money in, he is going to pay all of our back taxes and he is going to pay that dentist bill that he wouldn't have had to pay if he had just sent me the new insurance cards. He also has to send me the insurance cards. The alimony payments will come directly out of his paychecks so I won't have to worry about him being late when I am counting on that check for something.

Do you remember when I said that all I ever wanted was the truth? Well, he is so set against telling me the truth that he refused to write me a letter telling me the truth. That's O.K., you might think, but I asked for that after they asked me to stop participating in his prosecution for domestic violence.

First of all, if he hadn't lied, we would have been able to get a quick, no-fault, no alimony divorce. All he ever had to do was be honest. Instead he lied and things got crazy and he became violent. I gave my word to the police officer and the prosecuting attorney that I wouldn't drop the charges. I think it is the wrong thing to do. I want to keep my word to the people who helped me when I needed it.

But, as I said in an earlier post, I NEED the truth. It isn't as important as it once was but I would have considered his request in exchange for the peace of mind that the truth would have given me. I know some of you don't understand that, but after he called me "insane" for accusing him of the affairs in the first place, I think I deserve the truth. I can live without it because I actually DO know the truth. I just wanted some kind of respect, even an apology would have helped.

By the way, men, can you think of a reason he would STILL deny it? He knows I know the truth and I don't know why he would continue to lie, even when the truth would have literally "set him free". Maybe someone will talk some sense into him and he will send me an apology (through the attorneys) for the way he treated me last summer. Then again, maybe we will just see each other in court.

We won't be seeing each other any other time because my attorney had the restraining order incorporated into the divorce. So, as long as we are divorced, he cannot come near me and the other terms are still there as well.

That's it, I should have my papers in about 2 weeks and then I will be divorced. My attorney said I must wait until I receive the papers before I can date. Can you believe that? Oh well, I've waited this long, I can wait a bit longer.

I am taking my step mother out to buy some clothes, she only came with enough clothes to last the weekend as that was as long as she was originally going to stay. She wants to leave a week from next Monday. In the meantime, I am going to take her shopping, she is patiently waiting behind me so I should go now.

I will be back soon.

Meg

3 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

ometimes my patience does wear thin and I have to leave the house...even if it is just to go to the store. I feel guilty but I have to or my brain will explode. Since I have worked in this field for so long, I know how to speak to her and keep her somewhat calm. But, as I said, sometimes I need a break. This is like working 24/7.

Yeah... my Mom was the same way. Sometimes you just have to get awy from it. That's what was nice about the side-by-side houses. She could just go home, yet be 50 feet away if something happened.

By the way, men, can you think of a reason he would STILL deny it?

I'm not really sure, but I've got a few ideas:

Maybe his attorney has told him that he isn't to admit anything? If you are willing to drop the assault charges for the admission, the lawyer may be changing his tune now and you'll get an admission.

Maybe his lawyer is waiting for the divorce to be final so that they aren't giving you more ammo in that arena.

It could also be plain old spite. He may be an ass, but he's known you a long time. He probably knows how much it bothers you that he hasn't owned up. He may be willing to deal with the trial and probably community service/probation he'll have to do in order to see you squirm. In that regard, it may be like a childish victory for him.


Just 2 more weeks? That's great! If you're anything like me, life will become so much better when you don't have to deal with the divorce stuff anymore.

March 31, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meg,

Does this mean that our trip will have to wait for two more weeks?

Kevin

March 31, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

Excellent!

You've got a much better deal, and you've got a certain number of admissions of bad conduct on his part :insurance, check etc. That gives you a secure position going into court... very important : if it's just she-said, he-said, you can't be sure who the judge is going to believe.

All that, I guess, is why the mediation is compulsory, and why it's a good thing. Your initial agreement was made under pressure, you needed time and space and a disinterested intermediary to make sure your rights were respected.

By the way, men, can you think of a reason he would STILL deny it?

I think it's a power game... it's like trying to get you to drop the violence charges. If he can intimidate you or buy you off, without telling the truth, then (from his world view)

1) he has dominated you, and that's good, because a self-respecting man dominates women
2) he can pretend to be a good guy to everyone who doesn't know the truth : "see, she had to drop those false charges, see, all she wanted was my money, ..." etc.
3) he can end up half-convincing himself that he's a good guy and you're the bitch...

April 01, 2005  

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Good morning!

Well, today I am going to court ordered mediation. Apparently, it doesn't matter if you have a signed agreement, this county demands that you pay $350.00 an hour to have some mediating attorney go from room to room, carrying messages back and forth between parties who otherwise would be able to come to their own agreement.

You may remember that I had accepted Vex's first offer. Then, I received a lot of emails that said that I should ask for more. Well, since I was forced into mediation after I accepted his offer, I have now changed my mind. So many people have told me that I was letting him off too easily that today, I have a list. I am going to ask for a hell of a lot more than he offerred. I'll tell you later what happens, I don't want to put anything down that might serve as a warning to the other side.

FYI...when you have a wife who accepts your first offer, let her accept it. Don't annoy her further by changing your mind and forcing her to ask for more than she would have otherwise. And besides, you guys were right...he should pay more than the stupid things we agreed to before.

I tried to get this divorce over with quickly. At first, I didn't ask for alimony. But, when he left me for his bimbo while I was terribly ill and unable to support myself, I changed my mind. The he cancelled my car insurance without telling me. Next, he didn't tell me the dental insurance was changed so I incurred a bill that I shouldn't have. I don't have a car and that is his fault as well. He had ours reposessed and took the only other car that worked. He swore to a judge that I had a reliable car when he knew damn well that I didn't. He spent last summer quietly moving out, one piece at a time. He took things that were mine. My Lord of the Ring Trilogy was so important to me that he made sure to take it. He didn't even like thsoe movies, but he knew that I really, really did. That's why I bought them. He took my passport, why, I don't know. Just to be a jack ass I suppose.

He has made his point, he is a jack ass. He can stop proving it now. So, I have my list and the worst thing that can happen today is that we don't come to an agreement and then we have to go before a judge. Well, we could have been before a judge last month and gotten the divorce over with. Either he thinks he can stall so long that eventually I recover and go back to work...then I will make more than he does and I may end up paying him. Or, he is trying to avoid marrying his sleaze du jour. Even Vex knows better than to be single while a husband stealing tramp is biting at his heals.

Anyway, the mediation is at 2 P.M. so I will come back and immediately tell you all what happened. Right now, I have a lady with Alzheimer's disease roaming around my house asking me the same question over and over. She has spent this entire week on my phone. I sit back and listen to her call the same people over and over again during the course of a day, asking them the same questions each time. I don't feel right taking the phone away from her so I am a bit perplexed as to how to handle this. I have worked with Alzheimer's patient for decades and they are my favorite patients in the world. But I could always go home at the end of the day. Now I have my own personal patient.

This morning I awoke to find her calling her doctor in Chicago to ask if she actually DOES have Alzheimer's. He explained it all to her yesterday and the day before that. Her daughter tried to put her in a nursing home but she retained an attorney who spoke with her for 5 minutes and then got her out of the "home".

So...what do you do with a person who cannot possibly live alone but who refuses to live with anyone else? I wouldn't mind allowing her to stay, I do care about her. But she has started one fire already and no matter how many times we tell her she cannot smoke in this house, she won't stop. Then, when you remind her that she isn't supposed to smoke, she says, "OH...does it bother the kids wittle Mommy?"

My son got a little upset with that response. It bothers everyone of us. She belittled the idea of not smoking in front of the children. My parents knew her for 40 years and my mother used to say that she was surprised that my father married her because he always complained that she was a bitch. Well, bitches get Alzheimer's too. That's how you end up with mean and nasty old people who spit at, bite and punch you. Like I said, I enjoy the patients. When I am working, I see it coming and prepare. In my own home, I don't. She hasn't become violent yet but she certainly has had quite a few "incidents" that prove that she is unsafe to live alone. She wants to buy a condo but she just sold one. She sold hers for $250, 000 and wants to buy a new one for $188,000. Basically, that means that she traded her large condo in for a much smaller one and she made sure that her shameless realtors took the rest in commision. I have woken up to find her putting a check for $56,000 in an envelope. These realtors are in such a frenzy to earn their commision that they don't care if they take her life savings from her. You might be able to get through one conversation without figuring out how confused she is but these people are speaking to her 10 times a day, answering the same questions and then they fax hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of paperwork to her for her signature. I didn't stop her because I didn't think any realtor would take her money under such conditions. Man, was I wrong! Do any of you know if that is legal or not?

And before Jimmy even asks, NO! She has no family, the daughter has washed her hands of anything to do with her mother except for her money. It is amazing how many people will take advantage of an elderly woman. She has offerred to buy me a car every day since she got here. She never remembers that she has offerred, she just offers again. I could let her buy me a car a day until her money runs out but I wouldn't do that. It would be very easy for a person of lesser character to rob this woman blind. The realtors are trying, her psychiatrist is trying, charging her for "phone conferences". Everyday she calls him with one problem or another and he tells her to stop taking this medicine or that medicine. I have no respect for doctors who manipulate meds simply to shut thier patients up. As a result, I cannot get her stabilized on anything. I took her to a doctor here who has a good reputation and he is taking fine care of her.

But this charlaton who hasn't been able to heal her in 30 years and hasn't seen her in I don't know how long is totally screwing up her plan of care. My father said that a doctor who treats and charges someone for 30 years and never sees any improvment should be shot. That's a tad severe, but he certainly shouldn't be practicing medicine...especially not by phone. And, especially when the patient HAS a doctor. My nerves are a bit shot today and I haven't even gotten to the court thing yet.

Oh well, such is life. I have been having trouble posting lately, I've lost at least 3 posts that I wrote directly into the blog just before the computer booted me. So, please have patience, I have been typing away but I just can't seem to get what I am typing onto the blog. I don't know what the server's problem is but it is messing with me.

I fell asleep at midnight after listening to my houseguest complain all evening. Her medication finally kicked in and she calmed down enough to fall asleep. Then, she woke me up at 6. This was the one day I thought I might be able to get 8 hours sleep. I would pay cash to anyone who could knock me out for 12 hours without hitting me in the head. I am tired and frustrated but other than that...I am just fine!!!!

Have a great day and I will speak to you as soon as I get back from mediation. They said it could last up to 3 hours and I have to be there at 2 P.M. EST. Then I will come home so I will be back in touch ASAP.

See ya!!

Meg

2 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

So...what do you do with a person who cannot possibly live alone but who refuses to live with anyone else?

My grandmother was in a similar position from a stroke. She didn't have alzheimers, but the doctors said she couldn't live along and she refused to live with anyone.

My mom got lucky (or unlucky, depending how you look at it). The house next door became available, so they sold my grandmother's house and moved her next door. She lived alone, but was always 50 feet from their front porch.

I'm impressed with your patience, as I was with my Mom's. My grandmother was always a little off and would accuse my mother of trying to steal her stuff or kill her. I don't know that I could have dealt with that as well as she did... nor as well as you seem to be dealing with your live-in patient.

March 31, 2005  
Anonymous Jimmy said...

Margaret,

How long does your guest with the missing mind stay. Will she ever return to Chicago? Why don't you let her buy you a car, for services rendered. I think if she is a part of your life now, legal possession is in order, of her.

March 31, 2005  

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Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Meg...

...OMG...that is so funny...guess I have bad taste in humor :-)John

I don't thinnk so, but I wanted to be sure to warn people who might be offended. I remember when comedy was funny and jokes were taken as they were intended, just as jokes. Then, about the time that Andrew "Dice" Clay come about, political correctedness kicked in. Comedy went downhill and I think it is finally coming back in new and innovative ways. We deal with tragedy with humor all the time, I think it is just a way to handle with things that we can't understand. I remember when All in the Family was the funniest thing on T.V.. When it came on in reruns during the time my youngest was in high school, I asked him to watch "this funny show". Within 5 minutes, he jumped up and said, "This is the most offensive ting I have ever seen!" What a shame, he wasn't here when we were all getting over the war between the races and we could all laugh at Archie Bunker and his ilk. Now, we can't laugh at certain things because it makes us feel guilty about it....and that is too bad.

Of course, Meg, you never said how the plumber fixed it. He may have used a plunger and now I look dumb. ;-)

They snaked the main line that goes from my house to the street. It was clogged with Depends that I didn't know were being flushed. Guy, you have never looked dumb. But the nut who asked if I ever thought of a plunger and if I used the toilet as a garbage disposal did appear a tad confused.

the Cutty Sark HAS kicked in.Oh come. You deserve better than Cutty Sark. (Most people do.)

The Cutty Sark is my step mother's. Personally, I prefer Chivas. I didn't know that Cutty Sark had such a reputation. Maybe some day I will tell you my Mad Dog 20-20 story. Doesn't everyone have one of those?

The constant bickering is a source of emotional stimulation that in a weird way, they crave, just to be stimulated.

Absolutely! There are far too many people who get some sadistic kick out of being a naggy ass bitch (male or female). It would be nice if they could find each other and leave us normal people alone.

Tomorrow I'm taking my girls all dolled up in their purim costumes over to an old age home with a bunch of other pre-schoolers and mommies. I'm really looking forward to it, and so are the girls.

How wonderful! I KNOW you had a wonderful time. I think more people should take their kids to visit old folk's homes occasionally. It is lovely for the residents, but it is an absolutely priceless opportunity for the kids.

Someone mentioned that I might be concerned about getting a date when I do start dating again. They seem to think that no man would want to take a chance of being my post of the day. Well, I am not worried. First of all, nobody knows who I am. Secondly, I wouldn't do that unless the guy did something so stupid that I couldn't help myself. And most men are going to think that they are a "good guy" and they would never be so rude as to end up on my blog. I submit that most men will think too highly of themselves to be blog material. I could be wrong, we will see.

Well, today wasn't a bad day at all. I was busy all day but I accomplished quite a bit. I went to the courthouse to fill out a paper that should release me from having to pay for the mediation. That is Thursday, it is court ordered and it cannot be stopped at this point. So...finally, I will have some idea of what the divorce terms will be and when I will be free!!!!! I can't wait!!!! Well, I am exhausted...gotta go to couch.

See ya tomorrow!

Meg

4 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

They snaked the main line that goes from my house to the street. It was clogged with Depends that I didn't know were being flushed. Guy, you have never looked dumb. But the nut who asked if I ever thought of a plunger and if I used the toilet as a garbage disposal did appear a tad confused.

Woo hoo! I'm like a plumber with pants that cover my entire rear!

I'd like to see that guy plunge a toilet and magically unclog the other fixtures in the process.

So...finally, I will have some idea of what the divorce terms will be and when I will be free!!!!! I can't wait!!!!

That sounds great! The waiting was the worst part of my divorce. I didn't necessarily want to be free at the time, but I did want to have it over with so I could move on with my life.

March 30, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

The Cutty Sark is my step mother's. Personally, I prefer Chivas. I didn't know that Cutty Sark had such a reputation.

Nah I was just being a whisky snob... I get no pleasure out of the blended stuff since I caught onto single malts... Lagavulin... Talisker... spooky shit.

I'm at a time of life where getting drunk doesn't appeal, and I'd rather drink half as much of something twice as good.

March 31, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

Your plumbing woes made me think about men's roles and women's roles.

This is supposed to be innate, men are supposed to take responsibility for certain stuff that women are allowed to cop out of, and vice versa. Me and my ex didn't believe in that, we tried to share responsibility for everything.

It doesn't work. It's like Communism : it's fine on paper but the reality is really horrible, because people don't actually work like that.

Anyway... I'm not terribly good at men's stuff anyway... I can change a tire, but I once ran my car out of oil till the engine seized... kept forgetting to check the level...

... that's the kind of guy I am...

... so though I got a sympathetic laugh out of that plumbing horror story, I don't judge you for it... !

March 31, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

It doesn't work. It's like Communism : it's fine on paper but the reality is really horrible, because people don't actually work like that.

Man, you're right about that. I went into my marriage thinking that we'd split everything, but it just led to arguments. She'd get mad that things weren't clean enough and I was sure she was going to die in her car that was always low on air pressure and fluids unless I checked and topped them off when she wasn't looking.

She saw it, too. She sat down with me a few months into the marriage and basically said the equivalent of, "I know you want to be equal and stuff, but this isn't working. It may sound terribly sexist, but I'll do the housework and you take care of the mechanical stuff. You clean terribly and I'm going to have the house fall down around us. Maybe if you want to help in here you can vacuum occasionally. Sound like a deal?"

Of course, I took that deal. I like fixing things and working with mechanical stuff. She is a clean freak and seems to actually enjoy it.

In some relationships this may not work and it may be the opposite. My Mom's boyfriend is a clean freak and he does most of their cleaning.

I guess what I see is that people (myself included sometimes) are so worried about being sexist or unequal in some ways that they miss the bigger picture. As a couple, you can make each other's lives easier by focusing on your strengths rather than trying to do everything. :-)

March 31, 2005  

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If you have really, really bad taste in what you consider funny...

...here is a link to check out:

www.durrrrr.blogspot.com

Now...if you go there and you have delicate tastes, I am not to blame. Only people with really bad taste will escape unoffended.

Meg

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG...that is so funny...guess I have bad taste in humor :-)

John

March 29, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

That is a really funny site. I must also have bad taste in humor. Wait... I already knew I did, so I guess this isn't really news. ;-)

March 29, 2005  
Blogger Auntie Gromit said...

Oh that is waaaay funnier than the livejournal one featured on cruel.com today. I know it's not to my credit for laughing... guess everyone has a zit somewhere, eh?

Today seems to be a red letter day for bad-taste-but-funny-as-hell websites. The Smoking Gun (one of my favorite train wrecks to watch) featured a police report on the guy who received a fecal-gram (www.fecalgram.com) from folks in the neighborhood after he shot his next-door neighbor's cat. It was the first I'd heard of the service. I think maybe Vex needs one, after the divorce is final.

March 29, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

My Mom sent this to me... enjoy...

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. Doesn't that just warm your heart...

March 29, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

You folks like sick humour? Good!

Here's a couple of quotes from the press about Terri :

Weller’s statement also claims that Schiavo “laughed out loud” when she heard Jesus’s name after being told that “Jesus would stay right by [your]side.”

Good to see she's kept a sense of humour.

Schiavo said “Ahhhhhhh” and then followed that by “summon[ing] all the strength that she had” and added, “Waaaaaaa.”

Well, she's more articulate than the Pope.

March 31, 2005  
Anonymous Stacey said...

I guess you can put me on the list of people with no sense of humor. I just can't bring myself to laugh at innocent people's pain. It's so easy to hide among the faceless masses and fling poison arrows. I hope when pain brings you to your knees, you are surrounded by compassion and empathy. Sorry to be the downer.

March 31, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

I understand where you're coming from, Stacey, but Terri had been brain-dead for 15 years. The grimaces and grunts are reptilian-level reflexes. I'm not laughing at her pain : She wasn't suffering.

I am sickened and angry at the political exploitation of her situation, and of the manipulation of the suffering of her husband and parents. People like Delay are exploiting your sympathy for evil purposes.

I'm going to make a living will, precisely to avoid causing pain, suffering or conflict among my entourage, if I ever found myself in that position. I've been through this stuff with my mother quite recently, at her initiative. She's still lucid, but she won't be indefinitely.

April 01, 2005  
Anonymous Stacey said...

Hey Furriner, I agree with you about Terri, I was talking about the pain of the people around her. And the political exploitation is just the latest evidence that you have to be sub-human to get ahead in politics. There's a good article in US News this week about making a living will that works. And if I'm being the designated PC-pain-in-the-ass, I have to tell you, I have two iguanas and two monitors who are more emotionally evolved than my husband (reptilian-level reflexes) :o)

April 01, 2005  

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Meg...

"...How do you tell people that your husband hits you?...."

I won’t put the entire letter up there but to answer your question, you just do. You find someone that you trust. It doesn’t matter who it is, just as long as you trust them. You might have to say it out loud a few times when you are alone to get used to the words but you pretty much just spit it out. It can be bad if it only happens rarely, nobdoy expects it from those quiet ones. I kinda let myself get sucked in gradually, too. But your thinking really does get distorted. Like I keep saying, one of the worst things was my loss of perception. I actually remember thinking that he must really care for me or he wouldn’t get so angry. How messed up is that? I think your perception is a little askew right now.

There is no excuse, and their ability to make it seem like it’s your fault is really scary. It puts the blame back on you and you somehow believe that you have to stay. I don’t know why we do that, I just know we do. We all put up with things that we shouldn’t every so often. But some of us get stuck in a holding pattern. I hate that.

You just need to speak to someone you can trust. Most people will help you see things a bit better. And, yeah, there are a lot of good days in any relationship. After so much time, there has to be some good...but it should never get so bad that someone hurts you on purpose. Vex outweighed me by 100 pounds and that was a little frightening.

Once, when I was in my twenties, I took an overdose of valium. I knew it was a safe level...they were two milligrams and I only had 18 of them. I got pretty tired but other than that, I was fine. My ex insisted on taking me to the E.R. which, if I remember correctly, was my point. I’m not really sure why I did that. Anyway, I told the doctor the truth and that I knew I didn’t take too much and that I wouldn’t have. He said something that put a stop to that silliness:

“You know, those are muscle relaxants. Your heart is a muscle. Don’t relax it too much or it will stop. You might not be serious but it could work.”

Someone who is twice your size is potentially pretty dangerous as well. If you don’t believe me, look at the look in his eyes the next time he hits you. I think you will see what I mean. It only takes once to really hurt you. He may not mean to do it. But the person behind those eyes does, if only for a second. That’s all it takes.

If you take an honest look at the guy, he usually isn’t too much to begin with. I did this once before, went out with someone who was so funky looking that I was the only idiot who didn’t see it. Now I look back and cringe a great big willy of a cringe. But I blew a lot of time slumming in the meantime.

What’s his personality like? Does he think/talk about other things and other people or does he just sit there like a blob and talk about himself and/or his hideous ex-wife? Is he basically negative? I knew better than to listen to a man who constantly spoke ill of his ex. Even years afterwards, those two couldn’t be in the same room. That says one of two things, either they are still in love or he is a jerk. He never said one kind thing about the mother of his children. Not once, in 23 years. Your email mentioned that your husband was complaining about his ex. How would you like to be the next one he is talking about as he justifies his behavior to himself and anyone who will listen to him? It’s no fun to be on the other end of a relationship like that when you are dealing with a liar.

So, just go forth and find someone you can trust. I promise that you will never be sorry. But if you don’t do it, I promise that you WILL be sorry.

Oh...

Do you know anyone who predicates a topic thusly?

This is all said with a smile and kindness in my voice.

If you do...run like hell.

Meg

1 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Honestly, Meg has got some good advice on who to tell and how.

I just wanted to chime in to say that you MUST SAY SOMETHING as soon as you are able. You have to get out of that situation. Say something to someone and start figuring out a way to leave.

My mom worked in a hospital when I was a kid, and I saw many women come into that ER who "fell down". I saw a few repeat customers, and it always seemed to be an escalating effect. It will never get better if you stay. It will only get worse and eventually he will seriously hurt you.

The one sure-fire never-seen-it-work solution is to have someone talk to him for you. He will not be shamed or threatened into losing his anger management issues. Maybe he can get some councelling, but you need to be out of that house while he gets that under control. Let him buy a punching bag, not marry one.

March 29, 2005  

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Monday, March 28, 2005

Meg...

...I had to laugh at your comment about things that only happen to you. I have spent my whole life explaining to people, "You know those things you hear about that only happen to OTHER PEOPLE? Well, let me introduce myself -- I'm the OTHER PEOPLE that crazy things happen to." I only missed you at Marietta Diner by probably seven or eight hours.

Anne, what a shame. If you are willing to meet nitro, I would love to meet glycerin. Isn't the Diner great? We should get together there sometime. I had another day you would have appreciated.

Today, both of my toilets overflowed simultaneously as water backed up into my tub. Gallons and gallons, minutes and minutes, overflowing toilet water onto the carpet my son steam cleaned Saturday. The tub never actually overflowed, it just puked up copious amounts of some hideous concoction that I would rather not describe. But the toilets wouldn't stop.

I called the landlord and he told me to call the regular guy. The regular guy couldn't get here until tomorrow and I figured the damage had been done so I said that would be O.K.. Then, like the bright woman that I am, I decided to wash the towels that I had used to clean up the mess.

Considering the mess I was cleaning, I poured half a gallon of bleach into the washer. When the washer drained the bleached wash water, the toilets upchucked all of it onto the carpets that were already saturated from the earlier deluge. The bleach left my bathroom carpets with some sort of tie-dye effect to them...in both bathrooms. I don't know why they carpeted the bathrooms, but they did. I bet they wish they hadn't done that now.

Obviously, by this time, I couldn't wait until tomorrow to have the problem fixed. Apparently, the word "Emergency" means within 24 hours to most plumbers. I spent the entire afternoon trying to find one who would come right over. Everyone of them wanted to call me back in a half an hour so I could only call about 2 an hour. I finally found one who would come out and he was a cutie. If I had been able to take a shower this morning, I would have hit on him. But, my hair was stringy and I was wearing flannel pants with a large t-shirt that I had just spilled wax on the moment before the doorbell rang. I spilled wax on me because I didn't know the candle had just been used. It didn't just get on me, it got on the carpet in the living room. Now, that carpet has a huge, dark blue wax stain on it. I haven't decided what to throw on my bedroom floor.

Also today, I had to pick up my step-mother's glasses for her because she has been wearing glasses with one lens since she got here. (I had to take her to get a new eye exam last week.) And then I had to go to my friend's house to fix her hair for her because she has a luncheon to go to tomorrow and I promised her last month that I would do it. The glasses were 15 miles east and the hair lady is 20 miles west. I couldn't leave the house until the kid's mother picked them up. She was two hours late getting to my house and I had no way of calling her to find out why. My lawyer called to say that I have to go to mediation Thursday even though I have no way of paying for it. As I type this, it is almost midnight and I have to get up at 5 because my step mother gets up at 4 and she "waits an entire hour" before she wakes me up as it is. There are fans in my bathrooms and the windows are open so I can try to dry out my carpet. I am cold and I am tired.

But you know what? I am very happy.

We want the details!! Please please please!!!!!!

Of what? The hideous concoction in the drain? Be more specific and I will give you all the details you want. If you want names as well, email me at IWasAlone@aol.com. :):):)

Meg

4 Comments:

Anonymous Jimmy said...

Margaret,

This is all said with a smile and kindness in my voice.

How old is your son? Has he been exposed to events that happen in daily life and how to think them through?

Do you own a plunger? This should have been the first action taken when the toilets start to back up. Has it happened to you before in this apartment? Are you and your family careful about what gets flushed down the toilet? You know it is not a garbage disposal, right? Anyway, a plunger will usually take care of the smaller problems.

Carpeting in a bathroom is the worst. In fact, carpeting in any living area is a breeding ground for germs and dust. All the more so if you have animals.

I did not know you lived in an apartment? First floor? Where does your father come into the picture then? With so many people visiting at one time, is it kinda crowded?

So, it sounds like what you need is a handyman around the house. Yep, that would help lots. I have a plunger here in my house. Get one and learn to use it.
Next, comes blown fuses. You do know about that? How about locked doors, like with you on the wrong side of the door? And the list goes on and on. Living is a bitch and even more so without duck tape.

March 29, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I don't know if a plunger would have helped in this situation. She wrote that both toilets overflowed and the tub backed up. I would think that indicates a more serious issue in the main plumbing of her apartment complex.

Of course, Meg, you never said how the plumber fixed it. He may have used a plunger and now I look dumb. ;-)

Either way, it sounded like a bad day in general. Hopefully today is better. :-)

March 29, 2005  
Blogger Meg said...

I don't live in an apartment! People rent houses too! The problem was the main was clogged between the street and the house. They opened the line and snaked it. It turns out the line was clogged with Depends. I had no idea the lady was flushing them down the toilet. I hope my toilet story is now straightened out.

Meg

March 29, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meg

OK lady, you can do that after you get on the jet. There is a computer on it. As soon as you board, you can tell them whatever you want. Deal?

Kevin

March 29, 2005  

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Meg...

...Don't wait anymore. Own who you are! If you want a guy, be vulnerable. Just be discrete and go live your life like a responsible, grown up with needs and wants. You're not being fair to yourself. I'm not saying to go be easy, but you should be free to love when and who life sends your way if you want to. My last divorce took 3 years. Think I or she waited? He can't afford a detective and doesn't really want to bring up infidelity in the court so be open for whatever. He's probably too busy worrying aboutyou nailing him with someone. It's not wrong anymore. You're already emotionally and morally divorced and it will never be put back together again. This will free you. This is the next corner.

Yeah, I probably could get away with it. I could probably go do whatever I wanted to do and no one would be the wiser. But there is one problem with that. I have prided myself in telling the truth. That’s about the only thing he left me, my integrity. I won’t lose it over some trailer hopping, STD-ridden, lying cheat. When I go into court and someone asks me “Have you had sex with anyone else since you married him?”, I want to be able to honestly say “No, I have not.”

I always told my kids that they should do the right thing, even if they are the only one to know they did it. When people lie and try to get away with things that they shouldn’t get away with, they end up drinking or doing something else to help them live with the deception. I drank quite a bit when I was in my 20’s and I learned that when I told lies I was afraid, I felt guilty and I just felt badly about myself. Then, I would drink more to deal with my feelings. So, basically, I feel that lying is self destructive and leads to more behavior that you have to lie about.

When you lie, or do anything that you know is wrong, you hurt yourself. It doesn’t matter what anybody else does, there is no reason to put yourself in a position where you look at the man in the mirror and think ill of him. I refuse to give anyone the power to make the person in my mirror look bad. I knew that last year and everything that has happened in the meantime has reinforced my beliefs.

I went through some terrible times over the past year and I have had some wonderful people in my life who have helped me get through in one way or another. (Chasey, thank you! Stacey (my new friend), you have helped more than you will ever know. Jon, you too, have been a great help to me. Jean, you are doing more for me then I ever expected, I don't know how I can ever pay you back.) None of these people would have been as helpful if I were less of a person than I am. I have gone from feeling like a worthless dredge on humanity to feeling like a lovely person who is happy, friendly and kind. I always have been such a person, but I let someone else blur my self esteem. That won’t happen again. If I were to act in a way that put me in a position where I had to lie, I wouldn’t know that I am a decent human being. That may or may not make sense to anyone else, but I am the only one who has to understand it. I feel good about myself because whenever I had a decision to make, I chose the course of action that would make me feel as though I was doing the RIGHT thing.

And, even if I didn’t feel this way about lying, I do care about why I am doing what I am doing. When the “youngin” was asking me out, I was concerned about what such a relationship would do to him. Even though he wanted to pursue me...I still felt that it wouldn’t be fair for such a young man to spend any length of time with someone my age. What if he were with me and he missed a chance to be with a woman his own age who would still want children? I couldn’t live with that guilt.

I have had other opportunities...actually quite a few. But for one reason or another, I wouldn’t go out with them anyway. Would I be using them for a warm body? Would they be using me for the same thing? I said before that I lost my perspective when I was still in the marriage. I didn’t know what was happening and I didn’t trust myself to identify a lie from the truth. So, I feel as though I have some work to do on myself before I should even think about dating.

Add that to the fact that I don’t know the dating rules anymore and you have a dangerous situation should I decide to begin a relationship. Just thinking about how I put up with being married to a liar, coward, abusive thug and an all around poor excuse for a man makes me doubt my own judgment when it comes to men. In my head, I know that there are many, many good men out there. I just don’t trust myself to tell a good one from a bum right now.

By the way, he DID bring up infidelity in court. After all of the affairs he has had, I have never had one. He had never even accused me of cheating while we were together. But, when it came to the divorce, he did. In Georgia, they assign alimony based on his ability to pay, my needs and the behavior of both parties. I guess he thought if he accused me of adultery, he would save a few bucks in alimony. As I said, I have been honest and faithful to MY marriage vows and that makes me feel very good about myself. I need to feel good about myself now. I need that more than I need a man.

But, let me tell you this, when I run out of divorce stories, I will most certainly change the topic to something like, “Meg and the Men She Dates.” I think that will be the fun stuff, hang in there with me and when I start having my fun...I will be here with bells on.
Have a great day and remember: “To thine ownself be true.”

Meg

1 Comments:

Anonymous furriner said...

But, let me tell you this, when I run out of divorce stories, I will most certainly change the topic to something like, “Meg and the Men She Dates.”

Woah! I mean Fine... as long as the guys you date are hip to it!

(I can imagine having reservations about it myself!)

Add that to the fact that I don’t know the dating rules anymore

Oh ... I was hoping you could help me with those! My friends keep telling me : you've got to find yourself a companion. But I sincerely haven't a clue how it's done...

You, at least, have experience -- even if it's a bit dated. I have precisely none... that's right... my first wife was my first love.

Adolescent anguish, here I come!

March 29, 2005  

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Sunday, March 27, 2005

Hi Meg,

If I sent a jet for you, would you let me help you notch it up? Kevin

You know, you could have asked that question in an email. But since you chose to ask it in the comments section instead...I must qualify my answer. Yes...I will get on that jet...but only AFTER I tell my blog buddies who you are. So...it's up to you darlin'.

Meg

1 Comments:

Anonymous Jen Oz said...

We want the details!! Please please please!!!!!!

March 28, 2005  

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I have a Lucy Ricardo thing going on at times...

I find myself in the oddest situations. People always end up saying things like, "This could only happen to you." or "You should write a book." Well, yesterday it wasn't just me, my daughter and her friend were there as well. And I might put it in the book, but for now I will just tell you.

My daughter and her girl friend drove down here from Chicago to spend Easter with me. We have been hard pressed to find much time to spend to spend together because I have had to visit my friend that is in a wheelchair and I have been taking my houseguest to her appointments.

Yesterday when I dropped the houseguest off at her bridge game, I took my daughter (Annie) and her friend (Melanie) to Underground Atlanta.

When we first got there, we walked out into the town looking for a store. When we did, I saw a sign that said 5 Points-something. I went to a restaurant in 5 Points once and wanted to take the girls there. We walked all over looking for that stupid restaurant. Eventually, I called the friend who had taken me to the restaurant and asked her where it was. I was in the wrong place. Apparently, there are two 5 Points in Atlanta. Why? How many 5 Points does one city need?

So we went back into Underground Atlanta. We were getting pretty hungry and there were an inordinate amount of motorcycles on the streets. We wanted to go to a sit down restaurant so the food court wouldn't do. After walking around looking at the menus outside different restaurants, we chose the Irish place down in the Underground.

No one waited on us so we left. We walked right outside and into a place called The Alley Cat. We were starving and the place sort of looked like an alley so I didn't question the name. I would have any other time, I swear.

Our waitress was wearing pussy-cat ears and whiskers. She wasn't smiling, this was not a joke. As she took our order, I noticed a belly button ring and a spider web tattoo on her right shoulder. I was frightened. Then I noticed the complimentary boxer shorts on the table. Things were beginning to make sense to me. This was a strip bar. Fortunately, we were too early for the show...they were catering to tourists at noon.

We started hearing the motor cycles again. Then the band began. They welcomed us all to THE FIRST ANNUAL ATLANTA BIKERFEST!!!!!
The Alley Cat began filling up with the biker dudes and dudettes. I was very frightened.

There was a card on the table. I picked it up expecting to find a dessert menu. Instead, it was the list of nightly events that The Alley Cat advertised. Wednesday night at The Alley Cat, be sure to attend Body Piercing and Tattoo Night. Apparently, all of the waitresses work Wednesdays. They had metal hanging off of everything they had, ears, noses, cheeks, belly buttons, lips, tongues...I strongly suspect they had more in places that I couldn't see. The tattoos looked hideously painful. One girl had a huge bird of paradise tattooed on her back. Ouch. And then the biker folk...my God, they had almost as many tattoos as the waitresses. My table and the family trapped in the table next to me were quite a bit out of place. We eventually got our food, ate and got the hell out of the strip club.

I had a lot to do yesterday so I never got around to making dinner. We had to go out to eat again so we went to the Square in Marietta, there are plenty of restaurants there. We walked around, once again reading menus. We carefully chose Hemmingways. There were no tables there. We were slightly underdressed for Shillings so we went next door to Simpatico's. A table at last.

The excellent wait staff did not make us wait. They were on the ball and bringing us our water, coffee and silverware very quickly. By the time they had done that, we noticed the prices on the sparse menu. The cheapest thing on it was 16.95 and that was veal meatloaf. What the heck is veal meatloaf? I don't eat veal anyway. We had to make a dash for the door. I tossed 5 bucks on the table and said, "Let's go."

Annie hesitated. My back was to the staff and I was dependent upon those two to let me know when it would be a good time to split. Annie hesitated again. I'm ready, perched at the end of the booth with my jacket on and waiting for the signal. Melanie finally spoke up. "You know, I don't think it's going to get any better than it is right now."

At that moment, Annie booked. I was right behind her. I assumed that Melanie was right behind me but she was deeper into the booth and it took her a second to get out. Annie and I were around the corner by the time she got out the door. We were all laughing so hard we couldn't walk. Then, at the exact same moment, we said in unison, "Let's just go to the Marietta Diner."

We actually harmonized as we said it. So, we went to the Marietta Diner and had a great dinner. We discussed the Easter plans and decided to have a lovely Easter brunch instead of a dinner so we are cooking it now. I am taking a break to write this but I must get back to my daughter. She is wonderful. I miss her so much when she isn't here. She is leaving later on today so I am going to go spend the rest of my time with her. My grand-daughter will be here too! I hope you all are having a nice day as well. See ya later.

Meg

2 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I hope you had a great Easter. :)

March 28, 2005  
Blogger Anne Arky said...

I had to laugh at your comment about things that only happen to you. I have spent my whole life explaining to people, "You know those things you hear about that only happen to OTHER PEOPLE? Well, let me introduce myself -- I'm the OTHER PEOPLE that crazy things happen to."
I only missed you at Marietta Diner by probably seven or eight hours.

March 28, 2005  

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Saturday, March 26, 2005

Meg...

...My great grandmother (GG) is 97 years old. She is the oldest living Avon rep. in NY.

Wow! That is amazing. Imagine being able to say that you are the oldest living Avon representative in New York. The kind of woman who would be the oldest is the kind who would brag about it. 97 is pretty gosh darned old. I love listening to the stories those folk tell. I have been around them since I was a teenager and I have so many wonderful memories.

I remember a 101 year old man named Dan who was from Ireland. He would grab me as I passed him in the hall and we would do a jig. He would say, “Ay Meg, you’ve the map of Ireland all over your face. I see me home in your eyes.” Then there was Clara. She got up every morning and got herself dressed, make up and all. She would go out the side door and walk around the building just so she could make her grand entrance into the lobby and then sit down for breakfast. Minnie never got out of bed. She always had a smile on her face when I walked into her room. She had no visitors, she was in constant pain and she never left her room. But she was always happy and never failed to ask about my family.

Over time, she met my all of my children at one time or another and she always remembered their names. She died one afternoon, right after her 100th birthday party. She still had her party hat on. I could go on for a very, very long time.


Well, this is supposed to be the diary of my divorce and I always think I should talk about that but I don’t think much about it lately. I have to take care of the stupid stuff like court dates and things like that but my life is starting to get in the way and I don’t have much to say about the marriage anymore. I suppose there might be a time when I am bored and I will think about it but right now, I don’t have the time.

I remember asking other women how long it took to “get over” being cheated on. I heard everything from 6 months to “never”. Well, apparently, it takes about 7 months. That’s not bad at all.

I don’t know how long it would have taken if I hadn’t had that experience last weekend but I did. I really haven’t looked back since. There are so many things to do and I am ready to start doing them. I hate that I have to sit here like a nun until my cheating husband lets this divorce go through...that sucks. Other than that, I don’t mind so much.

I told you that I had my step mother here with me. Taking care of her is helping quite a bit. She and I sit and chat and this afternoon I’m taking her to play bridge. I actually went grocery shopping for the first time since the holidays. I still have a bunch of Hot Pockets in the freezer but I also have meat and things to make meals out of. The house is clean and I try to keep it that way. Even if I am doing it all for someone else, I am getting back into the habit of doing the things that I should have been doing for myself.

So, based upon how things have gone so far and the plan I have in my head, I figure that in another 6 months I will be thanking him for cheating on me. Years ago, my father said something strange to me, “You know, I would never tell one of my children to get divorced. That is, unless I thought that they could do better.” That’s all he said and I didn’t think too much of it then...but now I see what he meant.

So many people could do better. I certainly think that a marriage is worth every effort to save...but it takes two people to save it. If you are the only one trying, imagine what you could do with a willing partner. I can’t wait to find out.

By the way, I have a few “irons in the fire”. I don’t want to say too much yet but I am going to be having some serious fun in the very near future. Today won’t be bad and tomorrow looks pretty good as well. But trust me...I will be turning it up quite a few notches soon.

Meg

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Meg,

If I sent a jet for you, would you let me help you notch it up?

Kevin

March 26, 2005  

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Friday, March 25, 2005

Meg...

...I have a blog question for you. What is the difference between being forgiving and being a doormat?

Great question. Easy answer. The first time you are forgiving. After that, you become a volunteer. You have to cut them some slack for the stupid man/petty female stuff. But if they either:

A. Continue to do things that they know annoy, hurt or anger you,

or

B. Continually forget to do things that they know would make you happy.

...you have a problem.

That last one gets overlooked. Say you like to make out spontaneously (this could be anything at all that makes you feel good: about yourself or about the relationship.). You have told your lover that you enjoy that occasionally. Maybe you have told him a few times. Certainly you have initiated your share of intimate moments. It’s just that it makes you feel wanted and special to have him make out with you on the spur of the moment. You’ve made that perfectly clear in a loving way.

Enough time goes by that you are feeling pretty rejected. You decide to mention it again. The response sounds something like this, “It’s just not me, I don’t think of things like that. I’m not “so and so”, don’t expect me to act like I am. I care about you, I just don’t THINK of making out until you say something!” There will be a reference to the “I just don’t think of it, does that make me bad?” kind of logic. That argument speaks volumes.

What I hear when a man says that is, “I don’t enjoy doing whatever it is and I don’t care enough about you to go out of my way to do it.

When someone cares so little about your feelings that they cannot avoid hurting them repeatedly, they are sending you a message. When you love someone you go out of your way to avoid hurting them, by your words, your actions or your lack of action. You deserve someone who loves you like that. We all do.

I don't even remember learning The Truth About The Easter Bunny --I think I was so traumatized by learning The Truth About Santa Claus

You know, I don’t remember learning the truth about Santa myself. I do remember spotting him once in our kitchen. It was early dawn and I could only make out his silhouette but he was talking on the phone with his big round belly sticking out. Maybe he was calling to tell them that my mother was still pregnant so they had to return my brother’s toys. That morning I also saw one of Santa’s elves, sitting in my brand new beauty salon chair that came equipped with a head to practice hair-dos on.

Great stories/memories! When I read the part about the blind lady and the rabbit I actually laughed out loud! Thanks for sharing!


I’ve got a million stories like those. That’s why I love working with the elderly, they are so much fun. Surprisingly, it is the nursing job with the greatest potential for the unexpected...especially on a full moon!!!!

So the years after that I helped hide the eggs.

Yep, we are all either egg hiders or egg searchers. Ah, to be an egg searcher again!

You mention Santa Rosa. Is this a true story? Just curious...

The story was allegorical. I used Santa Rosa because I used to live in Petaluma and my son was born at Santa Rosa Memorial. Wayne is a combination of many men I have known over the years. I used to be Kelly. :)

Well, folks, I don’t know what is going on with my divorce. As I said, I accepted his first offer and thought we had an agreement. But then I received an invitation to mediation. I called my attorney’s office to find out what was going on. Nobody has called me back as of yet. Also, I received a subpoena to appear at a jury trial for the domestic violence thing on Monday morning. Then, yesterday I was told that I didn’t have to go to court on Monday and I was given a number to call to find out why. I called it and left a voice mail. No one has called me back from THAT office either. So, I am just as confused as I can be.

But, it is a holiday weekend and my daughter and her best friend are visiting from Chicago, my son just walked in the door looking for food and my step-mother is waiting for a BLT I promised to make her so I have to go act as though I have a house full of people. I will check back in soon! Oh, by the way, I haven’t heard anything definitively but I am under the impression that the article should be out any day now. Here is the link:

www.ajc.com

See ya!

Meg

1 Comments:

Anonymous Stacey said...

Great answer, Meg. I'm going to print it out an staple it on the cowboy's forehead the next time I see him :o) Thank you!

March 25, 2005  

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Thursday, March 24, 2005

Well...

...my daughter and her best friend are sleeping in my bed, my father’s ex-wife is sleeping in my guest room, there are three cats in my spare room and my dog is in a crate in the living room. I’m sitting next to the aquarium and I’m eyeballing the door 10 feet to my right. I have half a tank of gas and a pocket full of small bills. I could get all Springsteeny and see if those two lanes really can take me anywhere but I think I’ll just finish my drink and go to bed instead.

I’ve come a long way, haven’t I? Not very long ago I was complaining about being lonely, wasn’t I? Well, I’m not lonely now.

I’m not complaining, not one little bit. I appreciate this house full of people even if they will trash my house before Easter dinner is over. I’d like to hide eggs but my daughter probably wouldn’t look for them. I suppose I could decorate them, but they would have to be some hellacious Easter eggs to impress a house full of adults. (I can’t believe hellacious was in my spell check data base, can you?) I think I’ll do something memorable.

My most memorable Easter involved an egg that wasn't found until August so I can’t pattern it after that. My next most memorable Easter was probably the time that I learned the truth about the Easter Bunny.

I’m the oldest of 6 kids and I like to say I am the smartest (I don’t know how true it is, I just like to say it.) so I would wake up before the other kids and grab the lion’s share of the eggs. One year I couldn’t find any eggs but I found my mother asleep on the couch. I tapped her on the shoulder and told her that the Easter Bunny hadn’t come. She jumped up, handed me a basket of eggs and said, “Oh shit! Here Margaret, help me hide these eggs!”

My mother was a hoot. She would dress up as a witch on Halloween and scare the kids as they came to the door. Hell, she scared me. She was the most frightening when she was in her “around the house-wear”.

She was the type of woman who would drive her husband to the train station in her pajamas. When I was in my tender adolescent years, she came to my junior high school to drop off my lunch money. I stared in horror as she walked toward me wearing a green checked flannel jacket over her pink linen nightgown with my father’s argyle socks hanging around her ankles all topped off with the curlers in her hair.

I took the 35 cents from her and she walked away. A kid asked me if that was my mother. I said, “Nope. It’s a poor lady we pay to run errands for us.”

I used to feel guilty about that until I told my mother about it. She thought it was funny so I can laugh at it now as well.

My mother was the type of person who could evoke fond feelings for grasshoppers. She saw every glass as half full and every bum as unloved. I think she had something to do with the “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” Coke commercial. She was very sociable and loved to be in a crowd. I lost her a few years ago but I know she isn’t alone.

My mother’s funeral was the first that I have ever “hosted”. At one point, I was standing near my mother’s head and greeting people as they paid their respects. I turned my back for a minute and when I looked back, my mother had a box in her hand. I was rather taken aback.

I looked at it. I looked at my cousin Anne. Anne shook her head and I looked back at the box. I had no idea from where my mother had gotten that box. Anne and I discussed it and we decided that I should pick up the box and examine it.

When I looked at it, I noticed that there was some writing on the bottom. Anne and I were trying to read it when a lady I had never seen before stopped us. She said, “That’s MY mother...she was a friend of your mother and I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

So...what do you say in that situation?

I thought about my mother on the back of a Chevy Malibu convertable in a parade, waving at the people. She was a politician in DuPage County, Illinois. Every single memory I have of my mother involves her talking. It’s no fun to be alone and I think my mother would have welcomed the company so I said, “Sure, my mother would love to have your mother.”

Every bed in my house has at least one person sleeping on it and I am thrilled. I can’t wait to spend the entire weekend cooking and hosting a memorable holiday. I think I am going to have a lot of fun. Of course, the Cutty Sark HAS kicked in.

Meg

5 Comments:

Anonymous furriner said...

the Cutty Sark HAS kicked in.

Oh come. You deserve better than Cutty Sark. (Most people do.)

I'm not generally fussed about money, but the more you have, the better the whisky.

Have a good Easter... I'll probably drive the kids to the seaside, if it doesn't rain too much. And find somewhere to hide the Easter eggs.

March 25, 2005  
Anonymous Jimmy said...

Easter Bunny? What Easter Bunny?
This weekend I have clean jammies, my partner in her clean jammies, a good book, my dogs and a nice quiet home. Damn, I didn't know about an Easter Bunny.

March 25, 2005  
Blogger Anne Arky said...

Meg,
Thanks for the wonderful anecdotes about your mother. I laughed and I cried and I made a mental note to hug my mother extra hard when she comes to visit next week. She is in the process of learning how to be a widow (my father died last June), and even though I would not wish the death of a parent on anyone, I did enjoy your sharing your memories of a loved one gone on.

I like that you gave your mom a send-off with a friend, even if it was one you didn't know. I gave my dad a send-off with a fifth of Georgia Moon. Although in all of our growing-up years and beyond, my dad had never had a problem with alcohol (everyone in our family drinks or drank socially except for me, and I drink anti-socially -- Coke or sweet tea for me, thanks, I never got the hang or taste for liquor), in the last couple of years of his life he became obsessed over liquor, and the last thing he asked me for was to send him (through the mail, I guess) a bottle of Georgia Moon. I told him I didn't fancy going to jail over sending hooch through the mail, and he laughed and said, "Well, then, BRING me a bottle." So I did. I poured it over his urn in the grave after his service. Wish I'd gotten it to him sooner.

I don't even remember learning The Truth About The Easter Bunny --I think I was so traumatized by learning The Truth About Santa Claus (which I remember in great detail) that by the time I got the hare-raising details on the bunny, I was over it.

Did you know that you are a pearl? Yes, it's true -- Margaret means Pearl, and you truly are a gem! Have a great Easter.

- Anne

March 25, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Oh, Sunday is Easter. I was invited to a party by my friends in CA.

I assumed it was to celebrate the corkscrew being patented on 3/27 in 1860.

I always thought Easter was in April. ;)

March 25, 2005  
Blogger Purple Hat said...

I learned the truth about the Easter Bunny when I was about 9 (is that too old to still believe?) Anyway. Our whole family got together, we were in our itchy dresses (sp?) and tights. We were in the house praying, and I noticied my dad was gone, for a long time. So I loudly asked "WHERES DAD?" and my aunt shhh'd me. So I asked again. No body would answer me, so I "went to the bathroom" and investigated. I walked around the whole house looking outside through the windows. Then I spotted my dad in the backyard holding a egg container with colored eggs. I hollered at him through the window, "What are you doing?!!" and he tried to hide the eggs from me, then I spotted my older cousin hiding eggs, too. After that, there really was no reason to try to fool me. So the years after that I helped hide the eggs.

March 25, 2005  

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Depending on how you define a baby-boomer,

...I think am one. Using the post WWII through 1959 parameter, I just eek in, I was born in 1958. (But, I am having that legally changed to ‘68 as soon as I have the attorney’s retainer.) One way or the other, I can say “we boomers” with some authority.

However you define us, our parents are growing older. If we are lucky enough to have them at all, they require, at the very least, our concern. My mother is gone but my father is alive and well. He is as healthy a 70 year old as I have seen. But, as a geriatric nurse, I have seen what can happen to healthy 70 year olds.

When I graduated from college, all of the nursing students had jobs lined up. Naturally I did, too. I was staying where I was already working as a nursing assistant back in the day when nursing assistants didn’t have to be trained.

(If McDonald’s wouldn’t hire you, a nursing home would. I ended up working at a nursing home in high school because I at the time, I didn’t have a car. My best friend, Caryn, did. It was a beat up old ‘69 Camaro that I would love to have today. Anyway, wherever Caryn worked, I worked. So, I ended up at Leyden Extended Care in Franklin Park Illinois.)

Up until I took that job, I had wanted to be a teacher. I fell in love with those old people and wanted to work with them for the rest of my life. So, when it was time for me to get a job as a registered nurse, I stayed in geriatrics.

As my fellow nursing students and I compared jobs, I told them I would be staying at the Villa. They were stunned. As a nursing student, I loved the subject matter so college came very easy to me. I graduated with a 3.87 GPA. My fellow students were shocked that a nurse with so much potential would take “such a job”. That was the first time I ever remember hearing anyone “dis” nursing home work. I’ve heard it often since.

I understand it on one level. It isn’t much of a challenge technically and the nature of the patient population makes it a very routine job by necessity. But on another level...it is nursing in it’s truest sense. These people are such treasures, each of them, and they deserve a gentle hand now and then.

Alzheimer’s patients are my favorite although I certainly enjoy the 100 year olds with sharp minds and the ability to tell a story well, from memory. (I had the honor of caring for a man who survived the Bataan Death March. He authored a book about his experience. How neat is that? I became friends with a piece of living history.) Alzheimer’s is certainly a sad disease but there are a lot of sad diseases. At some point, many families need help coping and someone who enjoys that work should be there. I happen to enjoy it.

Even when things go wrong in this line of work, you have an amazing story to tell. Sad or funny, they all touch you and keep you going back everyday.

When I was 16, I took care of a lady named Belle. She was about a thousand and four years old, had 108 long gray hairs all pulled up in a pony tail on top of her head and she was every bit of 90 pounds. As I passed her in the hall one day I said, “Hi Belle!”

She snapped at me from her wheelchair....”Go to hell you schla! " (I don't know what that is, it's just what she said.)

I looked at her and said, “Now, Belle, that wasn’t very nice." She responded, “Shut up or I’ll bite your head off.”

I reminded her that she didn’t have a tooth in her head. She looked me square in the eye and said, “Then I’ll gum you to death!!!!!!!”

I assume she is no longer rolling around anywhere now but she still cracks me up. I love her for that.

There’s nothing like a baby or an animal to brighten up an older person’s day. Sometimes, you can evoke a moment of coherency by bringing in a baby. I used to bring my kids in on my days off. It was good for the kids and the residents.

There was a lady named Eva. She would lie in bed all the time (far too obese to get up) and she always grasped a baby doll in her left arm. One day I took my 8 month old into her room to visit. Eva NEVER spoke. I had never heard her utter a word. I stood next to her bed with my son and asked, “Would you like to hold my baby, Eva?”

She looked at the baby and waved her right arm a little as she spoke for the first time in my presence. “No, it might scare him, just hold him where I can see him.” I was stunned. Not only had she spoken, she made perfect sense. What had she been thinking all the months before that? I wondered. I continued to wonder in the following months, I never heard her speak again.

As I said, animals can do the same thing. Activity directors often set up times when a certain person or group will bring in different animals. One day they brought in a rabbit. The residents were sitting around, sort of in a circle and the lady was allowing each resident to hold the rabbit for a few moments. A blind lady named Susan was stroking the rabbit as it sat in her lap. “What is it?” Susan asked. The lady told her that it was a rabbit. Susan shrieked, “A rat?” and threw the poor animal across the room. The rabbit was fine but Susan didn’t come to the animal visits after that.

Too often, people make the mistake of mis-judging a resident’s “mental capabilities”. I was told that “Jack” had none. I was in his room feeding his room-mate, “John”, who had an I.Q. of 40-something since birth. “John” truly couldn’t speak and I truly can’t NOT speak so I was talking to “Jack”, who, supposedly, couldn’t understand me. At some point he babbled something about Arkansas and I asked him if he knew the state’s capital, more out of just babbling myself than to evoke an answer.

“Little Rock! I know it well!” he said as he slammed his hand on the table next to him.

I was flabbergasted. He and I went through ALL of the state capitals, he knew every one of them. Well, the 48 states that he was aware of anyway. He and I developed a friendship that lasted until he died. I never made the mistake of underestimating another resident.

Another lesson I learned was, never say yes to a question asked in a foreign language, no matter how well you think you know the language.

I was working at an Italian nursing home years ago and a sweet little old man asked me something in Italian. I told him, in my broken Italian, to wait a moment. I was busy taking care of someone else at the time. He persisted, I reminded him to wait. He demanded an answer, I assured him "Si!", if only he would wait one moment. He repeated the question, I repeated my answer: "Si", and in my broken Italian I continued, “If you can just wait one moment!”

He smiled and went to wait.

I returned to what I had been doing and finished it. Then I returned to the nurses station. When I did, I found the old man standing there. He was leaning with his left hand on the nurses station counter, his pants down around his ankles and his “member” in his rapidly pumping right hand. He looked at me with that smile and said, “Ready?”

Years later, I worked an evening shift and answered the call light of a patient I had never met. He was as alert as I and after I did whatever it was he needed me to do, I spoke with him for a moment before I left for the night.

When I came back to work in the morning, he was my patient. And, he was dying. Overnight his condition became so bad that he was drowning in his own fluid. I couldn’t suction his lungs enough to keep them clear. He was in agony. He looked at me and said, “If you can’t make this stop, at least help me not feel it.”

I called the doctor. It took a few calls and a few increases in dosages but eventually, I was sitting on the side of his bed, pushing morphine into his vein, a little at a time, until he calmed down. At one point he seemed to be sleeping. I said his name. He opened his eyes and smiled. I asked what was so funny. He said, “My wife left me on my 28th birthday and when she did, I remember praying to God, ‘Lord, whatever else you do to me...just let me die with a redhead in my bed. It looks like my prayer has been answered”

“Go for it.” I told him.

I smiled as he did just that.

Although I knew I wanted to work with these folks when I graduated from nursing school, I couldn’t have ever known how gratifying and fulfilling it would be. Everybody should stop in a nursing home and say hi once in a while. You might get lucky enough to make a new friend who would truly be a valuable asset to your life.

I’d like to hear from any of you who are caring for elderly or sick parents.

Well, I need to go act like it’s time to get dressed. As I type this, my daughter is driving here from Chicago. She and her girl friend are coming here for Easter. I have a lot to do today but should be back after a while when I take a break. You all have a good day.

Meg

3 Comments:

Blogger Auntie Gromit said...

I understand completely. I love old people. Old people saved my neck in childhood, by stepping in and being parents to me when my own weren't capable of doing the job the way it needed to be done. I've always enjoyed my time with older people, and I make a point of seeking them out. Quilting guilds and the like are a great mixer. You hear the best stories there.

Tomorrow I'm taking my girls all dolled up in their purim costumes over to an old age home with a bunch of other pre-schoolers and mommies. I'm really looking forward to it, and so are the girls.

March 24, 2005  
Blogger Chuck said...

Great stories/memories! When I read the part about the blind lady and the rabbit I actually laughed out loud! Thanks for sharing!

March 25, 2005  
Anonymous Mandi said...

Meg,
I thought I would share two of my favorite people with you. I look at Easter as a time to be thakful for the people in my life. I would love to tell you and your readers about my maternal grand- and great grandmothers. My great grandmother (GG) is 97 years old. She is the oldest living Avon rep. in NY. She has been with the company since the start. She is the top of 5 living generations. She stands 5'3", with a fluff of white hair she always manages to pull into a bun. Aside from some mild arthritis, she has no physical health problems. She is going deaf. Her husband passed away in the early 70's during a farming accident.
She fell and broke her hip last summer. The state said that if she didn't have round the clock care, she would have to be placed into a nursing facility. She made it clear that she would rather die than be "put in one of those places". So, my grandmother (Nanny) moved in with her to care for her. These two are so cute! I wish I had a photo of them to share. A typical conversation consists of a lot of yelling. Nanny yells at GG so she can hear her, and GG yells back, not realizing how loud she actually is.
I visit with them everyday, just to make sure they're doing ok. When I get ready to leave, I always "remind" GG to lay off the booze and stop partying with those boys. ;) I just love seeing a smile on her face.
I'm wishing you and your fans a Happy and safe Easter, and to those of us in the North, a wish for spring to finally arrive!

March 26, 2005  

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Meg...

...Well, I just thought that I would update you on things. I have left him and am living in the next town over from where I grew up, two states away from him. He keeps begging me to return...

I do indeed remember you! Congrats!

Chick-a-boom, Chic-a-boom, Don’t you just love it!

(I believe Costanza would call this “hand.”)

I am the type of person who cannot NOT say anything in a situation like that.

Me too. My mouth always errs on the side of open.

(Or are we really just a little bit indispensable after all?)

See, you made that comment as an aside, but it did pop up in your mind...imagine that happening all of the time. That’s what it was like when I was married. Without going into details, I just started filling in the blanks with my own wild imagination, mixed it with some known lies and...Wally G. Willikers! Did it put me in a state! The truth couldn’t POSSIBLY have been worse. I imagined it ALL at one time or another. So, that puts your mind in a pattern of thinking...remember S.P.O.T? Those little asides are constant in your mind. Yikes.

Ouch. My back hurts.

Allegorical ?

Yeah. I was sort of thinking about a situation that people can find themselves in. Usually it happens when you are with someone who doesn’t like you. Maybe they did at one point, but they don’t right now. Some people spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to please another person. That’s stupid because the whole point is that you like each other the way you are. Kelly let Wayne effectively shut her up by getting angry when she wanted to talk. It didn’t matter what she wanted to talk about, she was distracting him from what he wanted to do, watch T.V.. And then he referred to her affection as “groping”. She was just doing what lovers do when she grabbed him as they passed in the hall. He accused her of “groping” . She is so sweet and has so much going for her, but she spends all of her spare time trying to please Wayne. It will never work. He doesn’t like her. Rather than seeing it that way, Kelly chooses to “fix” the situation and in the process of doing so, she is ignoring her own needs. Since Wayne and Kelly are both busy attending to his needs, nobody is taking care of Kelly at all. I think that is so sad...don’t you?

Have you ever been with someone who bitches at every little thing you do? From the time you leave the lid up until the time you inhale your first snore, you are screwing something up. If another man ever bitched at me (more than your run of the mill bitching), I would have to ask him why he was with someone who made him so ever lovin’ miserable. I would demand an answer and then I would leave. I can’t imagine putting up with that type of silliness again.

I remember a couple that I went to high school with. Buddy was as sweet as he could be and Wendy was an evil shrew from hell. They were the first couple I ever saw where one was a doll and the other one was a goblin. Since then I have seen countless such couples. You wonder why in the world they are together. God only knows, I suppose there are as many reasons as there are such couples.

Well, I am tired so I think I am going to go to bed. Damn...just then the dryer buzzer went off. I have to fold clothes first...and THEN I am going to bed. See ya.

Meg

2 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Have you ever been with someone who bitches at every little thing you do? From the time you leave the lid up until the time you inhale your first snore, you are screwing something up.

Yeah... unfortunately. My friends (and hers) tell me my ex was like that. I didn't really see it, but I can see it when I see her interact with her new husband. I guess we blind ourselves sometimes.

The groping thing also hit home for me. About a year after my divorce, I started dating this girl. We really seemed to like each other. We talked on the phone all the time, went out a lot, and generally had a good time with each other.

At one point we had a disagreement about something and while discussing it she pointed out how nice she was in allowing me to paw at her and show her off like a trophy. :-o

Just to put this in perspective, we're talking about me putting my arm around her in public. It was never one of those "get a room" type of things. In fact, it was stuff I'd do with my close male friends... especially if we're drinking. Just friendly affection.

So, of course, I was floored. That, coupled with the original issue we were discussing when it came up, led me to stop seeing her. We're still friends, but I won't let myself date her anymore. The story of the initial incident is too long to bore anyone here with... but I initially blamed myself for it as well, then it was pointed out to me by, uh, everyone (including her friends) that she was in left field.

I was lucky to have friends that put everything in perspective for me before I went further down that path. :)

March 24, 2005  
Blogger Auntie Gromit said...

It took me years to understand this (because I'm not this way), but I think some of these couples sort of thrive on the discord a bit. I don't mean abusive situations, I just mean when it's never-ending carping. For example, I have am close with someone in such a relationship. I have come to realize that the person who is being henpecked is a very passive person, and sometimes has trouble just feeling anything very deeply on an every day basis (they have confirmed this to me). The constant bickering is a source of emotional stimulation that in a weird way, they crave, just to be stimulated.


As for the person doing the carping... well... I don't understand that at all yet. But hey, understanding 50% is better'n nothing, right?

March 24, 2005  

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Meg...


...You had mentioned "Right being Tight" and "Left being Loose." Today I was repairing the flush handle on the toilet and it is backwards. It tightens by turning to the left and loosens by turning to the right. These things you should know.

Just when I think I have things figured out, this crap happens. Thanks, next time I am fixing a toilet, I will think of you.

Just wondering if you've made any progress on what we talked about? I'm off Thursday and Friday, so if you need anything, let me know!Big Hug!

My houseguest has prevented me from doing much of anything for myself but I will get back to my regular schedule by the end of the week. Thank you so much! Oh, that reminds me, the www.AJC.com article should be coming out within the week.

BOB you need a BOB. Battery Operated Boyfriend. He is right where you put him when you are done, he doesn't cheat, doesn't lie, doesn't snore, burp or fart. Doesn't bitch doesn't moan and is always ready and willing when you are!!! And of course as the other ladies said rechargeable batteries ;)

Yes, I received many emails suggesting the do it your-self method. I have never been a fan. I remember trying once when I was 17 and it just made my arm hurt. I have never bothered since. And as to operating machinery...I couldn’t do that AND keep my mind where it belongs at the same time. It just seems like so much effort. Not that I am a lazy lover, not by a long shot. But you know, sometimes, after I am finished with my responsibilities, I just sort of like to sit back and watch the next shift do their job...I could supervise, but I’d much prefer to let a better man do the dirty work.

I do hope this divorce is over with soon. I have this ghastly fear of turning into Delta Dawn without the rose.

Meg

5 Comments:

Anonymous Kim said...

I posted here awhile ago about leaving my fiance, you put in one of your entries, thank you very much for that. It meant a lot. Well, I just thought that I would update you on things. I have left him and am living in the next town over from where I grew up, two states away from him. He keeps begging me to return, but I know I am stronger than this. Thank you very much, again!

March 23, 2005  
Blogger Purple Hat said...

So who was the previous story about? Who is Kelly? WOW-that is strange. I am the type of person who cannot NOT say anything in a situation like that. Which is probably why my mom says I have a big mouth....all the same. I cannot stay quiet in a situation like that because I figure, no matter how happy I am, I cannot be any happier until I know the reason why. It wont just go away. If you ask, and he blows up and refuses to answer the question, I would not accept that. He would have to answer me, I would rather move on with my life than have something like that eat away at me. Especially if I would not be totally happy unless I knew. (I know my answers can seem long winded at times, but I thank you for bearing with me)

March 23, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I'm with you, Purple Hat. There's no way I could just let it go in that situation. I'd be a wreck until I knew what the hell was going on.

I'd make fun of you for your long-winded answers, but that would really be the pot calling the kettle black. ;-)

March 23, 2005  
Blogger Purple Hat said...

In my humble opinion, someone who does the battery thing would be selfish, or desprate. Selfish in the sense that they are only about pleasing themself. I am a lover who cannot make love unless I am pleasing someone, as well as myself. It makes sex a whole lot more fun/pleasurable if I am pleasing my lover. Despreate in the way that-yeah, my arm would hurt, too. Plus, you dont get the intimacy of it. There is not chest to chest, warm breath in your neck, kissing, caressing.....I think I need to find my man now.....hahaha!! "Got my own self excited telling that story!!" hahahahahaha!!!

March 23, 2005  
Anonymous Stacey said...

Purple Hat- Masturbation is selfish? Well honey, my husband has been out of town for 3 months and I can tell you he's damn glad I'm "selfish", 'cause Sanch'd be more than happy to help me be "generous"... in my humble opinion.

March 24, 2005  

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Let me tell you a story...


There is this chick named Kelly. She dates a guy named Wayne. They have been together, on and off, for about 2 years. The words “I love you” have never been spoken. But, they always seem happy when they are together, you can see so much mutual admiration in their eyes. Yet, the “I love you” drought, combined with Wayne’s lack of interest in the bedroom has Kelly feeling a bit insecure.

He treats her like a queen all day, everyday. Anybody watching them could easily see the affection they have for each other. They obviously LIKE each other.

But, on the evenings that they spend alone, he pretty much just watches television. He rarely makes any attempt to become amorous with Kelly.

To make matters worse, Wayne regularly rebuff Kelly’s advances. So, as any woman would, Kelly feels a little bit less than desirable.

One evening she wanted to tell Wayne how she felt. She had waited all evening for him to make an advance before saying, “Baby, there’s something I need to ask you.”

“Yeah”, he replied, “what’s that, Sunshine?”

“Do you still want a sexual relationship with me?” she asked with a shaky voice.

All of a sudden, Wayne jumped up and put his shoes back on.

“How can you ask that?” he demanded. “I don’t have to be here! I could be at home or crashed out on Mark’s couch! I don’t even have to be in Santa Rosa, I’m here because I want to be!” He stood there glaring at her with those icy blue eyes. He didn't asnswer her question.

Kelly sat there stunned...still feeling the original insecurity and quickly developing a totally new and improved one.

She swallowed and said, “You know, I was just trying to tell you about some feelings that I’ve been having...”

Wayne interrupted her, “Don’t I show you how I feel all day? Don’t I come here? I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be with you.” He still didn't answer her question.

Kelly took the fact that he was still standing as a sign that he was not only angry, but was also ready to walk out the door that was a mere 8 feet away from him.

“I guess I better drop it.”, she said to herself. But Wayne wouldn’t let her.

“I don’t argue, I don’t play games and I keep it simple.”, he repeated. It was his "Dating Mantra". Still, no answer to Kelly's question.

Kelly was baffled. “What the hell does that mean?”, she wondered to herself.

She summoned up a bit of courage and went to take another crack at Wayne and the fundamental quandary:

“Baby, I just wanted to know if you still feel the same way about me...that’s all. It’s hard to be next to you all the time and not receive any affection.”

She foolishly expected a hug.

“Maybe I would be interested if you weren’t always groping ME!” He was practically barking.

Kelly was devastated. Her affection for Wayne was annoying him...and GROPING yet.

“What the hell does THAT mean?” This time she said asked it out loud.

Wayne must have seen the pain in her eyes because he crumbled at that very moment. He sat back down on the couch and began to apologize profusely. He held her tightly. He kissed her twice and then he just turned back to the television. Now Kelly just had more questions.

She sat there, somewhat in shock, struggling to comprehend what had just happened.

She had so many things that she wanted to say, so many feelings she wanted to express. And, as usual, she wanted desperately to say the words, “I love you.“ to him.

But, instead, she placed another small piece of ice next to her heart. This is how some very nice things begin to end.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Jimmy said...

What's this??

March 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Allegorical ?

March 23, 2005  
Blogger Crissi said...

You mention Santa Rosa. Is this a true story? Just curious...

March 25, 2005  

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Meg,

I need to cut more slack to the women I date regarding this until they know me well enough to trust me. They may have gone through something like you ladies have in the past. :-)

Yeah, do. We’re worth it. We do and say some stupid things without thinking. And when WE are too proud to admit it, we make it worse by being a bitch. We don’t mean it, we’re just taking our self anger out on you. If you can learn to navigate a few minefields, you just might find some mighty green pastures behind the trees. The defenses are there, but they serve a purpose.

It is like a little kid who touches the hot stove, they aren’t going to touch it again.

Yeah, and I was a stupid kid, too.

My reasoning was that only someone who was cheating herself would be that suspicious about being cheated on.

Yeah, that has credence. He who looks behind doors has stood behind many. But there are two types of “suspicion". There is the suspicion that is almost evil and cunning and then there is just the scared and sad kind of suspicion. I bet you could learn to distinguish the two.

I still had the behavioral traits of him cheating on me.

That’s the S.P.O.T., Suspicious Pattern Of Thinking. When you live with a liar, you have to figure the truth out alone. So, you get used to drawing conclusions in your mind. They are all you have. In your mind, you do it all the time and when you are with someone new, your mind still tries to tell you to tread very carefully, he could be a complete con man dude. How the hell do you know? I knew Reno man for 10 days before we eloped when I was 18. I’ve knew Vex for 6 years. Oh well...S.P.O.T. is a bad thing. Once you have been S.P.O.T.’ed, it is difficult to de-S.P.O.T.

You mention you are from Chicago. What part?

Suburbs. I grew up in Elk Grove Village and went to high school in Bensenville, a long, long, time ago. I also lived in Glendale Heights and River Grove.

Your relationship with your father's ex-wife is one of those 4th dimension things, right?

No, it’s more of a Freddy Kruger-type thing, actually.

This was the engineers attempt to use braking energy to keep the nuts tight.

That’s interesting...did it work?

Well, I am frying my hair while I am spending too much time on this thing. See ya.

Meg

3 Comments:

Anonymous Jimmy said...

Margaret,

You had mentioned "Right being Tight" and "Left being Loose." Today I was repairing the flush handle on the toilet and it is backwards. It tightens by turning to the left and loosens by turning to the right. These things you should know.

March 22, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Thanks for the advice. :-)

March 22, 2005  
Anonymous Mandi said...

Meg,
Just wondering if you've made any progress on what we talked about? I'm off Thursday and Friday, so if you need anything, let me know!
Big Hug!

March 22, 2005  

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Good morning!

Screwing in a light bulb last night, I utilized one of the most useful pieces of advice that I have ever received, “Righty Tighty...Loosy Lefty." Did you know that everything that screws, turns or twists will tighten if you turn it right and loosen if you turn it left? My dad told me that recently. I could have used that advice years ago. I have been having trouble getting gas caps off all of my life. Was I the only one in the world who didn’t know that?

I was playing tennis with my youngest son when he gave me another piece of useful advice. He said something I had heard a million times but never really absorbed, “Keep your eye on the ball.” You know, that works! I can play tennis now after years of waving rackets at the air.

Now, if only I can give myself some advice. After years of having my ability to trust trifled with, I am LOOKING for things to distrust.

Happiness can be halted by distrust for absolutely no reason whatsoever. After you have been trained to distrust, you can be smack dab in the middle of a pleasant evening and BAM! Your mind comes up with an imaginary reason not to trust someone. At that precise moment, you are overcome with a devastating sense of loss.

How do you learn to trust after forgetting how? I could just say to myself, “You know, that was stupid, Meg.” But feelings are what they are...not good...not bad...they just are. Once you stop trusting someone who has given you no reason to distrust them, is the trust as hard to gain back as respect can be once THAT is lost? Jeez, I have to talk to me.

After the first couple of affairs that Vex had, I began a pattern of thinking that made me question every little thing he did or didn’t do. If you have ever been lied to, you probably know what I mean. How do you stop that pattern? I need some help on that one. And then I read my horoscope for the day:

You are willing to show more of yourself because you are attracted to others. This can create a bit of worry, for sometimes you do like to remain safely hidden from the outer world. Don't create unnecessary problems as you come out of your shell.

Are the horoscope writers reading this blog???

By the way, I am from Chicago and I grew up watching Opie, Barney, Uncle Jed, Gomer and all of those crazy southern characters. When I moved to the South, I felt rather superior. But I learned something...good ol’ boys are actually pretty damn good. Oh, and another thing, Krispie Kreme donuts are only Krispie after a couple of days.

If you were to look at some of the details of our marriage, you might assume we had married impulsively after a short courtship, when in fact we married after dating for FOUR YEARS. So how I missed this aspect of his personality is still a mystery to me, 21 years after we divorced.

Vex and I dated for 6 years, I missed it as well. As you stated elsewhere in your comment, if you are NOT a liar yourself, you don’t see the lies coming...until a liar makes it so that you can't seem to STOP seeing them!What a shame.

I don't know who you were with the other night that made you feel so much more confident and better about yourself, but I'm glad it happened. :-)

Me too! Imagine my surprise. It was almost as blindsiding as Vex's affair! It wasn’t really the person, it was something I did. I made an incredibly mean comment. I didn’t know why I did it. I thought about it until I realized that it was the way Vex and I communicated. I developed a very sharp tongue out of self defense. I had forgotten how nice people are supposed to be. Like I said yesterday, I learned how hurtful a word can be. You can do all kinds of damage to someone by simply saying something mean. But as easily as you can do that, you can just be nice and cause nice feelings. I am trying to learn how to break the “mean” pattern. I am defending myself against an non-existent threat and I must stop that!

Well, I have to make breakfast for my house guest, I’ll be back shortly.

Meg

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

To every rule there are a few exceptions. Not everything that screws will tighten if you turn it to the right. This is particularly the case in what might hold the wheels on your car. On some car wheel hubs the ones on the LEFT side of the car will tighten by turning to the left. This was the engineers attempt to use braking energy to keep the nuts tight.

March 22, 2005  
Anonymous Jimmy said...

Margaret,

You mention you are from Chicago. What part? I am from Argo-Summit: 63rd and Harlem. I remember the El; the different ethnic neighborhoods and foods; museums. Chicago had it all. I guess it has changed today. I could always get a job in Chi town, now people are looking for work there. It was a good place to me. I loved it, till I moved to Los Angeles. Then my mind soared.

Your relationship with your father's ex-wife is one of those 4th dimension things, right?

March 22, 2005  
Blogger Purple Hat said...

I know what you mean. My ex cheated on me, and like a dumbass I stayed with him. Even when he pulled into the driveway with Mistress in the passenger side of his car so that he could run in to get an extra pair of clothes, kissing me on the cheek on his way out. The man I am with now, I know he would never cheat on me (he is a Cancer; Loyal, honest, and nurturing) but in the beginning of our relationship, I still had the behavioral traits of him cheating on me. Checking his phone to see who he called/who called him, secretly following him home from work (yes, I know a little psycho) to make sure he didnt have any booty call stops, but I had no reason at all to do those things. I was just so used to it. I did those things, because my ex never would say that he was cheating (even though the accomplice was sitting in our driveway in his passenger seat.) So I often did investigating on my own, so I would know for sure. I dont know....It is hard to explain

March 22, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

That's a viewpoint I hadn't considered before. I'm going to have to remember that as I'm dating.

When I was younger, I had always been put off by women who were untrusting of me. My reasoning was that only someone who was cheating herself would be that suspicious about being cheated on.

March 22, 2005  
Blogger Purple Hat said...

Well Guy, not true in all cases. I never cheated, but when I was cheated on I was shocked that something like that could happen without my knowledge. So I got used to looking for the signs so that I could know what the hell was going on, and prepare myself. My ex NEVER admitted to anythig, so I had to see for myself. It was just hard to break from those habbits once I got with someone I could trust. Like Meg said, it is hard to trust again. It is like a little kid who touches the hot stove, they arent going to touch it again.

March 22, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I think I must not have written clearly again. I meant that I used to think that way (only a cheater expects cheating) when I was younger.

I have new perspective now that I have read about the thoughts and feelings of some people who have been cheated on in the past. I need to cut more slack to the women I date regarding this until they know me well enough to trust me. They may have gone through something like you ladies have in the past. :-)

I know what you mean about the shock of finding out. I wanted so hard to believe that my ex didn't cheat on me. When she left, everyone asked if she left for someone else because they couldn't figure out why she was leaving. I didn't know about what she was doing and I naturally trusted her, so I defended her. Now I look kinda dumb to some, but that's life.

She only recently gave me enough information to know that she did cheat on me. I don't know if she'll ever officially admit it because I really don't care to force her into a corner on the issue.

We get along fine and I think I'm better off without her by my side now that I know what I know about her. In a way, it's probably good that it took me so long to find out. It wasn't such a shocking revelation since I'm over her leaving now, whereas it probably would have devistated me at the time.

March 22, 2005  

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Monday, March 21, 2005

I hope that you can not let his being an asshole ruin the great person that you are. He is the one with the real problems, the good life for you is still to come :)

Yep, you got that bloody well right!

Do you know how lucky you are to be here today. The freeway at night...strangers.....a big city. Never do that again. Don't you have a cell phone to call for help? Who is this person that seems to run on scotch? Do you need this aggravation?? What gives Margaret?

She is my father’s ex-wife. She is lovely but needs some help right now. She asked me, I felt as though I could and should help her so I did. the comedy of errors was just a fluke, she and I are fine now. And she only had one scotch...I had none.

The reason is that his actions have to do with him, not you. It's not your fault. You don't need an explanation to forgive yourself (even if it's just forgiving yourself for allowing it to happen), let it go and move on.

Thanks...you are right. I finally see that!

Hi, I am Chuck from Alabama. I have enjoyed reading your blog and I will be back. Take care...

Hey Chuck! Nice to meet you...I’ll be looking for you!

it's clear that you are the best thing that ever happened to him -- and he's the worst thing that ever happened to you. It looks to me like you recognized something in him, and tried to save him, but couldn't -- he got a bad start in life, and it caught up with him.

My, aren’t you the perceptive one? You are exactly right, I did feel the need to rescue him. He did get a bad start in life. I felt badly for him. But that doesn’t excuse the way he treated me and even that doesn’t matter anymore. We just need to wrap up the legal proceedings and then it will be nothing more than a blur. I am no longer afraid of “Fading Away”...I am ready for him to. Fade Away is a Springsteen song that expressed my feelings...my former feelings.

Have a great day! I will be back after my doctor’s appt.. I am going to find out if there is another tumor on my parathyroid gland. One way or another though...I am going to be fine. I am sure of it. I am so glad that I finally know that. I wish the entire world this kind of peace of mind. :) :) :)

Meg

1 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Right on! Glad you're feeling better about things.

I don't know who you were with the other night that made you feel so much more confident and better about yourself, but I'm glad it happened. :-)

March 21, 2005  

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WOW!!!

It's amazing how some people can make you feel like a worthless piece of nothing. But, I learned this weekend that another person can give you back all of what the nut job took away. I don't think I will be having any more pity parties. I was treated very well this weekend. It was nothing special, just well. That's all it took.

Somehow, it helped me put my marriage in perspective. It is over and I am glad. It wasn't healthy for me and I want to be healthy again. I can't do that while I am stressing over things that I can't do anything about and that don't really matter anyway.

It all has to do with respect. I am worthy of that. I had forgotten what that was like. I didn't even know my self respect was gone until someone treated me nicely. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I suddenly had a piece of mind come over me that I haven't had in years. I smiled and smiled until my cheeks hurt. No one told me any jokes, I was just happy.

I was happy that I figured out it wasn't me...I was happy that I realized that the marriage HAD to end...I was just plain happy for the first time in years. I didn't even realize how miserable I had been until someone made me happy.

I won't be letting anyone else have the power to manipulate my happiness again. And I will, from now on, understand how cruel a word can be and I will understand the power I have to hurt or heal.

Now that I know this, I am going to be a much better person...and I was never that bad in the first place.

Still smiling...

Meg

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

Good morning!

I am up at 6 for no good reason after spending a terrible day making a 6 hour air port pick up that never materialized followed by an empty gas tank on the interstate and then finding my guest wandering the streets.

What a day! First, I called my daughter and had her deliver my guest to the airport in Chicago for a flight that should have arrived in Atlanta at 3:30 in the afternoon. I left my house at 2:30 and was at the airport in plenty of time to meet my friend. But...she never showed. My daughter couldn’t take her to the gate and she did need an escort. So, the airline took her over and promised to deliver her to baggage claim in Atlanta...seriously.

An hour after the flight arrived, she was nowhere to be found. Two hours after the flight arrived, I went to the Atlanta P.D. and they issued an APB. Eventually, the airline informed me that my friend had missed her plane (even though my daughter had delivered to the Chicago airport 3 hours prior to the flight). Apparently, she had a bathroom call at the worst possible moment. We called off the APB. I awaited the arrival of 3 more Chicago flights and she wasn't on any of them. Then I decided to go home to see if she was trying to call me from Chicago.

Driving down the interstate, I noticed the gas gauge on E, but be real, it is supposed to go to a bit below, right? Not in Daddy’s car. So, out of gas and on the left side of the interstate, I sat in the car waiting to be rear ended by a drunk driver. I was eventually rescued by a nice man in a Mercedes.

When I finally got home at 10 P.M., my friends luggage was on the door step...but she was nowhere to be found. I quickly called my friend who had invited me to the St. Patrick’s Day party to explain why I never showed. Next, I heard someone yelling my name from outside.

I looked out the door and there was my airport pick up...walking down the street in what appeared to be her pajamas, calling my name.

She was wearing her pajamas, over her clothing. She had taken a cab to my house and I wasn’t there and of course, the door was locked. She had gotten cold so she took her pajamas out of her suitcase and put them on over her clothes. I felt terrible.

She sent me out to get her a bottle of scotch and then we sat and chatted for 2 hours before I had to go to bed. At about 3 A.M., I finally fell asleep.

I dreamt a bird was pecking on my hand. It wouldn’t go away. I said, “Birdie...fly away.” But it never did. Finally, the bird said my name and I realized that it was not a bird. I looked up and there was my friend, sitting on the edge of my bed...tapping my hand and calling my name. I looked at the clock. I had been asleep for a full 2 hours.

She was hungry so I got up to feed her. Now, you who have told me to keep busy have cursed me. I fear I shall be busy for a very, very, long time.

Thank you to the nice people in the Mercedes!

See ya soon, maybe after I take a nap.

Meg

4 Comments:

Anonymous Mandi said...

Me,
I'm sorry to hear about your day. It sounds like it was very frustrating. Hopefully today will be better for you. :)

March 20, 2005  
Anonymous Jimmy said...

Ah Margaret, you cannot stop there. Please start from the beginning. Who, what, where, when and why.

Do you know how lucky you are to be here today. The freeway at night...strangers.....a big city. Never do that again. Don't you have a cell phone to call for help? Who is this person that seems to run on scotch? Do you need this aggravation?? What gives Margaret?

Just a reader who is concerned. So many things you say that do not connect with me. Do I need to go back to read all your journal??

March 20, 2005  
Blogger Akos said...

Hi Meg,
I haven't had a chance to read your posts on a daily basis (you are faithful to writing, I gotta say), so I just caught up on what I had missed during the week.
I'm sorry for your pain. I just went through a divorce altogether too recently (finalized two years ago Mar 5), and I relive a lot of your emotions when I read your posts.
If he calls you up with an explanation (or excuse) of what he did to you and why - or not - it isn't going to help a lot. The reason is that his actions have to do with him, not you. It's not your fault. You don't need an explanation to forgive yourself (even if it's just forgiving yourself for allowing it to happen), let it go and move on. It tooke me long time to believe what my close friends were tellnig me: that no matter what happened, everything wuold be all right. I think I was about a month away from trial before I really started to believe that. (For the record, my divorce lasted 2-1/2 years and included a bankruptcy and custody battle.) And I will tell you the same thing: you _will_ be all right. I promise. You are already starting to heal; that is evident from your writing. Keep it up and keep in touch.
BTW, are you serious about wanting applications? ;-)
Be well,
Akos

March 20, 2005  
Blogger Chuck said...

Good Lord, my first time here and what a first read! Sounds like you have been busy.

Hi, I am Chuck from Alabama. I have enjoyed reading your blog and I will be back. Take care...

March 20, 2005  

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

I was thinking about something...

Why does it bother me so much that he never told me the truth? I can't seem to get over this intense need for it. Sometimes I think I need it now more than I did before.

I know what went on, all the evidence is there and he refused it to the end. Why did he do that and why do I care? I’ve mentioned it to other people and they don’t seem to get it. Is it me? Am I wrong to feel this way?

He never gave me the only thing that would have made this situation tolerable, the truth. I had to imagine all kinds of horrors in my mind for 3 years and I can’t make it stop. All of the anger, all of the thoughts in my head, all have to do with the fact that he lied. He didn’t understand it then and he doesn’t understand it now. He owes me that, don’t you think?

Don’t you think he should pick up the phone and say, “This is what happened...it was wonderful while it lasted”?

But by lying, he stole that from me. How can I put these past 23 years anywhere except a bad place in my mind as long as he won’t give me that respect?

I think that’s it. I think that by lying, he has taken away all of the good. He won’t give me the decency of sitting me down and holding me as he tells me that he is sad that it is over. He just became so angry and mean that I couldn’t ever catch my breathe long enough to digest what was happening. And, he wouldn’t tell me. Does that make any sense? The few reactions I have gotten seem to indicate that it doesn’t. But it makes sense to me.

Doesn’t a lifetime deserve a gentle ending? Isn’t that what we all hope for? Why did he have to end our life together so violently? Like any other murder, it makes no sense. I promise you, I didn’t deserve that. I don’t think anyone does.

My father told me once that you tend to remember the good times so maybe someday I will only think of them. But today I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. I can’t look at the pictures of Paris...I can’t look at his bathroom...the lawnmower...and so many things that only he and I would have appreciated. Of course, the house is full of them.

I long for the day when I can see these things and smile. He could cut 5 years off of that time by picking up the phone and telling me why he did what he did and that it wasn’t all bad. By refusing to be honest, he stole everything good that may or may not have happened. I'm not sure anymore.

And one other thing, how long does one have to punish themselves for something that someone else did?

Meg

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meg,
Perhaps part of him hurts too. He can't deal with that pain by sharing with you the one think you want- the truth. For him it's easier to get mad and not deal with his hurt and your needs. You need to focus on what you can control, namely moving on with your life. Get a hobby, or volunteer to aid others, just get busy. Often seeing how much others hurt, while not completely erasing your pain, will help you to cope with your loss.

Thanks for posting your blog. My situation is similiar. My wife cheated after 19 years together. Things were falling apart, and while I tried hard to keep it together, she didn't want to. Our divorce became final one week before our twentieth anniversay.

Sometimes life just sucks.

Keep your chin up, young lady. Life will be good again for both of us.

david

March 19, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

If it makes you feel any better, I think it makes sense. I think there are two distinctly different things you are talking about, though.

You say you want him to call and tell you the truth. I understand why you'd want that, but I also konw that it's not likely to happen. I'm finding things out from my wife now, but it's only because we're still friends and talking to each other. She called to wish me a happy birthday on Thursday. She remembered and thought to call, despite being happily married to another guy. Given that your divorce is ending so ugly, I doubt you two will be chumming it up years from now when he won't be so scared to admit to his actions. You're going to have to find a way to move past this without him fessing up or you're going to drive yourself insane.

The other side is wanting him to say it wasn't all bad and for him to have ended things gently. Man, that would have been nice. The way he ended it is why he is such a loser. There's no way he can do that right now, even if he wanted to. It's just too late for that. It does make sense that you are angry about it, though. I'm angry about it, and it didnt' happen to me!

How long does one have to punish themselves for what someone else did? Never. You never have to punish yourself for his actions and you should stop immediately if you still are. That said, I do it all the time myself, so I understand where that comes from. Again, it's the doling of advice that I can't seem to remember to dish out to myself. LOL

March 19, 2005  
Anonymous Yo Man Woah said...

So ya wanna feel better eh? Searching for a little of that elusive "peace of mind"
everyone talks about but no one seems to achieve? Well guess what... thats gonna take time. Yep... all the questions you want answered, all the respect you think you deserve from this guy who probably never showed you any in the first place
(other than what you convinced yourself
was respect from him)... not gonna happen. If you are depressed,lonely and suffering from low self-esteem... I suggest you see a physician and get yourself some short term help. Anti-depressants can help...most take about six weeks to work fully... but YOU WILL FEEL BETTER in about that time. Also, depression can manifest itself in other ways ... unable to eat or sleep.
Ask your doctor for some anti-anxiety medication (xanax or valium) to help you relax and sleep.. rather than lying in bed asking yourself same unanswerable
questions over and over. When you've put enough distance between you and "The Hurt", you can taper off the medications.
In these days of modern chemistry, no one
needs to suffer greatly from the effects of emotional trauma. They will help you to stop emotionally beating yourself up every moment of every waking day. How do I know all this? Well, I'm a frickin' guru... thats how.

March 19, 2005  
Blogger Crissi said...

It's because it seems the truth would give you closure. But most likely, the truth would only lead to more suspicions if there was more to be told, and of course it would be more hurt to go through. I've gotten to the point with my ex that I don't even want to know anymore, and I know there's more truths I don't know. But it just isn't worth it anymore.

March 19, 2005  
Anonymous Jen Oz said...

I could have written your entry today. I used to no understand why it is so hard for the lying cheating sucm to not just tell the truth when the divorce is near and most of the facts are on the table. I finally realized, if they came clean they would be admitting htat they had been wrong and may even have to deal with some guilt. I think one day it will hit them and eat them up but I dont think they will ever truly come clean, even them. They are "wired" different and feel that normal rules of society to apply to them. I hope that you can not let his being an asshole ruin the great person that you are. He is the one with the real problmes, they good life for you is still to come :)

March 20, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

[Warning : long rambling post.]

Sometimes life just sucks.

I think perhaps that's the moral of the story.

You've spent 20 years of your life with this guy. Of course you're hurt, of course you're puzzled.

From the outside (bearing in mind that we've only had your side of the story, not his, but your honesty compensates for that) -- it's clear that you are the best thing that ever happened to him -- and he's the worst thing that ever happened to you.

It looks to me like you recognised something in him, and tried to save him, but couldn't -- he got a bad start in life, and it caught up with him.

Exploitive behaviour is inherent to humanity -- at least, to the male half (I can't speak from authority about the other half). He felt so confident of your love, that he thought he could get away with having other women, and always have you forgive him.

I feel sad that you feel so hostile to his other women -- that looks like a way of letting him off the hook to me. THEY didn't destroy your marriage -- HE did.

Admitting to yourself that the guy is a total waste of space, and that you just wasted twenty years of your life on him : obviously, that's too much. It's too painful. There must be a misunderstanding. You're looking for a way out that can give you some closure while maintaining some self-respect.

ummm...

Try another tack. You have made him look like a real shitbucket, and undoubtedly he is. But I'm sure he had lots of redeeming features (that you haven't told us about!) and that there were lots of good times etc.

But, in the end, his exploitive animal instincts just made him someone you couldn't live with. Nor could anyone who retains a modicum of self-respect.

So, setting aside the fact that once you loved him (that's gone forever, he was unworthy of your love), you've got someone who you once respected, and could respect again, once he starts behaving respectably.

So he's not just a worthless scumbag; and loving him was just an honest mistake on your part, not some sort of proof that you are worthless too.

You always hate the one you hurt.
Did someone famous say that, or was it me? Anyway, it's a timeless truth that I've observed many times.

In the end, maybe Rick will stop hating you when you stop hurting.

You don't get respect by wimpering in a corner... he will respect you for your strength, once you have made him irrelevant to your life.

[/end of long rambling post]

March 21, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meg,
I understand much of what you feel. I was married for five years to a man who was such a pathological liar that if he said "Hello", he was probably lying. I fully believe he could have passed any lie detector test given to him because he reached a point of being unable to tell the difference between the lies and the truth. If you were to look at some of the details of our marriage, you might assume we had married impulsively after a short courtship, when in fact we married after dating for FOUR YEARS. So how I missed this aspect of his personality is still a mystery to me, 21 years after we divorced. [Not one I spend much time on, mind you, but a little.] During our relationship, I took his word for almost everything -- I'm not a liar, so I never expected him to be one, either. After our marriage ended, I began second-guessing our entire relationship, beating myself up for not seeing the untruths when they were glaring right at me when they went by the first time, much less after a second glance. My ex never owned up to a single lie he ever told, even when confronted with the physical evidence of it, and the last words he ever said to me ("I'll be home around 10:30 tonight") were a lie -- he was going to school at night, went to class one night and never came home again. That was in 1983, and I've never seen or heard from him since. (Trust me -- I could do three blogs, two separate soap operas and a few years of the Springer show on this!)

Furriner, your words sent me reeling -- loving him was just an honest mistake on your part, not some sort of proof that you are worthless too.
Meg, heed Furriner's words -- there is solid gold in them. I have second-guessed my own judgment and worth for years. Get the closure you need, jump up and down, cry, scream, yell and talk until you are talked out, and above all, do NOT take Rick's estimation of you as a valid one, nor your loving him as a negativity against yourself.

March 21, 2005  

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Friday, March 18, 2005

You know...

This blog is called Diary of my Divorce and sex is an issue in divorce...in that you can’t have it. Right at this very moment, I am having a really, really hard time with that little tenet. Does that ever happen to you in the middle of the day for no good reason? (Don’t worry, I won’t ask how you handle THAT one.)

But, I swear to God, I feel sorry for the first poor bastard I get hold of. By the way, I am taking applications...I don’t know when the job will open up but it should be no later than the start of baseball season. Actually, a baseball player would be good. But, it is NOT mandatory.

It just doesn’t seem right that a woman can get dumped for another...whatever she is...and the woman can’t do anything without being in violation of some supposedly sacred oath. How’s that for irony?

I don’t remember the last time I went this long without it. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I ever have, ever since Reno anyway. It’s possible that I came close, I think 6 months is my personal record and we are WAY past the 6 month mark. Actually, it is 6 months, 9 days, 14 hours and about 20 minutes...and counting.

Ain’t that a bitch?

You might wonder why I don’t just secretly grab myself some guy and get it over with. I’ve thought of that, but I don’t have that kind of luck. Bruce Springsteen would drive a car into the room I was doing it in. And then I would be so busy looking for holes that could have a hidden camera that it wouldn’t be any fun anyway.

Don’t even mention a cold shower, that's just stupid. My nipples would get so hard from the cold that they would just fall off and then I wouldn’t be able to do anything even when I am allowed to. I wouldn't want to have to say...“Well, I was feeling particularly frisky one day and had to take a cold shower...my nipples got so hard they actually fell off and down the drain before I could catch them.” All this nipple talk isn’t helping the matter.

When I asked how the reporter heard about the blog, she said that a colleague told her about it. It was a guy and since so many of you are guys that I was curious as to what he thought of it. I asked her and she replied, “Well, he was surprised at how much you said about yourself.” I bet his ass is good and surprised now.

So there. Now the entire world knows that I am horny...and I don’t care.

Send the applications to IWasAlone@aol.com. Make it good...I deserve it.

Meg

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! A pot of gold just waiting to be plucked. You never know when the utility man will show up. The phone man does not come anymore. Oh my goodness! Oh.

March 18, 2005  
Blogger Meg said...

Yeah, ain't that a bitch...they do it all from the shop. And, Jimmy, it's humor, dude...nothing more.

Meg

March 18, 2005  
Anonymous Stacey said...

Rechargeable batteries. That's all I'm sayin'.

March 18, 2005  
Anonymous Yo Man Woah said...

Its 5 am... can't sleep as usual... found
yer blog from some bizzare half porn half
humor site. Anyway... so whats the deal.
As Green Day once said "when masterbations lost its fun yer fuckin'
losin'". Its okay for a while... ya wank off ... yet you remain somehow unfullfilled. Gotta have that TOUCH from another. Smell ...
yada yada... Thanks to our good friend testosterone, we guys would take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. So its been 6 months eh? Thats nothing... I've gone years without it.

March 19, 2005  
Blogger Meg said...

YEARS!!???!!!?

I didn't even know THAT was an option!

Meg

March 19, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I think you'll be just fine. You've talked about guys here before... you've got no problems there. Hell, you even have your very own stalker. LOL

Just try to get through the divorce. Then you can do whatever you want to whoever you want.

March 19, 2005  
Blogger Crissi said...

I've gotta tell you Meg, if it gets really bad, go on birth control pills. No joke, they'll strip the sex drive right out of you! But other than that, I got to agree with Stacey, batteries.... Don't you remember how much trouble a man was? You'd have him for what you need, but what would you do with him once you were done? Nah, too much trouble!

March 19, 2005  
Anonymous Jen Oz said...

BOB you need a BOB. Batery Operated Boyfriend. He is right where you put him when you are done, he doesnt cheat, doesnt lie, doesnt snore, burp or fart. Doesnt bitch doesnt moand and is always ready and willing when you are!!! And of course as the other ladies said rechargeable abtteries ;)

March 23, 2005  
Anonymous furriner said...

yeah, does BOB come with an attachment that takes out the garbage?

... and does he have a tongue?

(Or are we really just a little bit indispensable after all?)

March 23, 2005  
Anonymous Jen Oz said...

Furriner...sorry no not ALL are indispensable. Just the ones Meg, myself and Stacey were lucky enough to get ahold of!
No tongue on Bob and he doesnt take the trash out, but neither did my ex, so I am used to it!

I just suggested "Bob" to Meg because hey we all have needs and I dont know if she is really ready to dive right in with everything else she still has going on. Just passin on a little friendly advice.

I know not all men are liars and cheaters...so dont think I am a man hater!

March 24, 2005  

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Hi ya’ll,

The photo-journalist just left. I had the wrong word. OK. So, that’s done, I have spoken to the reporter and had the pictures taken. I will just sit back and wait to hear when the story comes out.

Also, I spoke to the paralegal, she is going to look at the file to see what's up. All I have to do now is find out why Rick’s court date has been moved up...the last I heard he was to be arraigned on April 1rst. They set the courts dates at the arraignment so I don’t know why there is a trial before the first, that’s all (someone asked.)

I see that Congress is taking a side in the Terri Schiavo case. I think that’s a good thing. Something good will come out of this, I am sure. It’s just a sad situation.

I hate having my picture taken, don’t you? I don’t know what lives in those cameras, some sort of gremlins that make me look like somebody else. I don’t know who...I have heard Bette Midler but not since I lost the weight. My son made the mistake of coming to my house when the photo-journalist was here (my son was supposed to be here at 7) and then was silly enough to complain that his hair was messed up. And it was. He knew the guy would be here at 10, what was he thinking showing up at 10:10? I fixed my hair. I tried to curl it but I was literally having a really bad hair day so it ended up in a pony tail and I hate pony tails. I couldn’t find two matching things to put it back on the sides with and I have no scrunchies so I put it back in some court jester looking thing that my grand-daughter wears. What was I thinking?

Too late...the damage is done. I don’t know how I find myself in these situations. I am an odd one alright. This happened with the stand-up comedy thing once and I looked dreadful in that paper. I swore I would never do it again, but they make it so easy for you. They are very friendly. But all they have is the film in the camera. I feel sorry for the poor guy who could someday take a Pulitzer Prize winning picture and instead, he has to come into my kitchen and take pictures of me. Oh well, some mad man could always break into a person’s house so you never know. My father would call this rambling, sorry Dad.

I knit, I crochet, I sew, I quilt, I embroider, I scrapbook. And I don't do it because I'm channeling Martha Stewart. I do it because I've got plenty of anxiety to spread around.

Duh. I used to paint and I have everything, even some blank canvases. Man I never thought of that. Thanks.

I am now 32. Sadly, my year at 31 has come and gone. Oh well... I plan to go out and celebrate it's demise with a lovely young lady.:)

Well then, Happy Birthday to YOU!


I agree about being corrected in public -- it really takes your ego down.

Now, I specifically remember saying that corrections should take place within the confines of an appropriate relationship. And you should know me well enough that I meant at an appropriate time...DUH.

Hearing the President say "nu-kyu-lar" is a crazy-maker

Absolutely, Drives me nuts as well. But..it IS an acceptable pronunciation of the word. But you are right, some advisor should point out the connotations of stupidity that nu-cu-lar evokes.

Another grammatical pet peeve of mine is redundant acronyms -- like ATM machine or PIN number. The last letter in the acronym stands for the word, so when you say ATM machine, you're saying Automatic Teller Machine machine

You know what drives me nuts? Phone numbers that are words only there are more letters than you need to dials. Like 1-800-Call-Peter. Does anybody actually SEARCH for the last E and R? I don’t, I hate dialing by letters. I know it's not grammatical but I had to get that out.

Well, I have some things to do today so I am going to do them! I will check in with you later...see ya.

Meg

2 Comments:

Anonymous Jimmy said...

Margaret,

I feel like I am lurking in on your personal life. Is this what you want?

March 18, 2005  
Anonymous Stacey said...

Another redundancy peeve: Please RSVP (respondez, s'il vous plait).

March 18, 2005  

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Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hi!

I just received some odd mail. I thought Rick and I had worked out a settlement but today I got an invitation to mediation at $175.00 an hour. I specifically remember his attorney saying we didn't need to go to a mediator so I don't know what this is about.

Also, the last I head, he had an arraignment on April 1rst. Now, I have also received a subpoena to be a witness in a jury trial to occur on March 28th. As far as I know, he hasn't committed any OTHER crimes except domestic violence so I am not sure what that is about.

I will call my lawyer in the morning and ask what it is all about. The photographer for the newspaper is coming in the morning too. I have felt so badly lately that I have let my house become a mess.

Now, I MIGHT let my Dad see it this way...maybe. But there is no way in hell I will let a photographer in here while my house is such a mess!!!!

So, I have to start cleaning now. I will be back this evening but I will be sure to let you know what is going on in these legal proceedings as soon as I find out. Oh, thanks to Purple Hat, I know it is Guy's birthday:

Hey, Guy are you here today? Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to Guy, Happy Birthday to you!!!:-D. Hope you have a great day!!

Boy, I wish I were organized enough to have remembered that myself. Happy Birthday Guy!!!!! How many candles? Doesn't this make 31?

You all have a nice evening and I will see you soon!

Meg

3 Comments:

Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Strange... I've never really had to deal with the court system for anything more than traffic violations. They can subpoena you without telling you what the trial is for?

Hopefully your lawyer will have more information for you tomorrow.

I can't believe Purple remembered that, either. That was really thoughtful of her.

I am now 32. Sadly, my year at 31 has come and gone. Oh well... I plan to go out tonight and celebrate it's demise with a lovely young lady. :)

Thanks again for remembering and have a Happy St. Patrick's Day!

March 17, 2005  
Anonymous Mandi said...

Guy,
We've never talked, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY all the same!!

March 17, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

Thanks, Mandi. :)

March 18, 2005  

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Good morning,


I am over the pity party. I awoke to a box of Rice Krispies...not for breakfast, all over the house. A little boy woke up early and quietly spread them all over the house. There's nothing like a house full of Rice Krispies to cure the pity.

The lady who owns the cats that I am keeping is flying out here tomorrow so I may WISH I was alone again.

Any deterrent effect is heavily outweighed by the dehumanizing effect it has on society.

That's exactly what I was trying to say...damn it. I wish I could have said it that succinctly.

I fear the common answer to that is some variation on "dirty movie" or "internet porn".

Never in my life have I watched a porn movie. Knowing myself, I would just complain about the lack of plot and bad acting.

You said, "I think it is sad that people make such silly judgments based on appearance."But, basically this is all we have to judge anyone on in our interactions with them. In achieving any goals, in any society, it is your first visual impact that leads to success and keeps you there. So, how you present yourself is how the world will judge you, period.

Yeah, I understand in some situations where a person is dressed improperly, I just meant the people who you pass on the street.

Why are you there alone? I've read about a little girl? A dad? Do you like to read?Biographies are excellent picker uppers.Astrologically what are you?

My grand-daughter lives with her mother, my Dad lives in Florida. I am a Cancer. I am currently reading The Da Vinci Code. If there is anyone in the world who hasn't read it yet, let me finish and I will tell you how good it is.

I detest technology with an unbridled passion. The shit turns on you the minute you start relying on it

Yeah, they are having problems with thie blogger server. Apparently, you might need to go to March Archives to get to the current posts.

When I get lonely I make a point of doing something I couldn't do if there were witnesses :o)

I wish I had thought of that and you guy ALWAYS cheer me up. That's why I keep coming back!

See ya soon!

Meg

4 Comments:

Blogger Purple Hat said...

Hey, Guy are you here today?

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to Guy,
Happy Birthday to you!!!

:-D. Hope you have a great day!!

March 17, 2005  
Blogger That Weird Guy said...

I'm here today, Purple. Thanks for the well wishes.

It's really nice of you to remember. :-D

March 17, 2005  
Blogger Auntie Gromit said...

I'm glad the pity party is over. :-) But to answer your question about what I do when I'm feeling down... I make something. It can be anything from an onion torte to a hand knit sweater (although the torte takes a lot less time). I work through a lot of my issues with my hands.

I knit, I crochet, I sew, I quilt, I embroider, I scrapbook. And I don't do it because I'm channeling Martha Stewart. I do it because I've got plenty of anxiety to spread around.

A few years back I was in therapy for depression. At the time my therapist said that my craving to make things was actually really healthy. Many people "self medicate" for depression, using alcohol, drugs, sex or other behaviors that can lead to trouble. The crafting thing is pretty harmless in that regard (except for the cost of supplies). But it does provide a tangible high when you complete something you're proud of.

I think exercise is another way of getting a safe and effective pick-me-up. Fact was, though, my worst moments were often late at night because I had depression-related insomnia, and I just didn't feel like working out at 2 am, not to mention it'd wake the baby.

March 17, 2005  
Blogger stacey castellie said...

I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who's name is Dr Ogala he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one's gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I'm now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 2 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is (ogalalovespell@gmail.com)

September 20, 2013  

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