...when the wounds that my husband inflicted were fresh and raw. It's been a while now and I've gotten on with my life. I still occasionally mention what I went through but only when it serves to prove a point that I'm making regarding something a bit more topical than a 2 year old divorce.
Now, I find myself reading the blogs of others who are still smarting from the break up of their own marriages. I was comparatively lucky, my kids are grown and they have their own lives now. This divorce did not include the typical manipulation of the children and the use of them as living weapons against me...at least not as badly as it would have been if they were younger.
When I hear of situations in which a child is being used by one parent to abuse the other parent (which of course abuses the child more than anyone else), I get so angry that you'd almost think it was happening to me. Lately I've been trying to catch up with the blog of a gentleman whose wife is pulling a Kim Basinger on his child. I want to find that hideous wench (Basinger AND my friend's ex) and throttle her about face and then rip her pierced earrings out of her ears. Females like that give the rest of us a bad name and I'm pretty disgusted by them.
I've seen this man called "narcisistic" for missing his son and daring to mention it out loud. I've read his blog and I've read between the lines of his angry rants...recognizing the pain that evokes the words that he writes. Many people think that these fathers should just shut up, pay their child support and stay away. Others don't see what the problem is and they shout about how wrong Alec Baldwin is and how wrong my friend is and how we should "all just get along". That sickens me.
The problem with most of the people who complain about the fathers of divorce is that they have no idea what it feels like to be treated like an old McDonald's cup. They don't seem to get it...they get all sanctimonius and holier than though as though they would smile politely and let someone take THEIR child away.
There's no way that anyone could understand the pain of these fathers unless they've been through it themselves. Well, let me try to put it into some sort of perspective. Say you're watching TV one night after the kids have gone to bed. During one of the many commercial breaks, you decide to go check on your babies. When you open the bedroom door, you peak in to find the beds empty. Your children are gone, without notice and without so much as a big ol' hug around the neck from a little one who adores you.
First of all, how would you feel? Now, later you find out that the kids are safe, but you can't see them without going to court for years and years. Every stupid thing that you've ever done is thrown up into your face and should you dare to lose your temper at any point during this ordeal...that temper is turned against you during one of the court dates. How dare you act all angry...the person who is holding your children has decided that you are a BAD influence on your child. You've always been a loving parent, not a perfect person, just a regular, normal, human being. But every single thing that you've ever done is thrown in your face in front of some self-righteous judge, DFACS jack ass and "child counselor" that now has the power to say when you can and can't see your kids.
If you tell me that you would smile politely and say, "That's OK, I had some other things to do anyway...keep the kids.", I want to say YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT. You, like any other parent, whether that parent be another human or a father lion or even a mother grizzly bear, are going to do what comes to all parents instinctively...you're going to come out fighting with everything you've got for your child.
Anyone who has ever lost sight of their kids in the mall or at the grocery store knows that hideous feeling deep in the pit of your gut that you experience at the moment that you realize the child isn't right next to you. Try living with that feeling day in and day out for years and years.
We are born with an inate desire to protect our children. Nature, God, or whomever made us put that feeling in us so that we could protect our species. We're born with the will to fight to the death to save our children. THAT...we understand. What we are not born with is the ability to chat nicely with the people who have taken our children. We're born with the urge to kill if we have to...just to save our kids. But, in a divorce, that instinct doesn't help us at all. We have to find a way to hide that animal urge that is inate in all of us to protect our kids. Mothers and fathers alike have that urge. It sickens me when I see people who think that only mothers have that instinctive urge to be near their children. Fathers are as protective as mothers are and they deserve totally equal rights in child custody matters. Maybe a nursing mother could take priority, but once an infant is weaned...dad is just as capable as any mom. Period. I find it revolting that the courts refuse to recognize the love that a father has for his children.
Furthermore, I find it despicable that everyone jumps on the father who, after years of pleading with incompetent judges and nasty "mothers" like Kim "THE BITCH" Basinger, finally breaks down and loses it in public or on a video (or audio) tape. After years of being called a rotten father, without any evidence, just a lying wench's word...the father slips and makes some assinine comment. Now, the mother points to the father and says..."SEE! I told you he was an angry jerk!"
I hope that the Baldwin episode is the beginning of a new era in divorce litigation. I hope that the issue of Parental Alienation Syndrome will become as well known as the methods that females use to manipulate the courts when attempting to abuse the system in an attempt to hurt the fathers of their kids and the kids themselves. These selfish females are rarely the best parent for the kids because they NEVER have the child's best interests in mind. They think of nothing more than themselves and the child's feelings be damned.
I'm getting irritated just thinking about this crap. When you have some time, read this man's story, it's the story of one father out of millions of fathers who are out there aching for a chance to love their own children:
Domestic Relations Disaster: It's enough to drive someone crazy...
Yeah, it is enough to drive one crazy...at least it's enough to make one do something that they would never have thought of doing before their child went missing from their life.
When you hear people saying terrible things about a father...remember that sick feeling that you got when, even if it was just for a moment, your child was lost to you.
I shouldn't have to say this but I will. Obviously I am not talking about abusive situations...just the regular fathers out there who love their kids and want nothing more than to be with their children, even if it is only every other weekend.
By the way, don't tell me how abusive Baldwin was. That divorce has been going on for 6 years and this is the first time that Basinger has found anything to use against him. How far did she push him over the past 6 years to evoke such a reaction? I can only wonder.