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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I came across a poem that I wrote shortly after I started this blog...

...now, keep in mind that my anger was in full force at the time, I'm much better now:

There once was a man named Rick
He had a freaky twisted small dick
His wife tried to teach him
But she just couldn't reach him
You'd think he'd at least learn to lick.

But Rick was not very bright
And nothing he did in bed was quite right
His wife was very frustrated
She thought he should just be castrated
As she lay there in bed every night.

He often played with his very own knob
Even though he could have had a great blow job
He had very odd views on sex
Blaming every little thing on his ex
Said she cheated on him with some guy named Bob.

Rick turned out to be a big fat liar
Can't get the truth out of him with a plyer
So his ex wife most likely was decent
He lied then and told more lies quite recent
And many illegitimate kids he did sire.

Now, the sex was not that big of a deal
But violence made him feel like a big wheel
He smacked his wife to feel like a man
He never learned how to wipe in the can
I guess he is just a big fat schlemiel.

That poem evoked quite a few responses, some of the poetic in themselves. If you'd like to read  them, you'll find them here:


I surprise myself when I go back and read what I've written over the years but I try not to do that too much because the first time I did it, I found myself deleting posts. After a couple minutes of that bullshit, I just stopped reading it. But for some reason, I read that post and was so entertained that I thought I'd share it again.

And I don't want to hear any more people telling me to get over it, I have. But you know, if I hadn't, that would be OK too. Anger is a natural emotion and, like any other emotion, it is what it is. You can't blink it away like Jeannie did. I still think that I am deserved en explanation (better late than never) as to what actually DID  happen, but I'm learning to live without one. Still...I must say, to this day that explanation would be quite welcome.

(The Falcons just beat the Raiders in a close, really good, game. I think the Bears have a bye this week so  I'm just watching whatever game they're showing here and it happens to be the Falcons game. I can't watch the Buc's because they actually still black the games out when the game doesn't sell out. That's such crap.)

Well, my mind is a boring blank so I'll go for now...I'll try to make it back ASAP. As soon as I think of something humorous, ironic or gossipy, I'll come running back to the puter!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Meg. Whatever became of McFly?

October 18, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

McFly is alive and well. He is living with my son in Georgia. I've visited him a couple of times and he seems quite happy. When we went to the pound to get a cat, my son actually chose McFly so it was actually his cat. He never took it with him but when I left, he had to.

Thanks for asking!

October 19, 2012  
Anonymous Looking at divorce said...

Why not write a book of poems? That was actually quite good!

October 19, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was your ex the guy from Nantucket?
who had a dick so long he could suck it
That was heard to exclaim
if my ear was a pussy I could
fuck it.

October 21, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

LMAO...good one, wanna combine our many talents?

October 22, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to hear about McFly ! A sweet puss with some excellent self-preservation skills.

November 19, 2012  

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Friday, October 12, 2012

Back in the day when I thought I was happily married...

...I liked to take care of my husband when he was, in any way, incapacitated. For a while, the top of his right foot began to hurt so much that he actually went to a doctor for it. It  turned out to be a bone spur which was  removed surgically. When the idiot ex came home from the hospital, I had everything set up to allow him to recover in as much comfort as possible. I waited on him for a couple of days and on one of those days, I felt a new and odd pain in the exact same place on top of my right foot about an inch from my big toe. It was actually in the same spot as his incision. I just assumed it was a coincidence, perhaps even some crazy empathetic pain. I didn't mention it at the time because I didn't want to look like a nut. I mean...how many people have an inexplicable pain on the top of their right foot immediately proximal  to the big toe? The odds of two in one household would have to be astronomical.

Anyway, over the years...that had to be about 10 years ago give or take...that pain had returned every so often. I could go for weeks without it bothering me. And then, out of nowhere, the pain pops up again. It hasn't been a bad pain, it would probably be better described as "tender". I wouldn't take an aspirin for the hyper-sensitivity during those times and I've never even bothered to tell a doctor about it because there was always something else more pressing going on...like strokes and sudden, unexpected internal bleeding.

So, I've ignored my right foot and that's twice. Once I had actually broken my right baby toe in a stairway tumble. As the doctors explained it to me, the fracture was clean across the base of my toe and the only way to fix it properly was actually surgery. Apparently, if I didn't have a pin put in my baby toe, it very well might have broken off at the slightest provocation. I thought that was a bit much so I asked them how much it would cost to just amputate the stupid thing. They wouldn't do that and I wouldn't have surgery on a baby toe...besides, I also broke my left arm in the same fall and once again, my right foot suffered as everyone in the ER tended to my broken arm. Maybe this is all my foot taking revenge on me for the baby toe incident.

As I said, I rarely give my foot much thought and I certainly wasn't thinking about my toe as I  was cleaning the tile on the walls above a bathtub. They needed a good scrubbing and a whole lot of CLR. I was standing on the  bathtub, the part you step over to get into the tub. The highest tiles were high enough force me to reach up with some steel wool (that tub was really funky, this task took me 3 days to complete) and the position I was in allowed CLR  and other chemicals to drip down my up stretched arms. It was hideous...but I took a shower when I finished. There was no way I could have comfortably "cleaned" myself in such a funky tub, the effort had to be made. But I digress.

My ten year old right foot pain grabbed me and won't let go. It isn't the usual benign pain that I usually feel...it even just a wee bit worse. It hurts so fricking badly that I've taken 3 aspirin tablets and just as many 5 mg. oxycodone's. None of that has done a bit of good. I can barely put wait on my right foot and sitting here  at the desk, I can feel gravity leaving too much blood in my right big toe so I must hobble to the couch and elevate my poor little foot.  I think I'll take a detour through the kitchen because if I remember properly, there's ice cream in the freezer. I cleaned the freezer so the ice cream is OK.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It lasted a whole day for you?

October 13, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

The pain? Yeah, this is the third day and my foot is swollen, red and hot. I must hobble wherever I go and it's getting on my nerves, I have things to do that require two feet.


October 14, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No. The thought that you were happily married.

October 14, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Duh...if I never thought we were happily married I would have left years ago. The "happiness" ended so abruptly that I never saw it coming. That's why I was so angry.

Anyway, where are you? Email me at megkelsobroderick@gmail.com

October 15, 2012  
Anonymous durable power of attorney said...

Yes, I agree with you Meg Kelso you done a great job there and it is very Good learning for every one to read your post, thank you for sharing.
estate planning attorney in Virginia

October 17, 2012  
Blogger LORD SHIVA said...

You are depressed,frustrated, sad and lonely, and sometimes you feel nobody cares. If you feel you are stuck in the wilderness in a situation that appears hopeless, you should know that you're not the only person this has happened to. And there is something you can do about it! Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and it appears whatever they do, they can't get out of the quagmire. If this describes you, don't give up. The situation is not hopeless. The prophet of goddess spells can turn things around for you,be it lost love,make someone sexually attracted to you,lose weight,stop smoking,get a promotion or raise or come into huge money,alter your future to bring forth happiness and success. Email me today on prophetofgoddess@yahoo.com or view my website on www.prophetofgoddess.com for a better life.

October 18, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope you are feeling better. Man I remember when I used to care for my ex... douche. lol

October 23, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

How long did it take you to stop?

October 24, 2012  
Anonymous www.saveamarriagenow.com/ said...

Hi...I thought I was happily married for 20 years. During our time together I thought we were always there for each other. I thought he adored me.
Two years ago...he became depressed. He became very angry and had frequent outbursts and was generally unhappy with his life. I tried to be there for him...got him help from a physician, talked to him etc. and he thanked me for being so supportive. He seemed to think the meds were working and he seemed to be coping better. Then one Sunday morning he got up and told me that he "didn't think he loved me anymore" and that he couldn't do it anymore. Then he walked out. Two days before this happened we had lunch together and held hands! I found out four weeks later that he was having an affair. I was crushed. He came back a year later...begged for forgiveness and I started to forgive him and then I caught him with his lover again! Why would he do this to me?? Also, in the last two years he has sought me out numerous times and cried and told me that he has made a mistake and a few weeks later he tells me that the marriage had issues...I am confused...no issues were ever mentioned when we were married...he certainly never said he was contemplating leaving ever...

November 04, 2012  

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Monday, October 08, 2012

When my grandmother was exactly my age...

...she had a very low tolerance for 4 letter words. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've probably noticed that she and I differ somewhat in that area. But, when I take the time to think about what I'm about to say or write, something my father said always enters my head. He had many memorable edicts and one of them went like this:

"People who use foul language do so because their vocabulary is too small for them to come up  a more appropriate and less vulgar word. No child of mine is allowed to use profanity."

It's not like my father never cussed, he just thought it was his job to set rules and when someone's job is to come up with rules, they WILL come up with rules...whether that rule makes any sense whatsoever. Looking back, I think all the adults in my family had some degree or another of a potty-mouth...but they all seem to enjoy trying to create a cuss-free world beginning with the NEXT generation and my Grandmother was no exception.

She was maybe a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10. She was also one of the sweetest people I've ever known and I miss her something awful even though she's been gone for over 30 years. She never spoke ill of anyone, hated prejudice and played the piano and guitar beautifully. But when she became annoyed, she didn't hold anything back.

I annoyed her once without putting ANY effort into it. I was washing the dinner dishes for her and that was no small job. She had no dishwasher, she wanted her dishes dried and put away (not left in a dish rack to dry) and she cooked dinner, every night, 7 nights a week like she was serving a lovely Sunday afternoon dinner. She served dinner in her formal dining room every night so you had a lot of stuff to carry. It was the early 70's and like most people in those days, we listened to AM radio on those boxy electric radios usually sitting on the fridge. As I washed the dishes like a good granddaughter, I was listening to the local Top 40 station. Sunshine by Jonathon Edwards was playing. Life was sweet.

Then my grandma walked in to the kitchen. Within 10 seconds, Jonathon Edwards sang a lyric that set my grandmother off like a Southern Lady possessed by some Northern demon. That lyric was:

"He can't even run his own life, I'll be damned if he'll run mine."

I don't think I had ever realized that word was in there, I just sang along with it...I certainly never gave it any thought. So I was a bit confused when grandma blew her top. I was no longer allowed to change the radio station and I had to do dishes to the twang of Conway Twitty.

Grandma would be rolling in her grave if she was aware of what they allow on TV now. And I wouldn't blame her for rolling one little bit...it's ridiculous how low they have set their standards. You can avoid TV shows that have foul language but you're not safe from the raunchy commercials. You know they could make a 30 second commercial without swearing, why do you suppose they don't? It's not serendipity, the decision to highlight their most boorish 30 seconds was considered and for some reason, the vulgarity won.

I would never pass judgement on another person's use of 4 letter words, Lord know I've been a 7 on the potty-mouth scale. It would just be nice if you didn't have the equivalent of an R-rated commercial in the middle of the G-rated show you and your children are watching.

Maybe I shouldn't be too harsh on these people, as my father said, their vocabularies are quite limited so I guess it could be worse. But...one way or another, you'd expect a lot of words from a writer, wouldn't you?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck no.

October 08, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Fuck and words of that ilk are fine when used...like the word "ain't"... it's only forgiven if used "for humor or affect".

You my friend, used it in a way that made me smile, therefore you fulfilled one of the restrictions generally accepted for you.

Good for you!

October 10, 2012  

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Sunday, October 07, 2012

Arts and Crafts

Some women (and I must admit, I am one of them) go to great efforts to attract a man. We do our nails, apply color coordinated make-up and fix our hair, all the while wearing the right pair of low rise jeans and the cutest little top we can find. Then, we have to act appropriately and play the games that people play when they're wooing a potential sweetheart and, unfortunately, a future adversary.

Anyway, my flirtation stratagem has remained the same since the early 80's. I guess I should have known that there are some women with vastly disparate tactics but I never really thought about them...my way seems to be the standard for the average American woman. But this morning I heard from one of those women working a method that I find intriguing. I find the following excerpt especially provocative:

"...my husband is under a great spell of another woman. They cast a spell of return back of love on him. And he came back..."

Damn...a spell? I never even THOUGHT of that! I could kick myself. Is it too late for a voodoo doll to work? It would be perfect for me because I like to spend my time doing arts and crafts. I'm currently in the middle of one of those pot holders that little girls weave. I find that they last longer and work better than the $10 potholders you buy at the mall, and of course, they're much cheaper. Making the potholders itself is a nice break. It takes your mind off of everything else. Today, my mind was annoyingly saturated with the making of the potholders because I seem to have misplaced the long hook thing so I have to weave that entire thing buy hand. It's all good, I like to have my mind off of all my problems and weaving potholders with a missing tool will not allow you to think of anything else, it's that difficult.

My point in discussing my arts and crafts (such as they are) is to let you know that I have the time and the experience to make voodoo dolls. Actually, I'm not experienced  in voodoo dolls, I've never even made one. But, I'm pretty smart and I'm sure that the directions can be Googled...so if you need one, let me know.

I do have to mention this before I start my online voodoo doll business...I have a couple of problems with the above quote from voodoo chick (or dude?). First of all, how can you tell the difference between a "spell' and a "great spell'? What makes it great? And if great spells are available, why would anyone even bother with a regular spell? Secondly, if some despicable Scaramouch left me for another women...I may cast a spell...but if it worked, the phrase "And he came back" wouldn't be in the description of that spell.


Blogger Le Divorcée said...

You may be on to something, a voodoo doll business. Although there are myths of knitting and spells, of not knitting a betrothed a sweater until marriage, to knitting your hair into a sweater to keep your betrothed close.

October 08, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing such a nice and useful information, I can read your all 10 points there many useful information and I am also sharing with my friends , now I am always trying to implement your all in my life to save my relation.

October 08, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

"...knitting your hair into a sweater to keep your betrothed close."

How does THAT work? Do you knit the hair still on your head so he can't leave when he wears it?

PS Anon...???

October 08, 2012  
Blogger henry olu said...

An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me..
My name is jessop Sowers,i live in Australia,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife.so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce.she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she didn't love me anymore.So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again.
So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife.So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{EXCLELLECTSPELLCAST@gmail.com}.
So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster.
So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same websitEXCLELLECTSPELLCAST@gmail.com},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back.
So thanks to the Dr HENRY for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.

July 17, 2013  

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Wednesday, October 03, 2012

One of the hazards of being a woman...

...(or of being a dude who likes to wear nail polish) is that when you do it yourself and apply the fourth layer (two layers of the color and two layers of the clear) too close to bed time, you wake up with the polish intact but it will be impressed with the sheet I was sleeping under. I would have thought a few hours would have been enough but, alas, I was wrong.

Maybe I should just give in a have my nails done professionally but for one thing, I can't afford it. Also, there's the fact that when I was younger, I always did them by myself and somehow I never felt self-conscious. For all I know, doing one's own nail polish is one of those things that have baffled me since I became single again like the pussy shaving fad...hell, even men are taking razors down there. I would have thought that a man would consider shaving below the neck far too much effort. Anyway, I have no idea about such things...hell, I still use those pink spongy hair curlers. I'm sick of burning my neck with curling irons. The neck is very sensitive to the searing heat produced by electrified appliances. Over the years, I imagine that I've affected all of my neck skin with second degree burns... mainly in the forms of long, straight burns. And I gotta tell you, I'd rather break a leg than deal with the pain of the burn. That pain sticks around for a bit and I'm forced to walk around, holding an ice pack or two, for hours until the pain goes away enough to tolerate going ice-less.

Well, back to my fingernails, the sheet impressions are nothing that can't be fixed with another coat of clear nail polish. I have my clear, all I need is for my fingers to take a break. I'm surprised that they haven't given up yet because, as I can easily see by looking at them, they seem to be holding water. I didn't even know that your hands could do that. I think I could show it to you...BRB.

 See? My fingers are fat, aren't they? No other part of me is swelling up like my hands are.

Fat, thin or in between, my nails are going to be nicely painted...now.


Blogger Tundra Woman said...

ahhh, Meg-Forget the nails for the moment (yeah, I get this, I do my own as well and I'll give ya some tips later, OK?) In view of the medical issues, the swelling fingers ain't a good sign, OK? You sure your feet/ankles aren't swelling up as well? (It doesn't count if you've been spending more time horizontal than vertical.) Are you on any diuretic meds? Like BPs that also have a bit of hydochlorothyizide in them? Look at your meds first-any changes since the last trip to Bed-Pan alley? Any changes in amounts? Before you end up BACK in Bed-Pan alley, please call your Primary and let 'em know what's up here, OK?
Thanks. You do that and I'll tell you my no-fail super-duper "secrets" to the nail thing. Promise.

October 03, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

I was on a med that contained lisinopril and HCTZ but they DC'd it during my last visit. I have some here, I just can't find it. When I saw my fingers swell, I went to look for it, I'll try looking again. I know the swelling is disconcerting but I was trying to make light of it in the post.

Now, how about those nail tips?

October 04, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really want to thank Dr Aluta for saving my marriage. My husband really treat me bad and left the home for almost 1 month i was sick because of this, then i contacted traditionalspellcaster for help, they told me that my husband is under a great spell of another woman. They cast a spell of return back of love on him. And he came back home for forgiveness and today we are happy again, i want you all who are having relationship, ex and even husband problem to contact traditionalspellhospital@gmail.com. Wich you all success.

October 04, 2012  

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I really miss this big guy

I've only recently been able to watch the videos of Payton. He was the best friend I ever had. When I saw this video, I had to share it with you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am Doris used every single spell worker on the internet, spent untold amounts of money and discovered they are all fakes…i was the fool though; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In the end, I decided that I wanted a tarot reading to know what my future held for me; I contacted a woman who lives locally to me and she told me about a man named (Priests Meruja); he does not advertise on the internet, has another job for income, has no set prices, makes no false promises and refuses to help anyone that cannot be helped and even helps
for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn’t mind me advertising his contact on the internet but I’m sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.contact him as He travel sometimes.love marriage,finance, job promotion ,gambling voodoo,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,it’s all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
more. his cell phone number

October 20, 2012

October 23, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

I don't cater to or assist in publishing quacks. People who read my blog are not the stupid kind but in case some idiot ends up here, they won't be ripped off by someone trying to advertise bullshit on my blog for free. Please stop sending these comments, you could at least pretend you read the post!

October 23, 2012  

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