...has done it again. What an idiot she can be. A man wrote to ask for advice because his "materialistic" wife doesn't work but she wants certain things that she expects him to pay for..."My wife, "Darla," and I have been married for 10 years. We have three children. I have always worked hard to provide for my family.Darla is very concerned with material things and likes to "keep up with the Joneses." I work two jobs to maintain this lifestyle, sometimes literally from sunup to sundown. Lately, I feel burned out...."
FRUSTRATED IN PHILLY DEAR FRUSTRATED: "My advice is to offer her the option of marriage counseling, and if that doesn't work, consult a lawyer. It may be expensive, but at least you won't be responsible for her debts. And it could add years to your life."
So Abby has taken the lazy way out, offering counseling or a divorce. Not once did she mention the fact that the wife is at home taking care of 3 small children. Not once did she consider what those kids would go through should the parents divorce. Not once did she consider the fact that this couple tooks vows to stay together forever.
I admit that the husband has a point, but why is divorce the answer to that problem? I would have told him to stop paying for the things that they don't need. The wife couldn't keep on spending the money if it just wasn't there. Wouldn't that be easier that ruining a marriage? Abby copped out on that answer and I think she is part of the problem, not at all part of the solution.
When I was a little girl, my mother was the only mom in the neighborhood that had a job outside of the home. I felt funny about that since all of my friend's mothers were stay at home moms...a phrase that hadn't been invented yet because all moms stayed at home. It was just the way things were back then, mothers stayed at home and fathers worked to pay the bills. In one short generation, things changed so much that by the time my youngest went to high school, I quit my job to be able to stay at home with my last kid and lived to regret it. It was my last chance to "mother" one of my own and I wanted to do a good job of it.
Well, when I announced my decision to my son, his response blew me away. He said, "What do I tell my friends when they ask me what my mother does?" I wanted to say, "Tell them that I wash your dirty underpants."...but I didn't. I was just amazed how things had changed. I was embarrassed that my mother worked outside of the house and my kid was ashamed that his mother stayed at home. In one generation, the norm changed so much that mothers went from staying at home to raise their kids with society telling them that it was the right thing to do...and now Abby tells men to consult a lawyer if his wife refuses to get a job.
Abby should just publish a column that says, "Whatever your marital issue is, go to counseling and if that doesn't fix the problem, get a divorce." That's all she ever offers anyway, why take the time to repeat it everytime a person asks for her help with a marital problem?
The biggest problem in our country right now is the lack of two parent homes. That's not to say that all children MUST have two parents in the home, but I am quite sure that if more of them did, children would grow up much more able to function in society. When I watch talk shows that have some troubled kid on the program...inevitably, the mother is sitting next to the kid and the father is nowhere to be found.
The percentage of people in prison, whatever the race or nationality, who were raised without fathers is stunning. Children need fathers AND mothers...no matter what the Hollywood idiots are doing today. They have children out of some sick desire to grab attention and they consider the kids some sort of status symbol as though anyone couldn't do it. The entire country was outraged at the silly comment that the Vice President made when Murphy Brown had a child out of wedlock. Well, he was right.
Like it or not, TV and the people on it ARE absolutely role models...even if you're just referring to a character. Kids watch television and then they think that what those freaks are doing is normal when it isn't. Even if it is becoming the "norm", that doesn't make it right. Slavery was the norm a short time back...that didn't make it right.
I don't care what people do in their own lives but when the entire nation believes that there is no need for fathers, they're just a step away from doing away with mothers as well. There isn't one person out there trying to tell children that fathers are a good thing for kids, to the contrary, they are saying that a woman can do as well alone as she could with a man in her home. That's sweet and makes single mothers feel good, but it's complete bullshit.
A mother absolutely CAN do a good job raising kids without a man...but 100% of children would do BETTER if they had a father in their life. Of that, I am sure.
Society used to keep people in line by shunning those who stepped outside of the rules. They may have gone a bit overboard, but there were rules. Now, anything goes. If you want to raise kids without a father, go ahead and do it! Why not? You CAN...and you want to...so just do it. That's incredibly selfish and it doesn't do one thing to help the children. It serves no one but the woman who wants to have a child.
There isn't a thing anyone can say that would convince me that every single child would be better off with two parents. There are situations where the father is gone for one reason or another and the mother has to raise the kids alone, and that's a shame. But, in every case, kids would do better if they had a father in the home. This is assuming that the father isn't abusive, of course.
Abby did a terrible thing by telling that father to get a divorce. She did a rotten job of advising the father and she did something worse, she gave America one more reason to toss fathers out on their ears. This reminds me of a scene in the movie Broadcast News. I need to see if I can find the quote from what Albert Brooks told Holly Hunter when she announced that she was going to marry someone else. I'm going to go look for it, if I can find it, I'll post it...I'll be back in a while to either post that scene or to descibe it myself...I hope that I find it because I couldn't do justice to the words in that scene. Be right back.
Here's the quote I was talking about:"What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he's around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I'm semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing... he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance... Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he'll get all the great women."
Well, little by little, our standards are being lowered...one step at a time, the standards of our society are going downhill. If we had changed overnight...people would revolt over these types of changes. But, since we changed our standards relatively slowly, it's perfectly all right. That's a shame.