...and when I get the giggles...nothing, not even my father wielding his thinnest Dick Tracy belt or his widest Brady Bunch era belt, can stop me. When I'm confronted with a person who has been stung by the giggle bug, I know better than to try to stop them from laughing. The harder someone tries to make me stop, the funnier their efforts become and their anger becomes the spinach to my funny bicep. Earlier this spring, my current squeeze asked me to "Speak into the microphone" which evoked a string of one liners spoken directly into his "microphone". As you might imagine, a horny dude that
close to a blow job doesn't see humor in much. So, after I cracked wise twice, I started to lose my audience.
I spend a lot of time alone...even if there's someone around, I'm miles away. (I meet so few intriguing people and let's face it, it takes a lot
to intrigue a person such as myself.) During my time spent with me, I think a bunch of stuff and sometimes that stuff is funny. I make me laugh and laugh and laugh. I find me very entertaining and when I'm at my humorous best, I'm quite a hoot. At these times, I enjoy me the most. To be brutally honest, I'm one of my favorite people...certainly in my top 2. So, as I grabbed that microphone, I found me enthralling. It was some of my best work but I wasn't surprised that it was not well received. Eventually, my audience turned on me and walked out...and I came dangerously close to laughing myself into a heart attack.
After a nice show (with great seats!) we had another encounter and he did it again. This time he said, "Sing into the microphone." You'd think he'd learn...wouldn't you? The first song that came to mind was '"I Could Have Danced All Night'. After a few bars, he stopped laughing and said, "I don't like show music." I know he likes rock and roll so I started singing 'Build Me Up Buttercup'. He still wasn't happy. His ire, slight as it may have been, just struck me funny. I started laughing and couldn't stop. With tears rolling into my ears, I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Sadly for my friend, that was the end of that encounter.
Now, even if I hadn't been cracking up, my mind wouldn't have been on sex because it wasn't me who wanted to have sex in the first place. I didn't mind (good seats and all), but I just wasn't into it. If I only had sex when I wanted it, I'd never get laid. It's not that I don't get in the mood, it's just that there's never a guy around when I do. So, either I wait for the right time or I just take my chances when I get them. And yes, I've told the guy that and given the option of waiting...he, like most pigs, chose not to.
That sets me up for writing posts like the last one. '10 Things I Think About During Sex'
is a short list of the things that I think about during sex. I've also thought things like:
1. I really like the new Mustangs.
2. New Jersey really should have traffic circles instead of those jug-neck left turns.
3. I wonder if wall-paper will stick in the bathroom with all that steam...or should I just paint?
4. Damn, that is one bald head, it doesn't look that bald when he's standing up. It's a good thing I like tall men.
5. There should be more right-to-work states in this country.
Occasionally, I do think about sex. Often I think:
1. If he's still going at midnight, can it be said that I fucked for two days?
2. God, I hope it doesn't accidentally go up my ass.
3. If I had never done a 69 in the first place, I wouldn't have this odious image of Rick's asshole haunting my mind, year after year, after year, after year...
4. It's odd how ALL
men think they are spectacular lovers but the overwhelming
majority hover around adequate...maybe a 4 out of 10. A 5 is a unique find.
5. The only thing that could make this worse would be if he kissed me.
I know men think that women pay them homage in bed because they truly are sexual Gods. But the truth is, we do it to expedite things. We know that the testosterone induced are ego driven so we stroke that sucker. It's not a bad thing, not if you realize that we say it for our own reasons like you guys tell women things like:
1. I think about you when we're having sex.
2. Don't worry, I actually prefer big women.
3. It's OK, I actually like small boobs.
4. I'll call you tomorrow.
5. I respect you.
A recent comment suggested that I should "trade up" sexually. Just who would I trade with? Other women know what I know and it is what it is so I can't really embellish anything. I'd just as soon do without. It's all good.