While I was...
...contemplating where to begin to tell you about my latest adventure, I had so many possibilities that I was getting dizzy thinking about them all. But, as I was chatting with my girlfriend (who was recently referred to as my "life-partner" and of course, not that there's anything wrong with that, but she is simply a friend. My lifelong and most loyal friend, but I have never touched her genitals. I have
grabbed a clothed boob on occasion, that's just funny to me. No one expects it and you always get a laugh from the boob bearer.) when it occurred to me that what I needed to do first was give you a list of the creepy people I met on my journeys. That seems to be the highlight of my conversation so I will begin right there. So, here you have a list of SOME of the creepy people that I met over the past few weeks.
1. Unfortunately, my perpetually creepy ex has to be on this list because the morning I left, he read my blog and called my friend to ask her where I was and where I was going. He made stuff up and so did MY friend...DUH!!! Then he got mad at MY friend for making shit up about me...after he made shit up about my children who are 28, 30 and 32. They are old enough to handle their own lives dude, get away from me. Oh, Caryn wants you gone too, she'll use another exterminator if she needs one.
2. Next is the creepy dude who wanted to sell me a bracelet outside of Union Station in Chicago. They HAD to be real because they had tags that said $145.00 and all he was asking was ten bucks. I told him he would do better at a pawn shop rather than people catching trains and buses. I doubt they were real gold and silver, but I DO know they were white and yellow metal of some sort. This guy is one of a thousand scammers that I came across. Eventually I'll tell you about them all.
3. Next would have to be the Greyhound Bus driver, Mr. Peterson. My experience on that bus, from that particular driver to the next person on the list, assured that never again will I ever, under any circumstances, take a Greyhound Bus. Mr. Peterson was a Nazi-like soul who earned the moniker Colonel Klink. He read us the riot act and with some words and a WHOLE LOT of attitude said, "I don't count heads so you best be back on this bus on time....I'll leave your ass in Ogoolooloo Nebraska...go ahead, MAKE MY DAY!" I would wager a bunch of cash that he DID leave someone somewhere...it was just someone I didn't notice. I had a feeling after he ran to the bus quickly and pulled out so fast he almost laid bus rubber. Some poor sap was in he Ogoolooloo truck stop taking a dump and Peterson knew it. He constantly warned us that he would "terminate your trip for you!", and he relished the thought. But he was a driver and he sure could drive, we passed every big rig on the interstate. He wanted to make good time to Des MoineSSSSS. I thought, if he can't say it, then how can he find it? He did.
4. Next has to be the freak who threw the suitcase at my head. Now, this is what happened...we stopped in Omaha and I was very pleased to learn that Mr. Peterson would be taking leave of our presence. We were to get a new driver who, as it turned out, was a doll. But, not the brightest bulb on the strand. Pleased that Colonel Klink would no longer be on the bus, I walked back to my lovely aisle seat and sat my white ass down. All of a sudden this guy behind me started talking drunken, bi-polar and scary smack. He was saying things like "I am one ANGRY black man!", Some CAUCASIAN asked me to watch my language!" and "I'm bi-polar, my sister kicked me out today and I took 2 of her butcher knives.". All of these comments were peppered with "fucks" and "Ya know what I"m saying?'s". I was actually sort of laughing to myself and taking notes about that experience when it occurred to me that there was certainly going to be trouble afoot if nothing was done. So, being the nit wit that I am...I did something. I went and ratted out the angry black dude to the driver who then came on the bus and said, "I told you about this already! Didn't I warn you?" So, the driver, after many warnings that there was to be no drinking or drugging on the bus, had allowed a drunk, bi-polar, angry black man on the bus anyway. But...he DID warn him. Anyway, they politely asked him to get off of the bus and apparently kicked him off for good. That's when brain dead move number 2 comes in. They let the fool BACK on the bus to get his stuff (which may or may not contain 2 butcher knives.), unescorted by Opie, the local security guard, and right past the white bitch who turned him in. He started fucking with me as soon as he got back on the buss. Still, it all happened so fast that it never occurred to me to protect myself. When he passed me he was still jabbering drunkenly. But, one comment I did make out was, "Watch this!" For some reason, I chose not
to watch which may be a good thing because the next thing I felt was a suitcase to the head. Had I watched, it would have hit me in the face. It wasn't full-sized, that wouldn't have done as much damage. It was a little toiletry thing that was packed to the gills. I'm sure I did the right thing by disembarking and hiding behind Opie...but I DO so wish I had given him a sharp elbow to the chest followed by a foot to the throat. Much, much more on this subject...obviously.
5. OK...in Greeley Colorado, the bus station is actually a Budget Rent-A-Car and behind the counter is a chick who would love to scam any and all bus people she can...I would assume that she scams all of the car renters as well, but I have no evidence of that. When I went in to leave for Denver and meet up with my bus to LA, she told me that I had to buy a $19 ticket to Denver. I had just gotten out of the hospital after receiving a suitcase to the head on a Greyhound Bus, I didn't want to get back on that stupid thing anyway (thank God for xanax) and now they wanted MORE money to get me to LA and of course, I already paid for a ticket to LA. The hospital detour was NOT my idea. Then, after I decided to just speak directly to the driver, I went outside and met a guy who stopped in Greeley to see a chick and wanted to get back on the bus. The counter scam artist asked him for $15 to "certify" his ticket to wherever he was going after Denver. Then, as we stood there talking about what a crook she was, she walked out, got in her car and peeled out, with not a license plate, tag or bumper sticker on the back of her white vehicle. Anyone in Greeley has my permission to forward this to the Greeley authorities. The girlfriend visiting dude and I BOTH got to Denver without buying new tickets or getting old tickets "certified". Skank.
Man...I haven't even crossed the Rockies and I'm exhausted already. OK then, obviously, there are innumerable other creepy people who I will introduce to you over the next few posts. (OK, maybe MORE than a few, there seems to be an inordinate number of creepy people out there.) But for now, I have to go get a warm cup of coffee and enjoy the mess that is my home. And I'm glad to be back in it.
BTW...I realize that I may or may not have spelled Ogoolooloo properly, but if I didn't, I'm seriously really damn close.