How's this for Maury Povich?

With hideous number of illegitimate children...how do the young folk know if they're sleeping with their half sib? Maury could make a million more dollars and dollars by introducing family members who are closer than they ever knew? Ick, ick, ick.

How do YOU end a fight with a spouse?

I learned early in my "dealing with men" career that men cannot abide it when someone else wants "their" woman. My first real boyfriend broke up with me one summer as our song, "Love Will Keep Us Together" came on in his '67 Firebird on AM radio...probably WLS. He dropped me off at home where I spent time in seclusion until Thursday night when Welcome Back Kotter came on. Later that night I received a call from another guy who had been wanting to date me and we made a date for the next night. The next thing I did was call my ex and request my class ring back. I told him I was going out with Bill and I didn't think it appropriate to do so when he had my ring. That was all it took to mend our differences, the ex couldn't tolerate the thought of another man enjoying my company.

When Rick and I were married and we were temporarily separated (what he called the periods of time when he would date others), a similar situation occurred. Rick found out that I was dating another man and before I could say "English muffin", our marriage was salvaged. After that, I didn't bother dating when Rick and I were separated, I just told him I was. That was all it took. One 6 month separation was healed when the guy I was dating called Rick to "tell him all about" himself . When he told me what he had done (he did it because we had just had a squabble of our own), I thanked him.

He asked for what I was thanking him. I responded, "You just did something that I couldn't do in the past 6 months...you got my husband back for me."

I was right. I went to work that night at 11 to find Rick waiting outside with a necklace and a card begging me to take him back. The shoes had switched feet without any effort from me. Rick came to my job at 7 AM and helped me move back into our home. He quickly broke up with his tramp du jour and life went on swimmingly until he met his next husband screwing wench.

When Rick and I would fight, I noticed a pattern. He would be angry and I would try everything in my power to assuage his anger but his cruelty knew no bounds. Sooner or later I would begin crying and begging him to "forgive me" for whatever "transgression" I had committed. His cruelty seemed to be fueled by my tears.

At some point, the futility, frustration and fear left...and was quickly replaced with anger. Once I was acrimonious and sick of the behavior (the man who supposedly loved me) he used to make him feel like a man, he would...100% of the time...back down. The fight was over and all was well with the world. Nothing had changed, whatever had begun the battle was still quite present...but an angry woman sick of arguing is nowhere near as pliable as a crying women begging for peace. Once I realized that pattern, I would behave in quite a different manner. I skipped the begging and crying and went straight to acrimony. That tended to end battles before they ever really got going.

I don't mean to imply that anger is a good thing, but the situations in which I found myself left me without any other more efficient tactic. What I am suggesting is that, if you find yourself in situations of which you are entirely without control, pay attention to the tactics being used against you and study your own reactions. Search for patterns and think about how you can change the direction of any battle as quickly as possible. Avoid the parts that hurt you (in any way and to any degree), and observe the behavior of your "opponent".

Some people may call that "playing games" and they may be right. But game playing is not necessarily a bad thing. And if you've been dragged into a game with no way out that would be beneficial to you, you need to study the strategy of your opponent. This doesn't only apply to romantic relationships, anyone who likes to control people will eventually steer clear of you once you become less pliable.

This is a very important lesson to be learned by those who are trying to control their own destiny.

How to leave a dreadful relationship

It's a tough thing to do under the best of circumstances but that doesn't matter...a good exit plan works no matter what you're leaving behind. The hardest part of this type of plan is actually making the decision. Once you've done that, the fear will dissipate as you concentrate on your forward movement. The biggest fear is that of the unknown and until you take the first step into new territory, you know what you're doing and where you're going so fear becomes less of an issue as time goes by.

Most of our lives have been based on decisions made in our past. The size of the decision doesn't matter, the smallest of them can have you change tracks and send you reeling into places that are extremely difficult to exit. My first impression of Rick was an extremely negative one. But for some reason, his constant availability got to me. If I had stuck to my convictions, my life would be totally different. I can't change that but I can be more thoughtful of decisions I make today.

Most of us really DO know the difference between right and wrong yet we still do things that we know are wrong...at least for ourselves. If we could do the right thing when we were 6 years old, we can certainly do it as adults. The rules may have been easier then, but then again, we're smarter now.

So often we drift through life without a plan and circumstances occur beyond our control. If you are following a plan, you aren't likely to be swept away by life...especially if you're working toward a goal that is important to you.

Some people who are particularly manipulative are aware that a healthy stick is harder to break than a malnourished stick. They won't bother with situations that aren't easy for them to control. Put yourself first and keep yourself healthy. Anyone who has a problem with you taking care of yourself is not someone you need in your life. They're taking care of their own wants and needs at your expense...don't allow your life's blood to nourish someone who is more concerned with their own goals. That's what you call a parasite. Even the person paying all of the bills can be a parasite on one whom he wishes to manipulate.

Lastly, what would you advise your best friend to do under the same circumstances? Give them some advice. And then take it, you should be your own best friend.

OK...so I'm back...

...and I'm going to begin contemplating men instead. I've sacrificed time, effort and men for the sake of this blog and I'm not about to stop now. I usually do my best to protect the identity of the men I discuss, I think there are a lot of you out there who can attest to that. But when I, on a stupid day, repeatedly encounter one yahoo, you might be able to guess of whom I speak. So, without naming names, enjoy another discussion of the behavior of some men.

Some of you women out there know what I mean when I mention a controlling man. They all use different tactics to manipulate us into doing what they want us to do...or to stop us from doing something they don't want done. The problem is that there are far too many women who don't recognize the behaviors of a controlling man until it's too late. For them, I offer this list of red flags that best be taken seriously:

1. The date that never ends. You meet a guy and make plans for Friday night. Before you know it, it's Monday morning and he's still there.

2. He who looks behind doors has stood behind many. For reasons totally unbeknownst to you, your man is not as loving as he once was. You don't know about the affair or what he's telling the whore he's sleeping with. You don't know what she advises him to do in between blow jobs. He does know all of this so he must assuage his conscience and justify his behavior by throwing it back on you. Jealousy with no good reason is a big red flag, no matter what the circumstance may be.

3. The truth is 100 times worse than to what a liar admits. The slightest admission is a sure indicator of a cheating man. He may say that he gave her a ride home, but he leaves out the true, hideous events.

4. He has demonized the world. He usually begins with friends and moves on to your family, co-workers and neighbors. If you're lucky, you might have friends who know you well enough to ignore his stories, but far too many people will believe, to some extent, the lies he puts forth. Enough of the truth is entangled in the lies to make the stories believable. Do NOT Friend these people on Facebook.

5. You sit and watch him be pleasant to other people and when the two of you are alone, he is nowhere NEAR as pleasant to you. You seem to be the person he dislikes the most.

6. Along with being "disliked", you are never enjoyed. No matter how pleasant you are, there is always something to remove all chance for a nice time. Right then, you are in the last place you would ever choose to be, even behind a fart walking old man, you know...those farts that announce every step you take? My personal record is 8 steps in the fart-walking challenge. You're in a place that totally lacks smiles and all you can think of is that sitting alone in an emergency room waiting room would be more fun than listening to someone moan, bitch and whine about the most off the wall things that don't concern you in the least? If they DO concern you, you are expected to defend yourself in some way when you know damn well, you did nothing wrong.

7. A liar gets away with a LOT of lies before he gets caught so the numbers are on the liars' side. When you know you're dealing with a liar, you "listen" to them while thinking, "This all bullshit, I wish I had my earphones". If you know for a fact that your partner has lied, never, ever make judgments based on what they say. That's manipulation in it's purest form.

8. Eventually, he has something nasty to say about every single person known to the two of you. 100% of the time, he will say nasty things about you to others. You have no idea who he has told lies and what the lies are. This is how he will behave after he has assessed your boundaries and made note of your buttons.

9. He verbally states his status of payee to who you owe much. This type of man will have you believe that giving your life to him is nothing. He feels superior in what he perceives as his charitable nature for which you owe him something (everything?). Your mind, soul and body is obviously worthless and nothing.

10. You remember being loved by various men over the years. The difference is devastatingly blatant and, relatively speaking, borders on mistreatment.

I am what I am. If you like me, let's go have a laugh. If not, have a nice life, with your own personal sun always shining.

Happy New Year!

I know it's a bit late but the wishes are still there. I spent yesterday helping my dad so other than trying to catch up on my words games, I had little time to pontificate on anything today.

By the way, I have made a New Year's resolution this year, something I rarely do. I've decided to make this the Year Of Me. I'm not going to allow my kids to hurt me anymore, I'm over it. They may try but it won't work, they'll only be hurting themselves and I'd just as soon stay away from the part of my family that has learned too many poor lessons from those who enjoy speaking negatively of me. I recently learned that my ex and his new wife were being manipulated as much as I, that's why they had nothing good to say about me. The father of my children has been trying to talk sense to the kids (according to my daughter), so perhaps I was harsh on him as well. I've since learned that my kids have been justifying their own behavior by leaving out certain facts that would show me in a better light. So, dealing with a bunch of liars is a dangerous proposition indeed. I don't know who told whom what and now that I know my trust was misplaced, I can't take anything any of them say seriously. I don't try to fix problems that are peppered with lies from every direction, even from those who I trusted implicitly. So, once that is out of the picture, that leaves me...and my father...to get on with life in ways that I can control by staying away from liars that I never, in a million years, expected to be untruthful to me and everyone else when it comes to me.

Anyway, that's that. So, this year I'm doing some things that I had only been dreaming about. Travel is one thing that I am planning.

OOPS...gotta run, be back soon.