Hola!

Yo no feel goodo. I made so many promises to call people who called while I was in the hospital to see how I was. That made me feel good but I wouldn't have minded some flowers..or even a couple of those stupid balloons. Oh well, I made it out in one piece...AGAIN!

In just over 10 years I've had cancer twice, 3 aneurysms (one that bleeds every so often, not enough to cripple me, just enough to make me stupid.) I've had my gall bladder out, brain surgery and "oscopy's" out the yin yan. I've developed epilepsy, multiple sclerosis and a scorching case of the "old lady bitch thing" I don't even bother the minor crap like high blood pressure, heart palpitations and and a thickened bowel thing caused by a combination of two other totally unrelated health problems that I've had over the past 32 years.

I figure that in God has something in store for me, it must be one heckuva doozie. If not, my math has me down to one life on the 9 lives cat scale.

:)

This is a picture of me that was taken Saturday night. Believe it or not, I was, once again, in the hospital. This time I stayed from Thursday, February 11th to Tuesday the 23rd. I spent a LOT of time having tests...most of which I failed. This picture was taken in the middle of the night Saturday when one of my favorite nurses was putting a new IV in my left arm to replace the one in my right arm that had infiltrated. That's when the IV moves out of postion and the fluid enters your tissue surrounding the vein that the IV should be in. It leads to pain and swelling, which you can see in the picture if you look near the Band-aid up by my elbow. (At least you could see it on the larger picture, it seems smaller on this post.)

Anyway, long story short, I have an ischemic bowel. I've been having some symptoms lately that led me to think I was developing yet ANOTHER cancer...but all they found was the ischemic bowel and the painfully dilated common bile duct that has been annoying me ever since my cholycystectomy in '97. Also, when my oldest was born, he weighed 84 pounds and so did I. Instead of giving me a hysterectomy to get that Leviathan out of me, they did a "fourth degree episiotomy" which is when they "make one opening out of two". That's how it was explained to me back in '77. They gave my twat 5 months to "heal itself" and by the following May, it hadn't. So...they fixed it by redoing the episiotomy. No baby, just the same pain upon sitting down.

It seems as though THAT sucker has broken open again and as happened before, bodily gases, waste and blood all gets confused when choosing an outlet. That problem seems to be causing the other problem...the one with the ischemic bowel.

I had two procedures to see if they could fix that sucker but they didn't work. I have to call immediately to get an appointment to have another surgery done because, for some stupid reason, they couldn't do it as an in-patient.

By the way, I was put under with propofil and when they told me in the OR, I warned them that I better not hear anyone break out into a chorus of Thriller. Thankfully, they obliged.

I have so much more to tell you but it's really late and earlier today I was lying in a hospital bed so I think I'll grab some shut eye and be back tomorrow!

See ya!

Rick, you ignorant slut...

...I was hoping that the divorce would clue you in but obviously I was wrong. I guess I need to delve a bit more deeply into what a divorce means to a couple who have no children together.

I suppose it means whatever a couple wants it to mean. If that's so, you and I decided that our divorce would be a total divorce and that's why we had the restraining order made permanent. We both signed the papers and I have left you alone. I don't call you, I don't call your kids and I don't call anyone else in your family. I don't even search them out online.

You, on the other hand, refuse to leave me alone and if for one minute you think that contacting my children is not, in essence, contacting ME...you should be here for the fallout. In NO way would I have expected you to disrespect my divorce. I don't know why I thought that, probably for the same reason that I expected you to be faithful to my marriage. I know, I know, I shouldn't expect honor from such a dishonorable Scaramouch but still, you shocked the hell out of me when you tried to get information from my kids.

Leave me alone, obviously I cannot see you for the true shit you are...I constantly underestimate the depth of your deviant tendencies and I admit that. I thought that a divorce would remedy that problem but obviously, you can't quite help yourself so when it comes to me, PLEASE...just say NO.

When you sided with my ex husband against me, I should have realized that you were as misogynistic as my ex, my father and those allied with that ilk. But, as usual, I talked myself into believing that you were different. I now know that you are not any different from any of the other yahoos in my life who think that they can possibly know me at all. You don't know me, Mark doesn't know me and even my own father doesn't know me. The three of you SHOULD know me, but none of you do.

My father actually believes that I stole a car from him. I can let that go because he's close to a thousand years old. Mark doesn't know me and I've made my peace with that. I assumed that there were enough people who did know me well enough to counteract the bullshit that he tells them. Luckily, there are many people in his family who see him for what he is but unfortunately, that doesn't apply to everyone he knows so I do my best to stay away from people who are stupid enough to believe him.

None of you cowardly nit wits would do this to another man. My idiot ex will believe any man who tells him that I do drugs, even if the person making the claim is a well-known druggie. I don't understand the illogical nature of that behavior, but I do understand the Serenity Prayer so I'm OK with it all.

I need to take my dog out...he shouldn't suffer because you're a dick.

BRB.

OK, I'm back.

While I was walking the dog, I tried to think of a way to get my point across but no matter how well I might be able to put my thoughts into words, I still have a hard time explaining the blatantly obvious. That makes this a bit difficult but I'm going to try to do my best.

I know I said that I would tell the world about your children if you kept on disregarding my wishes. But, when it comes right down to it, I can't do that. My bad...I have a sense of decency that won't allow me to do that, even when it comes to your children. But I thought you would have enough concern for your kids that you would leave MINE alone once I made the threat. It NEVER occurred to me that I would have to act on the threat, I sincerely thought that your paternal instincts would tell you to do the right thing.

I was wrong. So, I'm not here to hurt your children. I wish I were able to do that...but I can't. Nevertheless, since you care so little about MY kids, I will do my best to offend something that you might care about...your job. I don't know how you passed a drug test for any workplace, but it would appear to me that All Electronics of Kalispell, Montana doesn't care about maintaining a drug-free workplace. Of course, it's always possible that you supply the drugs to the entire company in which case you wouldn't be expected to be working unaffected by drugs. I wouldn't want you working on MY electronic equipment...but that's just me. I suppose the people in Kalispell might not care WHO works on their stuff.

Some people would see a drug addict and understand the unethical nature of the character involved. For others, it would take a liar to offend sensibilities. Personally, I understand the offensive nature of a liar. I would rather come across a thief because you can call the cops and put one of them in jail. On the other hand, there's very little that can be done with a liar. You, better than anyone, know the pathological nature of your tendency to lie. According to you, you are the ONLY person in your ENTIRE family who isn't procreating. Have any one of the females in your family EVER made it to age 19 without becoming pregnant? Have any of the males ever made it to 19 without impregnating someone?

Having children out of wedlock doesn't necessarily imply a person of poor character. But, when doing so is a family tradition and that family doesn't have a single member with a lick of decency, someone should point out the devastating effect that those such as you and yours can have on a society. If we ALL chose to satiate desires of the flesh without giving any thought to the potential consequences, we would be very little than bunny rabbits. Just because someone is able to reproduce, it doesn't mean that they should. Not every erection needs to be stuck into the nearest female. You may be unaware of this but there are men and women who have children because they are ready to afford one and at a place in life where they have the ability to nurture and teach a child. It's a concept that many other people ARE aware of and I thought I'd mention it to you. You might want to write that down and send it out at the holidays, your family is one that would do well to ponder the idea.

If, on the other hand, there isn't ONE person in your family who has any desire to make a better life for their kids, they might do well to explain the benefits of purposeful procreation to their own kids so that the next generation of you people will not be so hideously addicted to immediate gratification.

But, knowing you, that won't happen. It's far too embedded in your lifestyle and psyche to change now. Pity.

But, you aren't here to hear what I think about your family's lack of honor. You're here to tackle the issue and meaning of the word DIVORCE. A divorce is what happens when two people, for whatever reason, decide NOT to spend their lives together. It's sort of the opposite of marriage. When you and I married, we vowed to blend two families and become one family until one of us died. Unfortunately, you didn't die. You simply broke every vow you made. As a result, I divorced you. Apparently divorce is a bit trickier than marriage because in a divorce, the rules are spelled out rather specifically. I guess people assume that a marriage is an easy idea because in the wedding vows people generally agree to keep themselves only for each other.

I know you didn't grasp that because you continued to screw other women long after I specifically requested that you refrain from doing so. I guess you had no reason not to...respect, honesty and strength of character eluded you and without any other reason not to, fuck others you did. Like a dog in heat, you did and will continue to screw whatever spreads it's legs for you. That's no longer my problem. But, the divorce terms ARE a problem for me.

I shouldn't have to make a request every time you dishonor me or my divorce. But, like that request I made of you to stop screwing other women, I am more than willing to ask you to stay the hell out of my life. The families did not blend so they were dismissed to their own corners. That means that you must stay in your own corner. If you want me in your corner, ask me and I'll consider it. But I'm perfectly happy in my own corner and I'd like to stay here. I'd also like to furnish my corner with people whom I can trust. You are not such a person.

The problem with you darkening my corner is that there ARE honorable people here. Your presence makes them uncomfortable because they know what hideous harm you did to my entire life and they don't think much of you. Neither them nor I deserve to be reminded of your existence. There are also a few people over here who know nothing of what you did to me and when you pop up and I find out about it, I have to explain why I find you so unpleasant. I hate going over that again and again. I shouldn't have to, once again, because we are DIVORCED. You are nothing to me except a bad memory and I'd like to keep it that way. I find that difficult to do when I have to explain to someone that you left me to screw someone in another state while I was in the hospital to have surgery, you brutalized me because I wanted the truth from you and you do not have the capacity to keep your twisted penis in your pants. You see, people who were not there to see your behavior that summer have no clue of what you are capable. The decent people in my life don't need to hear about you and your despicable ilk.

How about this...I promise not to force decency upon you and your family and in return, I'd like for you to cease forcing your special brand of cowardice upon mine.

My nit wit ex husband...

...Rick Kelso, has chosen to complain to my children about the email that I sent him requesting he refrain from contacting my kids. I'm in the middle of making lasagna otherwise I would answer the jack ass now. As it is, I have company coming over and I must finish making dinner.

I WILL be back.

Sometimes I wonder

If the uncontemplated life is not worth living...

...can we take out those who are too stupid to contemplate even their own navels? If he doesn't think...can I make him cease to be? If the only thing we can be sure of is doubt...then of this I am sure...I doubt my ex husbands will ever disappear from my daily routine.

Before mentioning recent actions by one of my idiot ex's...I considered the fact that I might look bitter years after the divorce. Unfortunately, divorce doesn't occur in a vacuum. See, this is why I'd rather be widowed. When a husband dies, he pretty much stays dead. When he screws other women and you divorce him, he can continue to pop up...and I might add...quite unexpectedly.

I NEVER in a MILLION years would have thought that my ex would be communicating with my family members. I don't fault the family members...I didn't divorce them. I divorced the sonofabitch that I was married to...oh so many years ago. He can't seem to honor my divorce any better than he honored my marriage.

I don't have many ex's...but other than the father of my children, there's no room in my life for the castoffs. I have a reasonable and self disciplined man to spend my time with and the more time that I DO spend with him, the worse my ex looks. None of his actions that lead to our divorce appear any less cowardly with the passage of time. Rather, I see him for what he is, what he was and what he shall remain...a yellow coward who offers nothing to anyone unless doing so serves himself. He looks all the more disgusting in retrospect and I'm nowhere near as bitter as I am really, really mad at myself for drinking until that pig started to look good.

The past doesn't usually take up much of my time, I'm ordinarily more of an "in the moment" chick. But at any given moment, I'm unprepared to hear ANYTHING from my past or the cretins who populate it. But, some part of DIVORCE is mystifying to one of them...the part that implies FUCK OFF! I'm usually happy from one day to the next and I don't want any reminders from my hideous judgement to pop up when I least expect it. That doesn't make me bitter...it just means that I have CHOSEN not to forgive his lying ass and the fact that he has a serious problem with simple concepts like fidelity in marriage or fucking off in divorce.

I could do it, but I don't want to. We don't have to forgive every single person who wrongs us...no one expects us to forgive Nazi's and the person who stole more of my life than prison will take from OJ Simpson is simply not forgivable. It is what it is...the evil of my life and as such I won't "let it go". I'll walk away, happily. That's good enough for me, I can't do anything else. I just wish it were good enough for those from whom I seek to escape.

If this particular animal shows his usual stripes, the recent intrusions into my life are indications of his dissatisfaction with his own life and with himself. I must admit that I find that somewhat gratifying. I would have preferred the divorce to be over when I signed the actual divorce papers...but this is good too.

Postcript:

My ex is why women should not drink and date.

You know...

...I just don't understand men. I can't get the father of my kids out of my life because he IS the father of my kids. But one would think that after inspiring the conception of this blog, my most recent ex would do his best to remain a distant and hideous memory.

One would be wrong.

My daughter was searching online for a picture of one of his kids so that she could show it to a friend who would immediately understand why my daughter continues to rant about her idiot ex step brother who put the make on her when I was still married to his father. Somehow she ended up on Facebook and she found that both of her real brothers were listed as friends of my ex.

I was not at all pleased so I decided to see what I could do to get the message to my sons that I wasn't happy with their choice of friends. After listening to my daughter discuss it with one of them, I decided that I shouldn't put my boys in that position and my anger wasn't with them anyway, so much as it was with my idiot ex who had, we learned, friend requested my sons on his own. Why he would do that, I surely do not know. But I slept on it and when I woke up the next day, I found myself acrimonious at the fool and dreadfully annoyed at his stupid self. So, I sent him an email telling him that if he didn't want ME in HIS life, he would do well to stay out of mine.

It sort of worked, he took down his Facebook page altogether. He didn't really need to do that but it was good enough for me. His MySpace page is still there, but as far as I know, he hasn't stalked me or my kids on that thing yet. If he does, I assure you, I will go to Montana and ask him personally to stay away from me and mine.

Our divorce makes my restraining order permanent. Perhaps it can't be enforced in Montana, but I would have thought that the nit wit would at least avoid my family members who live in Georgia, the one state that does have jurisdiction over my restraining order. I don't remember what the stupid thing says but I would imagine that my family is covered in any language that it contains even if it is only implied or ethically obvious.

The ethically obvious is not as apparent to my ex as it is to normal people so I shouldn't be at all surprised at one more of his ethically challenged actions. I shouldn't be, but still I was quite taken aback by the foolhardy nature of his social networking. Hell, that fool is a social moron from way back yet his lack of honor or decorum never ceases to amaze.

It wouldn't be so bad if my ex's had anything to do with my life. But I've seen one of them twice in 20 years and the other, not once in 5 years. Yet still, they continue to obsess and obtrude into my life with allegations that are either from 1986 or 2003. I could just say that I'm innocent of all charges but it wouldn't make a bit of difference to those yahoos. It's not the truth they seek, it's the memory of ME that gets them going. So, how about this...true or not, these fools haven't been witness to any action by me in so long that it doesn't matter if I did do cocaine in 1985. If I had been arrested for it, I would have long ago been released into society and forgiven by our legal system.

I can't take back any of my actions but if I could, it wouldn't be that I drank a LOT 30 years ago, or that I snorted coke in the 80's...I would take back the actions that led me to meet those two nimrods in the first place.

Postscript:

I am SO not done with this.

Man...

...I hate navigating relationships in my old age. When I was younger, I didn't give it much thought. I figured that if there was chemistry, it must be right. I've since figured out that there are a LOT of chemically active men but you don't need to give in to every single chemical reaction that you run across. And none too soon, I might add. I could find myself a silly old lady who likes to sample every single old man who knocks on my door. That can't be any brighter now than screwing the entire football team would have been in 1975 and I was smart enough not to do that then...I like to think I've learned a bit since.

I have my own man now and I went into this one carefully. I didn't pay much attention at first but he earned my attention by coming to visit me in the hospital every chance he got. He never had to do that but he did. He's done nothing but nice stuff and I have absolutely no reason to doubt him or his intentions.

Actually, I know what his intentions are because I asked him. I told him that usual line that I give guys when I'm about to dump them only this time I kept the guy. The line goes something like this, "There comes a time in every relationship where you reach a point where you commit or walk away." I usually tell a guy that I'll be waving bye bye at this point. But I told this one that I needed to walk away if HE wasn't ready to commit. He was good with it and said that he agreed with me. Perfect...ey?

Well, if there's anything I know I can screw up, it's perfection. My mother always said that I would wait until someone started to get close and then I would push them away by doing something stupid. She was right. I didn't know that until now...I'm much more aware of what I'm doing and that's pretty much it.

This poor guy has no clue what he's in for. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and he hasn't untied any shoe that I've noticed. Aren't I hideous? I find myself untieing a shoe that has no business coming off. Oh well, life's a bitch.

I'm waiting for the weather to get a bit better before I go exploring more. This Los Angeles place is rather odd. It's amazing how many people actually work in show business. It seems like everyone I meet has either directed a movie, edited popular TV shows or, like my daughter's friend, just works for the Academy so that he gets tickets to the Oscars. As far as I know, I won't be walking any Red Carpets soon, but I assure you, I'll let you know if I do. For now the best I can do is walk over to CBS Studios and snag myself some tickets to see Drew Carey on The Price is Right. It may not be much, but hell, they don't pass out new cars at the Oscars.

I've been to that show before but I didn't get picked to TRY to play a game. I don't see my personality changing anytime soon so they probably STILL won't pick me. BUT...I do have Thor.

I haven't pushed him away yet so we still have the chance to go on The Price is Right and you don't NOT notice Thor. He's huge and he has a booming, easy laugh that he can't seem to control. It suits him...I like it. And...I think he's just the type to get chosen to play a game. Yep...that'd be fun.

I'd have to get him to agree that I get half of anything he wins as a result of my excellent advice. I haven't watched that show in years but, if memory serves...I was quite good at it. Maybe Thor is, I haven't seen him play. That's a thought, I'll have to get his butt over here to play some Price is Right games on YouTube or something before I agree to get a ticket for him. Yeah...that's a good idea.

Well, that's my break for now. I promised my daughter that I would keep on cleaning if she left and she did her part...she's not here right now. So, I figure I should have something to show for myself in the morning when she asks, "Well? What have you got to show for yourself?"

:):):)