OK...

...my sleep is so screwed up. I just woke up. I woke up at 4 because a friend called me to wake me up, and then I fell back to sleep. I haven’t been up too long. I got up and immediately had a big spoonful of frosting. Did you know that they make it in individual serving sizes now? Yep. A big ol’ tub of frosting all to yourself, and it comes in many flavors. Mine is Cream Cheese. Damn...it’s some good stuff. I'm going back for more.

I just saw Martha Stewart on TV, she is such a hoot. She has her own Apprentice Show where she gets to fire people and try to be rude to them. Is there anyone on the planet who wants to see Martha angry? Why would someone take a woman like that and put her on a show where she has to be a bitch? Apparently, it comes easy enough to Martha, but seriously, aren’t there enough nasty people on TV? Why should we take this woman and watch her be nasty? I wouldn’t want to watch Mary Tyler Moore act like a bitch, why Martha?

I’m still in my jammies and if I play this right, I never have to get out of them at all today. I can wash clothes, and I think I will. Friday is the day that my kids will be here so I need to clean everything today and tomorrow. Oh, I probably should clean my room, you never know when I might have to sleep on my own bed. My daughter and I will probably get all girlsy and change clothes a few times everyday so we will be needing a clean dressing room anyway.

Oh...to the sweet little guy who thinks that I am blowing him off....AU CONTRAIRE DUDE! ‘Twas I who thought that you were blowing me off. I figure that if I put it up here, you might take me seriously...everyone knows how serious I ALWAYS am...so I shouldn’t have to prove it but I shall. OK? We’ve had far too much fun for me to start trying to lose you. I will say, you should have called...but I’m willing to let it slide. Remember what you said about “guys never call the day you give them your number?” You said that it’s a pride thing, an unwritten rule amongst men. Well...here’s another one for you...women, at least the women that are not going to end up on American Justice, try to avoid being pushy. We won’t make unrequited contact twice. Now, I realize that there is a possibility that you made last contact and it was up to me now. I get that. But, I am a female and we are a bit unpredictable.

Therefore, my logic, if you would be so kind as to call it that, was this...I’m a nice lady and we did have fun. Now, I'm waiting to see if you are going to write me back because by Monday afternoon, I was worried that you wouldn’t write to me again. But...I can’t let YOU know that, another unwritten rule. So, I had to sit there. You see, when you allow a female to sit there, she starts on a slow burn and that’s never a good place to START. So, by early Monday evening, I was annoyed. So, I stopped worrying about it and went to bed.

Then, on Tuesday, I was just acrimonious. But I knew that, should you suddenly call, I had to play it off like I was just playing croquet out back and be pleasant for the entire conversation. That just rubbed me the wrong way. I couldn’t take it anymore. We were threw. I had already argued about 4 times for us both and I felt as though we couldn’t really go anywhere but down after all that was said. After a late night "heated discussion" with you, I was a little sad. We both said things we didn't mean and that was just wrong. But somehow I finally fell alseep.

This morning I woke up a new woman. Ready to start life again. Everything was going well and then I saw your email in my inbox. I read it to myself and just had to give you some advice...I would have gone for funny before I went for assuming bad crap. But that’s OK, it means you took everything seriously. Cool.

Well, that was exhausting.

Meg

To the guy who wanted to know what he did wrong, you should have let your wife know that you cared in one way or another. We women can take a little love and go a very long way with it. That little bit is all we need. But if you refuse to give even that tiny bit, you send a message much louder to us. You can leave a women to stew all weekend or you can leave her to think of you with a smile on her face...you decide by how you treat her on Friday. One little I love you goes a long way.

I am freezing...

...and my dog keeps touching me with his big, wet and cold dog nose. My nit wit son keeps turning the heat down below 70. If he does it again I'm going to make him pay for the gas bill...or the electric bill, I don't know which one fuels the heat. Oh hell, he can pay both of them. I'm far too cold to deal with this myself.

I sleep under a thousand blankets so I'm good when I'm in bed. But, when I wake up, the house is ice cold because the kid comes home after I go to bed and turns the heat down when he passes the thermostat. I want to buy one of those that has a huge cage over the controls like they have in schools.

The house was never this cold when Rick was here. I don't know why...but no one touched the thermostat then. Maybe everyone was afraid of Rick...but I didn't freeze my ass off when he was here. Now I'm totally in charge but I can't seem to get control of the things that I pay for all by myself. I'd love to go back to that cabin and turn the gas fire up and just wait for the warmth to come and get me. But, I can't afford to pay $200 a night just to stay warm.

So the Bears lost again yesterday and I'm not even annoyed at that because for some reason, I knew they were going to lose at the beginning of the game. I don't know why, but I did. At halftime, I made some turkey ala king and when I sat down on my chair to eat it, I spilled it all over myself and the chair. It was so hot that I burned my leg with the stuff. I didn't realize that a bunch of it went into my hair until later...now I have a bunch of hairs all stuck together. I haven't had this happen since the last time I gave a guy a blow job. That's fun...isn't it? I was just minding my own business...sucking a dick and all of a sudden I realized that if I didn't do something soon...I was gonna gag so I made a strategic change in my technique and ended up with a head full of man stuff and then my hair was all glued together when I woke up. I haven't done that since. Remember when I wrote about the different blow jobs? If not...here it is:

http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2005/11/this-post-is-rated-o-for-oh-martha.html

I was doing the "OK so you've bought me a nice piece of jewelry blow job" and he must have thought that he was getting the "I'm here for the duration blowjob" and he just came on my hair. I hate when that happens, don't you? I've never left anything on my partners head after sex so I don't know why men think they can leave stuff on mine. Of course, most of my experience has been with bald men but even if I could, I wouldn't leave a mess on someone's head. A bald head would be pretty icky, just a blob of crap on the scalp.

So here I am with a head full of turkey ala king and no one to blame but myself. I need to shower and lose that stuff before the guy who came on my head comes over and sees this. He might get all horny just thinking about it and I'm not in the mood for any dick sucking now. I was when I wasn't getting any sex...but now I've had enough for a while and I don't want anymore for the time being. That's the nice thing about being single...I don't have sex unless I want it. The rest of the time, I just sit at home and avoid the phone.

I know I COULD have sex if I wanted it and that's good enough. I would just make a couple of phone calls and then wait for the doorbell to ring. I hear that men can't do that. What a shame. I wonder why that is?

I guess I'm getting older and that must have something to do with it. The last time Rick left I couldn't find enough men. Now I don't care as much. I can go without one for a good while. The last time I wanted one, I found one so as long as I know that I can get one in a pinch...I'm OK. I should be careful though...if I don't call them at least once in a while, they might get married or something like that so I can't totally ignore them.

There is the one guy that Rick was so worried about but he STILL hasn't made a move on me even though I've been alone with him in his house. I still haven't so much as seen his bedroom. Damn, Rick has been gone for over 2 years and this guy still hasn't given me more than a big bear hug. I always thought that he was respecting my marriage but that's been dead for so long that I'm really baffled over this one. He calls every other month or so and we might get together for a while but we never do more than play pool in his basement or sit at his bar and chat. He does play the accordion for me but all I do is try to keep from laughing when he does. (I bite my tongue really hard to avoid the huge guffaw that I feel erupting.)

Oh well, it would be nice to get a new list of men to call so maybe I need to start going out again. I almost went out last night but I couldn't get a ride. I asked my son to drop me off somewhere...I said, "You can drop me off at the place that I want to go or if you don't...I'll take a cab to where you're going to be." He didn't fall for that one and I didn't back it up. If the Bears weren't on TV, I might have gone ahead and done it but I didn't. I just sat in my recliner with a blob of turkey ala king on my head.

I guess it's time to shower and get that crap out of my hair. I'll be back later.

Meg

Solving Domestic Problems by Meg

THIS POST IS RATED O FOR:

“Oh Martha...get the kids outta here!”

Well...as any woman would...I tried to avoid this blowjob stuff for a while. I didn’t know what to say about them so I sort of just put it off and put it off. Now, I just have to bite it and get this over with.

Blowjobs.

Oh...the blowjob. That thing that any woman can do to get a guy to hold still when all else fails. Oddly enough...it isn’t considered sex anymore.Do you suppose Clinton would still feel the same if he had caught someone sucking on Hillary’s dick? I doubt it.

When I was a teenager...they made a movie about blowjobs. Well, actually I guess it was more about a lady who liked to give them. I won’t go into the details as not to ruin it for those who haven’t yet seen the movie Deep Throat. Linda Lovelace was a blowjob superhero of sorts back then.

She taught us all HOW to Deep Throat...but never made it OK to actually DO the Deep Throat without looking bad. How do you tell a man that he has to get down on his knees as you are lieing on your back with your head hanging off the bed without having him wonder how in the hell you knew how to do that? Most of us must keep our skills a bit of a secret for a while just so that men don’t start wondering how we got so good at it. So...without letting on exactly what we are capable of...we just do the regular, everyday blowjob where you just go down when the guy happens to be in a good position for reception. Even just doing that, you run the risk of hearing this...."Damn girl, you suck a mean dick.” Sort of a reference of which, I have many.

A very long time ago I learned how wise it is for a woman to learn how to perform the ancient art of cock sucking. There are many, many different types of blowjobs. There is the “I just want you to get hard and climb on top of me.” blowjob that doesn’t last any longer than it has to...just long enough to get the dude ready for HIS work...not really anything you’d put too much time and effort into. It is rather utilitarian...it works well and is pretty damn efficient...but not too much fun. Of course...it IS a blowjob and it will get the job done.

Then, there is the everyday, “OK...so we’re having really good sex tonight.” blowjob. You have to put a bit of effort into that blowjob. It just occurred to me that my word processor recognizes that word, LOLOL...slut that it is. You don’t have to be too good to perform this particular blowjob...you just sort of do whatever you think you should be doing when you hear the word “Blowjob.” Of course, you have to suck....blow is just an expression.

Then, there is the...“OK...so you bought me a nice piece of jewelry.” blowjob. This takes time and knowledge of what a man enjoys. Yes...I do know that. I don’t know what in the hell you call all of those parts of the mighty penis and his buddies, but I do have a pretty good working knowledge of what parts you do what to and how quickly or slowly, that you should be doing it if you want to make his toes wiggle. That one lasts a bit longer than the previous blowjob...and you have to put your neck in harm’s way to do it properly.

OK....one of the most annoying, yet Must Know’s of the dick sucking repertoire....the “OK...I’m here for the duration.” blowjob. Now...with this blowjob, a woman has to know a few things to avoid gagging. She must know how to recognize that toe wiggling and be ready to throw that bad boy way back into the deepest recesses of her mouth at just the right time. And...she should not be surprised by the salty, caviar-like nature of...the fruits of her labor.

Lastly and most importantly of all...is the Linda Lovelace “I really, really enjoy this crap” blowjob. I can’t go into things like that here...I must pretend not to know of such things for right now. My next husband might be reading this and then what would I do when he starts asking what I was talking about here? If I’m not careful, I could find myself doing this every single night of my life.

No woman enjoys that enough to do it every single night. But...we must all be willing to do it if we have to. You just never know when some guy will come along that’s worth the time and effort. Little else can get a dude coming back daily with flowers than a really good blowjob.

A few other things that you should know about blowjobs...always put your lips over your teeth as not to cause harm. No one wants a guy jumping around too much when he’s all the way...well, you get the picture. Also...you should learn to handle this without gagging. There’s a little thing that you can do with your throat to further that cause and it cannot be taught....that shit is just innate in some women.

Well, that’s about the best I can do with a blowjob short of actually performing one and there are just too many of you out there for that so this will have to do.

OK then....this has been a public service announcement from the American Blowjob Company.

See ya,

Meg

THIS POST IS RATED O FOR:

“Oh Martha...get the kids outta here!”

Well...as any woman would...I tried to avoid this blowjob stuff off for a while. I didn’t know what to say about them so I sort of just put it off and put it off. Now, I just have to bite it and get this over with.

Blowjobs.

Oh...the blowjob. That thing that any woman can do to get a guy to hold still when all else fails. Oddly enough...it isn’t considered sex anymore.

Do you suppose Clinton would still feel the same if he had caught someone sucking on Hillary’s dick? I doubt it.

When I was a teenager...they made a movie about blowjobs. Well, actually I guess it was more about a lady who liked to give them. I won’t go into the details as not to ruin it for those who haven’t yet seen the movie Deep Throat. Linda Lovelace was a blowjob superhero of sorts back then.

She taught us all HOW to Deep Throat...but never made it OK to actually DO the Deep Throat without looking bad. How do you tell a man that he has to get down on his knees as you are lieing on your back with your head hanging off the bed without having him wonder how in the hell you knew how to do that? Most of us must keep our skills a bit of a secret for a while just so that men don’t start wondering how we got so good at it. So...without letting on exactly what we are capable of...we just do the regular, everyday blowjob where you just go down when the guy happens to be in a good position for reception.

Even just doing that, you run the risk of hearing this...."Damn girl, you suck a mean dick.” Sort of a reference of which, I have many.

A very long time ago I learned how wise it is for a woman to learn how to perform the ancient art of cock sucking. There are many, many different types of blowjobs. There is the “I just want you to get hard and climb on top of me.” blowjob that doesn’t last any longer than it has to...just long enough to get the dude ready for HIS work...not really anything you’d put too much time and effort into. It is rather utilitarian...it works well and is pretty damn efficient...but not too much fun. Of course...it IS a blowjob and it will get the job done.

Then, there is the everyday, “OK...so we’re having really good sex tonight.” blowjob. You have to put a bit of effort into that blowjob. It just occurred to me that my word processor recognizes that word, LOLOL...slut that it is. You don’t have to be too good to perform this particular blowjob...you just sort of do whatever you think you should be doing when you hear the word “Blowjob.” Of course, you have to suck....blow is just an expression.

Then, there is the...“OK...so you bought me a nice piece of jewelry.” blowjob. This takes time and knowledge of what a man enjoys. Yes...I do know that. I don’t know what in the hell you call all of those parts of the mighty penis, but I do have a pretty good working knowledge of what parts you do what to and how quickly or slowly, that you should be doing it if you want to make his toes wiggle. That one lasts a bit longer than the previous blowjob...and you have to put your neck in harm’s way to do it properly.

OK....one of the most annoying, yet Must Know’s of the dick sucking repertoire....the “OK...I’m here for the duration.” blowjob. Now...with this blowjob, a woman has to know a few things to avoid gagging. She must know how to recognize that toe wiggling and be ready to throw that bad boy way back into the deepest recesses of her mouth at just the right time. And...she should not be surprised by the salty, caviar-like nature of...the fruits of her labor.

Lastly and most importantly of all...is the Linda Lovelace “I really, really enjoy this crap” blowjob. I can’t go into things like that here...I must pretend not to know of such things for right now. My next husband might be reading this and then what would I do when he starts asking what I was talking about here? If I’m not careful, I could find myself doing this every single night of my life.

No woman enjoys that enough to do it every single night. But...we must all be willing to do it if we have to. You just never know when some guy will come along that’s worth the time and effort. Little else can get a dude coming back daily with flowers than a really good blowjob.

A few other things that you should know about blowjobs...always put your lips over your teeth as not to cause harm. No one wants a guy jumping around too much when he’s all the way...well, you get the picture. Also...you should learn to handle this without gagging. There’s a little thing that you can do with your throat to further that cause and it cannot be taught....that shit is just innate in some women.

Well, that’s about the best I can do with a blowjob short of actually performing one and there are just too many of you out there for that so this will have to do.

OK then....this has been a public service announcement from the American Blowjob Company.

See ya,

Meg

Although I won't count on it...

...until it happens, as it stands now, I'm supposed to leave for that judge show on the 22nd. I'll stay out there until the following Sunday.

The travel department called me yesterday to confirm everything, but they did that last time too. They even went so far as to Fed-Ex me all the hard copies of the stuff that I would need on Tuesday for a Wednesday morning flight and then they called me Tuesday evening to cancel. If I would have been out that night, I wouldn't have gotten the message and I would have gone ahead to the airport. I don't know how they get tickets in your name and then cancel them without you but somehow they do.

The chick who I spoke to yesterday said that there would be a car waiting for me. I jokingly asked, "Will he have a sign with my name on it?" She said that he would! So, for the first time in my life, I will have one of those dudes standing in the airport holding a card with my name on it. I think I'll wear a hat and BIG sunglasses just to make people wonder.

If I should be lucky enough to win this lawsuit (or even lucky enough to win part of it!), the first thing I'm going to do is catch up on some bills and then I'm going to go spend some time with my daughter.

My doctor finally got the x-rays from the ER and he wants me to go TODAY to get my blood drawn. When I initially developed my cancer, the ER doc is the one who figured it out after I had broken two bones in two months and then developed a kidney stone. The parathyroid gland regulates calcium and phosphorus levels in your blood and the tumors, while very small, put out a LOT of parathyroid hormone. I had so much calcium pulled out of my bones that they were breaking easily and so much in my blood that I developed a kidney stone. My doctor never figured it out so since I broke a bone, I bet he wants to be sure to be the one to notice that his patient has cancer before the ER doc ends up doing it again. So, he wants to check my calcium level again to see if the tumor is coming back...and I am less than a year from being considered "cured".

I'm not going to worry about that stuff now, it doesn't do any good. I worried like hell about Rick and my health in '04 and all it got me was a constant state of panic and this blog.

Anyway, now I have to figure out some way to pay for the blood work. I'm not using the money in my checking account, it's for bills and I just cannot afford the $200 they want for the blood draw. I don't know what the DEUCE I'm going to do.

This is the exact reason that I have Xanax. I have to take 3 a day now and I rarely take that many. There are just too many things for me to worry about today.

BUT....yesterday I went on a date with a guy who brought a wheelchair with him. I didn't use it, I just couldn't tell him no again after he offered to come pick me up with a wheelchair. We went out and talked for a while. It was pretty cool. He restores and collects old hot rods for a hobby.

He picked me up in his company car...a nice, sedate little Altima. Then, he told me about his 68 Camaro that he's taking to Ohio (I think he said Ohio) for some big car show. And then he mentioned his NEW Corvette and I said, "You have all of those cars and you picked me up in an Altima?!"

He laughed and said he was coming home from work and that he would never let that happen again.

I felt at ease talking to this guy so I said, "Are you one of those chauvinistic psycho's or do you let women drive your cars?" I love to phrase such questions as a challenge. :)

He said he didn't mind so long as he was in the car. So, with any luck at all, I should be driving one of those cars soon. I won't go nuts with them even though it'll be tempting, he has land behind his house that he uses to drive however he wants to drive. Must be nice.

Of all guys to have a date with after I fixed my own car with a coat hanger and some folded up newspaper! This guy just spent $3,500 for something on that Camaro that it didn't need, he just wanted it to have one. He told me what it was but I forgot.

He's 3 years older than I am but to me, he looks more like my grandfather. He even has a horseshoe diamond ring like my grandfather wore. I don't date too many men with nicer jewelry than my own.

When I told him that I was 50...he didn't believe me. He thought that I was younger. I get that a lot but people usually believe me when I tell them my age. After all, what kind of idiot would lie and say that they're 50 when they're actually YOUNGER than that? I wouldn't do that...not even for a senior's discount. (Damn, I got my AARP card and I was so disgusted that I threw it away without thinking. Someone told me that you DO get discounts with that sucker at 50. I thought you had to be older to get a senior's discount. I'll have call to the AARP people and tell them that I had temporary old people's dementia so they will send me another one.)

After the guy dropped me off, I started thinking about how I would handle dating someone so obviously old. If he really is 53, and I have no reason to doubt him...then he looks every day of it. But, he loves old cars like I do and he really IS the right age for me. Guys my own age rarely ask me out. I usually have MUCH younger men asking me out. I don't even bother with them except for having fun. I'll go out and play with them but I wouldn't ever get serious with one of them.

I don't really know why, if there's one thing that I've learned, it's that men don't just turn decent when they get older. So, I really have no reason to be so biased about age. If anything, older men are more awkward at being jerks because they don't look as cute as the younger guys when they do stupid shit. And they don't lose any of their confidence, just their hair. Funny how that one works. Hair falls out of their head, gets rewired and comes out the ears. Yet still they think that a woman will crumble like they did when the guy had hair where it belonged.

You know, I think the reason that I don't go out with much younger guys is that I worry about all the other women that will be after them. I wouldn't want to compete with any other women and the younger the guy, the more time he has to be tempted by wopigs. But now that I think about it, an older guy with money would probably have a VERY similar problem. Aw crap!

How do I deal with THAT? I never thought about other women when I was fantasizing about some rich dude who would come and solve all my problems. Oh man, this sucks! That makes it all much, much less fun. Oh well, I'll drive his cars and expect nothing but a good time.

Oh, he's a Type A personality and apparently rather obsessive about keeping himself busy. Hence the cars and the houseful of antiques he has because he loves to restore THEM as well. I don't know if I mentioned it or not but when I got a new oven, I had to remove the cabinet doors that go to the cabinets above the oven. Let me show you what I mean:





Although the working part of the oven fits but the top part is about an inch too tall. When I had the oven installed, I just had the guy take down the cabinet doors and figured that at worst, I could fix them myself. All they need is to be shortened a bit and then the hardware needs to be centered and that's it. I'd have to resurface it but that would just give me a reason to do the entire kitchen.

Anyway, I mentioned it to this guy and he said that he could fix them easily. I knew it was an easy job, I just didn't have the proper tools. He does so I'll let him do the manly thing and take care of my carpentry chore. I'll even make him dinner for doing it. I may be spoiled but I'm quite reasonable and I show my appreciation well. (And NO, I do NOT sleep with a guy for such a minor task. But, if I was ALREADY sleeping with him, I might put a bit of extra effort into it...remember this post...http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2005/11/this-post-is-rated-o-for-oh-martha.html ?)

I did go out of my way to kiss the guy. But that's only because he deserved it. He was a perfect gentleman and he treated me quite well. I have no clue where this one will lead but as always, I'm ever so curious to find out!

You know, it just occurred to me that this post is already pretty long so I'll let you go on to something else now. I have to write something else myself so I'll do that and then I'll be back to post it.

See ya!

I took a moment...



...to consider whether or not to run this reply to my blow job post. I actually had to think about it. I was a bit blog-shy, even after posting this:

( http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/search?q=oh+martha )

So, I recognized the hypocrisy of the false modesty so I'm just going to post a man's answer to my blow job rhetoric:



Of course you know that your blog has a point - counter point aspect. So I'll take the counter-point.

Eating Pussy,

I suppose all men do it, or at least say they do it thinking that burying your face between your mates legs and making moaning noises qualifies.Of course any woman while she may enjoy having a man in such a subservient position will tell you that concept is wrong. But of course the woman has to know the difference as well.

A good job of eating pussy involves greater knowledge and thought than most men are willing to devote, since during such time they have a completely different agenda. That's to "get off" and back to the Beer and Ball game as quickly as possible while making their mate think they're a sex god. If a guy's real large, he's so impressed with himself that he doesn't see the point in giving an earthshaking oral orgasm. He thinks that should happen just at the woman's sight of his member, because males are "sight oriented." If he's small, he resorts to the face in the crotch position because he's never had the confidence to take it easy and explore the female anatomy.

The guy that knows what he's doing starts with foreplay until the woman is breathless and ready to give herself freely to the pleasure that he's already shown that he can provide. He kisses his way to the woman's lips (the other ones), while gently flicking his tongue on the hood of her clitoris, exposes the entire naked clitoris with his fingers. He then puts it between his lips, sucking, and licking until the woman can't stand the ecstasy of the orgasm that shakes her to her soul.

If the woman is willing she can be brought to orgasm over and over, until some women even experience a heavy ejaculation. It's much more intense than the ejaculation of most men.

Finally the guy with confidence has her trembling under his spell, and knows exactly when to begin coitus. Under ideal conditions, he "rides her high" being sure that his penis is in contact with the clitoris until both collapse in a writhing heap of ecstasy having both come to orgasm at the same time.

Did I leave anything out? I enjoyed reading your blog on blow jobs. You nailed it... uh so to speak! :-)



Well sir...I don't know that I'm in any position to answer that question...such thoughtfulness deserve more than my answer alone. So, I offer you my harem of Meg's Bitches...may their answer's be just the salve that you require.

I did make note of your use of the word "intense". Once Rick complained that sex with me was no longer "intense". His grievance merely served to let me know that I was being compared to another woman. It was truly a great time in my life.

Since Rick's departure I have had no further negative criticism. Why, just the other night...

:)

Dear Meg,

"...Your friend couldn't have loved her boyfriend that much if she would dump him because he didn't marry her. If she truly loved him she would wait and not ever cheat on him..."

I think you're missing the point. I never said that she "cheated" on him, she didn't. She just changed the relationship and she did so honestly. Anyway, the point is that her FEELINGS changed. Feelings aren't good or bad, they just are. If he had asked her to marry him, she would have felt closer to him and the relationship would have grown. But leaving her to wonder and wonder led to her feelings changing to the point that another man was able to grab her attention. It's pretty much the same thing as I went through with the guy who didn't say "I love you." very often. My feelings changed after months of wondering why he had such a hard time saying that simple phrase. It can work the other way as it does when people have a baby...they feel closer to each other.

Feelings change over time and the things that people do make a big difference in how a person feels about them. You can nurture a relationship and cultivate postive feelings or you can ignore it and allow the relationship to falter.

For the first 5 years of our marriage, Rick and I had sex at least 26 days out of the month. If we didn't have sex one day...the next day I was irritable. When he started having affairs so often and the sex slowed down, I became downright bitchy. It wasn't anything that I could control, it was just the way it made me feel.

During the "Lean Year" that I had no sex, I began this blog. So, you see, I MUST have sex...and often...or things can get nasty. Right now I am having sex on a pretty regular basis so I'm being rather sweet:)

Tomorrow I'm leaving for the coast for the weekend and I plan on having sex for hours on end so I should be sweeter than honey by Monday. If you remember the Blow Job post, you should know that I'll being doing the best kind of blow job this weekend. If you don't remember it or weren't reading when I wrote it, here's the link:

http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2005/11/this-post-is-rated-o-for-oh-martha.html

I do take pride in my dick sucking abilities and as I said, I have references. The other night I even amazed myself. I knew while I was doing it that I was absolutely setting a new standard. I don't know what the hell came over me, but things just went so well that I would have said something at the time but I was taught not to speak with my mouth full.

If the guy knew about this blog, I would ask him to tell you about it. I can't do that but I'm sure that I would be safe in speaking for him when I say...that was one helluva blow job.

After the Blow Job post, I actually received emails from a few women asking for advice even though I said that the stuff just cannot be taught. I did my best to explain things then but even I was surprised at myself the other night.

Ordinarily, for me to take it so far down my throat, I would have to be in the position that I mention in the post but I was in your everyday dick sucking position this time and I had that bad boy WAY back there. I wish I could tell you exactly how I did that...I could make a lot of money teaching such skills. But, for some reason, I just have a knack for it.

It doesn't hurt that I enjoy it so much. I was quite pleased to get those emails from other women asking me how I took it so far because that shows me that women DO care about it. The men would have been pleased to know that women are out there trying to learn how to please them more. No men wrote to ask me about reciprocity. Of course, they may be discussing it with each other. And, it's been my experience that most men think that they're better than they actually are and I don't understand that. I guess it's all of those women who are faking it.

Ladies, you've got to stop that. I know that sometimes you just want to get things over with but for goodness sakes, just push the fool off of you. Don't encourage a guy by making him think that he's doing a good job when he's not. That's how we all end up with these overly confident Bozo's. We need to remember that we are all women and the man you're screwing tonight might be in my bed tomorrow night so make sure to teach him properly. I'll do the same for you.

OK then.

I went to my alcohol class tonight and surprisingly, there was a reporter from the Marietta Daily Journal there with a photographer. That's what you want to see at a class for drunks. They were actually doing a story on crack or meth or one of those drugs that I never did. They asked for volunteers to be interviewed for the article and a BUNCH of people put their hands up in the air. I couldn't believe how many people wanted their 15 minutes of fame to be about such a stupid thing as their drug use. Anyway, the reporter said that the story is supposed to be in this Sunday's paper so if you're interested in reading it, look up the Marietta Daily Journal on Sunday and it should be there.

I think it's time for me to go to bed so that I can be fully rested for my weekend of constant sex so I should go now. I'll be back in the morning.

See ya!

Meg

Ouch.

My Dad won’t be happy. I just had a guy hammer out his car window. That’s what happens when you lock your keys in your car.

I stopped at a convenience store for a can of soda or pop (depending on where you come from) and left the engine running. Yeah, I know it was stupid. When I realized it, I tried everything I could to get those keys out. This is the first time I have ever NOT been able to get the keys out. I lock the keys in the car often but I always pry the door open or use a coat hanger to get at them. Today I couldn’t do it. Not only couldn’t I do it, but as I was speaking to the clerk, a very nice young crook told me that he was a professional and would love to help me but he couldn’t because he had to get home before his ankle bracelet told the Martha Stewart Police that he was out. I was so IM-pressed but so DE-pressed that he couldn’t help. I asked the clerk if he had a hammer and he brought me a large mallet type thing. So I swung away at the car window (I thought it would be cheaper than prying open the door) but I couldn’t break it.

So, I asked the clerk to do it, he didn’t want to, but he was so sick of me that he did it. It took him a few tries but he finally smashed Dad’s car window and I finally got at the keys. Now I am home and the car is a tad breezy.

Why don’t the cops do that for you anymore? It was so easy when I was a teenager. Every Friday night after my bowling league ended, I would go to Denny’s with my friends and lock the keys in my car. I called the cops and they opened my car so often that they just started going to Denny’s at midnight on Fridays with their jimmy thing to meet me. The Chicago Suburb Police were so pleasant.

They would even be pleasant when they stopped me for speeding. I always found my nursing license as I was looking for my driver’s license and I would say, “Oh, here is my nursing license.” They would say, “Oh, you’re a nurse? Drive away little lady.”

That happened by accident once and when I realized that they wouldn’t give me a ticket, it started happening on purpose. In Illinois, the police were smart enough to think, “If I am in an emergency room, I don’t want to look up and see her face.”

When I moved here, I told a cop-friend of mine about that and he said, “You don’t have to be coy, just tell the cops that you’re a nurse.” OK. So, I did that. But they aren’t so smart here. They give me tickets anyway.
One did it the other night.

So, my Dad gave me his car to use a few weeks ago and I have gotten one speeding ticket and I have smashed his window out once, so far. I don’t PLAN on speeding, but Dad’s car goes faster than it appears to be going. My mind was on other things and before I knew what was happening, the blue lights were in my rear view. Yikes.

If you are not in Georgia, you might think that the cops SHOULD notice that I was speeding. But, in the Atlanta area, the speed limit signs are kind of a joke. No one goes the speed limit so you have no reason whatsoever to think that there IS a speed limit. It’s as though the cops just arbitrarily say, “Well, I feel like enforcing the traffic laws tonight.” They don’t turn a sign on or anything so I have no way of knowing when that might happen. I just kind of go with the flow and they got me. Damn it.

I wouldn’t mind so much if they helped with the car keys. And I absolutely HATE getting a ticket from someone young enough for me to spank. Oh well, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.

It'll hurt for a while, but as time wears on it'll hurt less & less. Be well!

Yep, that is already happening. :) Thank you.

Big hugs and a box of cyber-hankies for you dear :o) I'll bring the rum and we'll go find a couple of sailors, 'kay?

A couple for me and a couple for you? :) :) :)

By taking the leash (or killing it) he is asserting his dominence. Boxers are smart, energetic and pushy... don't let him bully you. Okay, I'm all done doggy-talkin', sorry :o)

No, please do, that’s why I asked. Yeah, I should have thought about the dominence thing...I’ll be damned if that is going to happen. I am smarter, I have more endurance anyway and I am about as pushy as I can be. I am trying very hard not to be bullied.

Hey, Stacey's got an interesting point. I have never seen a divorce advice column.

I could be wrong (I doubt it. I rarely am), but it could be that some would think it was bad form.

Is it just me, or does it seem crazy (pun intended) that they actually have to evaluate this woman to see if she has mental problems? HELLO??? Seems like a no-brainer to me!

The local media are not so much REPORTING this story as they are DEFENDING the prosecutor. Whatever the results of the evaluation, it won’t be passed on to future generations as they are just trying to stop her from procreating. I’m not saying they SHOULDN’T do that...but they SHOULD still punish her. They still punish other murderers. Who said that you can measure a society by how they treat the weakest among them? I think someone should speak for the little one. I would hope someone would speak for me.

I'm surprised that he could cancel anything.

I don’t KNOW for a fact that he did. That is just what the dentist’s office said. I am going to call them back for details tomorrow. The reporter was here when they called and we just kept missing each other the rest of Friday.

Meg

Hi ya’ll,

The photo-journalist just left. I had the wrong word. OK. So, that’s done, I have spoken to the reporter and had the pictures taken. I will just sit back and wait to hear when the story comes out.

Also, I spoke to the paralegal, she is going to look at the file to see what's up. All I have to do now is find out why Rick’s court date has been moved up...the last I heard he was to be arraigned on April 1rst. They set the courts dates at the arraignment so I don’t know why there is a trial before the first, that’s all (someone asked.)

I see that Congress is taking a side in the Terri Schiavo case. I think that’s a good thing. Something good will come out of this, I am sure. It’s just a sad situation.

I hate having my picture taken, don’t you? I don’t know what lives in those cameras, some sort of gremlins that make me look like somebody else. I don’t know who...I have heard Bette Midler but not since I lost the weight. My son made the mistake of coming to my house when the photo-journalist was here (my son was supposed to be here at 7) and then was silly enough to complain that his hair was messed up. And it was. He knew the guy would be here at 10, what was he thinking showing up at 10:10? I fixed my hair. I tried to curl it but I was literally having a really bad hair day so it ended up in a pony tail and I hate pony tails. I couldn’t find two matching things to put it back on the sides with and I have no scrunchies so I put it back in some court jester looking thing that my grand-daughter wears. What was I thinking?

Too late...the damage is done. I don’t know how I find myself in these situations. I am an odd one alright. This happened with the stand-up comedy thing once and I looked dreadful in that paper. I swore I would never do it again, but they make it so easy for you. They are very friendly. But all they have is the film in the camera. I feel sorry for the poor guy who could someday take a Pulitzer Prize winning picture and instead, he has to come into my kitchen and take pictures of me. Oh well, some mad man could always break into a person’s house so you never know. My father would call this rambling, sorry Dad.

I knit, I crochet, I sew, I quilt, I embroider, I scrapbook. And I don't do it because I'm channeling Martha Stewart. I do it because I've got plenty of anxiety to spread around.

Duh. I used to paint and I have everything, even some blank canvases. Man I never thought of that. Thanks.

I am now 32. Sadly, my year at 31 has come and gone. Oh well... I plan to go out and celebrate it's demise with a lovely young lady.:)

Well then, Happy Birthday to YOU!


I agree about being corrected in public -- it really takes your ego down.

Now, I specifically remember saying that corrections should take place within the confines of an appropriate relationship. And you should know me well enough that I meant at an appropriate time...DUH.

Hearing the President say "nu-kyu-lar" is a crazy-maker

Absolutely, Drives me nuts as well. But..it IS an acceptable pronunciation of the word. But you are right, some advisor should point out the connotations of stupidity that nu-cu-lar evokes.

Another grammatical pet peeve of mine is redundant acronyms -- like ATM machine or PIN number. The last letter in the acronym stands for the word, so when you say ATM machine, you're saying Automatic Teller Machine machine

You know what drives me nuts? Phone numbers that are words only there are more letters than you need to dials. Like 1-800-Call-Peter. Does anybody actually SEARCH for the last E and R? I don’t, I hate dialing by letters. I know it's not grammatical but I had to get that out.

Well, I have some things to do today so I am going to do them! I will check in with you later...see ya.

Meg

Guess what?!

My father is taking his ex wife to Europe and they're driving up here to fly out of Atlanta's airport this weekend. That means that I have until sometime at the end of this week to clean my house. And I don't just mean straighten stuff up and toss shit under beds...I MEAN I HAVE TO HAVE THIS PLACE WHITE GLOVE CLEAN!

I adore my father but a bigger pain in the ass, I do not know. He once came to my house with 4 of my siblings, 2 of whom had dates, a bunch of cleaning supplies and they all converged upon my dirty house and cleaned it for me. I wanted to hit them all with large wood planks. It was the first time Rick had left me and I was sick that time too. Not really sick, but I had a broken leg and was on crutches. I was too upset to care about the house...I just waited until a "decent" hour and drank myself silly. That was 20 years ago and I still haven't forgiven them for that. So, I am not giving him another chance to find my house dirty!

Last night I stayed up until 4 am cleaning the baseboards and the air intake grills (or whatever you call them). I scrubbed toilets and bathtubs and dusted things all over the place. I'm saving his room for last.

I cooked a bunch of meals and froze them so that I can serve decent food without having to spend all daymaking more messes in the kitchen. Now I can just defrost the meals and serve them amazing dinners without cooking all day. I will look like Martha what's her name only not quite as imaginative.

Falling asleep at 4 am will have you sleeping until noon, which I did. Now I have to run a few errands and then begin cleaning again. I cleaned for hours yesterday and my house wasn't really even dirty. I can clean non-stop until he gets here and it still won't be clean enough for him. He will find the one thing that I missed and ask me if I need a maid. Then, he'll offer to pay for the maid and I'll want to smack him.

I don't know how he does it, he never says, "Oh my, your house is lovely!" He will say, "If you had time to clean the woodboards, why couldn't you have cleaned the fans?" Then, I'll go stark raving mad. So, I've been whining about the gutters for weeks, now I have to find a way to get on my house and empty the suckers myself. I'll also have to take a day and trim my hedges.

And then, while he's traipsing around Europe, I'll be doing it all again so that the house is spic and span before he gets back. So, I can't do anything fun this week because I must clean something. That's what I said to my son when I found out Dad was coming....I said, "My father's coming! Clean something!" He asked, "What should I clean?" and I said, "I don't care....find something and clean it! Anything! Everything!"

I get that same feeling that I would get when I was a kid and we heard dad's car in the driveway. "Turn off the TV and pick up a broom!" We scattered like cockroaches...each off to a different room so that he couldn't catch us all. Even Dad couldn't remember to yell at all 6 of us. If someone was lucky, they might escape his wrath.

If he got mad and there wasn't a mess to clean up, he would give us each a wall to wash. That man came straight from the planet where they said, "Children are to be seen and not heard." And here I am, a grandmother, and I still get that sick feeling that I got when I would be watching the Flintstones and heard Dad's car engine cut off outside.

That man will live forever and I'll be 68 years old and hear him coming and I'll grab my cane and wash the dishes and sweep the floor. Of that, I am sure!

OK, I have to go clean something...of course, because of the last post, I don't know what I'll do with my son's room, but that's not my fault.

I'll be back when I take a break from cleaning! have a good one!

Meg