I've lost my password to this too...

http://myspace.com/megkelso

And if that's not bad enough, I've lost the password to the email account that this is attached to. So, they'll send me the password, but they'll send it to a place that I can't access. Gmail still won't believe me that I'm me so they won't send me a new password to the account that's been dead for months. Bastards.

Meg

Dear Meg...

I just kind of pour about 1/4 cup onto a sock then let it soak into the sock for a few seconds, then just toss it in.

She's right! It works! Now I don't have to keep worrying about catching the final rinse.

With your recent experiences with Georgia law and lies, I was surprised that you accepted the detective's claim that New Jersey was less likely to solve a murder than Georgia, because NJ was "liberal". Especially coming from a cop who you know already had a murder he could not solve.
In any case here are the facts. The cleared murder rate in NJ for 2002 is 79%. I could not find a rate for Georgia or Atlanta, but the cities in GA I did find such as Albany, Kingsland and Savannah all had rate between 56-65%.
Comparing apples to apples, from the FBI 2002 crime report you can see that the MIDDLE ATLANTIC region (of which NJ is included) has a clearance rate of 77.3% for "Murder and non-negligent manslaughter", while the SOUTH ATLANTIC region (of which GA is included) has a clearance rate of just 64.7% for "Murder and non-negligent manslaughter".
Call the Georgia detective and ask for fact about Georgia and NJ murder clearance rates.
It is an interesting side note that the "blue" liberal states (such as Mass.) with lower reported church attendance have much lower murder and divorce rates than the "red" conservative highly reported bible believing church attending states (such as Georgia).

I was going to try to post just the pertinent facts in this email but I couldn't find anything that I thought I could edit out. It's all quite good. I never meant to imply that I fell for the cops' line about the "liberal" state of New Jersey. I was just telling you what they told me. I didn't go to the trouble that this guy went to in finding the facts, but it did occur to me that the cops here didn't have any more luck than the Jersey cops did in charging my cousin with the murder he alledgedly commited in both of these states.

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I'm so closely related to a murderer. In all my life, I've only met one other murderer, to my knowledge, and that one was never convicted. At least I don't think he was, he could have been by now.

I went to a car dealership once and I was speaking to the salesman when I saw someone that I thought looked familiar. I mentioned it to the salesman and before I realized what he was doing, he called the guy over. As he approached me with his hand out to shake mine, I realized who he was. I had seen him on the news. He was a suspect in his wifes' murder. That was creepy enough, now I have to deal with a murderer in my family.

The TV show On The Record asked if anyone knew of any unsolved murders so I sent the details of that case to them. I received this email in return:

I am forwarding to my producers..greta

So, I hope to get some publicity directed toward this case and maybe then the Georgia cops will have to prod a bit more. It seems as though publicity can get things done in the judicial system so I'll go with what works. Now I wonder who's phone calls I've been ignoring. I don't usually answer the phone unless I know who it is. I've got to start answering the phone, the calls could be from the TV people. I'm going to send the story to other people now...if Fox has shown an interest in it, someone else may as well. If you would like to help put a double murderer behind bars, you could email Greta Van Sustern at ontherecord@foxnews.com and ask her to investigate the Mary Anne Mergel murder. Her son's (and alledged murderer's) name is Paul Mergel and he will be out of prison on June 30th. I still don't know the name of the woman that he alledgedly murdered in New Jersey, but I'm going to find out. When I do, I'll see if her family isn't interested in seeing him go to prison. I have to hurry up and do that because he's getting out of prison on June 30th, the day after my birthday!

Meg

Hi!

My niece just left with her fiance. She did well, he seems to be a very nice guy and he's even very nice looking. Now they're on their way down to Florida.

I'm speaking to my father who is currently talking about how short Rod Serling was and that he was a paratrooper. My dad was a paratrooper, too. Like me, my father is full of tidbits of useless knowledge.

I woke up today to a freezing house. I thought that the air conditioner was left on but it turned out to be cold outside. So, I had to turn the heat on. Now, it's warmed up a bit and I'm sweating like a pig. I would turn the air on but I hate to think of how expensive it is to do that.

Monday morning my phone was disconnected and I never knew it. A guy that I know tried to call me early in the morning and couldn't get through so he paid the bill so that he could call me to bitch about it being off in the first place. By the time he called me at 10 AM, the phone had been disconnected and turned back on before I woke up. I should invite that guy over some day when the electricity is cut off. I thought that was sweet of him to do.

With any luck at all, I'll be going on a short vacation to the Georgia coast soon. I don't want to jinx it, but I'm hoping to go down there sometime in May. I took my daughter down there once and we had a great time.

Speaking of my daughter, she called me Friday to say that she was in California. She told me that she was going out there but I had forgotten. I hope that she's having a nice time. Anyway, the guy who paid my phone bill wants to take me to the coast so I think I'll let him. Isn't that sweet of me? I get sweeter all the time.

Yesterday I got a letter in the mail that said that I have too much "overgrowth" in my yard. I'm not sure what they're talking about so I'm going to call them Monday to find out. I have 5 days to take care of that. I'm not sure what'll happen if I don't, but I don't want to find out.

Wouldn't it suck to go to jail because of yard work? I don't know if it would be considered a violation of probation to ignore such a letter so I will do my best to take care of it, after I find out what "it" is. My back still hasn't stopped hurting from the last time that I tried to work out in the yard.

I don't know what to use to cut back that overgrowth and even if I did know what tool to use to cut overgrowth back with, I'm sure that I don't have one. I'll have to go out there armed with a steak knife and try to figure out how to cut down the overgrowth. Ain't that a bitch? I've been here for 10 years and after Rick leaves, I'm ordered to do yard work by the city of Marietta. I wish that they could have ordered him to do some yard work. It didn't work when I tried it. The letter is actually in MY name so I am the one who has to worry about that. Isn't the timing lovely on that? The more I think about it, the more I don't think that it wasn't a coincidence that the letter came when it did. Between that and the cops coming to my door the Sunday morning after I got out of jail, I could make a good case that the city of Marietta has a vendetta against me.

Whatever, I don't worry too much about such things. I just don't do anything that could get me in trouble and I don't have to worry. But when they start coming to your house and ordering you to do yard work, I guess it's time to pay attention to the fools. I didn't even know that was an option.

I do worry about that tooth that I had pulled last December. It's either growing back or it has a huge piece of it trying to get out of my gums. I can't seem to pry is out and it hurts when I try so I don't do that anymore. It hurts so much that it must still have a nerve attached to it. Now my options are either I go to a new dentist and have it pulled AGAIN...or I go to the old dentist who screwed it up in the first place. If I go to the old dentist, she would have to do it for free and if I went to a new one, I'd have to pay again. From now on when I have a tooth pulled, I'm going to make them take an x-ray of the stupid thing after they pull it to make sure that they got it all out. I hate dentists and I hate having to have the same tooth pulled twice.

Well, I have to go clean up the kitchen from the breakfast that I made for my niece and her fiance. Little do they know what they're getting themsleves into now that they're going to spend a month living at my father's house. Luckily, my niece has worked with Alzheimer's patients in the past so she'll know how to handle my dad's ex wife. Better her than me.

Meg

My niece should be here...

...tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to her arrival because I'd love to have some human beings to speak to. She'll be going to my father's condo and staying with him for a month or so while she and her fiance get settled in and save up enough for their own place. I can't believe that my father is letting them stay there without the benefit of marriage! He never would have let me do that. Of course, I wouldn't have ever had the nerve to ask such a thing so who knows what he would have done.

I'm sure that he's happy that he'll be having other people with him for a while because he's caring for his ex wife now. She has Alzheimer's and is quite a handful. She smokes wherever she wants to smoke and he can't make her stop. He never let anyone smoke in his home but he can't get her to abide by the rules and he's given up trying. He just lets her go ahead and smoke. He has an enclosed balcony and smokers are supposed to stay out there but she is so confused that she won't listen to him. My niece would be happy to stay there with the woman so that my father can get out every so often.

My niece has worked with the elderly so she can handle my ex step mother. I love working with old people myself. People usually find it very sad but for some reason, I don't. There are a few sad situations, but for the most part, I enjoy caring for them. Even on their bad days, they can make you smile.

I've had quite a few patients who wanted to feel useful, even in their dementia, and they would come up to the nurses station and ask for a job. We could usually find something for them to do. I remember two old Italians ladies who would get up a hundred times a night and make each other's beds. They enjoyed keeping house so they did things like that. I used to want to take them home with me and let them enjoy the hell out of themselves by cleaning my house.

I had one old man who was trying to ask me something in Italian but I had a minor emergency going on and I couldn't help him right then. I would speak a little Spanish and between my Spanish and their Italian, we usually could understand each other. But I didn't know what in the world this guy was asking me. I just said, "Yes, if you wait until I'm done with this lady."

He repeated his question and I assured him that, "Yes, I would do it.", but not until I'm finished with the lady. I finished taking care of the lady and walked up to the nurses station. When I got there, I found the man with his pants down around his ankles, his penis in his hand...whacking off and saying, "Now? OK...now?"

Apparently I had agreed to have sex with him. Not only did I agree to it, I assured him over and over again that I would do it. He was quite disappointed when I had to renege on our deal.

That's one of the many reasons why I enjoy working with old people. Not because I want to see them masturbating, but because they make you laugh most of the time that you're working with them.

I had one guy who took off and the nurses from another unit called to say that they had him. I went to get him and as I was walking him back, he stopped in the dining room and looked around. Then, he said to me, "This is where I made my mistake." He was obviously planning another break out and wanted to be sure of where he was.

We started searching their wallets when they got there after one man got all the way to Downtown Chicago from the suburb that we we're in. The cops called us to say that they had him. He had his bus pass in his wallet and just walked out the front door to the street and waited for a bus to come along. When one did, he got on and rode until the end of the line and that was Chicago.

The other day I mentioned that I had kept forgetting to put the fabric softener in the washing machine. Someone wrote me to say that you could just pour some on a sock and toss it in the dryer. I've heard that before but I wasn't sure how to do it without getting it all over my clothes. I'm going to try it now, I'll just pour a bit into a sock and see what happens. I figure the worst thing that could happen is that I'll have to wash the clothes again...I think.

I have about 50 socks that have no mate. I don't know where the mates all go. I've cleaned this entire house, except for that one closet, and I can't find any more socks. I have this fear that if I throw all the lonely socks away, I'll immediately find their mates. What I find so annoying about those socks is the fact that all but 4 of them are white. I have a shitload of white socks and every single one of them is different from all of the others. How is that possible? How can so many white socks exist and all of them be different from the rest? I'm going to start buying one kind of white sock. If that's possible, I can put an end to this sock madness.
Now I have to put the clothes in the dryer. I'm going to take a chance and put a sock full of fabric softener in the dryer with the clothes. This should be interesting.

See ya,

Meg

I have some Pez!!!

And I'm very happy. I love Pez. This one is a Minnie Mouse dispenser. It's a bitch to load because every time I try to do the whole package in one shot, the Pez go flying. I have them in between my thumb and forefinger and that never seems to work but I always try it at least once. After I get it loaded, I love it. I saw a show about different munchies like Pez....that's also where I heard about the Marsh Mallow tree. It said that Pez was first marketed as a smoker's thing. It fell into the hands of children quite accidentally.

I went to the Y tonight and ended up having dinner there. The event that I helped her set up was the annual YWCA Volunteers Reception. It was lovely. They asked me to stay so I did. I worked my ass off setting it up and making the food so by the time it was ready, I was starving so I was happy to stay. Of course, I wasn't dressed properly for a dinner reception. I wore jeans and a sweatshirt because I knew I'd be working. I didn't know that I'd be the only person "dressed down" for the evening.

When I was working I was thinking about all the things that Rick has told me since he left. I thought about all the things that he's said over the past year and when I looked at it as a list of things instead of one thing at a time, he looks even more like an ass...consider the following list, keeping in mind that he DID tell me that he DID NOT want a divorce. Of course, he never admitted to the affair and he never would. I know that because of all the things that he's said since then.

When I found him on that dating site, he told me that the only reason that he signed up for it was because he hoped to hear from me. Of course, he went easily for the fake profile that I set up named Sarah. When I mentioned the fact that I had been doing without sex, he said that he was doing without too and if I wanted to, I could meet him in Virginia this summer for a "romp in the hay." Every time I speak to him he goes out of his way to tell me how all he does is "take care of old people". He says that he has no life of his own outside of working two jobs and caring for his parents. Then, when a woman calls me, he tells me that it's his "best friend" and that she must....for no reason whatsoever, be trying to "dig up dirt on me". To hear him speak, he is literally doing nothing in the way of a social life.

He never had the balls to admit to an affair, he never had the brains to just NOT SAY A WORD. He not only lies when you ask him a question, he lies when you aren't asking him anything. It's amazing. I don't know how he gets through life feeling good about lying to me to this day. My conscience alone would stop the lies at some point, but I guess that would be silly to expect from Rick. He never so much as admitted that he wanted a divorce. He literally wanted a 2 or 3 year separation and then we would get back together. At least that's what he said to me, he lied so much that I couldn't possibly know the truth. I would have thought that after a divorce, he could avoid lying even if it means just refraining from answering a question or something like that rather than saying exactly what he thinks I want to hear. That's all he's ever said, nothing more. I honestly think that for some reason, he wants to keep me away from other men.

It doesn't work, I do what I want to do. I got the divorce and I've had sex with other men so I'm doing what I need to be doing and I never kept it from him. I told him about a couple of the guys that I've dated, there was no reason for him to lie to me about the chick who called me. Still, no matter how many rules of common sense and logic that his lies obliterate, he holds closely to his crap. The only reason that I can think of is that he wants me to wait for him, not necessarily because he plans on coming back, I'm just his safety net. If all else fails, he can just call me. I know that's there somewhere. I can't see any other reason for that shit.

One of these days, I'd like to say, "I'll be having sex Friday night at 11 PM." I'd like to be able to say it and mean it. That could get on his nerves. But, I don't have anyone that I can just call and have sex with. It wouldn't be too tough, apparently I could just call some guy from the dating site. With my luck, it'd be some guy who DIDN'T want to screw me right then.

I think I mentioned that I didn't have any ice trays and the water line is clogged up so I can't make any. So, I filled small cups up with water and froze them into very large ice cubes. I can make one last for a very long time. I have one now in my water.

OK, I'm going to go and eat some more Pez.

See ya,

Meg

Today I get to go out...

...for a while. The lady at the YMCA asked me if I would help her with some event that she's having tonight and I told her I would. She'll be coming to pick me up soon. I don't have to do this, I just told her that I would so I'm going to. I don't know what she'll be having me do yet but whatever it is, it'll be different than what I've been doing which is pretty much nothing but cleaning the house. I did that spring cleaning crap that takes a couple of weeks to do.

Sooner or later, I'll get to the yard. My back hasn't really stopped hurting from the last time when I picked up all of the stupid pine cones. My rhododendron is the only thing that I've ever planted that comes back and looks beautiful. I think I'll have to get some more of them.

Everything else died because of the big trees in my front yard. I have to plant flowers that do well in the shade and there aren't a lot of them.

I never meant to buy a rhododendron, I wanted a hibiscus. But, I forgot what it was called so I just described the plant to the nursery dude and he told me it was a rhododendron. It was so small that I didn't know it wasn't what I wanted until it grew a bit. Now it's full of flowers and buds so it'll be flowering for a while. I never did get the hibiscus.

I'd love to have someone like Chem-lawn come over and spray poison all over the yard. I'd like to kill it all and start over. I think that the dirt is so bad that I would need to dig it up and mix something into it. Or, maybe Chem-lawn could spray something else on it to make it come alive. That sounds a bit too easy so I doubt that it's an option.

I put weed killer out there last year and it didn't work. I have as many weeds as I ever had. You know, now that I think of it, there haven't been very many dandelions so maybe it did work for some things. I should have those stupid dandelion things flying through the air by now and I don't even have any dandelion flowers. When I was a kid I would pick those flowers and make bracelets and necklaces out of the dandelion stalks. That was fun. I don't know how I played in the dirt so much. I would be afraid of all the bugs if I sat in the grass now. I would know that they were all right there and I couldn't see them.

Have you ever seen cicada nymphs? EEEWWWWWW!!! Pretty nasty suckers. They're less than a foot deep in the dirt. I hate knowing that they're there, underneath me. The 12 inches of dirt doesn't help me but a blanket will. I could sit on a blanket, but not on the grass. I'd like to go to Stone Mountain and sit on a blanket during the laser show. Stone Mountain looks like someone took a bowl of rock, cut it in half and dumped it on the planet. On the face of the mountain it has carvings of Civil War heroes of the South. They call it the Mt. Rushmore of the South.
don't know who it is that says that, but that's what THEY say. They have a laser show on the face of the mountain as well. That's kind of fun.

OK, I should put make up on my face now. If I'm going to leave and go forth in public and see what I get in to.

See ya!

Meg

Blah, blah, blah...

Today I am just plum tuckered. I've gotten the house all cleaned up, including every closet in the place except for one. I just opened the door, took one look at all the stuff in it, and shut the door. That was just too much crap for me to do.

All of the beds are made and it's very quiet here. That'll ALL change this weekend in a few hours after people are here. Cleaning the house is like making Thanksgiving dinner...it takes forever and then it's all over in less than 20 minutes. All that work for nothing. At least after Thanksgiving you have turkey sandwiches. That almost makes all the work worth it...I love the cold turkey sandwiches. I'd roast a turkey if my oven worked.

Damn.

I have to go out and find some guy to fix the oven. If there's anyone out there who wants to fix it, let me know, I'll give you a turkey sandwich. I forgot how to find men...I'll have to work on that. I'm spending a lot of time at home because I can't drive but I'm going to have to fix that, or at least find a way around it. I found out that this sports bar near me has remodeled and put in a pool table. I suppose that I could go out and play pool. There's always a few men hanging around there. I bet there would even be enough of them to weed a few out who don't know anything about fixing crap.

I spoke to Rick earlier today and now I know exactly what's wrong with the oven...there's a loose wire...but I don't know where it is or how to get to it and even if I did, I'd be afraid to touch wires anyway. My fear of electrocution keeps me from doing electrical work in my house. It's my biggest fear, second only to spiders.

There's a spider in my living room now that I can't do anything about. It's on the ceiling and I'm afraid that if I try to kill it, it will fall on my head so I cant do anything except for sit on the couch (the spider is right over the chair that I usually sit on) and wait for it to move down a bit. I've named him Pete. Pete pretty much has the living room to himself right now. I don't walk too close to him because I don't know which way the wind will blow when he jumps. If he does jump, that is. He might be making a home up there. I hope not...I really like sitting in my chair.

I made a mistake and bought liquid fabric softener that you add during the rinse cycle. I haven't caught the stupid rinse cycle one time since I bought that sucker. I should probably set a timer or something. Now, I can't even throw a fabric softener sheet in the dryer because I don't have anymore. My towels are all rough now. I hate a rough towel.

OH! My son can't find the kitchen curtains at all. Isn't that a fine how do you do? He lost them. How in the heck does a person lose curtains? Even I've never misplaced a set of curtains. I think that he most likely threw them away and doesn't want to admit it. That's annoying. Now I have to buy new kitchen curtains.

I have a hankering for some MacDonald's food. I love their french fries. I think I'm going to saunter up to McyD's and get me some of them fries. I wish that there was a Burger King around the corner, I'd rather have some onion rings. I'm making myself all hungry talking about things that I can put ketchup on. Actually, I like ketchup, not fries or onion rings. Food is just a vehicle for my ketchup.

I'm gonna go get some ketchup...see ya,

Meg

I like my new...

...refrigerator. It's a Frigidaire and it has rounded corners in the front so that it looks more like an old model Frigidaire. That's actually pretty cool. There are only a couple of problems.

First of all, I spilled a cup of iced tea in the freezer. I was trying to get it cold because I didn't have any ice yet. I seem to have given the ice trays away with the old freezer so I just put the cup of tea in there. I went to get it and knocked it over, spilling the tea up in the vent holes on the back panel.

Then, I dropped a cup of Coke on the floor right in front of the refrigerator. It landed on it's side with the opening facing the fridge so that all the Coke popped out onto the front and underneath of the refridgerator. What a pain that was to clean up. I've washed the fridge twice and I haven't had it for 24 hours yet.

I have to go to the store to buy the things that I did without while the fridge was broken like milk. For some reason, I kept the eggs cold in a cooler with ice. I don't know why. I basically spent $1.39 a day to keep a dozen eggs cold because I didn't want to throw them away. Sometimes I wonder about myself. I could have bought a bunch of ice trays. Now I don't have any. I don't know if the water to the ice machine works but I have a new one so I'm pretty sure that IT works.

The old ice breaker stopped working a couple of years ago but my memory says that it stopped working because it wasn't getting any water. So, I don't know if the water hose is clogged or if the water is just turned off. And, I don't know where to look to see if the water is on or off.

I suppose that it's somewhere under the house which means that it'll never get looked at because I'm not going under the house. I don't care how many ice trays I have to fill. I don't mind cleaning the house but I draw the line at going under the house. There are too many spiders IN the house, I don't want to know what's UNDER the stupid thing.

I live in a wooded area so there are bugs everywhere. Yesterday, I saw a great big carpenter ant crawling on the TV. Before I got back with a paper towel, it disappeared. I don't know where it is but I know it's in here with me and that's freaking me out. Then, I go up in the attic to look for my kitchen curtains and I see that the playpen has been chewed up in places. Now I know that there's something with teeth up there. I went to bed later and I could hear it playing up there. Whatever it is, it seems to be nocturnal.

People keep saying that it's probably a mouse but I swear, it sounds a lot bigger than a mouse. I don't know what the heck it is and I don't want to know. I suppose that I have to put some sort of humane trap up there in case it's a....I don't know what the heck I would want to see live...maybe a squirrel? What else could it be that I wouldn't want to snap it's head off with a trap? I suppose that I wouldn't want to kill a little chipmunk. Those are pretty cute. I guess we use the cute meter for methods of trapping animals.

That makes sense, the "Ick" factor is what tells me that it's vermin. Mice are ICKY! I saw one once and called me husband to save me. I didn't realize that I would basically have to make the mouse stay put until he got there. So, he wouldn't come home to get the mouse. That was 1981 and I still remember the look on the mouse's face. I don't know where that mouse went either, now that I think about it.

My niece is coming Saturday and I've gotten two bedrooms all ready for her. She's bringing her fiance and I think that I'll fake her out by telling them that they have to sleep in separate rooms. I wasn't allowed to sleep in anyone's house with a guy I wasn't married to, why should she get away with it?

Today's kids have far too much sexual freedom. They'll never know the thrill of a National Geographic or a Sears catalogue because they see boobs and butts all the time. Too bad.

I have to go back to sleep now that it's almost midnight. It just seems as though it's the thing to do. OK? Goodnight, see ya.

Meg

I was thinking about...

...what I said earlier about Logan's Run. That movie, like so many books of the same time, was all about what happens to society when people become so dependent upon government...or anything at all that has as much power. During the early 60's, when government was creating The Great Society, a bunch of people tried to tell us how dangerous it was. Nobody listened.

Whatever the government gives you, it can take away from you. If you give it too much, it naturally has too much to take away. We may not have to Pledge allegiance to the flag any more but we don't have to pledge anything, we are naturally going to obey the entity that has such control over us.

In Logan's Run, like in so many works of that era, there is some faceless being or group of beings that has complete control over the citizens. The lives of the people are taken care of, they don't seem to work or do anything that isn't pleasing to the senses. They all fit into the mold of the perfect citizen and there's always some type of patrol that sees to it that none of them deviate too much from the norm. You never see the patrol coming and they are always arresting someone for some type of deviate behavior, deviate being defined by the entity in charge.

Organized religion did that as well. They defined normal behavior and then they ostracized people who didn't conform. So, like a sick combination of church and state, we have been controlled by a combination of political correctedness and the power to restrict freedoms.

The worst parts of religion is being mixed with the restrictive powers of government and as a result, we are obeying arbitrary laws and standards. That could be a necessary result of people living so close to each other and the need to govern large groups of people, but the same laws apply to people who live up in the mountains of North Dakota. There's no place in this country where we can exercise all of the freedoms that we were given inalienably without being considered deviant in some way, shape or form.

So, where are all of the hippies? I would think that they would want to protest something here. I guess arthritis prevents them from attending any decent sit-ins. The songs that inspired us are still being played. But no one is being inspired anymore so they can't be listening to the words. We're still sending men off to war and we still want free love. But no one wants to do the work to get at these rights, they just sure if they don't have them handed to them on a silver platter. That's too bad. Sit-in's were much more fun and rights gotten from them, or perceived to have been gotten from them, are much more difficult to give away.

Gotta go,


Meg

I got my new refridgerator this morning...

...two men brought it in. I was looking at them both because that's the best I have. There was an old guy and a young guy. It hit me hard when I realized that the old guy was the one that I should be focusing on. That's depressing. The old guy was...old.

Gravity is like a hurricane, you just don't see it happening. If it were on some cosmic video recorder, you could see it hitting. But it happens so relatively slowly that you don't realize it's actually getting exponentially stronger all the time.

Being a baby boomer, I'm used to being called part of the bellious youth. We were always rebelling against one thing or another. That was, until Disco. After that we lost all of our principles. I know I'm a baby boomer because I can remember watching JFK's asassination on a black and white television. We are all used to being talked about by the old people and now they're all dead and the only people left are calling us old. We aren't sure how to fit into that role yet.

The few people who are old enough to bitch at us are all in politics and of the same age as Teddy Kennedy. The rest of them are dead now. The remaining few are getting on my nerves. I'd like to rebel against them again but it's all been made so politically incorrect that I wouldn't dare. They took all of our methods of rebellion and somehow made them so bad that people just walk a tighter line now that they did a while back. We didn't get anything for our efforts, we just got more rules and a different method of enforcing the CDM...current definition of normal.

Oh well, I'm old and I'll die soon so fuck it. But if things keep going in the current direction, they're going to get a lot worse and sooner or later, someone will rebel. If nothing else, the kids will and who knows how 21rst century kids will rebel? They can get mighty creative if they put their minds to it. In Logan's Run, they just went "outside". That was considered quite the rebellion in that movie.

And all they HAD were young people. I couldn't believe that premise.There's no way to keep a population of young people in line. If nothing else, sooner or later someone is gonna abuse the Orgasmatron. As it was, I couldn't believe that anyone would ever come out of the Orgasmatron. Especially men. They were walking out of the machine on both feet. I would think that most men would have to be dragged out. Oh well, that was still a good movie.

So, I looked at the old man who helped bring in the refridgerator and I decided that I couldn't do it. No men my age. I can't handle that. Maybe one or two, but they had better look young because I can't admit that the men my age are totally gray.

I understand that sooner or later, if I live long enough, I might get toe hair. I didn't even know that was an option. I couldn't handle toe hair. My grandmother never shaved her legs at all so when I knew her, she had some hairy damn legs. But I don't remember toe hair. I would have. If I had seen toe hair on Granny's hairy legs, I would have run, screaming into the night. That would have brought Saskwatch visions into my head. A chicken legged Saskwatch. That's it.

I don't know why Grandma didn't shave her legs. It wasn't European so much as it was Appalachian.

I shaved my legs yesterday, both of them. I had forgotten one the last time I did it. I cleaned out so many bathrooms storage areas that I found creams for everything on me so I put a special lotion on each part of my body. That was fun. Then, I powdered me. So, like butter and flour in a cake pan, I was totally ready for baking. Then, I put my clothes on and got white crap all over my green shirt.

So, I have a refridgerator and nothing in it. The few things that I left hidden in there had pretty much fermented last week so when I opened the thing, it stunk. But, I didn't have to clean it out. Now I have a new one. I have a new ice maker as well. Now all I have to do is pay the rent and I'll be good to go.

Gotta go.

See ya,

Meg

I just spoke to the detective...

...who is investigating my aunt's disappearance. He called to let me know that my cousin (who is a suspect in his mother's disappearance) is getting out June 30th. They gave him two years for theft by possession.

They couldn't make a case against him about his mother but when they searched her home (that he was living in) they found a bunch of stolen guns. For some reason, this guy wasn't eligible for any parole so he's doing two years "door to door", which means that he does every single day of it.

The detective told me that they were discussing my cousin with the prosecutor last week and the case against him in New Jersey came up. The Georgia cops looked at the file that New Jersey had and said that they would LOVE to have that case here. He told me that New Jersey is the best state to commit a crime in. Apparently, the "liberal nature" of the state makes it a great place to get away with murder...according to this detective. Apparently, he's right.

My cousin was a suspect in the death of a young woman there and my aunt was his alibi. He apparently killed her, or at least "disposed of her body" so he doesn't have an alibi anymore, I don't know why New Jersey doesn't charge him.

The stupid SOB took a TAXI-CAB to the woman's trailer where he killed her and then burned the place down. The cab driver gave a statement and was willing to testify against him but, for whatever reasons, they didn't feel as though they could make a case.

Like a lot of other things in life, lying, cheating and having sex, I would think that murder gets easier as you keep getting away with it. My father is the person responsible for my aunt's financial matters. Since she hasn't been found dead, technically she's only "missing" so they don't refer to it as her estate. My father is doing all that he can to ensure that his nephew doesn't have an easy time of getting the money. He planned on coming up here and having my cousin held civilly liable so that he doesn't get all of her money. His kids would get it if he didn't. They aren't of age yet so the money would all sit in some sort of account until they're old enough to collect it.

I asked the detective what he thought, not what he could prove, just what types of scenarios he thought might have transpired. He said that they could give the exact day which she stopped writing checks. My cousin started writing them the very next day. My cousin also rented a bulldozer and there was a place on her property that had recently been dozed (or whatever you call it). They went over all of that land with cadaver dogs and didn't find a thing. He said that if she were out there, the dogs would have found her. I wonder how accurate that is. They always talk about "human error", I wonder if they ever encounter "canine error".

My cousin's name is Paul Merkle and he's a nasty SOB. I was in one of his court hearings and he didn't like my afther one little bit. This man is a suspect in the deaths of two women and he has apparently, gotten away with both of them. I think I'd like to get his mother's car out of my driveway before June 30th. It's not as though he has too many places to go so I wouldn't think it too tough for him to take a little day trip to the Atlanta area.

I had to wonder about the woman in New Jersey. Doesn't she have any family who is angry and pressuring the cops there? If they have a cab driver willing to testify that he drove Paul to the murder/arson up there, I would think that they could at least lock him up for a while as they tried him on what they have. You never know, it could work. It's certainly worth a try.

I'm going to see if I can get more information about that case in Jersey. I'd like to see if the Jersey cops would be interested in this case now that Paul has alledgedly killed his alibi. If the cops in Georgia would "love to have that case", I would think that New jersey would have to have more evidence than the just cab driver.

I'm going to call the detective back and see what else he does know.

Meg

I don't understand it...

...my son walked in and the computer just started right up for him. I had been trying to do that all day long. That's why I haven't posted anything until after midnight, I couldn't get on my computer. I kept getting the blue "screen of death". I kept starting it over and over again, just like my sonsays he does, at the power strip. Then, when that didn't work, I went one step further. I pulled the plug out at the socket. Computers are pretty smart. Mine was wise to me and my little trick...I couldn't fool the fucker. But the kid walks in and starts it right up.

I don't know how he did it because by the time I paid any attention to him, he was already done playing poker. It just dawned on me that, "Oh! That kid was on the computer!!!! I wonder if I can get on?", and I did. That was soooo annoying.

While I was trying, it was easy to leave the thing unplugged for a while because I was busy cleaning stupid stuff like the bathroom cabinets and closets. I wanted to put contact papar on the shelves but I couldn't go to the store. I took my acryliic paints and painted them instead. The longer I take on a project like that, the better my chances are at being laughed at.

So, I kept it simple...they're each a different color and in white paint it says things like "TOWELS and STUFF"...then I sprayed it with clear topcoat and it is pretty well sealed. I bought the paints to paint with...on canvas...and I haven't used them lately.

I haven't used them since before Rick left and that's a shame. All I ever taught myself to paint was sunsets. Or sunrises...I can never say for sure. Anyway, the shelves should be pretty cool. I'd also like to paint my bedroom furniture black and then polyurethane it all. It's either that or I restain it and that's a lot of work. If it was a nice piece, I might take the time.

I should re-stain a piece that I have in the living room. It comes from a living room suite that my mother bought when I was about 8. I have an octogonal table/cabinet from the mid 60's and it's pretty cool. I was thinking about redoing it. I doubt that it would ever be worth much and I suppose I shouldn't mess with the original finish but it looks icky like it is. What do you guys think? I would think that there would be some "right" way to do it. I'll have to put that on my "do...but do later" list.

Spring cleaning is a bitch. I've finally learned to throw some stuff away which is good. If I ever get things straightened out done here long enough, I'd like to go to Florida and get my paintings. I miss them.

Oh...the carpet has mystery stains on them. They're a mystery because the stains went away yesterday when I cleaned them, and then, this afternoon I noticed that they all came back. That's odd.

I fell backwards over the big stupid dog earlier. He hangs out behind me and I never know he's back there until I practically trip over him, backwards. Well, today I made it. I tripped backwards and fell flat on my ass. That was annoying. It hurt, too. I pictured that I had broken a rib and impaled it upon my spleen, causing me to die a very slow, uncomfortable death from internal bleeding.

I freaked me out. I actually scared me. Now, I'm going to watch Hitchcock...I could watch The Birds or Read Window. That'd really scare me. I'd hear all kinds of sounds as it is. Oh, last night I heard something up in my attic. I don't know what it is but it's up there. It SOUNDED bigger than a mouse but I don't know. Any sound is magnified at 3 AM.

I just heard my dog barking. He wants to come in. I think I'll try to encourage that trust thing so that he will bite a jugular for me if he has to.

OK, I'm gonna go to bed.

See ya,

Meg

I got an email...

...from the makers of some new diet thing called Instatrim offering a "free" trial package of their new weight loss kit. I filled out the thing and when it asked how much weight i wanted to lose and I put 0 pounds. I was thrilled to hear that my "goal of losing 0 pounds qualifies me for a free starter package". Isn't that special?

I put that I was 5'8" tall and weighed 100 pounds and they think that I "qualify" for a free weight loss kit. And I thought that heroin chic was out of style. I wonder how emaciated a woman has to get before the diet industry admits that she might not want to lose weight. I guess it's true that you can't be too thin or too rich.

Damn...it's 2 am and I'm still wide awake. I've been cleaning closets out, trying to get my spring cleaning done. It's amazing what you find in your closets after a while. I found my 4 TV guides from the last season of Senifeld. One week they issued 4 different editions, one with each of the four main characters. I finally cleaned out a bunch of Rick's stuff and I found the newspaper from the day that Princess Diana died. I've got a bunch of stuff of his that I should probably give back to him one of these days. He's been pretty nice lately so I'll be nice too.

I'm tossing a bunch of stuff that I've had for years because it's all taking up so much room. It wasn't easy at first but after a few hours of that crap, I don't care anymore. I'm throwing stuff away that I've carried form Virginia to New York and then to Georgia. I did find some neat stuff, too. I found the millenium Beany Baby, still in the original package. I had a bunch of toys still unopened that I've saved over the years. I have all of my Beatle albums, all still unopened. I've been keeping them all lying flat for years so that the vinyl doesn't get all crooked. I paid a lot of money for all of those Beatle albums years ago, I have no clue what they're worth now.

I came across some things that my father gave me as well, things like his album that he kept newspaper clippings in during WWII. He had some ration coupons and tokens from the war, too. I wonder if we won't be rationing gasoline soon. I don't have to pay for gas since I'm not driving anywhere but it's awful to think that when I do drive again, gas might be close to five bucks a gallon.

I can't believe that they can't come up with some new way to power automobiles. They can do so much, why can't they figure that one out?
Well, it didn't take long for the carpet to get messed up. The dog drank his water and as usual, he made a big mess doing that. Then, he walked in the water mess and into the living room so there are little red dog paw prints all over the living room. Usually I spill Kool-Aid on it, I'm disappointed that I didn't get to baptize that clean rug. The worst part was that I couldn't even punish the dog for it. He didn't do anything wrong so there wasn't a lesson to teach him.

OK, I guess it's time to go to bed. I'm not tired but if I don't slow down, I'll never fall asleep. I think that I'll sleep in my nice clean bedroom. Even the closet is clean now. There's nothing under the bed either! That room is spic and span. So, pardon me while I go and relax in my room.

See ya!

Meg

Hi there!

I've been cleaning the carpet for the past 24 hours and now my son has taken it back to the store. I couldn't believe how dirty the water was in that stupid thing. I guess it's because of the dog. It's never been so dirty before. Now I have to start cleaning out closets. That won't be the least bit fun.

The landlord called about the rent and I finally did tell him about the refridgerator being broken. He's going to call around to see if he can find one that I get to pick up if I can find someone with a truck. I can't find anyone without a truck, I don't know how to find someone WITH a truck. Oh well, it'll work itself out one way or another.

Some guy wrote to ask me a question:

"...I have a tough time finding one woman, how does Rick find so many?..."

Well, it's easy. He lowers his standards. Anyone can do that. I'd have a different man every night if I did it. Then, he has a knack for making women want to take care of him. I don't know how he does it, but he does. He makes them feel as though he's a victim of something and that he needs a "good" woman to take care of him after all of the "evil" women that he's been around. He's very good at that.

I just taught my dog a new trick. He sticks his tongue out when you say "Tongue!" He learns tricks so quickly that I'm amazed. He's so stupid yet he learns tricks pretty fast. I spoke to a guy who trains rescue dogs the other day and he said that boxers are known for being spoiled easily. So, I guess he is a bright dog, he just enjoys doing things his way.

I want to get him on Stupid Pet Tricks if they still have that. He learns stupid tricks pretty easily. I've never seen a dog stick his tongue out before. I wonder what other stupid tricks he can do. If any of you have any ideas of interesting things to teach a dog, let me know. Email me at megbkelso@gmail.com . Especially if you have an animal that you've taught to do stupid pet tricks. I'd like to see if I can teach this dog to do a bunch of stupid pet tricks.

He's doing one of his stupid tricks now. His head is in my lap. He puts his head in your lap so that you will pet it. He's actually a pretty good dog. If I can just teach him to stop jumping on people, he'll be really good. The jumping and the touching me with his wet dog nose are the ickiest things that he does.

I'd like to go out tonight but if I did, I'd have to go out with my son. That's no good. He cramps my style something awful. I suppose I should just keep on cleaning until I have no more mess left. I've been working so much in all of the other rooms that the kitchen is a mess now. I do have my room entirely clean so if I found someone to play with, I'd have a nice place to bring them. I couldn't make them breakfast, though. I suppose I could make them take me out for breakfast, I haven't been to the Marietta Diner in a very long time.

I wonder where all the guys who offended me are. I could use one of them now. I've been emailing a friend who has "celebate" in her screen name. I told her that I've been considering celebacy...it has been a while, I think I'd qualify. I just haven't made it official yet. I wonder if I could be a nun? That would be fun. I don't like the clothes they wear but I do like the idea of a man who wouldn't cheat.

Someone with "unknown number" keeps calling me. I don't know who they are and I don't answer calls from "unknown". I thought that if I didn't answer the phone after the first hundred calls that they would leave me alone but they won't. So, when they call I turn the TV on some music channel and then I turn it all the way up and put the phone by the speaker and turn it on. That should put a stop to it sooner or later. I suppose that it could be Rick's "friend" calling me from a different phone. The calls have been coming ever since the day that she started calling me.

It's nice to know that there's some idiot out there who is bothered by my existence. Especially when she's such a nut. I know Rick and he doesn't like the type of nit wit who would call his ex. He might keep someone like that around for a while, but not for any length of time. He'll keep her until he comes across someone who has a bit more self control.

I also like the fact that he's lying to me about who she is. That means that this one isn't anything special. If she was, he wouldn't go out of his way to try to CONVINCE me that she's no one special. Ah...life is so interesting...isn't it?

OK, I'm going to go clean out a closet. I'll be back after a while...unless I find someone intersting to do!

Meg

Dear Meg,

"....so don't you think that the woman was asking for trouble?...since she was stripping and men are known to be visual creatures...she never should have been taking her clothes of in front of the students. Now the lives of those men are totally ruined..."

Yikes! No, I don't think anyone ever asks for trouble by dressing in any certain way or undressing. Yeah, the lives of the men from Duke's La Crosse team are pretty much never going to be the same. Neither will the woman's. I don't know what happened, if anything, so I would hesitate before I even commented. If the woman was assaulted, she'll never be the same and if she wasn't assaulted, she obviously has some serious issues so she has my sympathy one way or another.

You say that the woman was "asking for trouble" by putting herself in that postition...I could say the same thing about the guys. If a man doesn't want to be falsely accused of something by a woman, he should stay away from the same things that women should stay away from. Drinking too much is never good and when you have a LOT of people drinking too much, there will be trouble of some sort. If no one had hired a stripper in the first place, no one would have been arrested for a sex crime. It's a dreadful situation to say the least. I don't think that anyone was behaving in an exemplary manner that night. As I told my son while he and I were driving home from the emergency room after he got into a fight for the third time in a few months, there were several opportunities for people to make decisions and those decisions put them where they are now.

Unfortunately, we're going to be hearing a lot about this case in the months to come. I'm already sick of hearing about it. One of the worst things about the entire situation is that so many people are using it for their own purposes and to advance their own political agenda's. The prosecutor alone is suspect as relates to motive. He's in the final heat of a campaign for re-election and this is a great case for him to get his name in the news. I think that it's a conflict of interests to have the person who prosecutes the citizens depend upon them to vote for them.

I also think that it's awful that race has been brought into this quagmire. It's a shame that people don't ever try to find the similarities between each other. It's commonalities that bring people together. We become close based on the things that we have in common. At every level, from the bond between 2 people to the bond between 2 nations, it's the things that we share that brings us together.

The things that we share, we share at every level as well. The melting pot aspect of our country is possible because when certain groups of people arrived, they easily blended in. Most early arrivals shared things like skin color and physical features so it was easy for them to mix in. They didn't make things tough for themselves by trying to stand out as something different. They adopted the culture of the people who were already here and they just blended in with everyone else. So, before long, Americans were just Americans, not Irish or German, just Americans.

It's tougher when you don't look the same as the people that came first. But it can be done. Mediterranean people did it. Asian people did it. But those groups didn't have leaders who constantly pointed out the differences. They didn't have people like Sharpton who can only stay in front of the camera if there's something to bitch about. He can't POSSIBLY say that things are fine...EVER...because then he would serve no purpose.

Wouldn't it be refreshing to see someone use a situation like this mess at Duke to actually bring people together? That would be so healing. We need to concentrate on our similarities instead of dwelling on our differences. The bottom line is that you can't bring people together successfully unless you bring out their shared attributes. It's the things that we have in common that hold us together yet so many people refuse to look at the things that we share, preferring instead to do see the differences. As long as people refuse to celebrate our unity as Americans, there will always be a major schism.

Oh! Did you see the idiot who shot himself in front of a classroom full of children? He was a DEA agent and he was showing the kids how to properly use a firearm and he shot himself in the thigh. If that isn't stupid enough, now he's sueing the DEA because the video tape of him shooting himself in the leg got out. Isn't that ridiculous?

OK, I'm going to go to bed now. I've been washing towels all night after using them to soak up the flood in my living room. I've washed the last load and now I'm going to lie down on the couch and fall asleep.

See ya!

Meg

OK!

This is the third time that I've begun writing this post. The first time, I minimized it and it went away, the second time, it just went away by itself. I don't know if the server saved those posts but I'm going to just write this one in Notepad and copy and paste it this time instead of writing it in the post itself.

Each time I write this over again, I decide to leave out some of the last post. This one should work, like I said, the others may have been saved so I may just copy and paste some of them into this one if they did save.

As I was saying...a few times...I am surprised by the answers to the poll questions. I understand why we had the sexual revolution of the 70's, we were rebelling against the "uptight" attitude that our parents had towards sex. You would think that at some point, young people would rebel against the older people in the opposite direction and NOT have sex but the attitude towards it is getting less and less "strict" as time goes by. AIDS put a hold on sex to some degree, but I think that young people still feel so immune to anything so they just go ahead and do what ever feels good.

The older values seem to be gone for good. No one seems to put any value on sex and their own bodies anymore, at least not in the way that my parents and their contemporaries would have. I wonder how much of that has to do with the media.

When I was in 8th grade, I took an economics class and they discussed subliminal advertising. The specific example that they gave us was that of liquor ads and the fact that the bubbles in the drinks were actually in the shape of phallic symbols and female body parts. The other day, I saw an ad for make up. In the ad, they poured make up (liquid foundation) out and it flowed in the shape of a female body. That was blatant subliminal advertising, to be sure.

Most of what we see isn't so "hidden". Things on commercials today would have earned an R rating in movies a few decades ago. Soap operas and even regular programming seem to glamorize sex so much that they've pretty much made it seem normal to people nowadays. Maybe it is me and the fact that I've been around for so long, but I was raised to think that sex was a gift that you gave the person that you loved, not just a fun activity. It's no longer that type of gift. It seems to be just a recreation that is a hell of a lot of fun now.

Most women (I can say this because I've spoken to enough of them) don't enjoy sex as much as men do. Not in the same way anyhow. We just don't "get off" the same way and for most of us, it takes a while for us to "train" a man properly. That's one reason that I wouldn't want to have sex before I knew a guy. Sure, they'd have fun, it works for them pretty easily. But it would take a good while before they learned what I enjoyed. It would even take a while before they cared one way or another. It's the rare man that would take a woman on the first night and say, "I'm not going to enjoy myself until I'm sure that you're pleased."

If I thought that a man would have that attitude, I would certainly be more inclined to have sex with him. Of course, I wouldn't feel close enough to a guy to let him know what I enjoyed on the first date so it probably just wouldn't happen. I couldn't imagine how I could feel that comfortable with a guy on the first date. Even if you left out all of the old values and just looked at sex as a recreation, it wouldn't be possible for me to know a guy well enough to let them know what I wanted before I became very close to him.

I dated Rick for about 4 years before I ever "enjoyed" sex. I did enjoy it so far as I felt close to him, but I certainly didn't enjoy it like he did. It doesn't always take years to get to know a man, it just took that long with Rick because it was that long before he even bothered to ask if I was enjoying it. I haven't been with that many men but the few that I have been with have usually cared enough to think of me and what I enjoyed.

Whatever their intentions, it just wouldn't be likely that a guy would be able to make it worth my while to have sex on the first date so I just won't do it. If I met some great guy that made me feel as though it WOULD be a good idea, I'd still be concerned that he would think ill of me for doing it. I'm going to add a question to the poll for my own curiosity about what guys think of a chick that "does".

Anyway, I just re-flooded my living room. I couldn't believe it. I was on the phone telling someone about how I was up all night soaking up a flood that happened last night and as I was telling him about that, it was flooding again. Now there's no way that I can avoid renting a steam cleaner for the stupid carpet. That's OK, I needed to wash the stupid thing anyway as part of my spring cleaning, I just couldn't justify the money that it would have cost to do so. Now, I have no choice.

Rick is having problems with his "friend". I don't know why he bothers to go out of his way to try to convince me that she's anything less than a girlfriend but he does. I don't ask any questions, I just told him to have her stop calling me. Then he went out of his way to tell me how she was just his "friend", nothing more. See how he lies when there isn't even a reason? I'll never understand that. There's just no reason anymore. He said that she knew everything about him. I asked if she knew about the blog and he said yes. So, if she DOES know about it, she shouldn't have any questions for me, I've certainly put it all out here for the world to see.

I asked him why she would be calling me and he said, "Maybe she wanted to hear all the dirt about me." That makes no sense. Why would a friend go out of their way to learn "dirt" about someone? A girlfriend would, but not a friend. See what I've dealt with all these years? He would lie for no reason whatsoever. I guess a liar is just so used to lying that they don't know any other way to act. Oh well. If the chick HAS read this ting, she certainly shouldn't be surprised to find out that he does lie. I, on the other hand, was surprised. Rick comes across as such a sincere, nice, laid back guy. You wouldn't ever expect him to be something totally different.

My sister who reads this would tell you that. Anyone who knew Rick would say that he's a great guy. He's one of those people that everyone likes until they get to know him well enough to see what kind of a person he is. When I DID figure it out, I was embarrassed to tell anyone because I knew how much everyone liked him and how hard it would be to believe that he could do the things that he did. You would NEVER expect him to be abusive, he seems to be such a sweetheart and gentle man that he would be one of the last people you would expect to be violent.

Speaking of my sister, her daughter just called me to say that she is moving from Illinois to Florida. She'll need a place to stay on her way down here so I said that she could stay here. Of course she could. There's only one person in my family that I would ever say "No" to and the niece isn't one of them. She's bringing her fiance. I didn't know she was engaged. My sister reads this so she's pretty up to date about what's going on in my life. She doesn't need to call me because she already knows everything. On the other hand, I don't know anything about her life now. Her daughter told me that she just closed on her new house and that she's moving. I didn't know that.

Hey sis, call me...OK?

OK, I need to clean up some of the flood here. It's a shame that FEMA won't help.

I'll be back after I wade through the living room a bit.

See ya!

Meg

Dear Meg,

...when we got to my house the guy started to act like his head hurt and said like it was a joke that you know sex helps headaches and I thought he was kidding only when I think about it he wasn't because he started making out with me and wanted me to lay down so we would be comfortable...do all men want have intercourse with women on the first date now? Have I been out of the single life that long?

I don't know what it is but yes, many of them seem to. It's not as though it's just one or two out of ten, maybe 9 out of ten men that I went out with would have had unprotected sex with me the NIGHT THAT WE MET!

I'm surprised the entire world doesn't have crabs. It isn't you, it's just that for some reason, a lot of men seem to think that the first date isn't over until they know you in the biblical sense. I don't act like a tramp, I don't dress like one, I don't say that I want sex and yet they still act as though I'm nuts for not screwing them the first night. I don't understand it at all.

It doesn't matter what a woman does or how she behaves, some men are out to get laid at just about any cost. Married or not, they will screw a woman that they don't know. Of course, all of them aren't like that and I'm sure that some of them can tell stories about women who behave the same way but since I'm a woman, my point of view comes from the female stand point.

I've even gone out with men and told them how offensive it is that a man would expect sex the first night and then the guy seems to think, "Well, she can't mean me, I'm irresistable!" And then, he proceeds to assault me as though he is the ONLY man that I can't say "No" to. With men like that, you can't do a thing except walk away.

Last year I went out with a guy and told him about two guys who I had dates with who had expected sex the first night and not only did he expect sex himself, he continued to call me for two months even though I never answered the phone when I saw his number. This guy's behavior bordered on sexual assault and I probably could have actually made a criminal case out of it. After I told him no and pushed him away, he grabbed my hand and pulled it towards his "member" as though the mere HINT of an erection would make me pull down my pants right then and there. I was so disgusted that I could have puked. I probably should have and if anything like that ever happens to me again, I may just do it. Yeah, I think I will. I'll just barf on his crotch.

I grew up in the 70's when everyone was screwing everyone and I didn't play offense as often as I did last year while I was dating a bunch of men one time. Men who seemed so sincere and decent would end the night by inviting themselves to my place or me to theirs. It didn't matter how I behaved, trust me, I behaved like a lady and STILL they would act as though I had a sign on my forehead that said, "Do me now....PLEASE!!!!"

The younger ones did it a bit more often but the older ones were more persistent. Unbelievable.

Another thing that's unbelievable is the fact that when I asked them if they always expected sex on the first night they all had the same answer..."I don't know, it's been such a long, long time." Yeah, right.

I told one guy that I didn't do men on the first date and in an attempt to get rid of him I was saying that maybe some other time...blah, blah, blah and he responded, "I'm funny, I need the spontaneity of the moment, some other time I may not be ready to perform." He said that as though I wanted him so badly that I would change my mind and give in right that moment.

Even the guy (who I thought was my FRIEND) from last night just invited himself over to my house and said that he just wanted to "sit on my porch swing and see what comes up." In other words, that fool didn't want to take me out, he didn't want to show me a good time or even take me out to dinner. No pretense of gentlemanly behavior. He just wanted to come to my house and use me as a toilet for his sperm. I wouldn't have been quite as offended if he offered to take me out first, bit I most assuredly was offended anyway.

I wish there was some color that you could wear that would signify what your intentions were. Men who want sex could wear purple and women who want it could wear red. That way, we'd all know exactly what was expected. It's so unGodly rude to put a lady in the position of having to say, "No, I don't want to fuck you tonight." To leave on a date, thinking that you're about to have a nice evening, and end up having to put on the sexual brakes is so disappointing. If a guy just had patience and waited, I'm sure that we would let them know when we wanted to "go all the way".

I don't know what the numbers are but in my experience, most men DO seem to expect it right away. I'm going to use that as a poll question...actually more than one, for men and women. Please take the time to answer it honestly. I'm curious about it. How many of you do expect it and what do you think of the people who do? I'd be interested to know. So, after I post this, I'm going to set up a few questions for men and women so that we can each learn a bit about the other. As I said, answer honestly, no one is looking.

Meg

Good morning!

I guess it's almost afternoon. I just woke up. I spent a few hours on the phone last night and didn't get to bed until close to 4 am. A friend of my son's came by last night needing some antibiotics for a toothache so I told him how to get some. It isn't tough, no doctor (or dentist for that matter) would mind giving them to him. They might have a problem with controlled substances but they usually don't mind calling people in antibiotics. The guy doesn't have insurance and he just went back to work after a long time of being out after a divorce.

I hadn't seen my son's friend in a long time. I don't remember when the last time I saw him was but he's lost 50 pounds since then. I think he looked too thin and guant and that made me wonder if I look gaunt as well. I've always known this guy as a great big, tall, heavyset guy. Ever since he and my son were in school, he's been a big kid.

Maybe I'm bigoted toward bigger men, I certainly prefer them, but I didn't at all like his new look of which he was quite proud. He looked completely dofferent. People have seen pictures of me before I lost all the weight and said that I looked like a totally different person. Now, I see what they meant although to me, I look the same.

We all see a different person in the mirror than other people see. When I had my first kid, I gained a LOT of weight. My father flew out to California when I had him and offered to take me shopping for a new wardrobe. While we were at the store, I saw another brand new mother and she was so thin. I couldn't wrap a size 12 cardigan sweater around me. I was inconsolable. I asked my father how people ever let themselves get so big and he said, "They don't see themselves like we do." He was so right.

I decided that I didn't want any clothes that would have fit me then because I was going to lose the weight and I did. I lost so much that I became anorexic. I specifically remember looking in the mirror, naked, at about 92 pounds and thinking that I saw fat. In my mind, I DID see the fat. I understand where anorexic people are coming from. Thankfully, I became pregnant with my daughter and started eating everything in sight so I gained the weight back and stayed around 120 all throughout my 20's.

I read the following sentence somewhere, "Thirty marks the beginning of your decline." I don't remember where I saw it, I just remember that sentence. At 30, I married Rick and started gaining weight that I didn't lose until he left. That was the "happily married" weight that we all gain. Well, almost all of us. Of course, between being sick and the divorce, I lost it all and then some. My goal now is to keep the weight off, even if I ever become happy again. I'd like to gain another 20 pounds, but it's tough to do that proportionately. I have very long, thin legs and I don't want to look like a water tower.

I wish I could see myself as other people see me, just for a minute. I'll never be able to do that.

It would have been nice to go to my 30 year (YIKES!) high school reunion with all the weight off, but I checked the high school web site and they aren't having one! I was pretty surprised. They're having a 20th and a 40th, but no 30th.

I went to my tenth and got so drunk that I hit two cars trying to get out of the parking lot. For some stupid reason, my ex let me drive. He had to pay quite a bit for those cars. I felt pretty stupid after I sobered up. I never got out of the parking lot, I hit the cars trying to get out of the parking space. I remember that there were people watching so maybe I don't really want to go to anymore reunions. My ex took over the driving right away so I'll never know what would have happened if I had driven all the way home. I suspect that I wouldn't have gotten there.

I think that I'm going to try to do some more yard work. While I was doing it the other day, I found some old bulbs and I'd like to see if they're any good now. Before I became so sick, I used to keep the yard looking nice. When I got sick and the marriage began falling apart, I stopped doing that and Rick only did it when I asked him to so it didn't get done. I was totally preoccupied with all of the BS in my life. So, this would be the third summer that the yard hasn't had anything done to it. I know it'll take a long time and a lot of work, but I'm going to try to get it looking decent again.

The morning that I spent "working" with my friend in his garden inspired me to work in my own. I guess I'll go back out there and start working now. It'll probably take all summer just to get the weeds and pine needles cleaned up but if I work out there for a little bit every morning, I can take care of it. I wish that I had the money to pay Chemlawn to come and kill the entire thing so I could start over fresh. Last fall, I put some weed killer out there but it seems to have worked as a weed feeder.

OH! I also have to find a way to get on top of my house and clean out the gutters. I tried to do it the other day but chickened out. 30 years ago, I could have pulled myself up there pretty easily without being afraid. Why do we get so scared in our adulthood? Maybe it's just that we get smart. Well, tune it later to see if I ever got up there, I kind of doubt that I will be able to but I'm going to try! If I'm not back by dinnertime, send some help and tell them to look for me under the eaves of my house.

See ya!

Meg

Hi there!!!

I'm home again. I went to the doctor and then I had to go to the drug store. I took a couple of pain pills and they're sort of working but I haven't quite straightened up yet. Of course, I still have a black eye but that doesn't hurt unless I look in the mirror.

Guess what? Last week when I went to the probation office, I had to take the drug test again. I told them about the drugs that I was taking and the PO asked if they were current. Of course they are, I have to go monthly to get them refilled.

Then I started thinking about the implications of her question. She said that I couldn't take any drugs that had expired orders. I didn't even know that was a possibility. I don't know for how long an order is "good" or valid, and I guess that I should ask. But I have drugs sitting in my medicine cabinet that I never took. I know that I have some Tylenol with Codeine from at least two years ago. So, apparently if I got a migraine and took one of them, I'd be in violation of the probation. Even though I have a prescription for them and my name is on the bottle, I can't take them. I don't know what the time limit is, but I'm sure that two years is over it. Being a nurse I know that usually an order for a controlled substance is good for 6 months and non-controls are good for a year. I would guess that it works that way in the probation office as well but I'm not at all sure.

Another thing, when they increased the does of my Elavil, I put the new ones in with the old ones. I knew that the old ones were small yellow pills and the new ones were larger orange pills. They said that was against the law and that they could come back and arrest me for that alone anytime within the next two years. They said that all prescription pills have to be in the bottle that they came in with the pharmacy label on it. So, according to that logic, my pill daily dispenser is illegal. I bought it in a drug store, I wouldn't have thought that drug stores would aid and abet criminals. If I were to get arrested for my pill dispenser, I would have to sue the manufacturer and the store that sold it to me.

Well, I wouldn't have to, but I would. Unless of course there's a disclaimer on it saying that it's use is illegal which I sort of doubt. Anyway, I thought that was odd.

That reminds me, I still have to press charges against the doctor in the jail. I suppose that I have two years as well. I won't be waiting that long but I did want to wait for a while to make sure that I wasn't doing it in a fit of emotion. But, I've thought about it for a long time now and that SOB deserves to be held liable for the way in which he treats human beings. Unless a person has been declared mentally incompetent by a judge, they have the right to refuse treatment, even in a jail. I knew that before and then while I was in jail, I checked in the jail law library and the law applies to him too.

If a person says to you, "If you don't eat, I'll put an IV in your arm!", they're guilty of assault. If they go ahead and DO it, they're guilty of battery. I told that jack ass over and over again to stop sticking me in attempts to get blood when I was dehydrated and he refused to stop. He had just about every "nurse" in the place try at least once and then he tried it a few times himself. Since the cancer, I am so vein depleted that on a good day, I'm a tough stick. Dehydrated, it's almost impossible to hit a vein in my arm. Then, the fool threatened to start one in my neck and he walked back and forth in front of the room I was in, pointing at his neck to taunt me and my fear of needles. I don't know what medical school he went to but I would wager it was on some island nation south of Cuba.

I never promised to keep his name off of this blog. It's Dr. Henderson and I cringe when I use that Dr. in front of his name. I've worked with doctors since the 70's and I've seen a few who treated nurses poorly, but never one that was as twisted as this fuck. To call him Dr. is an affront to doctors everywhere.

My secret blog isn't a secret anymore. I gave it to 4 people and one of them gave it away. I was receiving hits from as far away as Belgium. People who WANT their blogs to receive hits would have a hard time getting as many as that one did. Apparently, I didn't charge enough for the link to keep it private. I sent it to people who had already sent money to me and then to anyone who sent me 5 bucks. (I received two of them back because the email addresses were no longer valid.)

Well, apparently, 5 bucks isn't enough for someone to keep the thing private. So, I had to begin again.

OMG! A guy who is supposed to be a friend (nothing more) just called me and asked if he could come over to my house. I asked why and he said, "To sit on your porch swing and see where we go from there." That doesn't sound the least bit friendly now, does it?

OK, Microsfit is offering me "critical updates" and since yetserday's fiasco on this computer, I've decided to start taking the updates so that I can avoid any viri. That means that I have to stop this here and view them so I'm going to do that. I'll be back after I download all the things that I need to. While I'm at it, I'm going to update my virus software as well.

See ya,

Meg

Will people never learn?

Nope. Liars lie and cheaters cheat. Rick called me to assure me that "Tish" was just a good friend and that there was "nothing romantic" going on between them. Between knowing that she's a nut and he's still a liar, I don't feel so unlucky now. My problems are temporary, that bullshit never changes.

The chick was in his house early enough to get my phone number off of his caller ID and she was annoyed when I said that I had already spoken to Rick yet he expects me to buy that story or to even care. Oh well.

To paraphrase an old polka, you can have him, I don't want him, he's to dishonest for me.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Different female, same bullshit.

Life is so much easier when you're not a liar. Why did he bother? What could I have said about anything? I divorced him, a long time ago, another life ago...and he still wants me to think that he's up in Montana doing nothing. There hasn't been a day over the past 5 years that I didn't know he had some nasty skank who would sleep with him. You sort of get used to that stuff.

I never asked him who she was, I truly don't care. I just wanted to know if the leaf blower in the shed worked, where the start up discs for the computer was and why the food in the freezer defrosted. He didn't have to go out of his way to explain who the whacko who kept calling me was.

Oh well. I have to go to the doctor today. I've gotten one lab result back with normal calcium levels and I'm hoping that I get another one today. I won't find out today, but they'll draw it today. The doctor said that if the levels stay normal, I'll be officially cured and the pain will begin to subside as the calcium is reabsorbed into my bones. That's cool.

Now, if I can only cure my brain. I just made myself a nice piping hot pot of hot water. I forgot to put the coffee in the stupid coffee pot. It's not a hot water pot, you'd think I'd remember to put coffee in the coffee pot. Damn, it just occurred to me that I could have made a cup of tea with that hot water. I poured it all over the metal thing that sits on the bottom of my oven. It was covered with the exploding meat loaf and the hot water got a bunch of the other crud off of it. I could have saved some of it for tea. OK, so don't expect anything brilliant out of me just yet, I'm still half asleep.

I woke up early because I fell alseep early. If I started right now and worked really hard, I could have the entire house cleaned by 8 am.

That'd be stupid.

It might seem smarter after some coffee. So, now that I actually have some, I'm going to go drink it. Have a good morning!

See ya,

Meg

I've had an interesting day...

...I began feeling well so I decided to work in my yard. After raking a small portion of it and bagging about 15 bags of leaves and pine needles, I decided to pick up the pine cones because they were interfering with my raking. I picked up 3 bags of those pointy suckers and then my back went out.

So, I came in the house to get a glass of ice water and I had no ice. My refridgerator is broken. So, I decided to cook the rest of the meat and remembered my oven doesn't work, only the broiler element. The meat was cooking too much on the top so I took the Pyrex 13X9 and put it on the last working element that I have on my stove. Well, it works, but on one temperature...burn. So, I put it back in the oven. 3 minutes later the Pyrex dish exploded in the oven.

I tried to get on the computer but couldn't. I spent 5 hours trying and then my son came home and started it right up.

I thought I'd walk my dog so I tied the leash around my waist like I usually do. He heard some other dogs and bolted, slamming me into a fence face first. Now, I'm hobbled over in pain and I have a black eye.

The phone rings and I answered it. The person said, "Who is this?" I was getting pretty irritated at that point so I said, "I'm not having a good day and you know it doesn't work like that...who the hell are you?"

"This is Tish from Montana. You left a message on Rick's phone and I wanted to see if you needed anything. I said, "Rick and I have already spoken." I could tell by her reaction that she wasn't happy about that. Then she asked me how I was doing. I said, "Have a nice day." and hung up. Then, she continues to call me all day until I finally got in touch with Rick and told him to make her stop. He seems to have done that. If she was just trying to let me know about her, she failed miserably because she is obviously psycho and if that's the best he can do, I can smile about it.

Let's see, the oven, the stove, the fridge, the computer, my back, my black eye...am I leaving anything out? Oh, the exploding meat loaf. Oh yeah! I almost forgot, my washer spun a load of clothes for 4 hours before I realized that the load was taking an awfully long time to finish. And, there's a bumblebee in my bedroom and I'm not going in there until it dies.

I'm hunched over like Quasi Moto, I'm scratched all over from yard work and dog draggings and I have a black eye. All in all, I'd say that today was a bummer. I almost forgot, when I took my shower this morning, I only shaved one leg. I think that just about covers it. I should have known my day would get worse after I stuck foaming facial cleanser in my eyes.

I'm gonna go find a safe place to hide,

See ya,

Meg

OK. Here's the NUT picture, I think it may be blue, it is in this program. But, it may not be on the blog so one way or another, here it is.

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Good morning!

Well, I've had more than enough sleep so today I have to accomplish some things. I'm just going to get myself dressed and walk out the door and head toward the first place that I have to go and see what happens. I need to handle all of this stuff and there isn't anyone that's going to do it for me so I'm going to start handling it all on my own.

I had waited for someone to fulfill some promises but it doesn't look like they're going to so off I go to deal with it myself. I really could use a person with a car who didn't mind driving me around in exchange for nothing more than pleasant company. But, I haven't girlfriends who don't work and men always seem to want something in exchange.

It was nice hanging out with my friend without worrying about anything sexual happening. That's rare and he's the perfect example of a good man friend. There was a time when I had quite a few of them but when I was with Rick, he preferred that I had none of them. I guess men can't handle the man friend thing. That's a shame.

You know, nowadays, according to Jerry Springer anyway, so many women are sleeping with each other so I don't know why the nervousness over friends should be limited to men.

You might think that it wouldn't make you as annoyed but I recently learned that it can and does annoy you just as much, no matter what it is that your friend is sleeping with. The trust stuff is still there, or should I say the distrust.

YIKES! I just did something incredibly stupid. I was going to take the mascara off of my eyes and instead of using the eye make up remover, I used the foaming facial wash. So, I put a hunk of soap in my eyes. That was different. It certainly wakes you up in the morning. Of course, now it looks like I've been crying for a month. Important safety hint:
Pay strict attention when removing mascara...do NOT use foaming facial wash.

OK then, I'm going to soak in the tub and then get dressed and head out to see where my feet take me today. This should be fun. If I am truly on my own again, things are about to get interesting on me.

See ya,

Meg

Happy Easter!

I'm just sort of sitting around today. This morning I helped a friend in his garden...at least I sort of cheered him on. We had a lovely time and I appreciate him getting me out of my house. It's nice to have men friends that I don't have to worry about being hit on by.

I've made an Easter resolution. I'm going to bust my ass trying to get things done in my life. I was depending on someone else and that's not too bright.

I have a bunch of things that I want to do. Besides the probation terms, I need to get my nursing license renewed and I need to get a job. I had considered doing stand up again but we'll see how that works out. The places where I do it all serve alcohol and I don't want to put myself in any compromising situations. We'll see. As long as I don't drink anything, I think I should be fine. I can't imagine that being a problem.

I saw Ann Coulter on O'reilly the other night. She and O'reilly both felt that we needed to guard the border, they just had different answers to the problem. Ms. Couletr said that we should build a wall, O'reilly said that we should send the National Guard. She didn't even call him on the most wise aspect of her plan...what would the rest of the world tolerate better? Armed guards with rifles or a peaceful wall? Sometimes I wish that I could call these people and make suggestions.

Getting back to doing stand up again, I think I'll turn parts of this blog into my material. The stuff that I used before is all pretty old now and out of date. I could use some of it but I think that I have more stuff on this blog that I could use to do a routine about the divorce and life as a divorcee. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I think that I can do it.

I also think that I may be back on the market socially and if I am, I'm gonna go have some fun. It's about time, I've been waiting long enough.

My friend is an ex DJ and we listened to clips of DJ's stuff on these reel to reel things that he had. Some of them were DJ's that I listened to in Chicago back in the day. We had a very nice time. I felt so good this morning after having such a lovely time and my mood got shot down immediately by a guy who has some serious double standard issues.

Why do you guys do that? I guess we can do it to, but I always end up trying to be really good and I try to be understanding over what the guy's doing and I never know what the heck he IS up to. Then, I do something totally innocent and I'm in deep shit. The rules seems to bend on me quite a bit.

Oh well. I'd love to go out this afternoon because I'm in such a good mood but I can't really justify going anywhere except maybe to take my dog for a walk.

OH! Speaking of the dog, this insane couple keeps coming by my house with their dog and they stand by my fence and let their dog bark at mine. The nuts seem to enjoy harassing my dog and that irritates me. So, yesterday I ran out and told her to get her dog out of my yard and I used a few chioce words. She said, "Oh my, you have a foul mouth!" But, she wouldn't leave! I couldn't believe it. The next time my dog is harrassed, I think I'm going to hose down the offending dog.

OK, I' going to get busy today. I hope you all have a nice Easter!

Meg

Hi there!!!


I am out and having a good time. I thought that I'd check in because I could.

OK....so whatcha doin'? I'm actually making ice cream. It's only vanilla because we don't want to upset the liquid balance. It's a new ice cream maker so it should work. The last time we made it (months ago) it turned out to be less than slushy even. So this one should do well. New ice too.

So, anyway, I have to have the vanilla...but I don't have to like it. I have some candy bars and I could crush one up on the vanilla ice cream. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

OK...well, that's it for now.

See ya,

Meg

Hi,

I may go out with a friend this evening, I hope so. I get so absolutely insane just sitting in this house all the time. It's OK for the first two weeks but after that, I start to get claustrophobic and the place seems to get smaller all the time.

I need to go up in my attic and find my kitchen curtains. For some reason, when I was in jail my son took them down and put them up in the attic. He said that they were dirty but unless he was conducting some type of chemistry experiment, they couldn't have been THAT dirty. The last time I washed them I didn't want to iron the suckers so I went to the dry cleaner and asked what they charged. 80 bucks. Isn't that ridiculous? They only cost 120, I could find some on sale for less than it would cost to have them pressed. I had a brain fart and bought kitchen curtains with embriodered flowers that have petals that stick out and you can't just iron them flatly and easily so it's a bitch to do but it's not as though I'm headed to a cotillion or something like that so I guess I could just spend a couple of hours ironing them.

You'll be pleased to know that my house is clean. Now I guess it's time to mess it up. I haven't decided how I'd like to make a mess but sex would be good. Generally that doesn't mess up more than the sheets but with a little imagination I could probably manage more. Just one thing missing, that's the other person. I suppose I should be a bit more independent but I hate a sore arm.

There was a bumblebee in my hallway yesterday. Rick should have been here to take care of that but I had to. First, I put a mason jar on it and then I tried to put a book onto that to keep it from falling over but that wouldn't work so I slipped a card under it and then I took it, screaming, outside and released it into the wild. I hope it wasn't one of those africanized suckers.

There isn't much for me to do on the weekend when my house is clean. Yard work is always an option but there has to be a man somewhere who can take care of that. I don't mind housework but I hate the yard work crap. I was raised in an interesting yet fucked up era. I was the last of the generation of women who took home ec classes without the boys. We were raised to be housewives and then when we got old enough, we were told that we needed to have a career to be completely self actualized. My father actually told me that he wasn't sending me to college because he had three boys to put through school and I would just end up pregnant and it would have been a waste of money. Then, I tried to go into the Army and he said...and I quote..."If I thought that a daughter of mine had nothing better to do with her life than go into the Army, I would be highly disappointed."

Ain't that a bitch? And I was just stupid enough to listen to him. After all that, I did get married and pregnant...three times. But I went to school anyway, on my own with three kids. Sometimes I wonder how I accomplished so much and what happened to the chick who did all of that.

OK, I have to primp a bit, if my friend does come over it will be the first person to see me in a while so I shouldn't be sitting around in my jammies.

Ciao,

Meg

I have a great picture to use as the "Sometimes I feel like a nut" post, but the program that I use to do that isn't working for some reason. I'll figure it out sooner or later.

Sometimes I don't.

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