To the lady who wrote to me anonymously...

...Sure, I understand exactly what you are feeling. If you haven't already seen it, go read today's Dear Abby. She addressed feelings towards step-children.

Step children aren't any different than any other humans. You will like some and some you won't. The best advice that I can give you is twofold. First, act as if you DO like them. You're an adult and I'm sure that you can do that. They never, ever have to know about your feelings, which by the way, are quite normal so don't beat yourself up over it. Secondly, don't even bother trying to discipline them unless you have their father's full support. If it doesn't affect you or your kids, walk away and let their father deal with them.

When Rick and I first got married, it was very difficult for me to like his kids. As adults, they aren't so bad. They treat me with respect and that's good enough. But, at first, I had a very hard time dealing with them because I had rules for my kids and I expected the step kids to follow them as well. At that time, Rick was (in my opinion) trying to be a great dad and make up for the time that he didn't have them. So, he went overboard in the leniency department. It made me angry and I took it out on his kids. Like you, I thought that they were brats and even if I was right...it wasn't their fault. Their mother was a despicable female and treated those boys like dirt. It was pathetic. She continues to do so today.

Rick and I argued about the kids quite a bit. Especially after he would do things that were blatantly unfair, so much so that the kids all saw it. One weekend morning the kids were rough-housing and coming to snicth on each other over and over again for at least an hour. At one point, Rick said, "The next person to tell on another is going to be spanked." Well, his son ratted out one of mine and rather than keep his word, Rick spanked my son. I wasn't perfect either...but I learned quickly what I was doing wrong.

I was punishing two little boys who needed two thoughtful, parents who cared enough about them to take the time to teach them how to live in society. I was making their plight even worse and the entire situation was a huge strain on my marriage. So, at one point, I decided that I had to keep out of it and let their parents do what they wanted to do, they sure as hell wouldn't listen to me. All attempts that I made to help the boys were taken as me being the wicked step mother when I just wanted to teach them some manners and encourage them to be productive, in school and out. I honestly believe those boys wanted that...I really, really do.

The younger one was a challenge because he was very smart at manipulating his father. If ever he and I would pass each other in the hall or some place private, he would bolt to his father screaming that I had hit him in the head. Luckily, Rick acted like he believed me. One day I passed the kid in the hall and smacked him upside the head. I kept walking and he went crying to his father...but at this point, Rick believed me so the kid couldn't get any attention for that, as a matter of fact, he got punished for it. And, I HAD smacked him...that boy never cried wolf again.

Early in our marriage, I learned that I should just keep out of it unless it affected me or my kids. If you're honest with yourself, you can easily discern between things that really do affect you and things that don't. Just keep your mouth shut. Life will be much easier on you and your kids. You do have to find a tactful way to explain any differences in the rules, but it's worth it if you want to save your marriage.

Ideally, you and your husband would be able to discuss your strategy as parents. Not during an argument, but you should have a well thought out plan. Go out to dinner a couple of times like business people do and discuss your ideas of how you two should raise your new family. You've both been parents for a while, you know the sorts of things that the kids do that deserves discipline. List them and come up with the best way to handle things. You don't have to get all particular, just decide who will handle what and what punishments are acceptable to both of you.

There will be some things that you'll have to compromise on, but once again, you're adults, you should be able to do that. When you come to something that you disagree with, put it aside for later...like when you take a test and answer the questions you know first and then tackle the ones you don't. If you don't cover everything over one dinner, save some for another night out.

Occasionally, you may come across something you hadn't even considered. There's nothing wrong with letting the kids sit in their room while the two of you discuss it rationally in another room. The kids should never hear these discussions which, by the way, should never turn into arguments. They should know that the two of you will consult each other when these things come up and should perceive you two as a team. They should never be encouraged to play one against the other.

I have to say this before I sign off, when you find yourself disliking the kids, ask yourself why. If their behavior makes you dislike them, try to find some sympathy in your heart for these kids who aren't lucky enough to have a REAL PARENT to guide them through life. Think about what the future has in store for them.

Both of my step kids ended up doing time in jail for a few minor crimes...I think they've learned their lesson. They haven't been in trouble since. But they weren't prepared to live by the rules because they really never had many. Their despicable mother kept the child support and kicked the boys out before they ever had a chance to finish high school. Turning 18 doesn't necessarily make a child fit to leave home. These kids were kicked out much sooner than that. And yes...in the Commonwealth of Virginia it is legal to kick your kids out and still demand, and receive, child support. When I tried to complain they said, "She has custody, she can let them live wherever she wants to." I got no further than that.

So, they boys are doing relatively well, from what Rick tells me. But they suffered a lot from not having any type of thought put into their upbringing. That's too bad.

Oh well, I guess that's it. Just remember that feelings are what they are...you can't help what you feel. They aren't good and they aren't bad...they just are.

And remember to raise your children the way you see fit...no matter what. They are your responsibilty. Your responsibility to the step kids is what your husband expects of you, within reason. If he says he wants you to help and then makes it a nasty situation when you do, gracefully bow out of the situation knowing that you have your own kids and they are the ones who deserve your best.

Well, I am exhausted and it's time to go to bed. I'll check in with you guys later.

Ciao!

Meg

It seems as though I am the other woman...

...in my ex husband's relationship! He apparently got in trouble for speaking to me and I'm not supposed to say anything about it when we speak. Yeah...right.

I might listen if he ever once told me the truth, but his lame reasoning won't do it.

My, how things have changed. Yet, how much they stay the same. I'm just glad to be the one who knows what's going on this time...you'd think he would learn his lesson.

So, if you wait long enough, you become the other woman. I've never been bothered by ex-wives myself and I don't know why a woman would be worried about a guy's ex.

Damn...I've chipped a nail. Damn it...this requires immediate attention. I have to file it and touch up the nail polish. I hate imperfections on me.

I've got to get ready to leave now so I have to run, I just wanted to let you know about me being the one who is being spoken to on the sly...I get a kick out of that!

Meg

Meg...

"...My point is if we all grew thick skin and accepted we are all different there wouldnt be a word racism. And just because my work is being outsourced to india and I am annoyed at this I must be Racist etc, this world needs to grow up and get over it..."

This is sooooo true.

Earlier, when I said that racism was going away...I meant it. When I said that, I was thinking about a time when we could make harmless jokes about ourselves and other ethnic groups, even to the point of telling these jokes to the people that we were poking fun at. And...it WAS poking FUN!

The first huge example that I can think of is All in the Family, an extremely funny show that was the product of some of the most liberal minds in Hollywood. But, there is no way that a program like that could ever be accepted today.

When Nickelodeon first began running reruns of that program, I hadn't seen it in 20 years. I asked my son to watch it with me because he had never seen it and I knew what an excellent show it was. He watched it for 5 minutes before getting up, walking away in disgust saying, "This is the most racist show I have ever seen."

I raised my kids to accept people of all different types and I am proud of that. But I did something wrong...or maybe it was just that the world he grew up in was so different from the world that I grew up in. I never thought of that show as being racist, rather I took it as a sign that racism was an antiquated notion. At that point in time, we were laughing at the silly ideas that the older generation had grown up with and therefore, we could all laugh at Archie and his ridiculous prejudices. But, after seeing my son's reaction and the way that we all had become so politically correct, I had to admit, shows like that were gone forever as was the idea that we could all make fun of ourselves and others along even remotely racial lines.

I also remember when my brother showed me a collection of jokes that he had compiled. Most of them were stupid little jokes about people of all ethnicities. I had friends of many different backgrounds and we could easily tell each other jokes that were silly, funny and cute, certainly not nasty, mean or degrading. We all laughed at these jokes because they were funny. They poked fun at different aspects of certain ethnic groups and we laughed because they were, to some extent, true.

We didn't need "thick skin" then, we knew that the people telling these jokes meant nothing by them...we were simply trying to make each other laugh. And it worked!

I remember a lot of those jokes, but as harmless as they were, I wouldn't dare repeat them today for fear of being labeled a racist. I even have to think twice before addressing such things on this blog...I do it anyway, but there is much that I have to leave unsaid and that's ridiculous. An open discussion is the only way to open eyes but we can't do that...can we?

One of my favorite books is Farenhite 451. In that book, Bradbury creates a world wherein firemen don't put out fires, they just burn books and punish the people who have them. The reasoning is that there is something in every book that offends someone...so they simply did away with them all together.

In the book, television is reduced to a screen with pretty images and nonsensical words that offend no one, but neither do they provoke thought because to make people think might make them think critically and then they would see how ridiculous the world they live in is.

Our world is so very close to Bradbury's fictional world that it's actually frightening. If you haven't read that book yet, do so...it's a short read and well worth the effort.

Then, look at television and see if you don't see the mindless programming that is little more than pretty images and nonsensical words. There's very little out there that makes a person THINK. Critical thinking has been purposely stomped out of curriculums all over the country and classrooms were taken over by facist professorts who love taking advantage of the pliability of a students mind and shoving their own personal philosophies down the throats of young people who have not been given the other side, nor have they been given the skills with which they should be able to point out the flaws in the arguments being made by the socialist push onto the campuses of our centers of HIGHER learning.

That phenomenon began before I went to college and it continues today. When I took that stupid US History-1865 to Present...all I learned was how many ICBM's Russia had as compared to America. My instructor was a huge anti-Reagan liberal and he thought of Reagan as the "Stalin of Democracy." Considering the arms race was in the news at the time, this class was more current events than it was history. He didn't even go into the genisis of the Cold War...he just went into how many times we could each blow up our planet.

There's no arguing that the liberals have pretty much taken over the college campuses of our country. And there's even a pretty good reason for that. Back in the 60's...there were many ways to get out of going to Viet Nam. Now, I am not going to comment on the draft dodgers, whatever their motus operandi...that's not what this post is about. Without passing judgement on their reasons why...they did have a few legitimate outs. One of the legitimate outs was if the kid went into college to become a teacher.

I assume that most of them did so out of sincere disagreement with the war itself. I have no problem with that...there are enough people who will go, a few conscientious objectors never hurt anyone. So, they chose to major in Education. Obviously, most of these kids slanted liberal and perhaps they slanted really, really far to the left as well. Now, 40 years later, these "kids" are in the upper levels of Education and they're pretty much calling the shots.

As long as the 60's liberals are running the school's...things won't change. That is, of course, unless the parents and students ever develop a backbone and begin to simply ask questions. Just use the brains they were born with. Take a course in critical thinking. After you do, you will be able to easily pick out the flaws in arguments that you might have taken as gospel.

These classes don't change your mind, they sharpen it. They make you ask questions and they open your mind to the possibility of other points of view, more free speech, further discussion and all around increased learning. There's no chance of this type of class changing your mind, nor is it written in stone that you will return to your favorite professor and disagree with everything he says. On the other hand, it might give you the skills to see a really good argument and find that you agree with him/her all the more.

You know, I don't even know how I got here...and I don't know where I was going. But I could write about these things for hours, I'm that passionate about such things. But, I'm also passionate about a few other things.

Food. I like food.

I'm passionate about fruit especially.

I'm passionate about a man right now.

And, I'm passionate about my work. Since last Saturday, I havent' work expect for Thanksgiving and the following Saturday. I need a bit of time off. Yesterday I called the scheduler and said that I wanted to get 3 shifts in before the pay period ends so she gave me Tonight, tomorrow night and the next night. Then, the other scheduler called me and I promised her Saturday and Sunday night. So, I've gotten myself into another pickle. 5 nights staright...12 hour shifts. Yippee.

I better go relax and take a nap so I can wake up in time to take a nice warm bath in a tepid pool of my own filth.

Ciao,

Meg

Meg...

...Also remember....he made the judge think that the car in your driveway was a good car AND he tried the she was cheating on me thing too. Get mad Meg....then get even.

Damn. I think what I need to do is re-read this whole blog so that I CAN get angry again. You guys are remembering more than I did and I was there for the entire scam that he pulled on me. He sure as hell didn't think about anything but his self while I was sick. When he left, I couldn't have driven a car if I wanted to. I was that weak.

Why do I do that? How on Earth could I just let all of the crap he did to me just slide...especially after I sat here so scared for months before I did get angry and begin this blog? He's been relatively nice to me on the phone so I have sort of just started dealing with him on the level that we find ourselves at now which is one of pleasantries and politeness. We've been speaking like that so much lately that I guess I see him as that nice guy on the other end of the phone instead of the lying, cheating, abusive bastard that he absolutely is.

He also stole things from me. I still haven't found my passport and now I've looked all over the house. Over the past two years, I've cleaned EVERYTHING...if it were here I would have come across it by now. Also, he stole a bunch of MY movies, my Lord of the Rings Collection and Cold Mountain. He fucked someone in my house when I was visiting my daughter before the treatment for the cancer. He walked out when I needed him the most and left me here to rot. Then, he got mad at my son because he wasn't always there to help me. My son never promised to help me, Rick did.

He took every chance he could to make a fool out of me and then told his family how evil I was. Then, he moved his family into my house and acted like a peach the entire time they were here while I knew that he was fucking someone else. His family only saw what he wanted them to see but I knew that nothing had changed. And, when I DID accuse him of cheating, he actually sent ME to a psychiatrist to deal with my trust issues. AND I WENT! What a fool.

Yeah...I'm getting annoyed again.

Not only do I worry about the wrong people...I worry what they will think of me as well. I worry that I would look like a bitch if I went after him for as much as I could when it really shouldn't matter.

And, on top of EVERYTHING else, he STILL hasn't had the decency to tell me the truth although he did dig a "Yes, I had a part in the break-up myself." out of me! Am I nuts?! I'm such a moron.

My father did ask me to send him a copy of the divorce agreement before he offered his opinion. He'll surely look for what's in my best interests. For a minute there, I was actually feeling guilty over how well I've been doing but I've been working my ass offf which I shouldn't have been doing. I did it to bank some cash so I could afford to be sick for a few weeks after the surgery next month. It showed me that I have no business working so much. I don't know how long I'll even be able to work so why should I make it so that if I had to have the money, I wouldn't? There's no reason for me to feel guilty, I should be able to have enough money coming in so that I can afford to save some of it. That's what normal people do.

I need to get back in touch with the feelings that made stuff like this possible:

"His penis is not only twisted, the head is smaller than the shaft. It looks kind of like a pencil with a worn out eraser."

And I was thinking that he should mortgage his house to pay me off...I shouldn't hurry...that's always an option.

Meg

Good morning!

At least I think it's morning. I fell asleep watching the Lord of the Rings movies and made it halfway through the second movie before I just passed out. I woke up at about 2 and then couldn't fall back to sleep because my back was killing me and I was thinking about the insurance problem.

The COBRA runs out at the end of the year and it will cost $758 a month to keep me insured without a lapse in coverage. That would also keep it so that I wouldn't have to worry about pre-existing conditions so I pretty much have to have that particular coverage. Rick is paying me $800 a month plus $280 for the current insurance. So, that adds up to $1080 a month that he pays now.

He says that he has no life except for working and caring for his sick father. I, on the other hand, do have a life and therefore, I need the money more than he does. He lives with his son, "no one else lives with us". So, between the two of them, he should be able to pay me what I need for him to pay. Especially considering he doesn't pay rent.

I thought of a different way for him to handle this, tell me what you think. He could take out a mortgage on his mother's house, pay me off and forget about paying me anything else. $800 a month is $9600 a year. He has to pay me for a little less than 4 more years now. So, if he paid me $35,000 in one lump sum, that would save him all of the insurance and leave me in a position where I could bank the money and pay for the insurance out of the interest. He wouldn't have to pay me anything else after that. How does that sound to you guys?

It'd be different if he had any other responsibilities...but he says that he doesn't. So, this agreement would help us both. He wouldn't pay as much every month and I wouldn't have to worry about him missing a payment or forgetting to pay the insurance payment. We spoke yesterday and he said, once again, that I am and always will be, "the love of his life". Well, the love of a man's life deserves certain things. The truth would be nice, but that won't happen so I'll settle for cash.

I can't imagine that any self respecting woman would want her man to keep his ex thinking that he is single so now Rick is making 2 women unhappy by lying to me. I suppose it's possible that he tells his new bitch that he lies to me, but she would have to be a moron to allow that. Knowing Rick, he has found a nit wit who falls for his BS about why he lies to me by denying her existence. I can't imagine what he's told her, but whatever it is, she's fallen for it. At least it seems as though she has. The only other possiblity is that he doesn't tell her a thing about our correspondences. That's entirely possible.

Oh well, I like the idea of having him just pay me off once and for all so that I can get on with my life and he can get on with his. Does that make sense to you guys?

The other option is to have him pay me enough every month so that I could pay for the insurance myself. Since I would have to pay a $2500 deductible as a result of the change in insurance, I can't let him off as easily as I once considered. If I did it this way, I would ask him to pay me $1,200.00 a month and I'll pay the insurance myself. I'll still be left with less cash per month, but that way we could just split the insurance. It would still let him off the hook a bit considering that he was supposed to pay the entire insurance and the $800 a month. I'd get the $1200 but I'd have to pay $758 a month for the insurance. So, my alimony would go down to 400 after I pay the insurance. Any way I look at this, I'll get screwed. Even with the $1200 a month, I'll still have to pay the deductible so we'll both end up with less money every month. So, I think the lump sum idea is best for both of us.

Whatever. See? This is why I couldn't fall back to sleep.

Now I'm hearing that people are asking Kramer to pay a half million for each time he said the "N" word. I don't know who is more offensive, Kramer or the people who want him to pay cash to clear his conscience. Basically, it's OK to be a racist if you can pay cash for it. I shouldn't be surprised...especially after watching Jesse Jackson extort money out of corporations for years.

I think that we're seeing things that are happening as a result of race relations over the past 2 decades. Yes, racism is simmering under the surface...and the result is people like Kramer and Mel Gibson coming out with these rants that offend everyone. It's a sign of what is happening all over the country. People are sick of being called racist when they aren't and the leaders of the black community are pushing white people over the edge by all of the ridiculous claims of racism at the most innocuous comments. The guy who used the word "niggardly" was barraged with insults by ignorant people who have no idea what that word means. It has NOTHING to do with race or the color of anyone's skin.

Then, there's the group at a school in Boston who created a scholarship for white people. What's wrong with that? When my son was in college, we couldn't find any scholarships for young white men who needed cash for school. But, if I searched for scholarships for minority kids, I found thousands of them. The disparity in this country is one of finances, not color. Poor kids need the money, no matter what color they are.

Reverse racism is as serious as straight racism. Our young people should not be raised in a world where they are expected to pay for things that happened before they were ever born. If a young white kid needs money for school, it would behoove us to help them as much as it would behoove us to help minority kids. All kids who want to go to college should be helped as much as we can help them. The color of thier skin should not matter one little bit.

As long as there are special scholarships for people of any particular color, there should be some for all colors. If it isn't proper to help white kids, then it isn't proper to help any of them. The only fair way to do help students is to base these scholarships on need, not on the color of a person's skin.

Like it or not, people get angry when they see special considerations being given to certain groups. If you aren't in the group being helped, you will tend to be a bit angry when you see the other groups being helped. That's what's causing these people all over to blow up like Kramer did. Things will only get worse if we keep allowing special interest groups to continue to bash white people without allowing the white people to speak their minds without being accused of racism. I'm not talking about the white people who lash out, I'm talking about the white people who have never done anything racist in their lives but still find themselves accused of racism.

There was a time when we could all laugh at racism because it WAS going away. I know it was because I was there watching it go away. But you can't say that since certain idiots figured out that white guilt was a very prosperous business. They will never admit that there are many white people who are not racist because to do so would put them out of business. So, they have decided to accuse all whites of racism...unless of course, they can pay a half million bucks for each racist word that they use. So, I guess the moral to that story is, don't be racist unless you can afford to be racist. What a shame.

Wouldn't it be nice if we all just learned to live together without having to worry about offending each other? After all, we are all Americans and if we worked together, we could live together in peace.

Here in Atlanta, a very old woman was shot dead in her home after a bunch of cops entered her house looking for drugs. They were under cover cops and they weren't in uniform. The old woman shot at them so they blew her away after invading her home. She happened to be black. If she had been white, it would have been just as evil of the cops to have shot her. I would have stood up to defend that woman's right to be secure in her home. It would be wise of all of us to speak out against what the police did. After all, it could have just as easily been a white woman in that house. Any of us could have been in our own home, obeying the law and have a bunch of cops invade our home. But then the NAACP decided to make it a racial issue. So, that pretty much tells me that I have no place complaining about the hideous thing that happened.

If race would have been left out of that incident, I would be in the line of people waiting to complain that what those cops did was wrong. But, the NAACP has told us that they will handle it so we white people have no business in this one. That's just wrong. All of us should be lining up to say how dreadful this murder was. But, apparently the NAACP wants white people to stay out of it. Where are the groups who complain when something wrong happens to a citizen? If we all banded together, we'd be a much stronger force. But, before we ever have a chance to do so, some nutty group grabs the camera and the air space to say how racist the cops were.

I think it just helps the cops to have us divided over these things. It would be much more difficult for them if we complained as one group. Where's the National Association for the Advancement of ALL People? What a powerful group that would be. But, a bunch of special interest groups, divided, will never be as powerful as one group of concerned citizens.

While Jesse is out there promoting himself, the people he purports to help will never receive the help that they deserve because he is making the rest of us feel as though we are evil, no matter what we do. He is helping the people who truly are racist by making such a fool of himself. His rainbow coalition has left out all but one color of people, making him the racist.

Have you ever heard of him, or any others for that matter, say anything positive about white people? Of course not. How could he complain about us if he ever said that there were decent white folk? So, yes...there is some anger under the surface. White people know damn well that we are not racist but you will never find a person who will say that. Of course there are some racists out there, white and black. But as long as we keep dwelling on them as opposed to the decent folks out there, the anger will continue to simmer and things will continue to get worse.

And, there isn't a damn thing that decent folk can do as long as they are lumped together with racists. That's truly a shame.

Well, now it's after 5 AM and the kid is awake, getting ready to go to work. I think I'll bug him a bit. After he gets in the shower, I'll flush the toilet...just to be a bitch.

Ciao,

Meg

I am freezing...

...and my dog keeps touching me with his big, wet and cold dog nose. My nit wit son keeps turning the heat down below 70. If he does it again I'm going to make him pay for the gas bill...or the electric bill, I don't know which one fuels the heat. Oh hell, he can pay both of them. I'm far too cold to deal with this myself.

I sleep under a thousand blankets so I'm good when I'm in bed. But, when I wake up, the house is ice cold because the kid comes home after I go to bed and turns the heat down when he passes the thermostat. I want to buy one of those that has a huge cage over the controls like they have in schools.

The house was never this cold when Rick was here. I don't know why...but no one touched the thermostat then. Maybe everyone was afraid of Rick...but I didn't freeze my ass off when he was here. Now I'm totally in charge but I can't seem to get control of the things that I pay for all by myself. I'd love to go back to that cabin and turn the gas fire up and just wait for the warmth to come and get me. But, I can't afford to pay $200 a night just to stay warm.

So the Bears lost again yesterday and I'm not even annoyed at that because for some reason, I knew they were going to lose at the beginning of the game. I don't know why, but I did. At halftime, I made some turkey ala king and when I sat down on my chair to eat it, I spilled it all over myself and the chair. It was so hot that I burned my leg with the stuff. I didn't realize that a bunch of it went into my hair until later...now I have a bunch of hairs all stuck together. I haven't had this happen since the last time I gave a guy a blow job. That's fun...isn't it? I was just minding my own business...sucking a dick and all of a sudden I realized that if I didn't do something soon...I was gonna gag so I made a strategic change in my technique and ended up with a head full of man stuff and then my hair was all glued together when I woke up. I haven't done that since. Remember when I wrote about the different blow jobs? If not...here it is:

http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2005/11/this-post-is-rated-o-for-oh-martha.html

I was doing the "OK so you've bought me a nice piece of jewelry blow job" and he must have thought that he was getting the "I'm here for the duration blowjob" and he just came on my hair. I hate when that happens, don't you? I've never left anything on my partners head after sex so I don't know why men think they can leave stuff on mine. Of course, most of my experience has been with bald men but even if I could, I wouldn't leave a mess on someone's head. A bald head would be pretty icky, just a blob of crap on the scalp.

So here I am with a head full of turkey ala king and no one to blame but myself. I need to shower and lose that stuff before the guy who came on my head comes over and sees this. He might get all horny just thinking about it and I'm not in the mood for any dick sucking now. I was when I wasn't getting any sex...but now I've had enough for a while and I don't want anymore for the time being. That's the nice thing about being single...I don't have sex unless I want it. The rest of the time, I just sit at home and avoid the phone.

I know I COULD have sex if I wanted it and that's good enough. I would just make a couple of phone calls and then wait for the doorbell to ring. I hear that men can't do that. What a shame. I wonder why that is?

I guess I'm getting older and that must have something to do with it. The last time Rick left I couldn't find enough men. Now I don't care as much. I can go without one for a good while. The last time I wanted one, I found one so as long as I know that I can get one in a pinch...I'm OK. I should be careful though...if I don't call them at least once in a while, they might get married or something like that so I can't totally ignore them.

There is the one guy that Rick was so worried about but he STILL hasn't made a move on me even though I've been alone with him in his house. I still haven't so much as seen his bedroom. Damn, Rick has been gone for over 2 years and this guy still hasn't given me more than a big bear hug. I always thought that he was respecting my marriage but that's been dead for so long that I'm really baffled over this one. He calls every other month or so and we might get together for a while but we never do more than play pool in his basement or sit at his bar and chat. He does play the accordion for me but all I do is try to keep from laughing when he does. (I bite my tongue really hard to avoid the huge guffaw that I feel erupting.)

Oh well, it would be nice to get a new list of men to call so maybe I need to start going out again. I almost went out last night but I couldn't get a ride. I asked my son to drop me off somewhere...I said, "You can drop me off at the place that I want to go or if you don't...I'll take a cab to where you're going to be." He didn't fall for that one and I didn't back it up. If the Bears weren't on TV, I might have gone ahead and done it but I didn't. I just sat in my recliner with a blob of turkey ala king on my head.

I guess it's time to shower and get that crap out of my hair. I'll be back later.

Meg

Someone thought that...

...my missing kitchen curtains were funny. NOW I think it's a little funny...but when it happened...I was just very confused and irritated. I returned from a month long visit to New Jersey and when I got home...my kitchen curtains were gone. Not just one window...two of them were naked. And my son had NO idea where they were.

Now...am I suppopsed to believe that some evil Martha Stewart woman broke into my house and stole my curtains right off the windows? Or maybe some band of gay decorating guys with no cash did it because they saw the curtains from outside and HAD to have them.

When I was in high school, I was dating a guy who was in college. His parents went to Europe for two weeks and naturally, my boyfriend had a huge party. Someone...we don't know who...dropped a cigarette down in the living room couch and started a fire on it. After we put out the fire...we did what any group of kids would do...we turned the cushion over and shut up.

Years later when I asked the guy if his parents ever found out about the couch...he said that he and his sister told his parents years after it happened. They all had a laugh over it then. But in the meantime, they went out of their way to see to it that no one ever had a reason to flip those cushions.

Maybe my son will tell me what happened to my curtains one day. Before I figured out that they were just GONE...he acted like they were just lost somewhere in the house.

"I took them down to clean them...they're here somewhere."

Yeah...right. All young men take their mother's kitchen curtains down to clean them when mom is away...I'll buy that. The fool actually pretended to LOOK for the curtains a few times before I gave up asking him where they went. When I realized that they were just GONE...I asked him to look for them a few times just to watch him waste HIS time looking for them like he let me do.

This kid is twice my size and he still bothers lying to me. I stopped lying to my parents when I realized that I was too big to spank. I had no reason to lie then...I actually enjoyed being an adult and telling them the truth. I had this, "Damn the torpedoes" attitude when I grew up that made me enjoy telling the truth and then sitting back and watching them deal with it.

It's not like I would spank him...I didn't even spank him when he was little so I have no clue why the kid would lie to me. Maybe it's the years he spent being raised by the master liar...Rick. Rick would deny anything unless I had a very clear video tape of him committing the crime that I was accusing him of. He still denys screwing Gail Glenn...hell...what in the world is he worried about now? There isn't a damn thing I could do...as a matter of fact, it would just make me respect him if he told me the truth. But, I won't hold my breathe.

He stopped sending me checks last year...he just sends money orders for the alimony. Now, why would he do that? I know. There's only one reason that he would be afraid to send me checks...another name on them. But, he still says that he lives alone (with his son) and his life consists of work and taking care of his sick father. Yeah...right.

But...for whatever reason, that man will not tell me the truth at all. I don't care one little bit...but he must think that I do. Maybe he thinks that if he told me the truth...I would come after him even harder for the alimony and the insurance. But I wouldn't. It would make me so happy not to be lied to anymore that I would actually APPRECIATE the truth...but he can't do that. Maybe he tells other people the truth...but he is SO used to lying to me that he just sits back and sends money orders instead of checks...hoping that I never find out things that I already know. Whatever.

So...Rick's new "woman that doesn't exist" and my kitchen curatins are now a mystery to me. They are mysteries that other people know the answer to...but for some reason they don't want me to know. I stopped looking for the stupid curtains months ago and I stopped waiting for the truth from Rick years ago. But...I must say, I am curious. Not about Rick, I have that one figured out...but I'd LOVE to know what happened to those kicthen curtains.

Now...I'm going to take the towel down off of the window above my computer. Let him wonder who's looking in at him when he plays on the computer. I think I'm going to borrow $125 from him. That's what the curtains cost. Then, when he wants me to pay him back...I'll just say..."I did pay you back...I put the money on the window sill...didn't you see it?"

OK then...now I'm going to shower and go to work. The bathroom has mini-blinds...thank God.

See ya!

Meg

Well...

...howdy ya'll. I'm about to go to bed...I stayed up all night. I ended up not having to go int to work because the census was down but if your shift is cancelled, you get 2 hours inconvenience pay. So, I got paid to stay up all night and decorate my Christmas tree. It is lovely. I bought some new ornaments this year and they all look great together.

When I was a little girl, I saw a house done all in green and blue. It looked so pretty at night. I've always wanted to do a tree in green and blue since I saw that pretty house but I can never find blue and green lights. Does anyone out there know how to get special colored Christmas lights? I'd love to do that one year. It's too late this year, but if I could find them, I'd buy them for next year.

I had a pleasant surprise when I woke up...my check was in Friday's mail. So, now I have both the alimony check and my paycheck...but no ride to the bank. That sucks. But, it would suck worse not to have the money so I can't really complain.

Anyway, I stayed up all night doing the tree and watching The Glenn Miller Story. I didn't know he died at the end of that movie. I really wanted to watch It's a Wonderful Life...I always do when I put up the tree. but I didn't have it and it wasn't on TV. I looked on the OnDemand Channel and found Jimmy Stewart in the Glenn Miller Story and figured that was good enough. So, I watched that instead this year.

Then, I made panckes. I made them out of waffle mix...but they were pretty good anyway. I bought the waffle mix because I HAD a waffle maker. I even bought real maple syrup. But...I can't seem to find my waffle iron. Stuff just disappears on me and there never seems to be an explanation. Like my curtains.

I went to Jersey for a while earlier this year and when I came back...my kitchen curtains were gone. My son had no clue where they went. How do curtains disappear? All I can figure is that he had a poker game in my kitchen and someone had too much to drink and whatever ensued after that caused my kitchen curtains to be treated as evidence of a crime...it's probably at the bottom of the Chatahoochie.

Well, as I said, I have to go to bed. I have about 6 blankets on my bed, light fleece blankets and one heavy bedspread. I also have my Christmas flannel sheets. It's one soft, inviting bed...I must say. And the more I think about it, the more I want to go and cuddle up in it.

See ya later!

Meg

I never learned to type properly...

...but I do it very quickly nevertheless. My fingers remember how to spell words but I still have to look at the keyboard. That's why I can type an entire paragraph and never realize that I have encountered the blue screen of death. I guess if I understood the guitar like I understand a keyboard...I could play one of them. but I don't. I can't even play the air guitar. My fingers just don't do that claw thing very well. But they can type.

Another thing that I understand very well is a strand of Christmas tree lights. I know that you take the clear bulb out of the little bag and put it on the strand to make them blink. I never use the blinkers...but I know about them. That little piece of information just saved a strand of lights. I also knew that there are 2 little wires in the light fixtures themselves that are very thin and need to be lined up just so or they won't work. That was helpful this evening as well. AND...I was directing from the couch...I had this information stored in my brain from last year and the year before that.

I'm getting pretty good at Christmas decorating. I figured out that the secret is putting all the Christmas crap away properly. The next year always comes around so quickly that it seems as though you just did this and now it's time to do it again. Anyway, I've been putting things away properly for a few years now. So...I've gotten it down pretty well.

What do you guys think of Kramer? That dude really lost it. And now he's hired a publicist to "fix" everything. How very capitalist of him. People like you and I have to actually pay a very real penance for such social disasters. That's why we don't do such things. Never...ever...not ONCE in my life have I pointed at a couple of Americans and shouted out..."NIGGER! IT'S A NIGGER!!!!"

What in the HELL came over Kramer? And how can I ever watch Seinfeld without thinking about Kramer's meltdown captured on a phone camera? I feel really bad for the guy...I saw what he was going for. But there just isn't much call for that brand of comedy in current day America. At least not from white folk.

Like it or not, there is a double standard and while we can bitch about it, we still have to respect that it's out there and some things just are not acceptable. I thought everyone knew about that. White folk can't say the "N" word, not even around each other. It's always made me uncomfortable, no matter who used it. My parents just raised us like that. I think most of us have parents who, at one time or another, told us how bad that word was. I would think that even Kramer's mother told him not to say that word. He really should have listened to his mother.

Oh well...I guess his publicist will handle that one although I hear even that guy has already screwed up a bit by calling on Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. I don't know...I'm not a publicist. But, I think I would have gone with substance abuse myself. That seems to get most of those Hollywood types out of trouble. I don't know why...but it does. Who knows...maybe they will go with that before it's over.

You can still be funny...and tacky. I know I can.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck his dick.

Meg

Hello there!

I hope you guys had a nice Thanksgiving, I did. The best part was working with patients who had to be in the hospital during the holiday...I like being there with them.

The holidays are nice to work because all the bosses are off and the doctors don't come in unless they have to so there are fewer orders to take care of. The patient's family is all there and everyone is in a festive mood so it's very nice to be there. And...some patients have food that family brought them and they always bring too much so I get to taste a bunch of different dishes.

Of course, it's not all happy, but even the most seriously ill patients are surrounded by family who are trying to keep everyone's spirits up. I had one patient who was only there until the family could set up hospice care because they're taking the patient home to die. That patient won't make it until Christmas...but they were here for Thanksgiving.

When sad things aren't happening to us, we forget that they could be happening to others. That's not a bad thing, we just get busy with our lives. But there are people all over the world right now going through quiet sadness like the family that I met last night. Meeting people like that helps me put things in perspective.

I still have to bitch a bit today...but not as seriously as I might have some other time. They screwed up my paycheck again. They mailed it to me when it was supposed to be direct deposited. They could have at least held it for me after what happened last month. But, at least it's on it's way. I hope when I get it, I don't find out that it's screwed up any more. I'm going to pay two month worth of rent with that check and with the next one I'm going to pay extra on my monthly bills so that when I have that procedure, I won't have to worry about recuperating in a cold, dark house.

Well, I think I'm going to go sleep for a while before I have to go to work again. I'll check back in after I wake up. Have a great day!

Meg

I hate stealth annoyances.

I have to get a driver's license and soon. I'm dependant on rides because I put my shoulder into a spasm carrying a gallon of milk home and that stupid spasms keeps recurring over and over again. Anything that I do with my right arm can tend to put the muscle into a spasm...even using the mouse briefly. It's almost enough to make me want to use my left hand.

When I get a ride to the grocery store...I usually end up with help carrying the groveries in. That's one stupid little man chore that I've gotten out of since my rides are exclusively from men and they always offer to carry shit in the house. Yesterday, I had one of the "gentlemen" assisting me again. But, he seems to have done a bit more than I asked him to do.

When I put the groceries away, I put the sausage in the fridge because I was going to cook it soon and it cooks faster thawed. I specifically remember putting it in the meat drawer of my refridgerator. This morning when I went to cook it, it was gone. Only later did I find it in the freezer. My ride decided that the sausage should be frozen so he over-ruled my decision and moved the fricking sausage. Now I'm gonna wait twice as long for my sausage and eggs. And he's nowhere to be found. I don't have anyone to yell at and if I did...I couldn't say a word because that's my "ride".

Damn it.

Oh well. I hear the sausage sizzling and that means that it's time to turn them. BRB.

I hate that I'm in this mood and can't bitch at anyone. That's not easy for a woman. We need to bitch at times and have someone hear us. Not having anyone at home will cause us to lash out at people that we see outside of the home and that's no fun. First of all, there could be reprisals and secondly, you can't really go totally off on some person who you hardly know. So, that's ANOTHER thing that Rick left me to deal with alone. I have no one to complain to.

Now that I have to work tonight instead of today...I'm all messed up. Everything's planned for this evening so I'm not sure if I even can fix this mess but I'm sure we'll figure out something.

I'll be back later, I think I'm going to eat my sausage and eggs and take a nap.

See ya,

Meg

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have been to work in time to find out that they screwed up my schedule. I waltzed in at 6:30 AM and the hospital had me scheduled at 6:30 PM. Now I have to take a nap so that I can change all of my plans for the day from evening plans to daylight plans.

By the way, I'm going to call that reporter who did the article about the blog last year to see if she would be interested in doing another story...this one about a murderer pretending to be a kid tossing veiled threats at me through the blog.

See ya later!

Meg

It’s time to start cooking...

...for tomorrow evening so I’m trying to avoid that for a few more minutes. I was thinking about the doctor appointment and getting irritated over the insurance.

I guess I have no one to blame but myself for trying to be nice to Rick…it was stupid because I was ending up costing myself so much more money after trying to let him off part of the alimony. He will have to pay so much more for insurance. I still think that I should bear a bit of the burden, but I had it figured so that it wouldn’t cost him anymore than he’s paying now while I would not only receive less than half of the amount for alimony, I would also have to pay a huge deductible with that changeover.

I can't really fault him, all he did was go for the idea. But I have to stop worrying about other people. Why do we women do that so much? It never seems to pay off for us, but we still try to do whatever we can to make things easier for other people at our own expense. It wouldn't be so stupid if other people cared at all about us and what we're dealing with...but they don't seem to. Rick sure as hell doesn't worry about what I'm going through...why would I go so far out of my way to help him out of the situation that he totally created? This wasn't my idea...it was his.

Everything about my life has changed and even if it's getting better, it still isn't the life that I was promised. I'm not supposed to have to handle everything by myself and be without someone to talk to everyday. I'm not supposed to worry about getting the leaves out of the gutter or why the ice maker doesn't work in the new fridge. It wasn't my job to take out the trash and mow the lawn. That was his job. The lawn is still here and so am I. Nothing is being cared for like it should have been because I never agreed to take this all on by myself.

He moved into his mother's house, she died and now he lives in a house that was already there, ready for him. He just pulled up in the driveway, put his clothes in a closet and went to work. He picked up his life without having to worry about anything but paying what he owes me and now I catch myself offering him an easy way out while I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself and the house that he brought me to. It had to be in a state where I don't know anyone...just to be funny.

He's still being dishonest and he knows it. But we politely discuss other things and he still tries to make me think that he lives all by himself with his son and he has no life outside of working and caring for his step-father. That just pisses me off to no end.

OK...I have to make Thanksgiving dinner tonight since I have to work tomorrow. I'll eat when I get home and since the oven is still broken and I haven't had the time to replace it, I'll buy a turkey that was aleardy cooked. Tonight I'll make the mashed potatoes, deviled eggs and a pie. I'll make a few other things and then when I get home from work I'll just have to nuke it all and sit at the table.

See ya later!

Meg

My father read the comment...

...left by "someone" purporting to be my cousin's son. Paul Mergel is a cousin of mine who I believe murdered his mother and another woman back in New Jersey. He has, so far, gotten away with both murders. This is the comment that my father read:

dear meg i no this is america and i know u have the right to speak your opinion. but let me now speak my opinion and that is that my dad is not a killer i was there when my father was arrested and i watched the police and dectectives search my home. i watched them search my yard and you know what they didnt find anything because you know what because there is nothing to find because my father didnt kill my grandmother. so please watch how you talk about my father because he didnt do a damn thing to anybody and you never even came around anyways so why you running your mouth i dont think i even met you yet, honestly i dont want to meet you. because that would be a very... nah im not even going to say that because that would be very rude of me to say something like that and my father raised me better than that!!!!

My father has represented his sister and her estate throughout this entire nightmare. He is the one who has had the most contact with the police, the judge's and the property. Here is his response to the "Paul Comments":

I HAVE JUST READ THE POST LEFT BY PAUL JR. OR THE PERSON CLAIMING TO BE PAUL JR.

MY COMMENTS:

YOU CLAIM THAT THE POLICE SEARCHED YOUR HOUSE AND YARD AND FOUND NOTHING. I SPOKE TO THE POLICE AND THEY SHOWED ME THE NUMEROUS WEAPONS THAT THEY FOUND AND ADDITIONAL WEAPONS THAT PAUL PAWNED IN THE NEXT COUNTY. (BY WEAPONS, I MEAN ILLEGAL RIFLES) I ALSO SAW YOUR YARD AND SAW LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF SHELLS FROM A VARIETY OF GUNS. BUT THEN, MAYBE I SHOULD BELIEVE YOU AND NOT MY LYING EYES. I SPOKE TO THE POLICE IN NEW JERSEY WHO ARE INVESTIGATING A PREVIOUS MYSTERIOUS DEATH THAT INVOLVED DEAR OLD DAD. IT SEEMS THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS GETTING TO BE A BOTHER TO HIM AND SHE FOUND HERSELF DEAD IN DAD'S TRAILER. IT IS SURPRISING TO HEAR YOU DEFEND YOUR DAD. YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER PROVIDED A HOME FOR YOU. IT IS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT YOUR MOTHER WAS CONVICTED OF SOME DRUG OFFENSE OR ANOTHER AND THE STATE CHOSE TO PUT YOU IN A FOSTER HOME RATHER THAN LET HER HAVE CUSTODY.

BUT, BACK TO DEAR OLD DAD. IF THE POLICE FOUND NOTHING, WHY WAS YOUR DAD ARRESTED, TRIED AND CONVICTED OF OFFENSES THAT LEFT HIM IN PRISON FOR SEVERAL YEARS?

IF HE WAS NOT INVOLVED IN GRANDMOTHER'S DISAPPEARANCE, WHY DID HE TELL HER RELATIVES AND FRIENDS THAT SHE GAVE HIM HER HOUSE, HER CAR AND HER CHARGE CARDS AND WENT TO CALIFORNIA?

HOW DID YOU WIND UP WITH GRANDMAS CELL PHONE? HOW COME THERE WERE $10,000 IN STRANGE CHARGES ON HER CREDIT CARDS SHORTLY AFTER SHE "LEFT"? HOW COME A MAN, LATER IDENTIFIED AS YOUR DAD, WAS SEEN CASHING ALLEGEDLY FORGED CHECKS ON GRANDMAS ACOUNT?

IF DADDY REALLY WANTS TO CLAIM INNOCENCE, I AM SURE THT HE WILL BE WILLING TO COOPERATE WITH THE PERSON APPOINTED BY THE COURT TO HANDLE YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S AFFAIRS.

HOW COME IT HAS BEEN ALLEGED THAT FRIENDS OF YOUR FATHER WERE ALLOWED TO GO INTO THE HOUSE AND REMOVE ALL OF THE VALUABLE ITEMS THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER OWNED? THEY EVEN DISCONNECTED AND STOLE THE WASHER AND DRYER! YOU SAY THAT YOUR FATHER "RAISED YOU BETTER". YOUR FATHER DID NOT RAISE YOU. YOUR GRANDMOTHER RAISED YOU. SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER PROVIDED YOU WITH A HOME AND CLOTHES AND 3 MEALS A DAY. FATHER WAS TOO BUSY COLLECTING GUNS AND A CRIMINAL RECORD. NOW, YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO CARE. DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH WAITING FOR AN INVITATION TO THE NEXT FAMILY REUNION!

Well...that from a person who would know.

Meg

Here's the IP...

...of the computer that sent the threatening comment purportedly from Paul's son:

0-2pool186-119.nas20.atlanta2.ga.us.da.qwest.net

What can you guys find out about it now? I'll take care of it after the DOC offices open in the morning but I was wondering if anyone out there could get anything on it sooner.

Gotta run to the grocery store...BBS.

Meg

Now I see...

...why I shouldn't have a checking account. I was so happy to have my own bank accounts so that I could shop and write checks. But I also used the debit card and I've done something that I have forgotten so I'm screwed up on the balance and I haven't even had the account for a month yet.

I'm not so far off that I'm in danger of bouncing checks...I just can't write anymore until I figure it out. Damn it.

I also remembered the wrong PIN so I have to use the debit card as a credit card and it doesn't show up online right away. Now I have to sit back and let the charges settle until I get it all fixed. Also, I have to try to remember the stupid PIN or else I'll have to call them, cancel this card and start over again. Rick got custody of our mutual PIN that worked so well for both of us as we were born in the same month. I doubt he uses it anymore but I don't think that I should either. So, now I've forgotten my new PIN. It must not have been a very good one.

OK...now I have to go buy a pair of glasses because I'm sick of having the lens pop out of this pair. I had these when Rick was here, that's how long it's been since I've been able to afford new glasses. I'd rather put that purchase off until after the holidays but the wire holding them together attracts attention now. The screw broke off so I can't fix it myself and no one could getc the screw out so I used a little wire. I was speaking to that cop a couple of weeks ago and I could tell his eye was darting to the wire and I bet you wouldn't have to be a cop to notice that my glasses are being held together with a trash tie wire with the paper pulled off. It's most assuredly geek-time with these things so I have to get some new ones.

OK, I have to make a 3 PM appointment. See ya later.

Meg

This is the sun coming up Sunday morning:


My toes against the pretty windows:


What a lovely view:



OK...that's it for now. I'll put up some more after I get over the frustration of rebooting.

This is the wonderful view we had of the mountains:


Here I am up in the loft:

The sun coming up over the mountain Sunday morning:








Me on the couch, up in the loft, and our feet with the view from the loft. Now I have to go get more pictures.

And found a lovely place for the weekend:

Even if you cooked dinner:

You can never safely take a nap with another person in the cabin:

This is me eating dinner Sunday night:

Here is the view from the cabin:


Now I have to reboot the computer...I'll get the rest of the pictures after I fix the computer.

BRB,

Meg

Here is one person's answer...

...to why women would fall all over a murderer like OJ:

"...Why do women date him? Sociopaths are extremely charming. Especially when they are rich and famous..."

Yikes. I suppose that is true. Personally, I would be frightened to be anywhere near a murderer, no matter how charming he was. I met an accused murderer here in Atlanta once at a car dealership and realized who he was as I was shaking his hand. I still haven't gotten over that. I look at my hand every so often and think, "I shook the hand of a murderer with that hand."

I couldn't imagine purposely being anywhere near a murderer. I wouldn't think, "But he's so charming...how could I hold it against him?" Maybe this thing with Fox News will make a few women think a bit. At least he hasn't found another chick to marry him.

Last night my computer screwed up as I was looking up places that he played golf. That shouldn't be too hard to find so I'll look again later.

There is still something that bugs me out there...people are paying for his autograph. Once again, I have to wonder why anyone would want his autograph. Fox News had to dump his ass but people who quietly do business with him don't seem to take any heat for doing so. We really need to try to stop everyone from doing anything but shunning his murdering ass.

OK then, I have to get ready to go to the doctor's office. I don't know why I even make appointments in the morning. I hate having to be anywhere early. I'm not a day person. I guess that's why I always end up working nights. I hate waking up early but I don't seem to mind so much if I wake up at 5 PM. 5 AM, on the other hand, is not a good time for me to try to get out of bed.

I woke up early this morning but that was only because I had fallen asleep so early yesterday. After I woke up, I poured myself some coffee and went to swallow my blood pressure medicine. I didn't want to use the coffee and there was a glass of what I thought was water on the table so I picked it up and took a swig to swallow the pills. It wasn't water, it was a glass of wine that my kid left sitting there. Now I have wine breathe. Ick.

I bought two bottles of champaigne on the way to the cabin and never opened one of them. I still have over a bottle and a half left. I don't care for alcohol so I should just know that and avoid the stuff. If there was no liquor left on the planet, I would be fine with that.

OK then, I have to go to the doctor's office to find out the results from my last test. I don't think that I can avoid telling him that I went back to work now. The doctor never released me to go back to work but I can't just sit there and never work again. I was trying to avoid him at work but I can't do that forever. I think I'm going to have to tell him that I've started working today. If he asked me and I lied, he might have seen my name on a chart somewhere so I have to tell him the truth. Damn it. He won't be happy at me for that.

All righty then...I'm going to go get dressed now. After I go to the appointment, I will stop at the drug store and pick up the pictures. They should be up here later on today.

Have a good day!

Meg

Hi again...

...I just woke up after a post-vacation nap and now I'm wide awake. But, I slept until after the drug store closed so I didn't pick up the pictures but I will tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning and I'll go pick up the pictures after I take care of that. So, the pics from this weekend should be up here by tomorrow afternoon.

I took some pictures when I was watching the Sunday morning sun rise over the mountains. I hated that I was taking a picture without anyone in it so I stuck my foot up into the shot so that you could see my toes. If you saw the picture I posted a couple of weeks ago, and read the comments, you may recognize my whacky toes. I took one picture from the bed, we were sleeping in the loft and you could see out the windows so I got a shot of our feet and the morning sky from the pillow.

We brought some movies and watched a couple of them. One of them was The Polar Express. It just seemed like a good place to watch a holiday movie. I forgot to get cocoa for hot chocolate but other than that, the weekend was perfect.

I saw that the people planning to do the OJ Simpson book and interview have finally backed down and are not going to be giving a murderer air time or anymore cash. My faith in people is restored. I am amazed that anyone would have thought that could have been a good idea.

I alo have to say that Judith Regan will never recover professionally. What in the HELL was she thinking? She said that she was a "battered woman" and that she wanted to expose OJ. I don't think there's much left to expose about him and now we just have to wonder what Ms. regan exposed about herself. I think that we need to make her the sacrificial lamb to show what we do with people who try to do business with OJ Simpson.

I heard someone say that he didn't "want to live in a country that would allow OJ Simpson to make money" off of the deaths of his wife and her friend. Neither do I. I'm so pleased to see that I don't. Now we have to expose the other people in the country who do business with him on a smaller, less visible level. I think that it should be the kiss of death to do business with OJ on any level. We could make that bastard quite miserable if we wanted to.

Who does do business with him? I hear that he's playing a lot of golf...where is he playing? I see footage of 5 women giving him a lap dance at the same time...what bar was that in? He eats out...where does he eat? And what the heck are women thinking when they fall all over a murdering monster? Oh well, there are women who marry convicted murderers...why should it surprise me that some of them date one who got away with it?

I'm going to try to find out. I'll be back in a bit.

Meg

Hi there!!!


I'm back. I had a wonderful time and there's no way that I could have known what a nice time I would have. The cabin was beautiful, on top of a mountain (Mt. Yonah) and it had a spectacular view. I have pictures and they're being processed as I type this. I want a mountain cabin and I won't stop until I get one.

This thing was a log cabin with knotty pine throughout. There was a bedroom in the loft and two downstairs. I slept in all the rooms for a while here and there and last night (or really about 4 AM this morning) I looked around the room and realized that except for the door, I was in a big wooden box. It was a little freaky.

I fell asleep shortly after we got there as I had worked the night before. But, I woke up Saturday evening and stayed awake until after I watched the sun come up over the mountains. It was so beautiful...I doubt that the pictures will do it justice, but it was really nice to watch all alone. My friend was sleeping by then and I was wide awake so I just stayed up and enjoyed the view and the serenity.

This morning I was so into the place that I put some Yanni type music on and listened to that. I don't usually do such things but this cabin was the type of place that the pan flute was made for. I SO didn't want to come home.

At night the sky was lit up with stars. You could see a bunch of shooting stars if you sat out there long enough. I guess it was because it was so dark out there, you could see the Dippers and Orien...it was pretty cool.

The knotty pine, the wood they used for the outside and even the deck and the fence on the deck fit with the scenery perfectly. Wait until you see the pictures...they'll be great. Except of course for the fact that I forgot my make-up case but I did without. I'm not gonna be pleased with the pictures, though. That won't stop me from putting them up here...I just won't like it.

We bought a bunch of food and never left the cabin after we got there. You didn't need to. The setting couldn't have been better. I could have stayed up there forever. Two days certainly wasn't long enough. Damn...I need to buy some lottery tickets.

Well...I'm gonna unpack and try to clean house and start decorating for Christmas!

Oh, that reminds me, we went into Helen itself after we checked out. I went shopping and we had lunch at a German restaurant. The entire town was all done in Bavarian-style architecture...even the fast food restaurants are done like that. I guess it's written into the permits somewhere becuase ALL of the buildings were like that. It was quite charming. If you've never been, you really should go up there. It's a great day or week. Next time, I'm gonna stay for at least a week.

Gotta go clean something, be back after I settle in.

Meg

Damn...

...I'm good.

I got exactly what I wanted. A ride to Helen...and a date for the weekend:)

I played that one perfectly and I must say...I'm rather proud of myself. I just mentioned that I was going up there and I needed a ride...and I mentioned to the right person and one thing led to another. Before you knew it...my master plan had unfolded perfectly right before my eyes.

Now I'm waiting for my date to pack and come over to get me. I'm packed and ready to go so I thought I'd come here and let you know that I would not be spending the weekend all alone up in the mountains. I was worried there for a minute...I would have gone alone...but I would rather have someone else with me.

Now all I need to do is find a camera and I'll be ready to leave. If nothing else, I'll get one of those disposable ones...the view is supposed to be spectacular. And...they have a hot tub:)

I'll be in that fucker before sundown.

I am tired, I did work all night. So, I'll be lucky if I pull into Helen awake...but I'm sure that I'll wake up once I get there. The cabin has a fireplace and I bought some new...what the heck are they...fuzzy pajamas? They're pretty fleece things, not as sexy as some things I could take with me, but warm and cozy anyway.

So, now it's almost 2 and check-in time is between 3 and 5. It's a 2 hour drive so I have to get it together and re-make up my face. Then I'll be ready to go.

OK...let the...warmth and coziness begin.

Meg

Damn...I can see being one hour off...but I was TWO hours off. It was almost noon when I thought it was almost 2. I leaned over to see the clock and only leaned far enough to see the second 1...and the 49. So naturally, I thought it was 1:49 when it was 11:59. I am really, really tired. Shit. I'll never get out of here.

Well...

...I'm ready to leave town. I am leaving and I'm leaving now. I just wanted to stop in and say goodbye. I'm exhausted and I'm looking forward to looking at the mountains for as far as the eye can see.

I was watching the news and I saw that OJ was at it again only this time people are paying him to speak and I think that just blows. I can't believe that anyone would really watch or read anything that he was being paid for. I wouldn't pay a dime to watch him and I sure as hell wouldn't have his book in my home. I heard that the Goldman's have begun a sight called dontpayOJ.com . When I get a chance, I'd like to go there and see what they have to say.

In the meantime, I can honestly say that I'm going to the mountains for the weekend. I'm not at all ready to leave, I'm still in my long johns...I wear them under my uniform and when I get home, I take off my uniform and fall asleep in my long johns. How's that for sexy? I haven't been out of long johns or scrubs in a very long time. It's time for me to go and have some fun. So...that's what I'm going to do.

See ya!

Meg

ANOTHER POST THAT IS 100% MY OPINION

Well...

...isn't this comment interesting:

YO THIS IS PAUL JR PAULS SON, UNDERSTAND THIS NOW MY FATHER IS NOT A KILLER. I THOUGHT U WAS FAMILY SO WHY U TALKING BAD ABOUT MY FATHER. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO RESPECT PEOPLE YOU D*CKHEAD!!!!!

If that was Paul the Murderer's son, I have never met him so he shouldn't consider me family. I certainly don't think of him as family. I suppose the commentator will be back...the freaks rarely come once, have their say and leave. They usually come back over and over again and leave stupid comments like this one.

Naturally, I called the police over that one. And, with the StatCounter thing that I have, I know the IP of the computer that this comment came from because the time is on the email that the comment came in. Anyway, so much for murderers and the psycho's they surround themselves with.

I finally got home after stopping at Walgreen's to get 3 prescriptions filled. I almost got 2 of mine and one belonging to Pamela Keller. One of the prescriptions wouldn't scan so the pharmacist went back to get a new print-out. Before she came back, I noticed that one of the prescriptions wasn't mine. That's why it wouldn't scan...the computer was trying to tell her that she fucked up. But she was bound and determined to override that built in, potentially life saving protection. I pointed out the wrong name and she apologized profusely. I felt for her, it could have happened to anyone.

One of the hospitals that I work at has the medicine right there in the room. You carry a key around and it opens all the drawers in the cabinet next to the bed. That's a good idea. They don't keep narcotics in there, or IV drugs. They actually have a lot of drugs in the Pyxis which is a computerzed drug delivery system that has the good stuff and extremely commonly used medications like Tylenol, Phenergan and most antibiotics. But the patient has most of his innocuous medications right there in the room. That makes for a decreased likelihood of giving the wrong drug to a patient. It's actually a good idea, I think they should keep all the meds except the narcotics in there.

They could never keep the narcotics in the patient's room, the Patient Contolled Analgesia machines mostly have cracks in them from where people have tried to bust into them. It's a shame. None of the other IV pumps are busted up like those PCA pumps are. It's amazing how many people are lying in hospital beds sucking up pain medicine.

Over the past 10 years, I've seen more people getting a kick out of drugs when they're in the hospital. There are people who go from hospital to hospital, complaining of things that will get them a LOT of pain medicine. Even little old ladies are enjoying their Darvocet a bit too much. I never saw that happen 25 years ago. The doctors didnt' give out so much good stuff either. They might have written an order for 75 mgs. of Demerol, but it would have been a shot in the ass, not in the IV. I've seen more than one order for that lately. I was amazed. I got 50 mgs. when I was in labor and I was in LaLa land...I can't imagine what 75 would do. I doubt that those doctors ever had a good dose of IV Demerol or they wouldn't be so free with it.

Oh well, what can you do? I guess they started getting sued for people being in pain and now they've gone a bit overboard at times. Whatever.

Well, I should go to bed, I didn't get out of work until after 9 but last night and tonight I'm on overtime because I worked Sunday, Monday and Wednesday, 12 hours plus paperwork time which was easily 40 hours so I'll have 2 nights on time and a half.

OK then, I should go to sleep so that I can work tonight without being exhausted before midnight.

Ciao,

Meg

I found the place!

I found a great place to spend the weekend. It's up in or near Helen Georgia like I said:

http://www.hoochcabins.com/tour.htm

I would have a bit more room than I need, there's another room with bunk beds. I suppose I could nap in the bunks to make sure that I get my money's worth. They also have a pool table in the cabin but it's in a screened in porch so I would freeze as I was playing pool. The hot tub is also in a screened in porch, but I could handle that. I'm going to call the lady and make the reservations before I leave for work.

See ya!

Meg

I am so annoyed...

...I was just writing for a very long time and the computer went blank. I could scream. But that happens every so often. I need a new computer badly.

Let's see, what the hell was I saying? A bunch of stuff about the idiots that SPAM the blog and how they bug the hell out of me. I think I mentioned that that I got nothing but a bunch of email from anything that I've ever tried to do online. And, people wanting MY money, not giving some to me. I discussed how I doubted that you could get rich or even make money online, unless you wanted to be a prick of some sort. Of course, there are some honorable people out there, but they don't advertise on innocent blogs.

From there I went to gambling and how I'd rather take my chances at the race track because the odds are better. They don't usually have more than 10 horses so there ya go. And, you can have a nice dinner while you're betting so the evening isn't a total waste. In the Club House you can order a bottle of champaigne if you win.

It was about then that I realized that I could drink again, what with being off of probation and all. I don't drink so it took me this long to realize that. I really, really don't drink, that wasn't just something that I said for the probation officer. I can say whatever I want to say now and it wouldn't matter, I'm done with all of that. But...I really don't drink. I suppose that a champaigne toast would be good, I like champaigne. But I can't stand the taste of liquor and I don't like the way it makes me feel.

I admit that once in a blue moon I might decide to go totally crazy and down a few drinks for some off the wall reason, but that happens so rarely that I don't count it. I did have some champaigne when the divorce became final...I think that was the last time. I would LIKE to have an occasion to drink, but if I did have more than 2 or 3 (the minimum it would take to get that buzz), I would have a hangover and I'd be mad at myself when I had to stay in bed the next day...and I would.

If I go away this weekend, as I'm planning to do, I might just try it. I'm looking at places up in Helen, Georgia. It's way up in the North Georgia mountains and I could get a cabin up there someplace and watch Friday the 13th all by myself. Yeah, or Deliverance, that's it.

I'm also seriously considering getting a new computer. But, I'm pretty cheap so I don't know about that...I may just look for a used one online. I want to get one of those that I could take with me and sit in my lap. I don't know what they call them, but you know what I mean.

Now, I'm going to publish this part of the post before I lose what I've written. I'll be right back with the rest of it.

OMG! It happened again! I just about had the post done and I got booted! OK, I don't even remember everything I wrote but I was telling you about my daughter. I didn't want to say anything while she was still hurting, but she's doing better now so I can tell you. You may or may not remember or even know it but she moved out to LA for a guy a few months ago. They broke up and she had to find a new place overnight. I've sent her the alimony because I knew that I was getting paid and she helped me so much when I needed help so I owe her big time.

Anyway, as much as I want her to come here, she has such a great job that I really think she should stay there for at least a year. She works for the Beverly Hilton as the administrative assistant to Chef Suki or something like that. She works with famous people all the time and will have something to do with the planning of the Golden Globe dinner. I'm so proud of her, can you imagine the caliber of people that she beat out for that job? She was only in town for a couple of weeks and she had the job. A year of that on her resume and she could work wherever she wanted to...anyplace in the world. So, it's a great opportunity that she may never have again.

I'm annoyed at the guy for treating her like he did, but I'm so glad that she's bounced back like she has and is already back to being happy and having a good time. She's such a special woman and I can't believe that I raised her. She's smart, funny and sweet. And...she's beautiful. On top of all that, she is single and independent. I like that in a daughter.

Well, I have to go to bed now. I've already written twice as much as you will be able to read so I better go while I still can.

See ya,

Meg

Well...

...I ate a huge bowl of cereal with chopped up strawberries and bananas and then I pigged out on 2 Twix bars. That was enough to put me back to sleep and I woke up in time to find out that I had to work again tonight.

Damn...I had forgotten how tough this work is. I've worked in administration for the last decade or so. This bedside care is not only hard work...it's taxing on your nerves. I was giving plasma the other night and I learned a lesson...if the doctor doesn't order the plasma warmed, I should question that before I give it. They don't give whole blood anymore, they give packed red blood cells or plasma, depending on what the patient needs. This guy had a reaction to the plasma and that freaked me out totally.

It wasn't a typical blood reaction, it was more of a reaction to the temperature of the plasma. He got chills really bad and his blood pressure went way up. That freaked me out so badly that I laid in bed wondering if I should have questioned the doctor before I gave the plasma. I will next time.

I finally saw the article about the guy who the cops shot in the newspaper. So, now I don't have to wonder how many people the cops shoot that we don't hear about.

I won't be working this weekend at all, maybe Friday night but I have been promised Saturday and Sunday night off in return for working daytime on Thanksgiving. I actually like working the holidays, the atmosphere is so much more pleasant than any other time. Everyone who's working is in a good mood and the office types are at home for the holiday so the atmosphere is much less tense.

Tonight I'm working on a unit that has patients who require intensive care for an extended period of time. I've never worked there before so I'm looking forward to the new place.

Man, I can't believe how hard the work is and I can't believe that I did this work for so long without breaking my back or losing my mind. I always knew that the work was serious, but I guess I didn't think about how much I had on my plate when I took over a bunch of really, really sick people. That experience with the plasma was enough to remind me quickly.

Now I'm going to suck coffee for a while and then take a shower and get ready to work another 3 nights in a row. But, this weekend, I'm definitely going to hide out somewhere for a couple of days so that no one can find me. I hope they have internet access whereever I go!

Gotta go shower now, see you later!

Meg

I need to go out...

...and soon. Except for an hour in the middle of the night when I sat up in my bed and watched Cops, all I've done for the past 24 hours is sleep. All I've done since I started this job is work, clean the house and try to catch up on my sleep. It's time to go out for a bit but I don't know when I'll be able to do that. I need to plan something.

I'm no good at planning a night out for myself because no matter how much I plan it, I can always justify staying at home when it comes time to leave. Maybe I should plan a vacation and that way, if I have the tickets in my hand, I have to leave the house. Yep...that's what I'll do, I'll plan an away trip.

Well, that was exhausting.

It's icky outside, I wouldn't want to leave if I had the chance to. There are wet leaves and pine nedles everywhere. I can see out the back window and it's a mess out there. It makes a nice picture, but from the inside. I wish I had a fireplace at times like these. We had one growing up. I could make the entire living room glow warn by taking a paper grocery bag and sitting it on top of the fire. It would erupt in flames and toss warmth out all over the living room that my mother decorated in Early American. I have one six-sided table from that room.

Anyway, it's certainly a rainy day out there today. I wouldn't mind except for the dog prints that inevitably occur when it rains. But, I would go out tonight if I had a ride. I wouldn't know where to go alone except maybe bowling. Well, I can't do that because I can barely stand up straight right now...maybe a movie? I find them to be so boring alone...what the heck can I do? Damn it.

There's a garbage truck out back and I don't know why. It's not trash day...unless there's something that I'm unaware of.

You know...it just occured to me that I'm starving. I'm gonna feed my face and then I'll be back.

See ya,

Meg

I've finally decided...

...what I'm going to do with the "points" that I've accrued from clicking on emails and going to the sponsor site for 5 points a shot. I'm going to buy a $50 gift certifictae to Restaurants.com and give it away as a prize of sorts to the person who sends me the best 500 letter introduction to this blog.

I'm going to give it to the end of the year and then I'll choose the best intro out of any that you guys send. I'm not even going to give you a HINT what to write, that would defeat the purpose. So, if you'd like to, write a 500 word introduction that I can put in the space at the top of the blog and either stick it in the comment section or email it to me at megbkelso@gmail.com

OK...now I'm really going to bed.

Good night!

Meg

Good morning!

I was just taking my mascara off with eye make-up remover and my eyes burned a bit. That doesn't usually happen, maybe I'm just tired from working all night. Anyway, I started thinking that perhaps I shouldn't be using shit that requires a special cleanser to remove from my eyes. But, I'll still do it because if I wear nothing else at all, I have to wear mascara.

I don't know why, but I just do. I think that most women have one particular type of make-up that they can't walk out the door without applying. I've met quite a few lipstick addicts. But, personally, I need the mascara. Without it I feel as though I have no eyes at all.

I don't understand why women don't just stop using make-up all together. I would stop if everyone else did. As a matter of fact, I really wish that we would all get together and set a date that would be the final day of make-up...forever.

Back when women were burning bras and scoffing at the thought of being viewed as sex objects, they had the perfect opportunity to end the daily chore once and for all. They proclaimed freedom from all of the previous ties that bound them to the role from which they were desperately trying to escape. Slaves no more to the kitchen, women ranted on and on for years about how they didn't want to be slaves to men or sexuality in any capacity. But, for some reason, they chose not to abolish the time consuming, tedious, daily ritual of worshipping at the vanity. They were willing to let it all hang out and lose the bra, but make-up, they wanted to keep.

Instead, they have consistently attempted to raise the bar and today even the men are wearing make-up and having plastic surgery. Are they nuts? Do they have any idea what they're getting themsleves into? This hideous practice of applying stiff, mudlike goo to the hairs on your eyes has got to be stopped in it's tracks before things get out of control...if they haven't already.

What I don't understand is why we can't have really cool make-up. I like shiny gold and silver stuff, why can't I paint my face silver? How come beige is an acceptable face paint color but silver isn't? If we aren't going to band together and save ourselves ten minutes to an hour of face painting every single day, the least we can do is play around a bit more. We should make life a bit more colorful and take a few risks. Why not start out small with little things like exchanging lip liner for eye liner? That's not too out of there, I think it might be fun.

Sigh...I just made myself some soft boiled eggs using my egg timer. It's a tiny hourglass thing from Vegas but it doesn't last for anywhere near an hour. I think it's broken. Those eggs were far too runny. Those damned things never work, I don't know why I keep using them. Does anyone out there know exactly how long it takes to boil a medium size egg just long enough to cook the whites thoroughly and a small part of the yolks? If you do, send me a comment telling me. I cannot abide raw egg white on toast.

Tonight will be my 5th night in a row of 12 hour shifts that actually last 14 hours. I'm not going to work like this for very long, just long enough to bank some cash so that I can afford to take some time off if I end up having some sort of procedure or surgery that lays me up for a while. I couldn't work like this for very long, it would kill me. My legs are sore but my back is KILLING me. This is literally back breaking work.

Last night I went in at 7 and was sent to work on a telemetry unit. There was another nurse there from the same agency that I work for. After about 2 hours into the shift, the charge nurse said that one of their nurses was coming in at 11 and that one of us would have to leave. We were both too busy to worry about it at that point and we both wanted to stay so we agreed to flip a coin later to decide who would stay and who would go home. Then, as the night progressed, I started realizing that the nurse who I had relieved left me a HUGE mess. I didn't know if she had given the medications or not because they weren't initialed. One lady had blood hanging and the other nurse left for the night without saying a word to me about it. I went into the room and found the blood running AND the paperwork which hadn't been completed.

I saw so many things that had been screwed up or just left for me that I walked into the nurses station and said, "We don't need to flip a coin, I'll leave. Let some other schmuck take the heat for this mess in the morning." I was so damned irritated. If you're not a nurse, you wouldn't know it, but leaving the blood and the paperwork was seriously bad for her to have done. It would have been fine if she told me and I had agreed to handle the blood...I would have gladly done that. But leaving without saying a word was not at all good. It was literally her 4th day as a registered nurse so I can see how some of the stuff could get screwed up, but not as much stuff as she left.

Anyway, at 11 the other nurse came in and as I was giving report to the other nurse, the charge nurse said that another unit in the hospital was short. She said that one of us ("us" being me and THEIR nurse, not me and the other agency nurse) could go to the unit that was short. That time I spoke up. I said that I was almost finished with report and I didn't want to stay there so I was going to the other floor.

The other floor turned out to be a great floor and they were having a calm night. I worked with another nurse, a guy named Ben. I didn't have my own patients, I was just going to do a bunch of his work because he had so many. One of those patients had a police guard. That was interesting. the cop and I spoke for a long time. He showed off pictures of his adorable little boy and the night that began with such frustration, ended very pleasantly.

Then I come home and my egg whites are runny. Life surely is interesting.

Gotta go to bed now, see ya!

Meg