Gotta apologize...

...For the bad pictures, but they're the best of a bad lot. First, here's a sign where they have sea turtle nesting areas fenced off:

Here's one of me after I got knocked down by a wave. It's rarely that choppy out there so I didn't expect any problems. The rip-tide warnings should have clued me in:

This is a giant leaf that I saw on a sea grape bush:

This is actually a picture of a beautiful sun set hidden by multi-colored clouds. It's a shame that it wasn't a better likeness of what I saw:

Now I think I'll go to bed. I'm sort of curious as to what tomorrow will bring.

Whew...Happy Birthday To Me...

...yes it is and 55. I'm almost positive. I'm also pretty sure that it's 2013, Obama is President and that today is Saturday.

So far, I'm teetering but it's all good, I don't fall often. I'm overtapping my humility a bit lately and part of that had me requestiing assistance from a nice person who I wouldn't name. At one point, I began to think that my pleas were falling on deaf ears and the only thing I could think of (the truth was getting me NOWHERE!) was to show her my PayPal account and one particular post where I had compared the flophouse to the Taj Mahal. She read it, saw the donations that people had made and that did it. So, once again, you guys have helped me in ways I couldn't have forseen. When she saw the support that I had from you guys, she must have decided that you can't all be wrong...I must be worth it.

I owe you all a debt of gratitude that I can only hope to, some day, repay in some way.

Now, I'm gonna go find some water to stare at.

:)

You never know what your day will bring...

Oddly enough, I actually had a bit of good luck drop into my lap today. I didn't expect it and it came in a form I wouldn't have ever considered, but good luck it was and into my lap it fell.

I've been spending my days rather busily lately, handling things like court, getting the rent taken care of and medical appointments. Today I needed to see if I could get a voucher to purchase things like A-Jax, Windex, sponges and other cleaning supplies that I need to keep this place habitable.

I won't bore you with the logistical crap that had me wandering all over trying to see if that was possible. Suffice it to say that I ended up at Metropolitan Ministry's near downtown Tampa. One of the other places I checked said that Metropilitan might be able to give me a voucher. Well, they didn't. But the guy at the counter did say that I could get what they call a "personal hygeine pack". I can always use stuff like that so I went to the appropriate room and waited for one of the social workers to call my name. As one might guess, there's a lot of waiting in the homeless life-style.

When she called my name, I went to her office and explained my filthy plight. She reiterated what the guy at the counter said and then she asked me what, specifically, I needed. I mentioned the usual things, deodorant, shampoo and soap...and then I asked, "I know this may be a silly question...but do you have baby powder for adults?" She said that no...they didn't have baby powder at all but, "Do I wear make-up?" I responded, "Sure, I'm a girl." I just don't bother wearing it when I'm walking all over town sweating it off anyway. She asked if I wanted some make-up and, of course, being a girl, I said, "Sure!"

Ten minutes later another lady came out of the supply room, apparently to get an idea what color make-up I would need and shortly after that, she brought me out a bag of make-up. I thanked her and then left the building. At some point during my walk back, I sat down to take a short break and as I did, I looked in the bag she had given me and found what amounted to at least a couple hundred bucks worth (probably more) of Vincent Longo, Paula Dorf and Cargo make up. There was a brush in there that I'm sure went for at least 50 bucks. There was also a $60 bottle of foundation. If I wanted to complain, all I could come up with is the fact that I STILL don't have any decent eye-liner. But, I have enough good make-up that I can stop trying to make my cheap stuff last.

When I was in LA visiting my daughter's family, my daughter got me a room at one of her workplace's sister hotels for a really good price. The day she picked me up from the airport, we went straight to the hotel and checked in. My daughter (ever the sweet youngin'), started unpacking my suitcase and putting my clothes in the dresser and closet. At one point, she starts naming off the designer labels on my clothes. Her jaw was dropped as she thought (and semi-mumbled), "I can't afford to wear these labels...how can YOU?!

My answer was quick, succinct and to the point..."Good Will." To that my daughter mumbled something like, "DUH!" because she must have rembered her teenaged, semi-grungy self...especially when she developed a fancy for men's work shirts, any kind, just as long as it had some guy's name on it...she had one with Guido if I remember correctly.

Anyway, you just never know. I think I'll shower, put on my designer Good Will clothes and Nordstrom's make-up and fall asleep.

:)

Oops, sorry I screwed up the picture. Half of it is obviously my finger.

You know...

...they say things come in threes and right now, I hope that's true. Today was the third day in a row that I woke up before the sun came out only to walk miles for nothing. Actually, today I had a ride part of the way to 22nd and Hillsborough, but as usually happens, the ride come less than a football field length of where I was heading. (Not that I didn't appreciate the ride...the last football field length is the toughest.)

Anyway, Monday morning I had to walk over a mile to get queued up early enough to be seen earlier. Sounds reasonable unil they called my number and then they let me know that the paper I had brought was NOT a referral Not only that, it was the sheet of paper that THEY had given me when I walked down there pre-busted jaw. I thought it was a referral from the hospital but it turned out to be a list of places I could go get referrals from. I knew that I had a hospital referral in my briefcase but I hadn't brought it with me. So, the nice lady said that if I could go get the referral and be back by 8:40 AM, they would see me. So, I walked briskly back to my hovel and searched everywhere for the referral. I had cleaned out my briefcase recently and put all of my mail, bills and extraneous medical paperwork in a bag. I could NOT find that bag. Period.

Every place that I have to go requires being one of the first 20 or 25 people in line on any given morning. So, it was too late to accomplish anything on Monday.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up early and walked 6 miles too and from (3 miles each way) a place that was (unbeknownst to me) closed. But, when I stopped at the grocery store to buy minutes for my phone so I can stay in touch with my daughter and the nice people from SSI and to buy some water to drink (remember, it's 90 and humid here), I ran into a young lady that used to stay here when I first got here. She told me that you can get a referral right here, at The Good Samaritan. So, I have one now.

So today, I should have gone to the doctors office to see if they'll let me keep that appointment and then come back to Homeless Recovery after I get my meds filled to keep me relatively sane through all of this. But when I got there, they told me that my appointment was for tomorrow.

So, that's what's going on this week with me...futility. Futility is a common thread that runs through my dreams. Ever since I was a kid I've had dreams that had one thing in common...futility. When my ex was cheating and lying about it to me, I had constant dreams of futility. In the dreams since my divorce, I'm always trying to catch Rick in one of his lies or find proof of my suspicions. In my dreams, I never find the proof I need to convince myself that he's cheating even though I KNOW in my dreams that he is. Some of my dreams are just me trying to call for help on a rotary phone and I when I dial the last number, my finger alway slips and I have to dial again. I have a million dreams about futility.

Something must be getting better because a couplre of weeks ago, I dreamt that I actually DID catch Rick cheating on me. That's gotta be progress of some sort, doesn't it?

These are a few of my favorite things...

                                                                        Clouds

                                               Spanish moss hanging on live oaks

 
                                             My grandson helping his mother shop


Things I don't really like...8:30 doctor appointments that I made when I thought I'd have a ride. Now I must go to bed even though I've slept all day so that I can wake up early enough to navigate the streets of Tampa by bus. But, this is an appointment I can't miss, it's the psych doc who prescribes my much needed xanax and always good to have around prozac. I'll be back after I see the doctor.

:)

If one thing could be easy...

...the shock of it would kill me. If you were reading yesterday, you may have noted that I woke up early to get in line before 7:30 AM to ask for help at a place called Homeless Recovery. It was about a mile away and I tried to get there as early as I could. I arrived, stood in line with some very interesting characters, walked in, took my number and waited to be seen. I held the wonderful number 15 in my hand. When they called me up to the window, I found out I needed a referral. So, I dejectedly walked back, only to find out that I never did have a referral in the first place. So, there was nothing I could do except what I did this morning...go to get a referral to prove I'm homeless. I'm not sure how one proves the non-existence of a home, but there's something official involved.

A somewhat helpful but WRONG man told me to go to The Shop...a place only two miles away. I walked there, for some reason that I cannot fathom, I didn't call ahead to make sure they were open. After my long walk in the hot Florida sun and humidity you could cut with a knife...of course, they WEREN'T OPEN. I almost took a bus back to the hood but I figured that if I want to wander the earth like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction, I should be able to walk back. The one thing that made it harder than it should have than it should have been was that it wasn't two miles. That's where the guy was WRONG. I know how long a miles is, 5,280 feet...right? Well I walked closer to 6 miles than I did five.

On the way back, I stopped at a grocery store to put minutes on my phone so I could call my daughter. I even got change in preparation for a nice ride in one of HART's air conditioned buses. While I was there, I ran into a lady who I had met at the flophouse. She told me that the owner of the Good Samaritan Inn would give me a referral. I never even had to leave the building, much less spends hours walking.

But, At some point I just said, "The heck with it and walked all the way back. The first guy I saw when I wandered in was the jerk who told me it was "no more" than 2 miles. Now I'm exhausted, but I got the stupid referral.

Pre-Dawn Thoughts

I forgot 2 perfectly good thoughts before I got to the point where I could write them down.

Well, that sentence reminded me of the first thought:

1. I can carry on a relatively decent conversation with a physicist regarding other dimensions, but I can't remember to pick up my purse when I leave the porch and go to my room.

2. There is at least one honest person in this building. I was beginning to doubt the existence of that fact.

3. Maybe I should just go all the way and sleep during the day and stay up at night. That way I'd have all "day" to get to a 7:30 AM appointment.

4. I'm seriously considering putting the above thought into action.

5. It occurred to me that I can live this lifestyle anywhere in the country. Hell, I know a guy who brings illegals in from Mexico, I could probably cross the border without a problem. I can swim and I've been walking everywhere anyway. I simply must see Key West before I leave Florida.

6. My next hovel will be by the beach. The only mystery is, which beach? Hell, I can't even narrow down an ocean at this point.

7. I wonder how far I'd get walking to Key West before I collapsed or broke another bone?

8. Lying on the bed in this place is not where I want to hear a Terminix commercial on the Soft Rock station I chose.

9. I don't want to hurt anyone or steal anything...how can I get arrested? I'm up for some civil disobedience...ideas?

10. I'm as serious as a heart attack.

Good morning!!!

It's still dark outside but that's my favorite time of the day so I like it. Most people here seem to avoid the rising sun but as soon as it peeks over the eastern horizon, I'll see it. There are a few people out this morning but they're the ones who look messed up during the day. They must crash early from whatever drugs they do, otherwise they wouldn't be out here. Actually, I'm pretty sure that what I see is a heroin high, but that's just my guess. I'm not the type of person people mention drugs to, they seem to think I'm a narc. I don't know why, I'm not a narc and I never see anyone actually doing anything illegal. But, I am a nurse and I see the effects.

Actually, maybe I am a narc. If you knock me around a bit, keep me from leaving your place and  then tell your lawyer that I smoke weed (especially after you're the idiot who gave it to me) I might consider narcing your ass out. Otherwise, my mouth is closed. One would think it would be very easy to keep my mouth shut by keeping their own mouth shut. I don't get Walter...he gets a perfectly good woman and abuses her, buys decent weed and then drops a dime on the people he smoked his own shit with and commits insurance fraud in front of a woman and then think he's going to get away with it by ratting me out for smoking his stupid weed. That would be easy, if one of us is not Walter Lundy of Tampa Florida, weed buyer, smoker and give awayer. I don't get it at all. Usually someone cool enough to smoke weed is smart enough to remain cool about it and shut the hell up. Walter is quite the enigma, isn't he?

I have to take a walk so that hopefully, I'll be the first person in line at Homeless Recovery. I let you know how that works out when I get back.

This is the old orphanage...

...that I'm staying at for now. To answer a question, the rent in the bunk room that I'm staying in is $333 a month. A private room would be more, and even more for a private room with a private bathroom. The room I'm in has 4 bunks for 4 women but ever since my roommate robbed me and I called the cops on her, I've been alone in this room and as a bunk room, it does have a private bathroom. Regardless, I wouldn't pay extra for a private room because that's a luxury I simply can't afford. This is the link to their website:

http://www.goodsamaritaninn.info/

It's basically a flop house, no matter what the name of it is. The only Good Samaritans around here are the very nice people who come here occasionally to cook a meal and serve it to the people who live here. It's very sweet of these people, they don't have to show up at all. Yesterday people came by and passed out lunch's to anyone who wanted one. It was a bologna sandwich with tomatoes on the side as well as pork and beans and potato chips. They also gave out bags of fruit. I could only eat the banana and that hurt too but it was better than the Ensure that I usually have. I took a sandwich but I can't open my mouth wide enough to get a decent bite of it so I stuck it in the fridge in my room.

The building is a neat old building, I love wandering through it because it's just so cool. I wouldn't do it at night...it's also a scary old place. But the decor in some of the original bathrooms is done in art deco. I'll see if I can get someone with an I-phone to take some pictures for you. This place is on the National Registry of Historic buildings. OK, I think my laundry is finished so I need to go get it before it gets cold and wrinkled. Be back soon!

OK, I just got finished putting my clothes away. I wanted to mention that the only reason I thought Walter would pay the rent is because he promised to and because he has come here and spoken to enough people that it would be easy to prove he came here after the judge told him not to. If he had a decent reason like he came by to pay the rent, it would look better for him than he simply was looking for me.

Dear Walter,

  I need a favor that only a prince such as yourself would consider. Seriously, besides myself, you're one person who SHOULD be aware that my time here is almost up. Certainly no one other than the two of us can benefit directly from the paying of my rent.

Of course, it benefits me because I have a place to stay. As long as the rent is paid here, I can come and go as I like and in that way, this place has a lot going for it in the way of freedom. The freedom to rest your head on a pillow comfortably at night is not necessarily dependent on the price of the pillow. I'll take my funky pillow...triple cased and tossed around in a dryer for 25 cents worth of heat daily to kill the bed bugs, over the funky pillow you bestowed upon me at your funky house 8 Days a Week.

But there is no other person on the planet who could benefit more than you from paying my rent for the month. I know you come here, I can see you. But I don't think that's breaking any laws so it's neither here nor there. But as long as I know you're here, I can ask you to pay my rent as you promised as part of the 2 month deal. Of course, you sort of broke any deals once you had your lawyer ask me what mind-altering substances that I was on the night you chose to imprison me by taking away my ability to walk away from you're whiny ass bitch self. Really dude, are you THAT stupid? Anything that I EVER took came from you. I certainly wouldn't have ever mentioned it. But for some idiotic reason that I'll never understand, you put me in a position where I have to answer honestly to any questions regarding weed. You claim to know me...so you should know that I would never turn anyone in for rolling a joint for me...you would have deserved that same protection from me if you didn't mention it to an officer of the court in the first place. DUH...you are such a jack ass.

Nevertheless, since I have irrefutable evidence of your recent visits to me and mine...why don't you ascribe yourself some decent reasons for stalking me? You could say the same shit you tell other people, stuff like the fact that you care about me, all you ever did was try to help me and the always ridiculous, "I've spent 7 grand defending myself so far." The only difference will be that, if you came here to pay my rent, you can tell the court that you were only trying to see to it that I had a place to lie my head at night. That is bound to win you friends and influence people.

Of course, I mentioned that before and known men sort of dared you to do anything so noble by saying things like, "That would require him to man up to a level he can't reach". I leave it to you...can you man up and do the right thing for once in your life? I flat OUT dare you to be a man. My money is on the fact that you won't do one fricking thing that doesn't somehow benefit yourself. Prove me wrong, I triple dog dare ya. If you do, I will post that fact as loudly as I would otherwise post the facts about how manipulative you are. You have my word. Believe it or not, that is actually something that many people take seriously.

Is there ANY ONE PERSON out there who thinks Walter will do the right thing?

Listen

Can you smile?

I stuck a link to a local radio station...

...over to the left (unless this is later and then the link is up and to the left) because I'm such a sweetie and I thought you'd like it. But...if anyone has any issues with it whatsoever or a semi-decent reason to take it down I'll do that quickly. Let me know if it diminishes your "Meg drama" experience.

The law is what we count on...

...in a civilised world, when we really want to take matters into our own hands and seek retribution. I'm counting on the fact that our judicial system will handle all of this Walter bullshit in an appropriate manner. I just hope it doesn't take too long because I'm already having a tough time holding back my desire to do harm in a way of which I wouldn't be proud. But seriously, when life gets this bad, what is the price? Is it really worse than the ridiculous situation in which I find myself right now? Honestly, what does society have to threaten me with? Being a prisoner? Been there and done that without having a chance to break the law. Walter held me prisoner in his own way without allowing me due process. Although I fully accept my own responsibility in what has been going on in my life, Walter didn't have to take advantage of my situation. But he did. He preyed on every weakness I showed and I showed him far too many. Still, I've never stopped anyone from walking away peacefully nor have I ever felt the desire to actually assault another person in the heat of battle. I've simply never been that angry. But I gotta tell you, I'm really fricking close right now.

I feel myself getting angrier and angrier every day. Yesterday was interesting and caustically vexatious. I woke up at about 3 AM (I've actually taken to going to bed before 6 PM lately, there's nothing else to do except read and that puts me to sleep after 6 anyway) and actually, I was in a relatively pleasant mood. I was cool until some asshole implied that I fell and broke my jaw after eating a handful of pills. If I did, I would tell you, or him...but I wouldn't lie about it. It simply isn't true. I'd love to blame it on something stupid like that but the plain and simple truth is that I did it stone cold sober. Except for the time I broke my arm and right baby toe falling down a flight of stairs while drinking, I've been sober as a judge for all of my other orthopedic injuries. It boils down to this...I am a klutz. And...on top of that, the stroke left me with poor equilibrium. That's it, nothing dreadful for anyone to talk about at the next family reunion but that won't stop them from trying. What the fuck ever. My point is, I was not pleased with the SOB who now, has brought this up twice. If you don't believe me, I'd rather you call me a liar outright then to gossip dishonest chatter amongst other people who need a self-esteem boost at my expense. I'm pretty used to it but every so often, it gets to me. That's most likely because I'm not present when most of my "friends" and family spread crap about me. But I heard this idiot, loudly and clearly. He said it to my face twice...and I told him the first time that it wasn't true, there was no need to bring it up again...and when he did, that just plucked my last raw nerve...big time.

That was pretty much all it took. As Eric Cartman would say, "It was on." I was waiting for someone to give me a chance to go off on them. By that I mean verbally, remember I don't usually get violent. So, before noon, I told 4 guys to "Fuck your mother." I walked into an argument where a huge black dude was going off on a skinny white boy. The white boy stood no chance. The black guy was shouting, "Who you callin' punk, mother fucker?" over and over again. I don't know what started that but it was clear the guy was overreacting considering the small stature of the white guy. It occurred to me that I was more of a match for the black dude so I said, "Let it go...PUNK!" Then he started going off on me. That guy squared off at me and I stood right up to his stupid self and said, "My mistake, you're not a punk. You're a BITCH PUNK!" That's when we were pulled apart from each other. That felt good but I'm actually pretty glad that I didn't have to see that one through although I had a plan to go for his knees and get him down then I would have started kicking him in the head. That's mighty harsh thinking for me, let me tell you. But that's what was going through my mind at the time. My last attempt at getting smacked came shortly after that. There's a guy here named Jimmy who has told me that he likes me. Leave it at that, I certainly am. But, when I see him walking around during the day, he acts like an idiot. He starts bitching at anyone who says BOO to him. Although he later said that he never cussed me out yesterday morning, I absolutely took it as being cussed out. I trust me on that one. So...I thought about how sweet he had been Monday night when he let me watch hours of Family Guy on his TV when he didn't really want to watch it and then, I thought of how he cussed me out and before I knew it, I had my chance. He said, "Hi!" and I said "Fuck your mother." He was walking down the stairs and I was going up the stairs. By the time he got to the bottom, he turned around and said, "What's my mama got to do with anything?" My retort was..."Didn't I just tell you to fuck your mother? You have no business talking to me when you should be fucking your mother. Now get the fuck outta here." He started bitching about getting me kicked out of here and I said, "Come up these stairs you chicken shit. Man up and get your ass up here." He started to climb the stairs and I said, "I bet you go down faster than you're coming up." I think it occurred to him that I had the tactical advantage being at the top of the stairs...he finally gave up. The funny part was, when he reached his highest point on the stairs, right before he turned around, he yelled at a cat. I guffawed right there so loudly that I could tell he was annoyed but he probably knew that it was a no win situation for him. At his best, he does seem capable of rational thought. Then I called him a "cat bitch" everytime I passed him yesterday.

By noon my mood had changed and I was my usual sweet self again. But, it did occur to me that I have unfinished business with Walter. And since he showed up here unannounced yesterday, I think he should start wondering when and where I might just pop up. Talk about "No more Mr. Nice Guy." I can summon my anger at that SOB easily. I have something going for me that Walter never has had...the ability to outrun his fat ass. If we're outside, I have the advantage...I assure you. The only way he wins is if we're inside and his brute strength alone stops me from opening the door. But get outside and he's fucking toast. I'm getting irritated just thinking about that stupid SOB so let's change the subject.

For the most part, my daughter and her son are giving me the strength to deal with this situation in the right way. But also, there are a bunch of other people who have donated their own cash to me in answer to my plea for help. Little bits mean so much, a 5 dollar donation came in while I was sleeping and that meant so much to me, it woke me up with a huge smile just thinking about how kind that was. For someone to go out of their way to send me 5 bucks means that they can barely spare it themselves. That's why it means so much to me. One chick actually apologised for not being able to send more than she already sent. These people don't have spare cash lying around, I know that. I appreciate it so much...I didn't want to go without saying that. It's just that type of thing that keeps me from climbing to the top of this Tampa Bay bridge:

And trust me...the thought has crossed my mind more than once. But as I've said, my daughter, her son and the people who cared enough to send a few bucks keep me grounded.

But, if I were Walter, I wouldn't want to run into me in a dark alley.

WALTER

The next time you come over here, why don't you pay the rent for the next month? I know you have the money...don't tell me you don't.

Letter I Sent To The State's Attorney Today

You're not going to believe this, but Walter came by to see me this morning under the guise of returning a key (that he knew I didn't need). He asked where I was. He didn't come down the main road, he drove by the far corner of this place where he is aware that I often sit under a tree reading. Fortunately, I was shopping for liquid food at the time so I wasn't there. Now, do I have to worry that this freak is spying on me and can pop out from behind a bush? He has a gun, I saw it many, many times. It was left out in the open at one point for my benefit. He knows that I'm terribly frightened by guns and would never touch one. He utilized that fear to his own benefit. Bottom line, when he shows up at the place I live, he is STILL paralyzing me with fear. I wish you could know what it's like to be frightened into submission...just for 5 minutes. If you could do that, you would fight like a sonofabitch to see this Scaramouch in prison for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE and see to it that he does his time door to door. As a matter of fact, I haven't gone through all of this crap just to see him get probation. What he did to me WAS felony battery...I looked it up. He also kept me locked in that room. His lawyer can bicker that I could have left at some point, but I spent a LONG time locked up in that room with injuries and I was robbed of my freedom to walk outside. He did, for a debatable period of time, keep me from leaving. That WAS false imprisonment, I looked that one up too. Apparently, Tuesday's proceedings were reported back to him in some way that scared him which, in turn, scares me. He has even threatened my father who has done nothing to Walter. (My father is also aware that Walter got me the dog, he bragged about buying it for me to my father. He TOLD my dad that the dog was mine. I want my dog back.)

I understand that the merits of the case are somewhat shaky but all I want is a chance to speak in an open court of law. I am praying that you will give me that chance. Whatever happens to Walter happens. I'm leaving the state once this is over anyway, I'm even considering a move out of this country. Don't get me wrong, Ms. Athan can use all of the stalling tactics she wants to use, I'm here for the long haul. I came back to Florida to prosecute that cretin...I could have stayed with my daughter and her wonderful 2 year old son. But, at some point, I decided it would actually be better for my daughter, and all of the women about whom I care, if I were to stand my ground on this one. I made a decision to see this through to the end. When my ex husband abused a 21 year old me, I refused to testify against him. When my other ex abused a 41 year old me, the prosecutor called me to let me know that they had settled a plea negotiation. No one ever told me anything until things were finalized. I had absolutely no control. I've spent enough of my life without control of my own destiny because I trusted untrustworthy men to be in charge. If nothing else, my father taught me subservient obedience.

Just once in my life, I'd like to stand up for myself and say, "ENOUGH!" I will NOT be abused in any way ever again!" Merits of this case be damned, I deserve the chance to face my abuser and call him out for what he did to me. Maybe you'll have to work a bit harder, but I'm worth it...as will be Walter's next victim. That is, of course, assuming he hasn't any other plans to victimize me further before he moves on to some other woman with low self-esteem and little in the way of support.

I'm at a point in my life where I am not ashamed to beg. But please, don't make me beg for justice. All my life, I've put great stock in our justice system. I was raised by an attorney and I raised one myself. I was taught the importance of law and laws...I like to think that I passed that appreciation on to my children. None of them are in prison, they are all law abiding, tax paying citizens and I'm very proud of them. But right now I need to make my children proud of me. I mean I REALLY need for them to be proud of me. I cannot overstate that enough. After allowing Walter to do all of this to me, I must redeem myself to some extent by taking advantage of the one thing that I was born with, and supposedly still possess...the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Walter took that away from me and if I lie down and take that without a fight, it's just "Margaret screwing up again".

I trust that the justice system will do the right thing in the end and I will have no problem whatsoever accepting whatever happens. All I want is the opportunity to tell the world that you can't do this to me and get away with it. I'll be fine with whatever penalty, or lack thereof, that our system deems appropriate. What I demand is to be heard...once and for all.
I have nothing left but myself...and I'm NOT NOTHING. I am something and I'm formidable when need be. I have the strength to see this entire process through, just give me that chance. I know that you have a huge caseload and I'm sure that you have other, more pressing concerns. But this is a big deal in my life. I'm at a crossroad here and it's extremely important that I fight back legally, if I don't, I remain a screw up for the rest of my life. This is actually one of the most important issues that I have ever faced and when it's all said and done, I MUST know that I did everything in my power to show my daughter, granddaughter, sisters and nieces (not to mention my friends and women in general) that an abused woman has the right to her day in court and that, come what may, she will be granted the opportunity to put her hand on the Bible and speak into that little microphone and tell the world the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...for the record.

Also, I'm sure this will come up should we go to trial so you should be aware of it.


http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2013/06/to-make-this-easier-for-walters-attorney.html

That's a link to one specific post, you can hit HOME under the post to see the real time version. I am 100% positive that Ms. Athan is familiarizing herself with that sucker.



Meg (Margaret Kelso)

Racist defendant has racist attorney?

You tell me.

I know Walter is racist, I've heard him make racist comments on a daily basis. I found out that he got it from his father. The 2 of them used the "N" word more times than I could possibly count in the course of a day. Walter also hates immigrants and assumes that all of them are illegal. When I would be chatting with a black neighbor, I suddenly became a "N" lover. That Walter and his father are two pathetically racist characters is a given. The only person of color near them is the lady who cares for his father during the day. Laura Brown is her name and she has taken it upon herself to be the handmaiden of 2 bigots. She even risks her little certificate by doing things with medications that should only be done by a licensed nurse. I know she betrays her own sex, I believe that she betrays her own race as well.

The other day during the deposition, Walter's attorney referred to my phone as an "Obama phone". I've mentioned it to a few people who said that it sounded racist to them. What do you guys think? Is Ms. Dee Athan, defense attorney racist...or is she simply socially awkward?

Didn't I mention this?

While answering a question regarding the deposition, it occurred to me that I must not have told you guys what happened. Although I thought I had, it makes sense that I didn't because of Walter. Anyway, he can't do me any further harm now unless he gets his gun (that a felon shouldn't even have in the first place) and shoots me in a drive by. I doubt he could pull that off, I've seen him drive. Oh well, one way or another, this is what happened on a Friday night last November.

We were watching TV and Walter got mad at something. I don't know what it was, he got angry at least once every 5 minutes and usually more often than that. He could be mad that I fell asleep because if I "didn't go out in the middle of the night", I shouldn't be falling asleep. He could have been mad because I didn't do the dishes, I left the bathroom light on, I didn't lock the door, I didn't answer him quickly enough, I fed the dogs too early, I wanted to use his phone to call my kids, I complained that my head hurt, there was a drop of coffee on the kitchen floor, I didn't want to eat anything, I didn't buy enough groceries, I didn't want to have sex or the ever amusing, "The look on your face when we had sex made me think you were grossed out." Now that I can tell him the truth, I can honestly say having sex with him DID gross me out. He never rounded the bases, he tried to go from the on-deck circle straight home without batting at all. Whatever it was, he was angry that night.

When Walter is angry, he WILL NOT BE IGNORED. I tried, Lord knows I tried. But that only made things worse. That night, after a couple of hours of arguing, I tried to do what I always do, walk away. I went to the front door and tried to leave. I had one hand on the doorknob and another hand on the chain lock but before I got them opened, I saw Walter's hand come from behind me and above me and it slammed the door. In the ensuing scuffle, whatever he did, my right hand got busted. I backed up and said, "I think you broke my hand!" He looked at me with a frightening stare and said what all abusers say, "You did it to yourself." As he said that, he grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me down to the floor. I got up, a bit dazed, and sat on the couch. I stared into space trying to figure out how to extricate myself from the situation. I knew that I would never be able to get outside so I ran to the bedroom and locked myself in there. Then, I pushed a long dresser in front of the door and the tall dresser in front of that. I listened to him bitch from outside the window for a while and eventually I fell asleep.

I spent most of that weekend in the room. When I was able to come out, I couldn't leave (or I felt as if I couldn't leave) because Walter kept saying that all of my stuff would be in the street and I would never see my dog again. By the way, he still has my dog and won't give it back to me.

He spent the weekend saying stupid things like, "If you had your Prozac you wouldn't act like this." That was BS, the only thing that Prozac does is stop me from having suicidal thoughts. But, by Tuesday morning, I was sick of being locked up so I said to Walter, "You're right, it was all my fault. Will you take me to the doctor's office to get my Prozac?" He bit and drove me to the doctor's office.

As soon as I got there, I spoke to the office manager and told her what was going on. They called the police at that time. Later on, Walter told me that he saw a sign in the waiting room that said the doctors would call the police if they suspected domestic violence. He said he had a funny feeling so he left. He was gone before the cops got there but they drove straight to his house and arrested him.

After all of this happened, I tried to leave. I went to a domestic violence shelter but I was feeling so depressed, worthless and stupid that I tried to kill myself. That led to a stay at the local nuthouse after I was taken to the hospital for a few days. When I was discharged from the nuthouse, I called the shelter to come and get me but they wouldn't let me come back. This wasn't the first time that I tried to leave, nor was it the last time I tried to leave. Once I went to a cousin's place and her crazy boyfriend was doing drugs and I was afraid of being in that atmosphere. Once I went to my sister's place but HER crazy boyfriend was a drunk who got angry when I didn't give him money. I've been beaten and beaten down by every man who ever said he loved me, from my father to my husbands, brothers and sons. I get a little nervous when I'm in the company of an angry man. One brother broke my nose when I was 15, another delivered a man punch to me in the left jaw that made me see stars. The father of my kids broke my foot, pulled me by the hair while simultaneously throwing me down a staircase which left a blood oozing bald spot on my head. My own father threw a suitcase at my head while we were on a vacation last year in a motel room. (Yes, for those keeping track, I have had 2 suitcases thrown at my head...both from behind me so I never saw them coming). When I asked my father if he did it on purpose, he said, "If I had done it on purpose you'd still be down on the floor."

At some point, I went, tail between my legs, back to Walter's house. He was quite emboldened by that. There were a few hitches, I couldn't be seen in public. I couldn't go online unless I was playing Words or he was gone and I couldn't use the phone unless it was to talk to my kids and only in front of him. I was never given my mail so I didn't even know that I had Medicaid for months because he never gave me the card when it came in the mail. When I got a box elsewhere for my mail, he wouldn't let me go to pick it up. This was all so that I didn't get served with a subpoena. He didn't want me to testify against him. I couldn't even sit out front, if I wanted to go outside, it had to be on the back porch. Eventually he moved his father into the one bedroom condo so I was sleeping on the couch. But, I had to take care of his father. Now I was taking care of 2 ungrateful nit wits.

When Walter would start yelling at me, his father would tell me to "stop making him mad". That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard because there wasn't anything a normal person could have done to keep a psychopath from getting angry.

So, after 5 months of being in Walter's place with no medical care, no friends and certainly no family support, they started getting to me to the point where I had 2 options. I could kill myself, but I couldn't do that to my daughter. The only other option was to come to this God forsaken place so here I am. I still wonder if I made the right choice.

Everything I was afraid of has happened. I have no place to stay, Walter won't give me my dog and Walter has everything I own except a suitcase full of clothes that I had with me when I went to LA to see my daughter. Unfortunately, I've lost so much weight that they don't fit me anymore. If I'm not careful, my pants fall down when I'm walking. Walking is dangerous enough for me, I don't need help from falling pants. I'm scared all of the time, I feel like shit and my face hurts from this stupid broken jaw. Other annoying things, bed bugs, drug addicts, drunks and just plain crazy people are all around me. I can't get anywhere I need to go and I feel like a jack ass.

I'm sure I've left stuff out but I think you get the gist of it all.

To make this easier for Walter's attorney

My Answer To Your Question

Today you asked why I would prefer to stay in the hideous rooming house that I'm staying in now. You called the other residents words that I would never repeat. You tell me how filthy the place is. You constantly remind me that I'm in "the hood", living with the "lowest form of life imaginable" and that "everybody knows only crack whores stay in places like this".

I could come back to you but being in this place has given me time to think. Yes, it is dreadful. But it's better than going back to you. Yes, you heard me, this place is better than yours.

You're right, the bed is full of bed bugs. But not one of those suckers has broken one of my bones. I can fall asleep in that bed without anyone shaking me and saying, "What's wrong? Why don't you sit with me? You must be up to something!" Yes, I can go to bed early without it being a clue that I have an ulterior motive for doing so. I can even get up early, like I love to do because early morning is such a peaceful time of the day. I've done it for decades. Never once has anyone gotten mad because, "if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn't need to have any time alone". So yeah, the bed has bugs...but it's better than your bed.

Maybe I am staying in a bad neighborhood, but I'm free to walk out the door and walk around without anyone following me demanding to know where I'm going. I can walk around quietly enjoying the weather and the old houses without anyone embarrassing me by shouting in the street because they know I'll do almost anything to avoid causing a scene.

And yes, I see cockroaches every night when I wake up to go to the bathroom. But I never find them groping my private areas when I wake up. They don't beg me for sex using lines like, "C'mon, it'll only take 5 minutes."
I've even met a few people who you would call "crazy". They may have mental issues, but they have never threatened suicide in an attempt to keep me in their presence. They don't try to control other people by any means necessary and they would never hide my dog so that I couldn't leave.

I can only afford to eat Ramen Noodles but you didn't pay for them so no one holds it over my head when I eat them. I'd rather eat those noodles than eat a steak that you cooked if I have to listen to you say things like, "I bought you dinner, don't I get anything for that?" Food tastes much better when you don't feel like you have to pay for it with your mind, soul and body...even Ramen Noodles.

And yeah, my clothes were donated to the shelter and they look terrible. My shoes were donated too and they're so big that I have a Bozo thing going but they're clean and I didn't have to go near you to get them.
Men around here have hit on me but they take no for an answer. They don't get mad at me and call me a bitch because I'm not interested in a romantic relationship...or romance itself for that matter. And they leave it at hitting on me, not ME.
And maybe these men are all the "scum of the earth". But when I sit and chat with them, they listen to what I say. They laugh at my jokes, they seem to enjoy my company and they make me feel good about myself. They do that by allowing me to BE myself without bitching at everything I say or do.

Everyday I have to walk everywhere I go but I can walk on a sidewalk, not eggshells.

Maybe some of the people here ARE drug addicts. But I've never seen one of them get so messed up that they locked me in a room to keep me from leaving.

Yes, I was robbed of the little bit of food that I had left. But no one sucked the life out of me and isolated me for so long that I have no one to help me get out of this situation.

The cops do, indeed, come here often. But it's never to arrest someone for assaulting me.

So, back to your question asking why I would rather stay here than go home with you...if you don't get the message from reading what I just wrote, I can't help you. Just know that there was a time in my life when I actually had a life. I would have looked at this place with fear and pity. But compared to staying with you, right now this is the Taj Mahal.

Still trying to hang on long enough to prosecute the sonofabitch

Could you help me?

I'm very sorry to have to write this but I don't know what else to do. I went to get cash from the ATM so that I could buy a bus ticket to a doctor's appointment for the SSI claim. I couldn't get the money out because it said that it had insufficient funds. My daughter sent me money last week so it shouldn't say that. I have to try to figure that one out by calling the card people but even then, I didn't think I was that low in funds. If anyone out there can toss a few bucks into my PayPal account (the link is on the left side of this page) I would dearly appreciate it. I don't know how I can pay anyone back right now, but if there is anything that I can do, now or later, I'd be happy to do it for you if you could help me out now. I'm really scared and the only thing I had going for me, or so I thought, was that I had a hundred bucks for stupid stuff like bus passes. A bus pass is only 4 bucks so please don't think that a few dollars won't help, anything will help me right now. I'm sorry to have to ask, but I don't know what else to do now.

Please help me, I really am worth it.

Jeez, it gets worse when I reread all of his emails!

Here is some info Walter's attorney should have. To understand some of it, you need to know that Z or X or ZAN refers to xanax. B refers to MS Contin. His pain doctor is Dr. Libreros in Tampa. Most of these are stupid but you can see the threatening nature of many of them. I have to do a few things now so I'll be back later.


Here's an email from a friend of mine:

I was going to tell you after it happened and then had no idea what number to call you at and thought your facebook might be under his control but your nutjob buddy actually called me the day after I talked to you (was that last week?). I was so busy with a project I totally did the "nod and smile" thing on the phone, and ended with "ok, if I see her I'll tell her you are looking for her." and was really thinking, "Hell NO I won't tell you!" He then called me again the next day to say "Meg's back but don't tell her I called you" (that was message on my voice mail, as I didn't want to talk to him again). So, now that I can tell YOU are the one on your facebook account, let me know if you need anything in writing from me saying he's got no problem calling everyone you know to tell them you are a thief and drug addict that hangs out with BLACK PEOPLE (as if he knew I wasn't black) at a Crack House near his condo...I'd be happy to help.

FROM WALTER J LUNDY:


Hope the z helped you!! Mine did I haven't had one all day , my excuse for being up tight hope you will call Iam wanting to b buddies!! Please let's try ilu t call me soon lit

Can't even awnser me guess u are too busy! I will be busy to you next time!!!

What's the matter? Iam getting frustrated trying to be good and not getting any good vibes from you. Should I quit tryin to b a friend?

You won't admit to any thing it's always someone else! Hey see ya in court!! Don't exepct any more me being nice to you anymore you can't be nice to me unless I do something for you well I gave u the option to come back. Now it's still up to u! I will not try anymore its wasted effort, u call me if u change yur mind. Love u forever and a day  tiger

could i have meg candy now?

Well where r u ? I've called 6 times!

i am sorry!!! i love you please forgive me!!! we can be a great couple let me get help for my lack of imperfections? lets save this please again i love you soo much tiger

Meg I sure hope that we can still talk to each other like adults. After all is said and done the fact remains that I still have faith in you. It's simple if we care about each other together,we can conquer anything! Everything will pass in time! Lets get back to being FRIENDS? I will give it my all I care about YOU!!! Please eme l u tiger hope to hear from you before Santa comes!!!! You don't want a piece of coal do you? Get back with me!! L u tiger

Remember what happens today? Walgreens did you want the Meds I bought you or not? If so call me ASAP

Where are you? It shouldn't take this long to go to your dads.

Still waiting to get in urine sample question are mosey Bp wt what are you doin? Be home ASAP Lu p cat


ive got 100.00 dollars for you if you come talk this out!!!

Come get your clothes Jose said you said to throw them in the dumpster.ill give you till mon. Then there going in  the garbage.

I am not stupid u r with the guy with the white Lincoln Iowa come by


U really called the sheriff because I got my glasses u r grabbing at straws! Ok I'll. come to court tell them the truth get u drug tested, tell them to have u psyco analyzed by the court u r going nuts I care for you and u made all this up you vendictive person all I've ever wanted to do was HELP YOU . I went to dads mon for you came home u made it into something it wasent!! I wanted to give your Meds to u also the clothes! I still care for u just come home it will b ok!!!! ILU w be nice !!!get in touch!!!! pLEASE

Please call me???nicer

Meg r u home yet if so eme like to talk to u. W

U r losing your mind other people will talk to your father and tell what they see he must hate u to not help his own daughter!

Go do your tricks for kicks your dad will hear soon

U get a zz

I did for u now follow up on your. End Iam pleasant I b and bonus!!!

Look meg Iam going to the aside to look at a boat do u want your Bp Meds ? Get back with me ASAP I don't want to leave but u don't awnser me to help you ?!!'

Waiting on u damet at the cut

Hope ur alrite will get your Meds Tuesday eme back c if u r ok pc

R u goin to awnser me or not?

R u ok u won't wake up eme please ?

Prescribsons Bp Meds ok wen I get home ok

Iam not peeking in your windo in day. Time to talk to u

U need to b nice to me not threating stop it an nice keep it up done stop now till I get. Back please ??

Don't want to awnser me as usual no talk!! ??? Why???

Hope u didn't filter me as I want to explain some of my statements get in touch with me please?

Crimping isn't the word it's crippeling destroying are errrr if u truly wanted a monogmast? I would do what I said about gettin hitched married  if I could be sure u really want me for  and me only !! That would be a good thing Iam so confused I am upside down lets go have sex in the car somewhere at the beach tonite? How about it?

And detectives will b in touch with you and your a3b4b5  so u start the vendictive shit you'll look stupid when they give u a drug test and the dealer is goin too. And when they find u be been buying with 100.00 dollar bills who's the thief now I have a reason u are sick.

U did this storys unbelievable story's lyes infidelity problems no more mr nice guy!!! Crawl back up to REALITY then call me. I can't deal with a lyer and company. U CAUSED THIS sorry I'll miss you !!! Wl

U have boyfriends in 6332a3 6332b4 6336b5(3)-4 not6314a4 u hade a fool there u think !!! Happy Easter

I've seen your true colors v day u proved what u felt for me ! Its simple u caused this u left me sick and hopeless now I see the light. Your little stunt proved to me and me friend fri note u were a gamer have had nothing can come from a friendship with u your dad will b happy mine are glad. Have a nice time without a true friend   U lost or destroyed I loved you deeply but u are very distracted with pther values than i don't. Need luv wjl

U visit others all the hours of the day and nite I've goin to sleep in a few not mad at anyone worn out y am I the blame?

Meg I hope you and I can talk today. I am sorry I got stupid say things I don't mean but that girl is JUST a friend from 30 years ago. She pays rent I want all this stuff to stop. If we aren't friends ok. But people talk and if they're wrong so be it. I am sorry. Ur I am afraid of loosingy friendship with you you are very special to ME. At dr now let's talk later sorry again. Mh

Meg I know I say things I don't mean ! Iam sorry I'll make it up to you get in touch with me fri 12:30 ok

What have I done now just don't bother me I didn't do any thing against u . U want our friendship to stop . So let's walk away as friends . I won't bother u any more. Done plenty for u don't piss off my dad I've tried to get him to stop the investigation. But if u start trouble he will flip leave things be please .thats the best thing ! Let's just be old friends . Yesterday I did for you now today you want to cause trouble   STOP being like that! Come c what I have that's all u want, I don't have any but 3 for myself fri I will b good wait till then PLEASE. Your friend mh OK

Meg can't even return my nite nite but u aren't y is this  your niceness I will remember how nice you have been to me. Always  tell me tales to dump me it seems . Friend pc

U didn't read my em about Zan so forget it tried not nice to me

U made it that way nice to you u r just a one sided  person so receive it tried to give u a Zan but u get mad at me again!

Today awnser or Iam done with u ask a question then I awnser and u don't to me

AWNSER ME PLEASE

R u comin over now coffee made nice if u r

Where did u go last nite u never replyed to me.  All that does is upsetting

Y u can't be honest even to you! Its a shame u can't b an adult . Try am nice

Wish u cared for me I think you want me to leave you alone it's all about nice I've tried in every way to please you but it's never enough why meg can't we care for each other and b happy luv u mucho mhxo

Really not goin to awnser me? Thanks pal

No bites z to bed? Last em no bites? More fun

U refuse to be my friend I've tried to .....


Never ask for it again Out all nite Nice   R u coming to talk peachs   Saw NIG deliverb5   If u were there u wood awnser to nice so I no where u r prove me wrong!  Sister rite   Hope u have the spunk to tell me why u r not home saw the mouse waiting for you to come b5 again Iam not blind or stupid dissent want to accuse you but you did it by yourself you have lost a good friend , never wanted this you did  by telling me u r at home I no better y lie to a friend? Talk it out if u want me to be nice ever again!   Where r u   6:00 now awnser me to wen r u coming back I will probably go out if u don't reply I was goin to b nice but no reply eme soon!!!   wen r u coming back let me no   Tell me if and when u r comin back   I told 2zanybirds   Don't need two?xz   Z   Xs   Well awnser my question where r you?   Y don't u reply to my question busy?   R u going to awnser me or not ? I keep and u don't reply to me ???   No reply again why why   U don't reply y not?   Wher did u go ? Said u weren't leavin why   I'd like to be y r your blinds open I came over u didn't awnser my em about nicer Saturday lmk pc m h   Come over nice nice now   Come and get it!!!!   Don't no how to play DVD s on this thing guess u r not coming guess u will in the a m I'll b a nice guy as always!!! Eme pl pc   Meg r u going to awnser me ? I need to no if u r comin    don't u want ?   U forgot something I had for you , u can get it am if you want to Sorry  meg I didn't want to argue sorry if it seemed that way make it up to you promise ! If you eme when you can ???? Please hi 5   Ps my neighbor saw where u went thanks which neighbor u ask meg u em would have done better to stay.just b friends !!! Eme please.   U can't come over at ten because u r out doin   Trying to help you is a problem see u r out doin shit. Now im not stupid you would have eme. Me sorry u don't need a true friend wont bother u anymore. Iam   Givin for sure SORRY ABOUT the problem u don't want my help??   U need a nerve pill   COME OVER HERE   Don't b I will b back if u eme  and tell me u want me to come home I will but u have to calm down and lets b friends like ortez is your new friend !! So want me I'll come back early if not Iam sorry . Your friend pc   Dammit awnser or I'll just not b a friend Iam trying very hard to b a FRIEND so u b one also ok?   I am goin home soon I can't handle my thoughts there killin me . Dunno what to do scared of what will happen to me because I care for you and I feel hopeless I know u don't care about whats in my head. Don't want trouble in my life its killin me! Confused badley  want my friend back !!! I want this feeling to go away.    remember this name Daniel Joseph palmero he's the supplier for you and has for some time. Tell your sons to come talk to me first they   Meg come lets try to fix this   Meg why don't u come over and talk to me. I don't no y u are mad at me? I didn't say you did anything. Talking might help and I can talk to my dad ' nothing ventured nothing gained! Don't be hardheaded ! And bring my shirt please? Just come to talk and some coffee   Y are u squirming so much? That's a sign of guilt it's obvious !!! Stop   Why don't u awnser me ? All I want is this bs to be over with! Please respond to my plea I don't want this treatment for something I didn't ask for please meg get real . Talk to me like a friend ok ??   I guess u don't want my friendship ? I didn't ever want to LOOSE that? I wish I could change the damage I can only try to wright the wrongs at least Iam tryin how about you my friend ? Get in touch LETS TALK like adults ??? Please meg  have a heart !! ?? I mean  ur ok Iam ok!! W   Hey where r u ? Don't u want money my dad wants to talk to you important!! Asap   Hey I didn't blame u he did ???   FROM ME TO WALTER-It's too bad your father taught you to be just like him. I'm waiting for the police and when they get here, I'm telling them what you did to me and showing them the bruises you left. My father is dealing with this situation.   U took my hemostats   I did nothing to u u r a nut drug addict wait till they see your hips thighs I have nothing to do with your scams go blame Daniel j pelomero  u did this not me   Meg I didn't say you did anything!!! I still want to be a friend!! I never wanted any of this to happen, all I tried to do was let u take care of mom thank you v m. And to help u make a few bucks to help u out . So sorry this happened not my fault!!! Eme if u wish just want to be friends?   If u want me to help u. U should b open to my help not hanging up! On me cool off get back w me??ok   I did nothing to u somebody always is the guilty party because u never tell the truth. Your dad needs to see thru your smoke screen.that sheriff told me u had psy  issues he met u at   tnc hosp so u blew our friendship I didn't say u did anything.I always cared for u but this wasn't of my doing. Sorry u think I did   Ok no one accused u of anything! nice just come back nice!!! Promise   It's 420 u em me at 345 what is taking so long   D u want me to roll one?   Y were u up at 5 in am?   Look out the back police got u staked out honest    I know who is there. I saw him you sitting there. Never again bother me   Proof u r gone   I'll give 4 if u come over and stay a while ok pc honest   Come on meg   Come on over it's all good!! Promise pc   Come back nice   If u don't come back never again   Meg come back   LAST TIME   R u coming back over or not?   U shudder awnser your ems   I came over window to seeif UR homebNice ur gonr tks   Not goin to awnser me or have u left the apt ?? Eme back??   Still want a z to sleep???eme back pc   Iam going to start calling!!!!   U must think I b stupidity Iam leaving fuck it no mo   Look I said come now or no mo nothin tired of the story's I mean it beware   I gave u every bit of time to come here and u r still there guess u don't believe me don't bet against me   REPLY leavin in 10 mins and it's finished   Come tell me another fairy tale Iam ready to hear a good one how about the big bad wolf ? Came and blew my boy away   Y did u do this? Doesn't make good sense to burn your bridges let me no or call me Iam on s side u were coming with? Eme pl

Don't make me do stupid things as Iam ready to  Do w

Now I've got it that person is over there and so am I waiting for him to come outof youre door

U r not at home!!!by the em

U better eme soon or that's it for you !!

Whats goin on someone's over there Iam comin over there!!!

AWNSER ME

Y don't u reply to me?

Burn one ???

Iam unhappy!!!!!!

C u don't reply ok I won't either so figure it out Iam tired of this ! I don't even deserve an awnser  so don't ask !! Really tired 

Meg if u don't respond to me no mr nice promise!!!u should reply


Looks like no mor nice guy thanks to

When r u comin over here?!????pc
  Meg its 7:00 just finished laundry, boy u were gone a long time, r u comin here

Nice to u! Respond pl pc   I still will always be nice, gotta get rite think it's my problem it will be ok, get my pills at w mart in the am . Come for coffee in the am I'll b nice u know that. I say things and they come out the wrong way , sorry I'll work on my script. Hope for some good movies in the mail . Thurs lol pc

Out all nite!
Where r u thought u were coming by in the am nice guess not!   When u can b nice come see me change your bad attitude towards me I be done nothing bad to u  w   No need to come over u newer responded  or awnsered my questions   I wish u would awnser what time r u comin over? R u up to my wishes? I need to know times ect.???pc   Vomiting now help

      OK, I'm getting bored with this for now. I'm nowhere near done and so far I've gone through 600 emails from Walter. I'm trying to get to the ones where he starts threatening suicide if I don't come over.   Back soon!

Could you help me?

I'm very sorry to have to write this but I don't know what else to do. I went to get cash from the ATM so that I could buy a bus ticket to a doctor's appointment for the SSI claim. I couldn't get the money out because it said that it had insufficient funds. My daughter sent me money last week so it shouldn't say that. I have to try to figure that one out by calling the card people but even then, I didn't think I was that low in funds. If anyone out there can toss a few bucks into my PayPal account (the link is on the left side of this page) I would dearly appreciate it. I don't know how I can pay anyone back right now, but if there is anything that I can do, now or later, I'd be happy to do it for you if you could help me out now. I'm really scared and the only thing I had going for me, or so I thought, was that I had a hundred bucks for stupid stuff like bus passes. A bus pass is only 4 bucks so please don't think that a few dollars won't help, anything will help me right now. I'm sorry to have to ask, but I don't know what else to do now.

Please help me, I really am worth it.

Walter James Lundy's lawyer wanted me to refesh my memory in preparation for testimony

Here's Walter. The 6'2" tall 200 pound man who likes to bully 5'6" tall women who weigh under 130 pounds. Ah...yes. I remember Walter.

Nothing is ever as accurate in your mind as when it first happens. So, for Dee Athan, defense attorney, I need to find some posts written closer to the time this idiot acted a felon fool. Oh yeah, Dee, here's a freebie, tell your client he shouldn't have a gun, what with being a convicted felon. That doesn't come up on NCIS, you have to go back to paper records...but it's there.

Back soon!

OK, here are some links to my posts when I was dating Walter for the humorous fodder he inspired:

http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2011_07_01_archive.html
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2011/08/its-amazing-how-stars-align-themselves.html
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2011_09_01_archive.html
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2011_11_01_archive.html

About the time it stopped being funny:

Hillsborough County Florida: A Safe Haven For Stalkers!!!




"Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted and obsessive attention by an individual or group to another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person and/or monitoring them via the internet."



"Florida Statutes define stalking as: Any person who willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or harasses another person commits the offense of stalking. This is a misdemeanor of the first degree, punishable by a maximum fine of $1000.00 and or 1 year in jail. Any person who willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or harasses another, and makes a credible threat with the intent to place that person in fear of death or bodily injury, has committed the offense of aggravated stalking, a felony of the third degree, punishable by a maximum fine of $5000.00 and/or 5 years in state prison. To "harass" means to engage in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that causes substantial emotional distress in such person and serves no legitimate purpose."



Those definitions appear to be rather straightforward but if you ask the police for assistance, they will tell you to "change your email address and phone number". When my stalker was sending emails to the wrong email address, he called the police when I didn't respond and accused me of stealing his drugs. As you can see in this email, he even purports to have a "wittness" (sic) who saw me run away with a handful of pills looking like I was eating them all as I ran. In this email, he also threatens to call my children and harass them:



since your sic mind doesnt know the reality of youre brilliant writings on youre blog is evidence of the crime yulling for help. you just stold my prescription meds. you nut calling sheriff tomarrow,its time for reality meg youre a thief tramp,celf centered mental patient. youre babbeling on the blog is one sided thats what you bank

on now the truth is coming out in the light.I have talked to the sheriffs office and the wittness that saw you run.saw you with a hand full of my pills and you acting like you were going to eat them,so phone calls to will,annie,sheriffs office in the am this time youre dun. you arent special, youre sick,you know it. so does everyone else. reality is a bitch now deal with narcotics theft.remember the last time.they werent narcotics these were,family knows everyone will know what a nut you really are.this isnt the internet not one sided you broke the law thats the truth thief,hope you get time in the mental hosp.its where you belong.tried to bate you over today,with zanny and vike but you dident bite you suck. white trash



The Hillsborough County Sheriff's were called after the stalker came to my home, knocking on my door and demanding that I open it to "talk" to him. When I showed the deputies the countless emails where this nutcase threatened suicide, continued harassment and even offered me "zanny and vike" (the drugs he reported that I stole from him, making that report hours after sending this email) they suggested that I change my email address. When my father mentioned the numerous harassing messages that the nut had left on his phone, the police suggested that he change his phone number. We didn't complain that we were receiving emails and phone calls, we complained that a nut was stalking us, harassing us and threatening to stalk and harass everyone we know.



(The nut did eventually contact my ex husband who I never discussed in front of him. But, from reading this blog, he gleaned enough information to be able to find my ex in Montana and engage him in "Isn't Meg a nut?" conversations. My idiot ex took the bait like the jack ass he is.)



So, I've been made aware that the nut has a gun, he has loaded it, he keeps in in plain view so I'm sure to see it should I be fool enough to return to his home after seeing it once. He has threatened suicide in emails to me which I showed the police. What did the men in blue do? They came over here, all three of them men, and treated the silly little female as though she were at fault. Obviously if someone is stalking me using emails, I should change my email address. If I'm receiving threatening and harassing phone calls, I should change my number. Ignoring a nutty stalker only serves to make the fool seek other avenues through which he can continue his behavior. This fool WILL NOT be ignored. After doing so, he knocks on the door...what do I do next, change my address? Perhaps I should brick up the door. If he shoots at me, is it my fault for not wearing a bullet proof vest? That seems to be the logic employed by the local men hired to protect me. I refer to the men in particular because the woman to whom I spoke on the phone was absolutely helpful and quite aware of the danger this nut poses. I guess it takes a man to assume that another man is nothing more than a mere nuisance, a gnat that can be batted away and ignored.



To be fair, Officers Santiago and Herd did offer me a brochure explaining what to do when you're being stalked. It even mentioned emails. But, it never suggested that a victim change their email address. It did say that the emails should be saved. But if you save them and show them to the police, your assistance is an EXTREMELY offensive, "Change your email address." I wonder, when one of these officers encounters an infant with a raging fever, do they drop the kid in ice water? That will tend to cool the baby off, but it really does nothing to address the infection that is actually causing the fever.



I've been dumped in Hillsborough County ice water.   http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2011_12_01_archive.html   OK...that's it for 2011. 2012 and 2013 coming right up.

Some stuff

Although far too many women understand the paralyzing nature of psychological abuse, it isn't something that translates into relevant testimony in a court of law. Even if I just came out and gave examples of Walter's psychological tactics, I would sound ridiculous saying things like:

1. He would never allow me the comfortable enjoyment of the bathroom. Obviously, if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn't need to lock the door. He would stand at the door and talk to me the entire time I was in the can. He always found an excuse to ask me some stupid question.

2. I wasn't allowed to go online because he would stand behind me and watch everything I did. How could I tell you what was going on if I couldn't be honest? I had to get through when I could.

3. He stole 2 grand from his father and then he let his father call the cops on ME. A year later I found proof of Walter's complicity in that false police report. Of course, he let his father file the report so he had a buffer.

4. He held my dog hostage when I misbehaved...which was constantly. To this day, he refuses to give my dog back to me. I've seen him drag my little dog away by the collar so hard and fast that my dog barked in pain.
5. He paid for my prescriptions and then doled my meds out to me as he saw fit.

6. He drove around the condo complex shouting "CUNT!" whenever he saw me while he was angry. Now, I'm the only person who knew he was screaming at me...everyone else just saw a crazy old man driving through the parking lot shouting obscene language out his driver's side window.

7. If half of the crazy stories he's made up are true, he out does Forrest Gump in importance to society and the Lord of the Rings in amazing adventures.

8. He refers to people as n****rs, Puerko Ricans and "lazy illegals". Then he shakes their hands and smiles quite charmingly when he meets them face to face.

9. He used lines like, "C'mon, I just need some relief.", "It'll only take 5 minutes." and the always challenging answering of the following exchange:

HE: Can we have sex?

ME: No.

HE: Why not?

I had never heard that one from any other man, ever.

10. He called doctors, hospitals, relatives and friends of mine just to say dreadful things about me in hopes of further isolating me from my entire life and controlling my access to medications.

I've never been one to march for many causes...

...but I have to be honest...I vow to march in the next anti-violence against women parade that comes along. If the assault itself didn't prompt my low self-esteem self into focused and appropriate action, the deposition I experienced today has done it. You who know me know that when I get focused, I can be quite formidable.

Right now, I'm enjoying myself in the company of a nice man. We're watching Family Guy and I'm rather relaxed. So...I'll save my opus for the morning.

Ciao!

PS. I really, really need as much support from you guys as humanly possible right now. C'mon...a quick, "I'm reading this." will work fine...leave it anonymously if you want. Just help me through this.

Good morning friends...

...and others. It's Monday morning and I'm back at the crazy place. I can tell because I'm surrounded by crazy people. It's amazing how the story of my accident has evolved since last Sunday when it happened.

In case you missed it, I woke up so early that day that it was still dark out. I took my coffee water and my computer down to the lobby so that I could write a post for you guys. First, I put the laptop on the desk and then I stuck my coffee in the microwave and went back to the desk to power up my laptop. As I did, I went to sit down in an old, solid wood chair. Somehow, the chair wasn't under me anymore and I began to fall. It seemed like it took forever and I remember thinking, "Uh oh...I'm gonna fall all the way down." I did. Unfortunately, I never noticed the other solid wood chair. Basically, I landed on the chair with my left jaw and not only was my jaw broken, all the teeth on that side of my mouth were broken. That's it, simple story...right? I had been awake for less than 10 minutes.

Yesterday I heard this story;

'She came down stairs, ate a bunch of pills and fell.'

With those few words, the entire essence of the story changed. I hadn't even taken my normal morning meds yet. Even if I DID take a bunch of pills, they wouldn't have had time to hit me. But, I hadn't taken any...period.

I don't mind too much, I realize that these people live like that themselves so they think everybody is like them. But still, you never know what people believe. The people in my family who should know better believe the craziest things about me and it's so stupid because if you ask me, I'll tell you the truth. But, my family (especially my father, my married sister and my ex husband can convince you that I had something to do with Kennedy's assassination.) Whatever.

Today I have to go to give a deposition for Walter's defense attorney. He has made so many "threats" against me that I should be afraid of this but I'm not. It's nice to be the honest person in a situation such as this, Walter is a pathological liar and if you listen to each of us, I am the only one who makes sense because I have the truth on my side. So, I'm not at all worried about this. It's just gonna be a bitch logistically speaking. Anyway, I'll let you know what happens...the depo is at 3 PM today at the State's Attorney's office.

Speaking of Walter, he has proven himself to be every bit the Scaramouch I've always know him to be. As soon as I figure out how much time I have before I have to leave, I am going to tell the truth on Walter James Lundy and I'll explain why he's left me with no choice but to do so. Also, I'll let you know what his attorney has done to creep me out. This'll be good, I assure you. I'm even going to repost the posts that he made me take down. It'll be worth a quick trip here to check out.

See ya soon!

Remember me?

Not so very long ago.

          
                                                       A more recent photograph.

My List-O-Fears Has Grown Longer

I am now afraid to walk. A little while ago, I started to walk around the block...something that I do every morning to wake myself up. I only got about 50 feet down the street because I was just too afraid to keep walking. I was already afraid of everything else, now I've decided that walking is just as dangerous as all the other stupid stuff I do in the course of a day.

Actually, I already knew better than to walk willy-nilly down the street but it's something that you do so often that I just forgot to be scared. Either that or I just hadn't hurt myself badly enough to remember how dangerous walking could be. A few years ago, I fell on my birthday. I busted my foot that time but I've done that so much that it never scared me too much. Little did I know that the birthday tumble was the first of many.

My strokes never left me with dreadfully obvious effects. I was just left with occasional stuttering, constant forgetfulness, a numb left side and a messed up equilibrium. I figured out the equilibrium part around the holidays after I fell on my birthday. The holiday fall was on the street with my dog who never left my side. Some nice man in a pick-up stopped and took me and my dog home. After I got home I started thinking and realized that I had fallen 6 times from my birthday to the New Year. That meant that I was falling about once a month. I thought it was a coincidence until I noticed the pattern. There was always something that I could blame the fall on but I finally figured out that I hadn't fallen 6 times in my entire life, suddenly I was falling on a regular basis. That's when I figured out that the dizziness wasn't an innocuous side effect of the stroke, it was actually a nasty side effect that had the potential for some serious danger. One example off the top of my head...a broken face. So, yes, I have effects from my stroke, you just can't see them until I fall and break myself.

This is the first injury I've ever had where I actually spat teeth out. I broke quite a few of them and the surgeon pulled the broken teeth out. I had a dentist appointment on the 25th...I guess I won't need as many appointments as I thought I would require. I also have an appointment coming up with an SSI doctor. If this face doesn't convince the government that I'm incapable of safely maneuvering through a day, much less work as a nurse, I don't know what else I can do.

I was feeling badly about having to ask the government for some of the money I gave them over the years but I'll tell you, sitting here with a hideously broken face and sounding like Daffy Duck, I have no problem at all saying that I simply must get back some of the cash I earned over the decades. I used to curse at the government when I would look at a 5,000 dollar paycheck that was only worth 2,500. Today I'm OK with that, I just need to know how to make a withdrawal. They had no problem with the deposits, but getting some money back from the government is proving to be a bitch. But, if I can't get any money from the Obama administration, there is something seriously wrong with this country.

The only picture I have of the damage to my face is one that my roomie took of me with her I-phone. She sent it to my daughter. When I speak to my daughter, I'll ask her to send it to me so that I can post it here for you guys. In the meantime, I'm on the look-out for someone with a phone or a camera so that I can get a picture of the half of my face that resembles me and then another one of the half that resembles a huge faced freak of nature.

Well, I guess that's it for now, I have to get to Nebraska Avenue to pick up the money that my daughter sent me because she doesn't want me to recuperate in this icky place. I have to walk there and, as I said earlier, I'm afraid to walk. Man, I am a mess!

So, today I left the hospital and came back, temporarily, to the hood. I'm going to hang out in a nice room for a couple of days thanks to my daughter. Anyway...my jaw was, of course, broken...but I knew that when I was in the ER before the CT scan because I felt the bone pieces scraping against each other. It was so icky. Naturally, I wasn't surprised at all when the doc said that my jaw was broken. Nor was I surprised when he said that I would be going straight into surgery. I had even bet my nurse that I would be in the OR before she got in her car. I won. Yay.

So, they did what's called an ORIF (open reduction and internal fixation)). I've seen many ORIF's of the hip, but not so many of the face...certainly not my own. When it stops hurting so much I'll check YouTube for the surgery and check it out. Right now, it just hurts. I'm struggling to eat Raman Noodles. I'll suck down as many as I can with as little pain as possible and then I'll lie down and put some effort into trying to fall asleep. I couldn't get comfortable last night for the pain but I DID have nurses bringing me lots of morphine. Tonight...not so much!

By the way, while I was there, Walter found out where I was and called so I had to be moved to another room and then, as usual, they listed me in a way that you couldn't find me there. You could call my room and I would answer, but you'd have to know the room number and once they moved me, Walter didn't know where I was...sorry for my friend who couldn't get through! I guess that's what Walter's are for.

OK then, it's bedtime for me. I'll be back tomorrow.

:)




See you all in the morning!