So, CoCo isn't just...

...a man who knows how to make a lady smile, he's also a bright guy that knows about people. Maybe even as much as I do! When my kids were growing up I always told them that no matter what a person did to them that was nasty or rude, they should just walk away without lowering themselves to the level of the cretin that treated them so badly.

My logic was that if they were a social clod in front of my kids, chances were pretty good that everyone else in their lives knew it, too. So, they should maintain their dignity and just take the high road. One day my son came home and said to me, "Remember what you told me about walking away from idiots?" I said, "Yeah, why?"

He told me, "Well, a couple of weeks ago my friends and I were out and we ran into another group of guys. One of them was being a real jerk and he was shouting mean stuff at me for no reason. I almost went to fight him but there were so many guys with him that I thought that I shouldn't, so my friends and I just left. And then last night, I ran into one of the guys that was with the jerk and he apologized for what had happened and told me that the whole group of them knew what a fool the guy was and none of them would have gotten into a fight over him. So, Mom, you were right!"

Well, what do you know? The old lady was right!

People haven't changed over the years and CoCo knows just what I mean:

"...It would also be safe to guess that her petty behavior is a normal part of her personality so she is probably treating other women in his life (like relatives) and his buddies with the same demeanor, or lack of...."

Yep, it's true. colleen lombardi isn't a decent woman who is simply harrassing Solaris. She's a jack ass of mega proportions and everyone who knows her, with the possible exception of her mother, knows it as well.

Solaris knows her in-laws and if they are decent people, they already know what the ho is all about. If they aren't, then it doesn't matter what they think. Also, CoCo is right, the ho treats everyone like crap and they all know how self centered and devious she is. If Solaris' husband doesn't know it yet, he will when the novelty of a new piece of ass wears off. And, it was he who told Solaris that he knew that colleen "could be rude", so he must be getting it at least a little bit. That's most likely the reason that the ho is acting like she is...she realizes that the married man that she was humping is slipping away.

My guess is that he's already cheating on her (or at least she suspects it) and that's why she's stepping up her deranged...UNHINGED...behavior. Or, perhaps she just perceives that he is sorry that he left Solaris. Everyone, absolutely EVERYONE knows that if the married man and the ho were living in unholy bliss, she wouldn't bother with Solaris at all, she'd live her happy life. But, since there is no happy life, she has to try to spread her misery around.

That whacked out wench didn't just turn rude, she's been that way for her entire life. If she hasn't grown up enough to know how to live a happy life yet, chances are she's going to die a lonely death and have a very, very sparsely visited funeral. Few people cry over such nasty folk.

Can you imagine what it takes to make a person so mean? You could almost pity a person like that if they ever learned to live and let live...but when they continue to treat people like dirt well into middle age, they are not going to change and don't deserve pity.

Anyway, Solaris can rest easy knowing that everyone who knows the story of her and her marriage sees right through the ho and realize that she's a tad unbalanced and that Solaris is a decent soul. So, which one of these two do you think has the potential to live a happy life and which one will be miserable no matter where the husband sleeps at night?

So, CoCo, thanks for reminding me of that story. I know that it will help Solaris and that she is in store for happiness that she never knew she could experience while the ho is in store for the same old crap that she's always experienced.

Meg

I could probably sleep a bit longer...

...but when I wake up and the sun is out...I don't feel like going back to sleep. I have to work tonight so I'll just take a nap later. I really, really had a great time last night. As I said, it was the closest that I ever got to the camera, if any of you see the movie you wouldn't have to look for me way off in the distance...I'll be right in your face. I just got lucky and was seated to the right of the actor and the camera was to his left.

They did shoot the scene again over the actors shoulders to get the close ups and when they did, the people who were on that half of the room in the first shot had to come back and pretend that there was someone in front of them. I had to do that and that meant that I sat there like an idiot "talking" to a pretend person in front of me.

I was pretty surprised at how quickly they shot the scene once they started. Usually they get more takes than they did. They only did it about 3 times from the side and once over each actor's shoulders.

Anyway, that was the best movie that I ever did as far as how long it took, where we were (I've been in movies dressed as a Union prisoner of war, wool suits in 90 degree weather and in abandoned buildings with no heat or electricity) and the food was great. They had steak, chicken cordon bleu and some kind of fish plus a LOT of sides and drinks. They did a great job of taking care of everyone. I would work for Tyler Perry again anytime.

OH! The actor suggested that we have a pool, a dollar each to guess what time we would be done and I said 1:03. That's exactly when we broke. He was so cool. He got a round of "For the Longest Time" (Billy Joel) going and we were all singing it. The actress was a singer so it was pretty cool.

So, unfortunately collen lombardi is still trying to fuck with Solaris and she's trying so hard it's almost pathetic. And she's supposed to be an old woman who should have better sense. She is SO tipping her hand and letting Solaris know exactly how afraid she is of her. I told Solaris she needs to speak to her husband about what's going on. I'm sure he would just as soon have the nutcase leave his wife alone and keep peace as much as possible. I'm sure he doesn't even know what the ho is doing.

I mentioned that a couple posts ago and some "anonymous" person wrote to say that she shouldn't because it's the hubby who betrayed her. I'm quite sure that was the whore herself so it obviously freaked her out that Solaris would even THINK about calling her own husband. But, I still think she should...don't you guys? (I'm not asking you, HO, so don't bother answering.)

What advice do you guys have to give Solaris? Do you agree that she should call her husband? they haven't spoken for a few weeks and I think it's time they spoke again...don't you?

Meg

Ahhhhh...

...I just got home from the studio. I was in a scene at a diner with some guy who I don't know but he was on As the World Turns. There was also a lady named Jill Scott. I don't know who she is either but she's a singer. Some of the other background people did know her.

In the scene, I sat at the table next to the actors so I KNOW that I'll be easy to spot in this movie. It's called Why Did I Get Married and Janet Jackson is the star of it. That was the closest that I ever got to the camera in any of the movies I've ever done except for one scene that was cut out of a movie. We were dressed in hideously hot clothes and we were inside. It was air conditioned but as many clothes as I had on, it didn't keep me from sweating like a pig.

I sat at a table with some guy who's name I don't know but he was my "date" in the scene. We had to mime speaking to each other and pretend to be drinking coffee (it was really Coke). They must have had a deal with Coke because they put a few cans of it out on the tables. Miming to each other is odd because unless you're a lip reader, you can't have a converstaion and you don't know what to say or how to react. I kept mining stupid shit like, "I give great blowjobs." and "Let's take off our clothes and get down on this table." Thank God the guy couldn't read my lips.

I don't know what makes me do stuff like that...it just comes to me.

That was the easiest movie I've ever done and the quickest. We did have to wait a while to go onto the set but once we did, we were there for the rest of the night. I had a lot of fun, as I usually do when I do these things. They filmed the movie at night because the director films a TV show during the day. I am so tired that I can't remember the name of the TV show...but I will eventually. Maybe if I go to bed now and fall asleep quickly, when I wake up I can tell you what the TV show is. But for now...I must go to bed. Tomorrow (later on today?) I'll tell you more about it...I had a great time.

See ya,

Meg

I found this letter...

...that was written to Tyler perry, the producer of the movie that I'll be working on tonight. It was written by a man and it really made me think:

I got married, because I was in love with a woman and wanted to spend my life with her. I always thought that was what she wanted. We grow up together, raised our children together and worked hard to build a home. Now she no longer wishes these things. Last year my oldest daughter died (From a previous relationship). After this my wife started staying out all night leaving me at home with the kids. I foundout that she found someone else. When I asked what i had done, she said i did nothing. I would beg her to come But she never would. As time went on, she started acting like her old self again, until this year. Now I find myself in legal troubles because of all of this and she tells me she wants time away from me. My children want to be with me and because of the troubles I can not be in my home. The children decided to come with me, but they miss their mom so much. Currently i have no money as I'm paying on the house that I am not allowed to live in. The legal system either will not help or do not care. I am a father trying to do the right thing to support his children and no one seems to care. I was told today by the police I had to leave with my children, because she was living in our home. As i sit here and type this, I wonder why we as sons are taught to do the right thing, by our wives and when you try to do the right thing,its get thrown back in your face. I assure anyone whom is reading this, my story is true. I'm not looking to gain anything, i suppose other than help. Because to be honest I simply want to take my kids home. I know I'm a fool, but i miss my wife and I know it takes two, but I do not understand why someone would want to break up my family. I do not understand why someone would want to hurt my children, whom have done nothing to them. I watch all these movies with happy endings. I hope there is a happy ending for my children and me.

So, I have to wonder where the men like this one are. Somewhere there are people who are kind, loving and decent sitting alone by themselves after giving everything they have and all that they are to another person who dumped them flat on their faces for some tramp or cad who couldn't care less who they hurt. It's people like these that need to live in one place with the ho's in another state.

If we knew that the trash was nowhere to be found...we could safely live our lives and give our hearts away to someone that we know would never fail us. That would be so nice.

I'm about ready to leave for the studio so I have to run but Solaris...you need to call your husband and tell him what the bimbo is doing to you. I bet even he would be disgusted. I hope you find solace in the fact that she is too miserable to leave you alone. I know I get a kick out of it.

Meg

Meg...

"...my husband said to me that I should give the mistress some lessons on how to give a good blow job..."

Yeah but I wouldn't think it would be as easy nor as much fun to suck dick on your knees with a man leaning up against a dumpster. Think of the gravel in her knees...she already has to worry about it getting out of her...green, funky, disease ridden coochie. Right, colleen? What do you do after a meeting next to a dumpster? Douche? Is passing the gravel anything like passing a kidney stone?

You're husband has a kind heart. Aren't you lucky that he doesn't realize exactly what a ho is. He must be one of those men who have honor, pride and class. He WOULDN'T know about the gravel pit called colleen.

Besides, he's thinking about decent sex, not the kind of sex that married men have with whores. That's more like a man walking down the street, he starts to get horny and he sees a female so he screws her for relief. Afterwards, it may or may not bother him to realize that it was a female swine he just porked, he's just glad to be rid of the stiffie in his pants.

There's no reason to waste our talents on a ho who isn't much more than a talking tumbler lined with raw liver. Hey colleen, how does it feel to be a sex toy? You're basically the male equivalent of a dildo. Simply something to fuck.

Like colleen, most whores realize that they are nothing but a liver lined tumbler...that's why they try so hard to get pregnant. There isn't one shred of wanting to make a baby with the man she loves...they get pregnant for totally selfish reasons and the poor kid suffers. And what better way to hurt the wife? Selfish bastards all.

That's why the men never marry the whores they get divorced over. They may lose the wife, but then they lose the whore and find themselves another decent woman to cheat on. Amazing, isn't it? They love that freedom to fuck whatever they can and they certainly make the most of it. Once he's divorced, the mistress is as bad as the wife, he just jumped from the frying pan into the fire and the ho has got to GO!

Transition...I have to go shower and play with my hair so I can go to that shoot on a little bit. I have to go downtown and as long as I'm there, I'm gonna walk around and explore Atlanta. Maybe I can get into some kind of trouble if I put my mind to it.

Meg

OK then...

...my hair is about 7 or 8 inches from my shoulders. I have to figure out a way to fix my hair that would be appropriate for skiing. The chick said that a pony tail would be cute...but would it be realistic?

So, now I'm going to try to fall asleep...I've been having a LOT of trouble sleeping lately but what else are you suppsed to do when midnight roles around and you're home alone? I want to sleep in tomorrow so that I can stay up all night filming the movie.

So, it's off to bed I go.

See ya,

Meg

Alrighty then...

...I just got a phone call from Tyler Perry's studio in Atlanta. They wanted to know if I was available for a 12-14 hour day tomorrow so I said that I was. Someone will call me with the details later.

The movie that I'll be working on is called, appropriately, "Why Did I Get Married?" I don't know anything else about it but I do know who Tyler Perry is...he's the guy who did "The Diary of a Mad Black Woman".

I never know how these people find me but they seem to. I can be just sitting at home and the phone will ring and someone will ask me to be in a movie. It's happened 3 times, this makes 4. I wonder how much I could do if I actually put effort into this crap.

The chick said that it's one day which is fine for me...working on movies is long and boring work, you usually go to make-up and costume and then you sit there for the entire day waiting for the sun to be just right and no airplane contrails or anything like that in the sky if it's a movie from before they had airplanes. One stupid contrail can blow an entire day's work.

I worked on Andersonville with a director name Oppenheimer (I always get his first name mixed up with the atomic bomb Oppenheimer so I just don't say it, I don't want to look too stupid) and after one scene that took a LONG time to get right, he looked at the playback and saw one stupid dude with a walkman in the background. Civil War soldiers didn't have walkmans. The director shouted, "Fire him! Find that idiot and fire his ass NOW!"

That guy was good, no matter what I did to man myself up, I always got sent to deep background, a little bit ahead of the plywood soldiers way in the back. I did get into one scene by sitting with my forehead on my knees but I can't prove it's me. I even had a nice make-up man give me a fake 5 o'clock shadow and Oppenheimer still saw me, even though I wasn't out in front, I was behind a few people. Boobs strapped down, whiskers and something called "Mud" all over my face and hair and I couldn't pass as a man...not once.

This time I'm playing a woman so I don't have to worry about being sent to deep background. Anyway, now all I have to do is wait for the PA to call and then I'll know when and where I need to go. My son asked me why I do this...it doesn't pay well at all. I do it because it's fun and I meet some really neat people. If I did it all the time, I wouldn't enjoy it but working on about one movie a year is cool...I love that. I wonder what I'll have to do to get a picture of myself in costume up here since the dog ate my cord? I'll figure something out.

Meg

PS. They called me with the details...I have to be there at 5:30 PM and they have no clue when it will end. She said to be prepared to stay until 3 or 4 AM. It's a scene that's supposed to be near a Canadian ski resort so we will be dressed very warmly. They said they had one girl with long blonde hair so I should wear mine back...because everyone knows that there's never 2 blondes with long hair at a ski resort! Anyway, since the shoot is so late, I'll have most of the day to play with my hair. The timing works well since I have to work Thursday night. I'll be able to sleep all day after a shoot so late.

Luckily, this shoot is in a studio, not outside in the heat like Andersonville or in an abandoned building like The Gospel. Warm Springs wasn't too bad but most movie sets are pretty uncomfortable. I hope they have AC...can you imagine wearing a big sweater and Ugh boots in Atlanta in 80 degree weather? I'm sweating right now and I'm wearing capris and a t-shirt.

You won't believe this but I made the same mistake that I made the other day...I trimmed another extension cord with the hedge trimmer today. I don't know how in the hell that happened. So, I've zapped 2 of them in 3 days and I've never, ever done it before.

I'm making tacos so I should go and chop some lettuce. I'll be back later!

Meg

About 15 years ago...

...Rick was cheating with a wopig that he worked with named tanya murray. What a surprise! They both worked at Montgomery Ward's, and I did too! I worked in a commission sales department and they both worked in the electronics fix it place in Ward's. Rick went back and forth between the Roanoke (Virginia) store and the Lynchburg store. He usually worked in Roanoke which was where we lived. That was the store that I worked at.

There was a guy at that store who had a crush on me...and he was gorgeous! He and I became friends quickly and when the entire store knew about the affair before I did, he was very, very nice to me. He was a bright guy who I should have left Rick for but I didn't, I thought I loved my stupid husband.

Anyway, when I did find out about it, everyone told me they heard him talking to her on the phone at work when they knew that I was upstairs. I was literally the last to know. One day, the guy with the crush on me...Pat...took me to the Lynchburg store and I went into the bathroom, passing the whore on the way (who said hello and I responded, "Blow me", she had no clue who I was). I went to the bathroom to write about her all over the walls and then I hung a sign on the back of her car that said, "Sheep, married men, I fuck'em all!"

The bitch eventually went and complained that I had vandalized the store and her car. I denied it, saying I knew who did it, but it wasn't me. And I don't think anybody really cared since they all knew that she was fucking my husband and I'm such a pleasant person:) that everybody liked me. They asked me because they had to...I think the manager was glad that I denied it because she just smiled and walked away. I smiled back and I never heard another thing about it again.

That was because NOBODY likes an adulterer, especially if they know and like the wife (or husband) who is being cheated on. And...they all understand everything that cheatees do...as do you folks who have been cheated upon. I guess everyone has been lied to or cheated on at one point in their life so they ALWAYS side with the cheatee.

Some nit-wit bitched to a friend's boss about a blog and the boss just offered the wife help and said that she should "get a restraining order because it's obvious this person is unhinged". I love that word and think I will use it more often.

It's a shame when someone lives their entire life trying to hurt someone else...not that I care about the wopig here, she's made quite the fool out of herself. But the poor wife gets to deal with this nut daily. Luckily, my friend is surrounded by people who care about her and realize that the wopig is insane.

If my friend said, "I wrote a blog about my husband's mistress.", EVERYONE would understand why. If the wopig said, "I harass the wife of the man I am currently screwing.", EVEYONE would say, "For God's sake, why?"

So, to the insane fuck who is harassing my pal, nice try bitch, but once again, you look like an idiot and she looks like a sympathetic character who is being stalked by an "unhinged" lunatic...YOU!

Meg

Kids!

"...but my son refers to his as "Mister".."

Odd, you couldn't tell me that if your kid was around and I can't tell you anything about my kid and his...member. He'd kill me. But, I think that I can safely say that I walked into a hotel bathroom to grab something while he was taking a shower and I could see his silhouette through the sliding shower doors and I was rather impressed. It wasn't "working" at the time...but I could still tell that my son was a man...at 16.

That's as close as I've come to seeing the kids bottom or the rest of that neighborhood since I potty trained him. I guess once you teach them to wipe their asses they pretty much take care of that stuff all by themselves, until of course, some nutty broad comes along and names it Frank. And since I'm not a child molestor and my kids stopped being naked sometime around age 7, I can honestly say that I've never seen an "in between" Eugene"...or whatever you call him. All I've ever seen are the little tiny baby boy wee-wees and the full grown man-sized wah-wahs. I'm sure there must be some in between size...but those are rather elusive. Not many 13 year old boys would reveal themselves to a grown woman...at least not one who isn't a teacher.

Well, all this talk about sex and dicks must mean that it's about time for me to make a phone call. There is my one friend who I have on call for such purposes. Unfortunately, he's not available right this minute so unless some guy knocks on my door...I'll be spending the night alone. Oh well, that's OK...it'll keep.

I went outside and planted morning glory's along my fence today. Over the weekend I pulled a shitload of honeysuckle off of my fence because that crap is choking out everything else out there. It already killed my other morning glory's and now it's attacking a rose bush so it had to go. But, that crap is tough to kill! I thought I had it yesterday and then when I was digging holes to plant the seeds, I kept finding more roots of that stupid plant. It wants to live and I want it dead. We've reached a stand-off. One of the vines broke the steak knife I was stabbing it with in a futile attempt to survive. I have bigger and better tools, I'll get it later. All I need is one man to bend over and pull that sucker out.

When you're dating, men do a LOT of crap for you. It's amazing. I have pictures of men fixing my crap somewhere here on the blog. I don't usually snap any pictures of them since my dog ate the cord to my digital camera. But, men do indeed help a lot...before you marry them. And they don't stop! If you ask one to pull a weed, he'll be over with a hoe and a 6-pack, ready to work in the yard all day.

One guy just came over to pick me up for a date and fixed my fence and a light fixture just because they needed to be done. I didn't ask him to, he just fixed it. I wish they'd keep doing that stuff after you get married. I'd love to have a man that likes to work around the house...and knows how. My perfect man is a contractor or just one with enough cash to pay someone else to do it. I don't care which, but I have to have one of those. Rick was neither, bless his little bald head. He could keep cars running...as long as they were made before 1975. He was strong though and I do sort of miss him when I can't open a jar of pickles.

Of course, we wouldn't need the men to open the pickles if they hadn't closed them in the first place. Men apply far too much torque to anything that requires twisting. I don't know why, but they do. Turning off water, closing pickle jars...all too tight. But, my father taught me something that has helped me open a lot of gas tanks...righty tighty, lefty loosy. I used to turn the gas cap both ways trying to open them and I always ended up dragging the clerk outside to help me get the stupid things off. They must have thought that I was an idiot. Imagine my surprise when I heard that EVERYTHING that opens, opens to the left and closes to the right! I can do almost anything now. That helped me more than the old, "Keep your eye on the ball" thing helped. I couldn't catch a cat thrown from 5 feet until I really, really paid attention to that one. Now I can catch anything that's thrown in my gerneral direction. I learned that one when I was 38...playing tennis with my son...I had heard it a million times, but never really DID it until then. I was just batting away balls like a girl up until then in fear that they would hit me in the head.

I wonder if there are anymore little sayings that make life easier that I haven't heard yet?

I have a feeling there's no saying that could make my computer record me any easier...but I'm willing to try to figure it out. Or, I may just go to a friends house and have him do it...WITH my clothes on! One way or another, I'll get it done. But alas, not now. 'Tis time for me to go to bed. I'm not tired but after I type for a long time (and use the mouse) my right shoulder muscle goes into a spasm and it's happening now. I sure could use a back rub!

Ciao,

Meg

Meg...

"...And I've thrown back the ball to you on BJs :)..."

Alrighty then. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with THE ball, I usually work with pairs although there was this Brit named Keith in the 70's that I met in LA who had only one testicle. He told me what happened to the other one but I forgot.

BJ's? I prefer the term blow jobs, although blow is just an expression. I would bet $16 that somewhere, some naive chick is blowing away on some guys one eyed wonder worm.

You know, after giving it some thought, I've pretty much exhausted the blow job thing...I can't imagine what would be left to discuss except to say that I'm good at it. I have references. In 1978, Jim M. said, "Man, you suck a mean dick." And then a couple of years ago, a cutie named Mike H. said, "Damn girl, that was great, can we do it again?" Of course there was another Mike (also Mike H., but a different one. Aren't there a lot of Mike's out there?) who said, "You are an excellent fuck." That annoyed me and I let his bad self know it. After I bitched for a while, he said, "That's considered a compliment in some circles." Well, I don't know where he travels...but I'm more than just an excellent fuck. Like Jim said, I suck a mean dick.

Oh well.

OK, I'm about to "transition" so I need to warn you guys...OK JQ?

I'm not steering too far off track so you should be able to keep up. I was just thinking of all the names that we have for the male member. Off the top of my head I have:

Mr. Happy
Champ
Shaft
Dingo
Pepe
Mr. Midnight
The Thunder Down Under
Mr. Peabody
Junior
Thor
Captain
The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger
Mr. Winky
The One Eyed Wonder Worm
The Handful
and my favorite...The Mouthful

OK then...I have to wander around the house and look at stuff. I'm out of strawberries and respberries, all I have left are blueberries and I don't have many of those. I live on berries. Damn, my muscles are sore. I work out all the time and I guess I don't usually use the gardening muscles...go figure.

Meg

Meg,

The common problem that most guys have, at least the ones that I’m stationed with here, is that they approach the subject (and the area) with little to no imagination or thought process for the woman or how to please her. The guy may consider himself, or be considered by his buddies, as a sexual stud by his word alone but what is that really worth?

Oh man..at least 80% of the men that I eventually go to bed with SAY that they're GREAT in bed. And so far, I've only met one that was GREAT and he never bragged about it, he just very calmly made wild passionate love to me. Damn...he was great. And that was in the 80's. So, obviously NONE of the ones who brag are any good and you can take that to the bank.

They aren't really lying, they believe they are great. The problem with just scoring a home run is you just run the bases and then you're done. I think that Coco's comment is SUPERB and well worth the time to read it...if you're a guy, I suggest you do so. He's right, right and then he's right some more.

Keeping the conversation flirty, fun and interactive while you’re having foreplay and sex, makes it a more fun and memorable experience for both of you. You’re going to have sex, what’s more interactive than that?

Exactly...why end a perfectly good conversation because a man has his hands on your boob? There's nothing wrong with little breaks either.

Personally, I like to go for the 2 to 0/1 ratio on orgasms; her two orgasms to my zero or one DURING foreplay.

Would you like to stop over here on your way home? I could make you lasagna.

Compliment her on her body, women are exceedingly self-conscious of their bodies and compliments are great for her self-esteem.

But when they get older, they just go for it, throwing modesty to the wind.

Always take the trip “Downtown” because if you expect her to do it for you, she will more than likely do it voluntarily (without you asking) after she gets hers, and it’s a great time for you!

Like I said in an earlier post, there's nothing like lubing a chick up and getting her squirming than a nice orgasm. If she doesn't like it, she'll discreetly stop you and redirect you. What a waste.

If you can’t last that long (guys), ask her if she would prefer a session to last hours a night or does she prefer several times a night usually women will let you

Or, you could nail her as early in the day as you can and explain that you want to last all night long so we should just get that one out of the way.

Man, that dude wrote a great comment. You know, human contact in itself is good so take a lot of time just wrapping yourselves around each other. That's good. Then use your hands...I like that both ways...or should I say I like it if we use all four arms.

I'm working up a really, really good stand up routine...I can't wait to perform it live. I'd tell you the jokes here but it wouldn't be the same as seeing me do it in person.

Oh well. I have to go to bed...all that yard work has me sore all over my upper body...even my hands and fingers. Boo hoo. I took some pain pills and they made me tired so I'll see you tomorrow!

Meg

Good morning!

I'm up and after I feed the animals and suck coffee, I'll be back!

My arms are like jelly...

...after trimming the hedges. I think that my yard now qualifies as a bio-system of it's own and I'm waiting for PETA to tell me that I have to leave the entire thing alone or they'll throw blood at me.

I started a long time ago...did you know that a trimmer strong enough to go through limbs also goes through the power cord? Well, it does. I zapped the sucker so I had to go to Home Depot and get a new one. I trimmed the hedges in the front and on the side of the house. I had to go through the back of the front bushes to get to the backside of the tops of them and that was all icky, I think there are 4 kinds of snakes and 18 different species of spiders living back there. I trimmed a space back there so that I could walk behind the bushes and that just freaked me out. I was waiting for a chipmunk to bite my ankles.

The hedge-trimmer is a weapon of mass destruction to the animals of my yard. In the bushes alone, which I figure is like their solar system, I just whacked the top and sides off of their solar system. After I get the feeling back in my arms, I'm going to go on with my invasion in the back yard. I'll be exterminating a lot of the bushbugs from my azalias.

OK...I need to pretend that I have more energy and do that again.

See ya!

Meg

What?

Someone wrote this in the comments and since it referred to a good friend of mine, I had to leave it off:

"...You must be a mistress or a "freind" if you even dare to name a husband or other party..."

I know the lady she's speaking of, I've met her and she is a good woman...would never cheat on anyone so I'm gonna have to say you are wrong about this...ANONYMOUS...and besides, I mention names of cheaters all the time, Gail Glenn, Rick, colleen lombardi, Angelina Jolie...see? I'm not cheating on anyone.

"...I'm always up for a little Photoshopping to further the cause of those trying to rid the world of the evil Husband Stealing Skank Bitches out there..."

I sent your email to Solaris again, that's what I'm doing, forwarding them to her with a yea or nea (IMHO) on them. I think there's only one that I haven't OK'd...but she should get to the rest of you when she can...I'm bugging her! (I also told her that you and I could get colleen the whore GOOD!)

Now I have to suck coffee...I'll be back in 20 minutes...unless my computer decides not to let me back for a while...my computer is an idiot.

Ok, I'm back. That was 20 minutes but I forget to count the writing part so I won't be available to YOU for maybe a bit longer. I suppose it depends on how well I'm thinking. As you know...it takes me years of experience to gain the insight into human behavior that I have so it could take a while to think of something, but if I just write what I'm thinking, I should be cool.

And what I was thinking before I signed on just now is that I'd like to go to the grocery store, get a box that says Dove or Lever 2000...and then take it to the town Square (Marietta has a "Square" like the movie Back to the Future except the clock is on the side of a building, not the top). In the center of the Square is a park with a gazebo. It's lovely and really quite Southern. Anyway. I'd take the box to the Square, turn it upside down and just start talking. Just to see what people would do. What do you think? There's a woman, truly up on her soapbox...bitching about cheaters and colleen lombardi. (Let her prove that one!)

Then I thought...I wonder if I need a special permit for that sort of thing. I'm sure that I could run around the park telling jokes to people one on one, but if I tell a LOT of them at once...do you need anything special?

Before you ask...yes, I am just crazy enough to do that.

Damn, I have to feed the dogs. They lick the bowl and I used to think they did it for the tastse, now I think it because they are signing me to feed them...how else would a dog let you know he's hungry? He can't even look in the direction of the food and nod...so he just licks to bowl. OK, I get it...I'll just feed the dogs.

Meg

Man, I just spooned a shitload of creamer into the sugar bowl for no reason. Not just one spoonful...4 or 5 of them. Oh, my daughter called me last night to get my recipe for Beef Stroganoff and I forgot to tell her about the wine. Damn.

I started to call her a little while ago and saw that it was 4 AM in La. Pooh, I'll have to wait forever to see how it came out. I'm an excellent cook.

OH! Hey! Can ANYONE out there with an eBay account answer a question for me...when they ask for your credit card number and checking account info...are they legit? I got halfway there and freaked. Do they really ask all that info on eBay?

I need an answer to that question badly! Thanks in advance for taking the time to answer...whoever does!

Meg

Meg...

"...the husbands aren't exactly innocent...so maybe it's the Anti-Infidelity Movement that we support..."

Certainly. I absolutely know that the men are as much to blame, or the female cheater. We seem to have left out men who screw married women as well. (Guys? Are you going to let that happen?) The thing is that this entire blog was begun as a shot at a man. I believe I took care of him toot sweet in the beginning of the blog. There's so much stuff in this blog that even I've forgotten most of it. I go back and read some of what I've written and I cringe...but what are you gonna do? It's all out there already.

We all know that cheaters are nasty, as are the cheatees...gender is not important. I know that it's the husband's who vowed to forsake all others until death (or wives) but there's also an unwritten rule between women. We don't fuck each other's men. Period. Angelina Jolie is doing her best to break up as many couples as she can...using nothing but sex. colleen is not only doing that, but she's harassing the wife of the men she screwed.

That's where she deserves everything she gets. If she would leave Solaris alone...we would look like nuts if we kept talking about her...but she's the one who instigates every post that we write about her skanky ass. So...eye-o, eye-o, eye-o...her middle name is BLOW.

So, keep on annoying Solaris you psycho...you will always look bad...HELL, you walk into the room looking bad as it is, you husband stealing trashy piece of shit.

See ya!

Meg

Well...

...I made the audition yesterday and I even got the job. The only problem is I never knew what the job was for and it turned out to be playing Disney characters in DisneyWorld. I had to turn that one down...I hate hot and I bet that Minnie Mouse head is hot as shit.

It's supposed to be in the 80's here today and I guess that means that I have no excuse, I need to go outside and trim the hedges. I HATE doing that...but I like the way they look after they've been trimmed.

I think this is a good idea:

"...maybe we could have a skank photo edit contest. People could edit photos, make them all grossed out and readers could vote on categories, which photo gets the biggest laugh, best caption, skankiest, ugly, most warped, biggest edit change before/after.Google's piccasa has an invite feature.Laughter is the best medicine and it is only fitting that Sol's readers should make her laugh at Colleen's expense. Any great PHOTOSHOPpers out there..."

I'm not good at this crap myself but I do have some pictures of ugly women...but that would be boring. So, if anyone out there CAN do such things (Hello Wendy!), I'd appreciate the effort! Just imagine what a white trash ho whe has to buy men would look like and that's colleen! colleen lombardi is the subject....homewrecker extrordinaire! (Is that how you spell that?)

Forget a printout of these emails....This will heighten her risk. A trusted friend or relative could blow the whistle on Colleen.

Sorry J...I didn't get that one at all! Of course, I'm here doing what I can...the whore hasn't bugged me except by email and that's been a while. I think we should all have a post dedicated to the Whore Du Jour...colleen lombardi...of New York!

The jury, it won't have to be a married woman, just anyone who is sane or dealt with an insane woman.

So true, I can't believe that I forgot about men who deal with those nutty broads. My son's ex is being her usual bitch self. My son sent the papers to the school that prove that his daughter's name is the same as his. The mother refuses to use that name, preferring her own name rather than the what the court says. She has NO respect for court...not she's coming up with excuses why my son can't see his daughter and he can prove he's paid child support. So, even if that mattered. she would be the moron if she took him to court and I think that he should take HER to court now. What a bitch!

Meg

EXCELLENT COMMENTS:

This whore actually scares me. I've been reading what you and Solaris have written over time, and I truly believe that this slut has serious mental issues. She has no boundaries, absolutely no concept of shame, and she seems to be escalating. Being that it's a blog, Solaris at least has written documentation, but can she have something else in place to insure her safety? Such as a no contact order? I actually fear for Solaris's safety. The bitch is crazy, ya'll

This person is "bang on", aren't they? Solaris...I would actually print out all of the emails she has sent you and documentation of others who have witnessed her and seen her for what she is...which is actually EVERYONE who has witnessed her. You shouldn't have any problem.

If one ex calls her a Psycho, he may be disgruntled or wrong. More than 2 ex's call her a Psycho, that's a trend.

And...I believe that it's unanimous here...this chick is certainly trending toward the psychotic.

It takes a particularly cold and cruel person to re-victimize the victim. I think Sol should look into some form of harassment claim or protection order. And then "suspicious mind" tells SolarisGal "... be the first to cease and desist in the Tramp vs. Scorned Wife war." As if SolarisGal owes the ho any courteousy. Jeez, I feel some food coming up on that one.

Nuff said. Well, not quite. There is that handsome settlement that Solaris could be ordered in a civil court. Get one married woman on THAT jury!

Gotta run, I have that audition today and I have to prepare to ad lib.

Meg

If you want...

...an invite to Solaris' blog, email me at megkelsobroderick@gmail.com and I'll shall submit it for approval. If you're a friend of hers, you'll definitely want to go there, she's a genious. I can't believe that I didn't think of doing what she's doing when I was really, really annoyed at the mistress in my situation. Damn, Solaris is good!

Anyway, I can't say that I blame her...the ho certainly has it coming. She's one of those people who is totally obsessed with the wife and seriously, if you think about it from her own point of view, it's pathetic. Imagine what normal parents would tell you if you continually harrassed the wife of the man you blow for no reason whatsoever. All she does is build more pity for the wife who not only has to deal with a cheating husband...but a crazed mistress just for shits and giggles.

Even if it was just a matter of right or wrong, the slut's wrong. Of course, she has already shown us that she hes no regard for the right vs. wrong rules. She goes out of her way to find trouble and when she does, she bitches about it. That's as stupid as driving around to Burger King's all over the country just to walk in, stand at the counter and shout..."I HATE WHOPPERS!"...then turn around and walk out. Nobody cares and she's paying for the gas...just like colleen's rantings, nobody cares and she chooses to spend something more important than gas money...time out of her one LIFE!...to seek revenge on Solaris for existing.

Think about the thought processes that go into harrassing the wife...can you imagine how angry the wench must be? How full of hatred for the wife she has GOT to be? And why would that be? One reason. The whore is miserable to the core. She's not just miserable NOW...she's ALWAYS miserable. That's the way she lives her life, she manipulates what she can and what she can't manipulate, she destroys.

People like that end up with a LOT of drama in their pitiful existences, they are constantly making some bonehead blunder that screws them up and costs them a great deal. And, at some time before the disasters that wreak havoc in their lives, they had a decision to make. Time and time again, these freaks make the wrong decision and end up on Jerry Springer. Then they get honors like the STILLING REIGNING WHORE DU JOUR...colleen lombardi!!!!!

It'd be different if the bitch just came out and told the truth...but like someone we all know...she won't do that. She has to justify and transfer guilt and LIE! That's what miserable fucks do.

You all meet these social misfits in your life...some person who spends far too much time in other people's business...judgemental and self-righteous...hypocritically self-sighteous. We don't tell them anything because we KNOW they will be talking about us next. And she is, as the people who know her well would say..."Psycho." If more than 2 ex's refer to a person as "Pyscho.", they probably are and I have a feeling they ALL say that about the fuckable Ms. lombardi.

The problem with psycho's is that they know how to play any role they need to play at the moment so they can distract the guy with sex...but only for so long. Then...sooner or later the psycho crap starts...rather insidiously. Then it gets to the point where everybody in the current guy's life is trying to tell him she's nuts and after that...he finds out for himself. And then, knowing this guy (the best indicator of a person's future is their past)...rather than be a man and leave her...he would go fuck someone else and just for me, I'd like for it to be a grudge fuck for Solaris.

Meg

OK JQ,

Here we go again...if you want to take a woman to the moon, it's a bit of a commitment. I thought I might mention a few things that are very nice to do. Most of us are very easy to please, we are usually pretty happy just to be loved. I've heard it said that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex. So, you have to figure out what love means to your woman. Some of us are cryptic, and some of us aren't but I think that most of us would tell you exactly what it means to us if you asked. So ask. Ask what you can do to make her feel as loved as she is. Tell her you don't want to ever look back and say, "If only I had done more for you." But, on your own you could:

Bring her coffee in the morning before she gets out of bed.
Offer a backrub after the day is over. (And EVERY SINGLE TIME she says, "My back is killing me.")
Surprise her with flowers, delivered to her, for absolutely no reason at all. (Can you imagine her co-workers telling her what a great guy she has?)
Call her unexpededly just to say "Hi, I was thinking about you and had to call."
Demand that she take a day off and take care of her "chores" for that day leaving her to be free to do whatever she wants to do.
Call her, tell her to dress up and go to a local nightspot. Then go there yourself and pick her up like you've never met her before...after watching her turn down a couple other guys.
When shopping, be alert to little things that she would enjoy and take them to her. (Pay for them first.)
On a fine spring day, make her a little flower patch in her yard.
Pitch in while she's cooking dinner.
Ask her if she knows how much you love her.

There are a million and four things you can do that are not at all costly, no matter what currency is involved. And they are ALL good investments. A woman who knows she is loved is just plain better in bed. She has less to worry about in the self esteem department and can then take more time to feel and enjoy you. And when you can make a woman feel totally open with you...you've made quite a bit of progress toward the moon.

Then, of course, there's the part that you were talking about. Well, let's just say that I really, really like Exile's Kiss You All Over. Mainly, you need to see to it that she's a comfy as can be around you...figure out how to do that, we're all different. And you'll be going in the right direction.

OK then, any specific questions?

Meg

Remember the meeting that I had...

...yesterday? The lady is sending me to do an audition for something Disney is doing...I don't know what. She said they would email the information and they did. here's the email:

Here's all you need to know:

Actors/Actors: Please prepare a one-mintue comedic monologue. There ay be an initial type out audition. You may be asked to read, learn additional material, or participate in improvisational exercises.

Singers: Please prepare two vocal selections of contrasting styles (best 16 bars of each). An accompanist will be provided at all vocal auditions. Please being sheet music in correct key; no taped or CD accopaniment. Singers may be asked to learn additional music or movement combination.

Dancers: Wear something comfortable. They are going to teach you some steps and you will do them back for them.

The audition is at:
*******

Please also bring a current, non-returnable photo and resume. Please be sure to tell them ****** sent you and if you decide not to go please call me before Friday.

Break a leg,
Rebecca

So, that's cool. I can do one minute on my head and I have done improv before so this should be fun. I'll tell you how that goes later.

OK, that's all for now.

Meg

Meg...

"...Lucky for me my hubbie LOVES playing the 'hairy harmonica' and he is rather good at it. And the other thing I am extremely grateful for is his desire to please me everytime. No 3 for my 1 in this bed!..."

Yes girl, you are indeed lucky. The 3:1 orgasm ratio is for a new guy, I'll give a guy 3 tries to figure me out. Once we're in a constant sex relationship, the ratio changes to 1:1 for sure. Of course, I THINK most husbands will do this if their wife wants them to. I guess there might be 2 women who don't like it so I always assume that a man does it. Like when I look at Maury Povich, I imagine his mouth all over Connie Chung's pussy. Although some nit wits won't do this for their women, consider the next comment.

"...any Man that does not understand what a woman wants in this arena is just to self centered for his own good..."

Exactly...for his own good at least! There's never a better time to jump on top of me than immediately after you've completed a beautiful sonata on the hairy harmonica. My entire body is in perfect screwing condition...any man should be proud to have put me there and deserves a nice prize. Now I just might have to jump on top...some things I just have to do for myself.

"...Hmmm, should I comment and risk digging a deeper hole..."

LMAOROFL....yeah, sure why not? But you just sorta did.

This post tells why it's important, but it doesn't relay any tips on how the guy is gonna send you to the moon.

OK...good point. I can tell you that but you're not gonna like it. You have to start hours before. That includes the "your'e beautiful" crap and unexpected hugs and kisses. Just ask yourself at all times..."What would Prince Charming do?" Making out is a good thing. Let me do more on this later...there's just to much to say here, you can take us to the moon, but there's some baggage involved.

2) On a personal note, why do women expect guys to read their minds? It is a touchy subject, but if you're engaged in that activity, well, it's kinda touchy too.A guy's thought process is much more direct. As you are moving your hips around, he's probably thinking, what the hell is she doing, well its OK with me, whatever she wants to do with her hips.

Duh. You're right. I always assume a guy is as bright and as perceptive as I am. Pishaw. But...let me say this...my current squeeze makes me tell him exactly what I want...even when we both know exactly what I want right then.

"...Meg, a chick as bold as yourself and you haven't been on top of a 69. Come on, you've waited long enough..."

I've tried it, don't like it. I can't enjoy myself AND think about not falling over or down in a guys face anymore than he's expecting. It's too much to think about and my mind needs to be in a certain place. I'd do it for someone else...but it wouldn't do me any good.

OK, now I have to change my clothes. Have fun until I get back.

Meg

OK JQ...

...yes. I did say that men had a thing or two to learn and I also didn't mention the blowjob that accompanies a nice old fashioned 69. But I really don’t consider it a blowjob so much as I consider it just 69. Besides, there’s no way to describe what to do during that blowjob because so much depends on what the guy is doing up there. And whether or not he pulled the pillow out from under my head before he turned around. If nobody thinks to move that stupid pillow...there isn’t much that can be done except just to lie there and....take it.

Oh well. The guy has much more control during 69...unless the women gets on top, which, I must admit, I have never done. The only control that I have is that when a guy slows down...down there...I do too. I just stop. If you do that enough, like Pavlov’s dogs, he will figure it out and start doing it right again. I would say something, but I was taught never to talk with my mouth full.

Anyway, that being said, how about a few words to the guys about...well...how do I say this...playing the hairy harmonica? I’ve run across a few of those, “If you can’t fry it, I won’t eat it.” types of guys. I don’t hang around with them for any length of time at all. And TO those guys, I’d like to know something...“What the hell are you thinking?”

I know that there are a few guys around who don’t care at all about whether or not the women has any fun during sex, but luckily, not too many. I’m quite sure that most who do care only do so because it’s the smart thing to do. NO self respecting women would allow a man to have 3 orgasms without seeing to it that the woman has at least 1. I’ll give someone 3...after that, he better start saying the word RECIPROCITY to himself over and over again. Or, he needs to just move on to some stupid young chick who doesn’t know any better.

I’ve given it a bit of thought and I don’t think that there are too many variables when attempting to please a woman...you either do it right, or you get the hell off. A nice woman will just tap on your shoulder, ass or even your head when she wants you to just give it up and quit already.

So basically, there are just two ways to do that, the right way or the wrong way. There’s very little in this world more frustrating than having someone do it the wrong way. You don’t always have a man’s head between your thighs and when you do, you expect certain things. I don’t know how a guy can have more than a couple women and still do that wrong, but plenty of them waste a lot of time down there just goofing off.

They either do it too soft or too hard, too slowly or too quickly...AND THAT SHIT JUST DRIVES ME NUTS...and I mean that in a BAD way. There’s no reason in the world to keep a guy around who just annoys you in that arena. It’s not like a blowjob, they say there's no such thing as a bad blowjob...there IS a bad...whatever it is you call that. And it’s not just disappointing, it’s downright MADDENING. So close and yet so far. I’m getting irritated just thinking about guys who just fiddle around with that tongue, lacking direction and purpose. They wander around aimlessly, all Daniel Boone-like, taking wrong turns and totally disregarding the help that I am trying to give them as I follow their tongue around with my hips. They stop and start over and over like a bad driver who can’t keep his foot on the accelerator with an even pressure.

I want to hit him with a large piece of wood. How tough can that be? If you find it taking a really long time, ask yourself some questions. Don’t assume that all that hip movement from a woman is a good thing, consider the possibility that someone is trying to HELP YOUR STUPID ASS!

Younger women might just fake it and get on with their lives, but older women won’t bother with you at all if you can’t perform up to certain standards. Why in the heck would we? I don’t have as much time as a younger woman so I’m not wasting it on someone who doesn’t know how and doesn’t bother trying to figure it out. Like I said, a guy who does that wrong is more annoying than a guy who doesn’t do it at all. I’ll help you out a bit, but only if you ask. If you don’t seem to want to know, I’ll just send you packing and stop answering your phone calls.

This is actually more important than a blowjob to women. All guys can enjoy sex either way but most women, on the other, count on this crap. So, be a good boy and pay attention next time...OK?

See ya,

Meg

"Hey Meg,

still waiting for a photo in a dress to see your legs I keep pulling... LOL...."


So, you want to see me in a dress...how's this one from the movie Warm Springs? I LOVED that dress and long sweater!

Excuse me...

...but I HAD to pop in to address this comment made by Solaris:

"...perhaps her relationship with my ex husband is not going too well, but if that were the case, she wouldn't have co-signed the car loan with him just last month..."

DUH! That's not a sign of happiness...it's a sign of desperation and a woman who is trying to control and hold onto a man by whatever means necessary. THAT'S WHAT I KEEP SAYING!!!!!

This bullshit works so well on other people...she doesn't realize how transparent she is...to her it's just normal behavior. She's immune to the fact that anyone with half a noodle can figure her out. She can't stand the fact that she can't control the wife...wouldn't she look good if she befriended Solaris and shut her up?

OK...I'll let you read the post, I have some more comments to answer.

See ya,


Meg



OK, this is the picture that I promised di...it's the one that I sent to the lady at the media production place:

Meg,

"...Can you believe that she sent me another email - ridden with lies, of course, and then she has the audacity to apologize?? I really wonder, what's the world coming to. Why can't she just leave me alone? If you're interested in what she said, I've posted it on my blog..."

Yeah, she does but you can't read it today...CAN WE SOLARIS?

Luckily I read it the other day. I wanted to get some snippets and maybe I will when Solaris opens the blog back up. Solaris put some of her own comments in the email that the ho sent to the wife of her fuckbuddy (Someone said it was 1 word.). And, in those comments she pointed out evidence of colleen lombardi (I've decided she doen't deserve capital letters anymore) telling lies. She needn't have bothered.

You know how things are said to "have a ring of truth" to them? Well that entire email has the ring of bullshit to it. If I had that bitch on the witness stand for 5 minutes I'd rip her story to shreds. She's a manipulative bitch...and a miserable one at that. I admit that I'm a bitch, but I'm a happy bitch. And we all know that misery loves company to she has to TRY to spread hers around..but it's not working. So, she's changing her strategy.

This latest letter is just the same old shit using a different tact. That letter was written by someone desperate to save their own reputation. The usual stuff hasn't worked so she's bringing on this story...something about tea leaves and she apologizes, and I'm paraphrasing, "I'm sorry if you didn't like my innocent behavior" when we all know that the behavior that she ADMITS to alone is ho-ish! You don't even need to read anything that Solaris writes, this nut's behavior is a deviation from the norm in society... so one can logically assume that she is therefore a deviant. Some people deviate with farm animals, some with their cousins...this one is just a ho who blows married men. She's the type of ho that surrounds herself with men because she can use them. Her outlook on life pretty much reads..."There's a man for every purpose and a purpose for every man." So, when she tries this crap on other woman, she doesn't realize that we aren't as stupid as guys...WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO! So do decent guys, by the way.

She tried to dis Solaris...ever so discretely, but, and I admit it's a curse...but I have an amazing insight into the minds and motives of other people and I can tell by the emails what the ho's motives are. And, I can tell that this one is seriously afraid of something. Of what, I do not know. But, it's obvious that she has stolen a husband and wants to manipulate everyone to forgive her and see her as an unpstanding citizen...HA! She's doing her best to shut Solaris up. Now she fakes, and poorly I might add, honesty in an attempt to calm the fury of a woman scorned. Is she nuts? The only thing that will calm our fury is when karma works it's mojo on her fat ass. Then, all will be right with the world.

In the meatime, back to the letter. Beware of anyone who never, ever admits to one wrong thing...that's not possible in an affair. There was a point at which they had a decision to make and they made the wrong decision for selfish reasons. The emails prove what a selfish wopig colleen is.

Her desperation is evident in the numbers of emails that she is sending Solaris. This chick needs some Dr. Phil anger now. "Fucking married men? How's that working for you?" What I like is that if the ho reads this, she would see that I have her totally pegged and she will try something else...only an idiot would keep up with a strategy after her method is exposed.

Trust me, I know of what I speak. No third rate whore is going to outsmart me.

Gotta go take a nap, I'll be back when I wake up.

See ya,

Meg

Solaris girl...

...you know, the inaccessible blog thing is getting old. You need to send me an invite because I get SO much info from you and the ho (I liked the answers that said that there's no "e" in ho.) I went there this morning...well I TRIED to get there this morning...but it didn't work. I felt so out of the loop.

Please, Solaris, complete the loop!

Meg

Before I go off on the reigning...

...Whore Du Jour, please allow me to tell you guys some good news. Most of you (some of you?) know that I occasionally do work in movies that film in this state. There are pictures of me in costume and with major stars on this blog. I get the work because I know a chick who owns a casting agency. Well, it's actually 2 people with cell phones...but they get the job done.

Janell, my friend, recommended me to a local company that manages talent for local productions. I sent them a head shot and my body of work, not expecting to hear anything. But, I heard back from them this morning and I have a meeting with them tomorrow afternoon at 3! I ran in the house from work because I heard the phone ringing, I came that close to missing that call. I am pretty psyched about all of this.

There is a problem...I don't know what to wear. And, I probably should get my hair trimmed, the ends are funky. But I wouldn't know who to trust with that...I've had people screw that up in the past and I don't want to end up getting it cut twice to get it right. I like my hair long and I know to make it healthy they would have to take off a couple of inches and that would annoy me. We'll see about the hair, my real problem is what to wear.

What would you guys wear if you were going on a interview for a job in the entertainment business? I don't want to go all Cher on them, but I don't want to be boring either. When I did stand up, I almost always wore jeans...that took no thought at all.

Oh well,

...now I have to go give Colleen Lombardi 40 verbal lashes for deviant behavior in the midst of polite society. She's just luck we don't still put them in the dunking chair and drop her in a lake.

Be back when I'm done!

Meg

and I absolutely LOVE wearing low rise jeans (hiphuggers in my day) and cute little tops instead of over-sized shirts and stretchy waisted pants. I am a registered nurse and have gone back to work after two excellent calcium levels (which is great!) and I am just a story waiting to be told! Sooner or later, I will tell my story, wouldn't you want to be the first?

I have pictures of before and after I lost 80 pounds and after. It's funny, I thought I was just too old to look good anymore, turns out I was just too fat. So, between the loss of the weight and the fact that I just plain look young for my age...I look great!

I've also worked as an extra in 2 movies since the hubby left, looking back I've always accomplished more without him! I'm doing stand-up again after a drought of humor in my life. I have so much to tell you...it's amazing.

Call me...I'm sure I won't disappoint!

Meg Kelso
688 Polk St.
Marietta, Ga.
30064
770-428-4017

Annie, read the post below this picture.





Ah, word surely gets around as does Colleen Lombardi's reputation:

Now, all we need is some truth in advertising, the flab is missing!

Meg

You know...

...I was just thinking...I haven't laughed myself silly at a movie in years. You know that pain in the belly, tears all down your cheeks kind of laughter? I used to laugh like that often. The last time that I remember reacting that way to a movie was the scene in Adventures in Babysitting when Chris Parker and the kids ran through a door only to find themselves on a stage and forced to sing the blues. I took my kids to see that one and I think I enjoyed it more than they did.

But, I haven't laughed like a fool in over 20 years now and I don't know why that is or what it is that changed...the movies or me? Who knows. But I think it's political correctedness in one form or another that has driven some seriously funny material out of the business. They seem to edit some of the funniest performances of all time or like the firemen in Farenhite 451, they just flat out disallow it. Then, while wasting two thirds of my television screen to be "true" to the director's vision, they hypocritically edit at random, seemingly because they have to. If they didn't find something to edit out...they really wouldn't have a job so they pretty much go about televsion-land bleeping out words or blurring human boobs and backsides willy nilly to secure a job that they know is not really necessary.

The irony there is that society is allowed to view unlimited violence. Rape, murder, insane lunatics with hacksaws...all are staples in the world portrayed by something as insipid as television.

So, there I am, watching American Pie and I see guy run to a toilet and fart. Actually, the farts are merely implied farts because they bleeped out the sound. Can you believe that? They bleeped out a fart sound? Is there any room containing more than one 13 year old where young boys are NOT making fart sounds? NO! Because they know what I know...farts can be extremely funny. But (she says dramatically in her best Peggy Sue voice ), "There'll be no farting today."

The movie America Pie is called American for some reason...right? Yet I know for a fact that all Americans are already pretty well desensitized to fart sounds. Even if you don't hear other people fart, when you're alone you can make some really loud or long farts fearlessly. And, off you're honest with yourself, you have to be honest, there's an odd sense of satisfaction in producing a really good fart. I don't care who you are, even the Queen of England has to feel somewhat good after letting a really loud one rip.

Those people with the bleep button truly don't like farts. They even bleeped the sound out of the most famous fart scene in cinematic history. They totally removed the sound from the bean-eating campfire fart scene in Blazing Saddles and yet they showed the men leaning to one side for increased ease of farting...once again IMPLYING farts. I guess they figure that since we all know what a fart sounds like, we can just summon the fart in our heads. How ridiculous is that? Only the implication of a fart is allowed.

Even though one well timed, high pitched, 5 second zinger can bring tears to my eyes...it cannot be done on television. Before I'll see THAT on TV, I'll be on a crowded elevator and someone will release a silent but deadly. Chances are pretty good that no one will get hurt as long as they don't own up to that fart, the only type of fart that I wouldn't own up to in public. In my house, on the other had, I love those reciprocal farts that the men in my house have always subjected me to. Gosh, I sill have fond memories of the Fart of '93 that I perpetrated upon the male members of my family. But, TV is an absolute fart-free zone. Ridiculous.

The people who are truly let down by censorship at this level are the pioneers in bathroom humor, the people who created Leave it to Beaver. It was the Beav who first showed the public that TV familes do, indeed have bathrooms. If nothing else, we owe it to them to get the job done and free the fart sounds immediately.

What would Beaver think of us if, 50 years after he brought the television camera into the bathroom, we still couldn't hear that bathroom being used? After Beaver showed us his toilet in 1958, we took a step backwards. The Brady Bunch showed a bathroom shared by boys and girls, 6 of them. BUT...they didn't have a toilet. So, not only did the Brady Bunch not advance the cause of bathroom humor, they couldn't even maintain it at the status quo. Television was stagnating in the area of bathroom humor.

Then, a few people like Roseanne Connor allowed us a peek back into the bathroom...but even she was never in there for it's intended purpose. She used it as a place to smoke 20 year old marijuana that she found in her basement, a place to argue with Dan and share secrets with Jackie. But even the tactless Ms. Connor couldn't muster up a fart here or there. They talked about a fart once...but we were not allowed to hear the infamous Becky-fart.

The censorship of fart humor is bad enough...but we are not allowed to laugh at Cleavon Little as he makes fools out of entire town by his empowered use of the N word. Politcally incorrect humor stands alone on the island of shunned jokes and "too rude for prime time" words in a world full of crass behavior and violence. Anyone who has ever channel surfed on a Sunday afternoon has seen donkies humping each other...but you won't be hearing a bunch of bean eating cowboys fart. Last week I watched a man as he excited a horse and collected horse semen...right there on TV. I didn't even have to pay extra...it was right there! But, on the channel right next to the masturbating horse, American Pie is without fart sounds.

You know what? I've decided, it isn't me...it's the fart bleepers and their mentality that keep me from having a movie induced gaffaw. Now I'm annoyed.

Meg

Hey...

...Do any of you know what an entire collection of unopened, factory sealed, British issued Beatles albums would be worth? I have all of them on vinyl along with the 3 Anthologies. They're from a Special Edition 1983 printing.

I've had them for 15 years and I'm curious as to what those suckers are worth. I can't seem to find anything like it online. I did find 1 of the albums listed for $100. These are all 13 of the Beatles original albums plus the Antholgies.

Thanks,

Meg

Remember my green piece of shit...

...car that Rick left me after telling the judge that it ran? It does, but without first gear. Anyway, it wasn't worth me getting it fixed so I didn't bother. Instead, I just let it sit there hoping that someone would steal the stupid thing. I even left the door unlocked and the key in the ignition.

All I wanted was to get that car out of my driveway and when my son bought his new car, he wanted the good parking spot so we had to play musical cars and move everything around. So, to free up some space, he went on Craigslist and advertised the car for 500 or best offer.

Some old guy offered 200 and my son said, "Sold." The guy gave him his word that he would buy the car so my kid told everyone else that the car was sold. The old guy changed his mind and my son put the car back on Craigslist. Within a couple of hours, he got another phone call.

This turned out to be a very young man and he came over to look at the car and then he called my son from here and offered him 350. Naturally, my son said, "Sold!" again. This time though, we got a deposit since the kid didn't have anyway to take the car with him today. I almost felt guilty about it until my son said that the kid is a student mechanic and he saw the new head gasket that my son put on for me which in itself is worth 250.

Then, when the kid came back, I asked him if he was over 18 and he said that he was, he looked it but it could have gone either way. He is old enough and he knows what he's doing so I don't feel badly about it at all. I would hate to sell a kid a piece of crap and then have his parents yell at him when he got it home.

I wish the bum who sold me the car had a conscience when he let me drive it off his lot. I paid 2,500 and soon learned that I had been taken.

So, now I have an extra 350 to play with. My son borrowed 40 bucks from me yesterday and I think that I'll let him keep it as a finder's fee for selling the car for me.

I know this is boring compared to the blow job post below...but I had to tell someone!

OK, now I have to go watch Seinfeld, see ya!

Meg

Solving Domestic Problems by Meg

THIS POST IS RATED O FOR:

“Oh Martha...get the kids outta here!”

Well...as any woman would...I tried to avoid this blowjob stuff for a while. I didn’t know what to say about them so I sort of just put it off and put it off. Now, I just have to bite it and get this over with.

Blowjobs.

Oh...the blowjob. That thing that any woman can do to get a guy to hold still when all else fails. Oddly enough...it isn’t considered sex anymore.Do you suppose Clinton would still feel the same if he had caught someone sucking on Hillary’s dick? I doubt it.

When I was a teenager...they made a movie about blowjobs. Well, actually I guess it was more about a lady who liked to give them. I won’t go into the details as not to ruin it for those who haven’t yet seen the movie Deep Throat. Linda Lovelace was a blowjob superhero of sorts back then.

She taught us all HOW to Deep Throat...but never made it OK to actually DO the Deep Throat without looking bad. How do you tell a man that he has to get down on his knees as you are lieing on your back with your head hanging off the bed without having him wonder how in the hell you knew how to do that? Most of us must keep our skills a bit of a secret for a while just so that men don’t start wondering how we got so good at it. So...without letting on exactly what we are capable of...we just do the regular, everyday blowjob where you just go down when the guy happens to be in a good position for reception. Even just doing that, you run the risk of hearing this...."Damn girl, you suck a mean dick.” Sort of a reference of which, I have many.

A very long time ago I learned how wise it is for a woman to learn how to perform the ancient art of cock sucking. There are many, many different types of blowjobs. There is the “I just want you to get hard and climb on top of me.” blowjob that doesn’t last any longer than it has to...just long enough to get the dude ready for HIS work...not really anything you’d put too much time and effort into. It is rather utilitarian...it works well and is pretty damn efficient...but not too much fun. Of course...it IS a blowjob and it will get the job done.

Then, there is the everyday, “OK...so we’re having really good sex tonight.” blowjob. You have to put a bit of effort into that blowjob. It just occurred to me that my word processor recognizes that word, LOLOL...slut that it is. You don’t have to be too good to perform this particular blowjob...you just sort of do whatever you think you should be doing when you hear the word “Blowjob.” Of course, you have to suck....blow is just an expression.

Then, there is the...“OK...so you bought me a nice piece of jewelry.” blowjob. This takes time and knowledge of what a man enjoys. Yes...I do know that. I don’t know what in the hell you call all of those parts of the mighty penis and his buddies, but I do have a pretty good working knowledge of what parts you do what to and how quickly or slowly, that you should be doing it if you want to make his toes wiggle. That one lasts a bit longer than the previous blowjob...and you have to put your neck in harm’s way to do it properly.

OK....one of the most annoying, yet Must Know’s of the dick sucking repertoire....the “OK...I’m here for the duration.” blowjob. Now...with this blowjob, a woman has to know a few things to avoid gagging. She must know how to recognize that toe wiggling and be ready to throw that bad boy way back into the deepest recesses of her mouth at just the right time. And...she should not be surprised by the salty, caviar-like nature of...the fruits of her labor.

Lastly and most importantly of all...is the Linda Lovelace “I really, really enjoy this crap” blowjob. I can’t go into things like that here...I must pretend not to know of such things for right now. My next husband might be reading this and then what would I do when he starts asking what I was talking about here? If I’m not careful, I could find myself doing this every single night of my life.

No woman enjoys that enough to do it every single night. But...we must all be willing to do it if we have to. You just never know when some guy will come along that’s worth the time and effort. Little else can get a dude coming back daily with flowers than a really good blowjob.

A few other things that you should know about blowjobs...always put your lips over your teeth as not to cause harm. No one wants a guy jumping around too much when he’s all the way...well, you get the picture. Also...you should learn to handle this without gagging. There’s a little thing that you can do with your throat to further that cause and it cannot be taught....that shit is just innate in some women.

Well, that’s about the best I can do with a blowjob short of actually performing one and there are just too many of you out there for that so this will have to do.

OK then....this has been a public service announcement from the American Blowjob Company.

See ya,

Meg

After the post that I wrote...

...a couple of days ago where I mentioned that people can manipulate you, someone mentioned that they didn't thik that their ex had manipulated them. Maybe not, she certainly knows better than I do. But I think that some people are so very manipulative by nature, that you don't see them doing it. As sweet as Rick could be at times, he didn't have 3 brain cells to rub together. I would never have given him enough credit to figure out how to manipulate me. But they do it nonetheless...just by being so cruel, selfish or just plain stupid.

Their excuses are usually the type that lies the blame squarely on someone elses shoulders and we want to believe them so we do. I think a simple lack of honesty can manipulate a person in love because that person wants so hard to believe what they're being told that they may even start to blame themselves because sometimes that's easier than believing the asshole that lies to them.

You've head that little girls can wrap you arund their little finger because they're just so adorable...if a 4 year old can do it, an adult can do it as well. I think my granddaughter knows that when she cuddles up in my lap and asks me for something, she knows that I will just hug her back and give it to her. She most certainly is manipulating me, but she has no clue. She's just going with what works for her. I understand that, I was a little girl once myself. My father was mad at me for something once, I don't remember what. He looked down at me and said, "Those big brown eyes won't help you this time."

I had no idea they ever DID help me! So, what's a bright 6 year old to do? WORK THOSE EYES! I learned early how to do that as did most little girls. Little boys are taught to get what they want in other ways. But, little girls learn early on that being coy works well for them. So, by the time we are old enough to deal with boys when they start to notice girls, we're on to the next phase...what worked on Daddy will work on the boys...right? Right. It does. That's why we tend to be coy and all sugary at times. It just works for us.

Now, enough for normal people...back to the Wolrd Champion Whore Du Jour, holding her title through yet another day, she had a few things to say to the wife of the bum she's been humping and I had to respond to her for Solaris:

From one email:

we have moved on, perhaps you should move on as well. It has been over a year now - really, move forward!"

Oh, you have moved on? Is this an computerized, standard email that you send whenever you move on? Or, after you spent all that time reading the blog around the table, were you so annoyed that you had to come back and have your say?

and yet another one:

"I have logged on everyday for a year and forwarded copies of your blog postings to my attorney for the lawsuit I am prepared to bring against you. My father is an attorney and he said that if this whack job was sending copies of blogs to him everyday, the attorney would charge for reading them and then tell the nut to go home and wait until someone tells an outright lie about her. The husband's attoorney MIGHT be able to make her stop, but only as part of a divorce agreement. Solaris, do not worry about the lying tramp. I am not sure how you wanted to spend all those new dollars you are earning every month with your internet business but I am not sure you want to spend it taking on me and my bank account in court. No, she wants to spend it on herself, along with the rest of the cash she gets from the bum. I am asking you to stop. OK, stop fucking her husband and you've got a deal. My attorney has urged me to email you and ask you not to post about me again on your blog. Attorney's don't do that. they send letters themselves. If you do, be preapred to see me in court. With bells on. I only wish I could be there to see all the men in the court look at Solaris and then the old hag the hubby left for...this'll be good. It is your choice. Her choice was to stay married to the man who vowed before God to stay with her forsaking all others. Good luck with that guy! If you want to know what he'll do in the future, just check out his past. Colleen Whore Du Jour extrordinaire!

OK, I need to get myself some more coffee and feed the animals before they take over the house like Skynet takes over the world. If these animals could communicate, I bet they would revolt when I go to the computer instead of feeding them first.

Meg

My kid is in the shower...

...and he's about to come out and get mad at me for using my own computer. I know he can be a willful twit but most of the time I just let it slide. The kid did have his most prized possesion (2nd only to his daughter in his life), his car, destroyed. But, last night he did bring home a new car and he's pretty happy with that one. It's a 2005 Mustang and he's in love with it.

Anyway, I'm about to go to bed and I wanted to pop in here before I did. I was thinking about this nit wit that I've been seeing (not the guy from work) and I realized that he was an asshole. It's not my fault I didn't pick up on it sooner, but he obviously went out of his way to hide it. Forunately, he couldn't do it for any length of time so I'm outta this one toot sweet.

He started out so very charming and then all of a sudden, he stopped acting like that and began acting like an unbelievable asshole. You'd almost think he was trying to get rid of me but part of his assholeness is that he needs to know everything there is to know about me. I mean everything. We aren't even going steady. But I would freak if he found out that I date other guys right now. I'm sure he wouldn't handle it well himself.

Whenever I speak, even just in conversation, he barely lets me get out 3 words before he he makes it clear that he has no interest in what I'm saying and he starts talking...expecting me to listen. If I try to proffer a complaint...his response begins, "Well YOU..."

So whatever my complaint is, he negates it by turning it back on me. Rick used to do that and it drove me insane. So, obviously it would do no good to continue THAT conversation. I've let that go a couple of times and I'm so over it. Now is time for the kiss off.

I can't use my usual kiss off method, take them to my favorite bar and slip out with a friend who I trust to give me a ride home. But since this one knows where I live, I'd have to leave the state. Actually, I might just do that in the not too distant future.

This guy has some whacked out need to know exactly what I'm thinking. There isn't an aspect of my behavior that he doesn't come right out and demand an explanation for. Sometimes I don't answer him...not that I mind telling anyone, but rather that I hate the idea of this guy having to know every single little mundane thing in my life.

He finds an excuse to stop by a few nights on his way home from work, always a surprise. Then, he wants to come over here constantly so I'm always having to blow his fat ass off and I hate being put in that position.

Anyway, tonight I didn't answer the door when he came by after work and I haven't answered any of his phone calls. I have a feeling that this one could take a while. Yikes.

I told him once that I was going out by myself, which I was...and he questioned me about it! I reminded him of my age and the fact that my father is in Florida and that I'm not married so I answer to no one. He said, "What would you do if I went out alone?"

I responded, "I would get a good night's sleep."

You know, I've wasted a lot more time on a lot freakier dudes so I'm just glad this one showed his psychotic side early on. Note to self:

STAY AWAY FROM CONTROL FREAKS!

Meg

The Whore Du Jour Award...

...goes to the most despicable woman on the web today...COLLEEN LOMBARDI! You might say, "But Meg, Colleen the whore was just the Whore DJ the other day!" Yes, that's true. But she keeps begging to win the prize so I just let her have it. Every time she writes another email to her fuckbuddies' wife...she is buying the prize right out from under regular tramps, who, by the way, think that this WHORE gives mistresses a bad name.

So, for her psychotic, obsessive, dedication to hurting a woman who was happy with the man that Colleen can't seem to keep interested, she, once again, has MORE then earned the award. Also, there's the fact that she can't seem to follow the rules regarding married men:

She told us all that she lost her job. Apparently, for once she was telling the truth...of course, they had to replace the office ho immediately:

It seems as though she is low on funds after buying a married penis, so Colleen has had to open her own business:

Of course, being an old, flabby whore, she doesn't get too many men so she has to run a weekend business as well:

So, I give the Whore the prize. I ALMOST feel badly for her. Wouldn't you considering that this is her future:

By the way, this post raised some questions for me. Does anyone out there know whether or not fuck buddies is one or two words? Or is it hyphenated? I couldn't figure it out. Also, is there or is there not an "e" at the end of the word "ho", meaning of course, whore (not something Santa says). Thanks in advance for answering these questions.

Meg

PS Solaris, where are you? There are people looking for you honey!

I'm not sure what I did...

...but somehow I got around the problems that Blogger has been having and got to this page. Now, if only I can publish what I write, I'll be golden.

A lady named Cheryl wrote to say that I've helped her in a lot of ways. I'm glad if I did, but like Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz...she always knew these things, an asshole just made her forget them temporarily.

When you're in a relationship that has you wondering what's going on CONSTANTLY...you pretty much lose yourself in that confusion. Before the relationship that's causing the problems, you were happy and you knew how to have fun. You didn't worry that you might not be good enough. You saw an obstacle and you mowed it down. You could go out and have fun without worrying that your significant other is home on the phone with someone else. And...when you sat at home, your mind wasn't obsessed with knowing the truth...you just enjoyed yourself and your life.

It doesn't have to be a cheater, it could just be a major asshole. But if you're in a relationship with a person who, somehow, takes up so much of your life that you no longer spend the time on yourself...you totally forget that there ever was a YOU...instead you define yourself as half of a couple and everything that you've planned and dreamed about is about the couple, not about you. Before you know it...the person that you were is gone. There was nothing wrong with that person....we just allowed someone else to manipulate us and our lives to the point where we don't feel as though we can go on without them. Of course you CAN...but it surely doesn't feel like it.

Not only do people need to realize that there's nothing wrong with them, they need to realize that someone else DID it to THEM...they didn't do anything to make themselves a rotten scoundrel. But, luckily for us, the person who did all of this is actually the REAL rotten scoundrel and they're the one who will suffer through life being a pig that won't ever change until they're literally too old, paralyzed or maimed. Then, they may very well be faithful to the person who has to wipe their ass every day. But, until then, they will FOREVER be the creep who made you feel like crap, the bum who didn't have enough decency to be honest and the fool who chose some wopig like Colleen Lombardi over a decent loving wife.

Deep inside they know that they are assholes so they want to make you feel as though you're an asshole too. Who else would stay with an asshole except another asshole? That's the way they think anyway. What other purpose is there for making a person feel worthless? The more worthless a person feels, the more likely they are to stay with an asshole.

So, someone else took your self esteem and trampled all over it. You sit there wondering why this has happened and how they could do such a thing to YOU...the person they vowed to love and protect forever. When they're gone, they leave you there, feeling like a total loser when in reality, and ever so obviously, THEY are the losers! DUH!

They will always be bums and you will always be the person that you always have been deep inside. As time goes by, you start to come back out of your shell of insecurity as you begin concentrating on doing things for yourself instead of the asshole at home. Little by little, you find yourself again and sooner or later, you're GLAD to meet you again! That's when life starts over and you can begin to feel free, happy to be away from the bum and ready to have the life that you deserve.

I accomplished so much before I met Rick that I couldn't believe I was the same person. But after I married him, I slowly lost the ambitious and confident young woman that I was because I did nothing except worry about who my husband was fucking that day. A healthy relationship is one that allows for both of you to grow...individually and as a couple. If your life is stagnating at some level that you aren't happy with, look around and find out why. What are you spending your time doing? Are you out there making your own dreams come true or are you sitting there wishing that some moron will come back to you or even just stay with you?

If a partner doesn't want to let you better yourself, they're no good. If you don't want to better yourself for your partner, then the relationship isn't healthy. The main sign of a healthy relationship is the growth of the partners. A relationship should be the base in which we plant our lives and our partner is supposed to keep it well fertilized...as we do for them. If you have that...you literally have everything.

Cheryl, you're a very kind lady and there are so many men out there who would appreciate that. I'm sure you have attributes that I'm not aware of so think about those and spend your time doing things for yourself. Take a class, join a bowling league, do something that's just for you. If you take care of yourself for a while, someone will notice and eventually you will find someone who fertilizes your life instead of killing it. Sometimes your problems are so severe that it's a daunting task to fix everything. It may take years. But, those years will pass one way or another and if you start weeding your life out a little bit today and don't stop...you'll find that you've created an amazing life for yourself.

People literally can do ANYTHING...they just have to want it badly enough. Period.

So, what's stopping you?

Meg