Hello!

I got booted early this AM trying to answer an email from Rick and never got back on. That's not too bad because I was at a loss for something to say anyway.

Rick has been paying for my insurance through COBRA and that apparently runs out at the end of the year. According to the divorce, he has to keep me insured for 5 years and we haven't hit 2 yet. He has been paying about 300 and now they say it'll be 758 (that's with me paying a $2,500 deductible, I could have gotten a lower deductible but it would have made his monthly payments more). Now he says he can't afford to pay more than he has been paying. Oh well, he signed the divorce papers. I will do what I can to make it easier as that would behoove me, but I'm not going to let him totally screw me on this.

Oh well, we'll figure something out.

I wanted to be nice about it and one of my BF's got upset with me saying, "He has to pay it all, you can't make it easy for him!" He actually got upset with me because I wanted to work with Rick to keep the insurance. His point is that I shouldn't help Rick at all, my point is I need the insurance more than I want to see Rick broke.

What do you think?

Anyway, that BF is no more. I can't deal with control freaks. It's none of his business what Rick and I work out. Whoda thunk that I would get into an argument over trying to help Rick out? Not me, that's for sure.

Oh well, does anybody out there sell insurance cheaply?

I have to go get dressed now, I'll be back in the morning!

Ciao,

Meg

Here are my toes...now let me see if I can do my fingers...hope you appreciate this Giorgio!

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This post is 100% my own opinion

By the way...

...please take a moment to answer my new poll question.

Also, did you notice that Brick, New Jersey has been named the safest city in the county? If you were really playing attention, you might have noticed that my murdering cousin's state ID had him living in that city.

Oh well, so much for the safest city in America.

Now, I'm going to find the nail pictures for someone that I promised them to. Just the effort may boot me so if the pics aren't there, neither am I.

Meg

When I got done working...

...I fell asleep. That was at about noon yesterday. I had been working for 4 days straight, all sorts of hours, taking all night most days. I woke up one time to see the end of the Falcons game at which time I learned that the BEARS WON AGAIN! Then, I fell back asleep and slept until midnight. I got up and ate a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats. Then, back to sleep until 6 AM and here I am, ready to begin a new week. That was my weekend.

Move over Donny Osmond. Peter Brady can take a hike (especially since he married that white trash skank). Brad Pitt, get lost. These men all pale in comparison to my latest crush...The Geico Caveman Dude. Ah...I'm in puppy love again.

What a man. We women like manly men and Donny Osmond has nothing on the rugged manliness of the Geico Caveman. I don't even know his name. How sad. There's no hope for this latest case of unrequitted love...where do you find a caveman? And...considering how popular this man will be in the future, how does an everyday blogging nurse like myself ever stand a chance of nabbing the man who is sure to be at the top of People's Sexiest Men list next year?

When I saw Thelma and Louise for the first time...I noticed a man who absolutely made my eyes so fricking happy. Before long, that young man was everywhere. His name was Brad Pitt. (That was before he and Tom Cruise went totally nuts.) Then, when I watched Cold Mountain, I could tell through the beard and the blood that Jude Law would be very popular and he is.

Now, I think that this feeling in my gut is indicative of something similar afloat. I predict that the Caveman Dude will be popular as well. I may be odd, but if there is one thing this blog has taught me, it's that I am not alone in my oddness. There are going to be other women out there feeling the same way. Most of them probably wouldn't admit it, but Caveman Dude has something special, that savoir faire...that kavorka that eludes most men. Yes, Caveman Dude has the kevorka!

He's very quiet but not in the "I am literally thinking of nothing and therefore I have nothing to say." type of quiet that Rick emoted. Caveman Dude is more the..."I am rather aloof and confident...I don't have to speak but when I do...it will be of something deep and meaningful." type of quiet.

And I just find that so damned sexy.

Be still my heart. Oh well.

There's a real man who has been showing me some attention lately. I've spoke of him before. I mentioned that I needed a manicure and a pedicure...I wasn't hinting, I was excusing my fingernails and the chipped nail polish. Since I work so many odd hours, he couldn't very well surprise me with an appointment. So, he gave me a gift certificate for a mani-pedi and I think I'm going to use it today. I am in serious need of a nice leg rub and those Korean chicks sure do it well. They have a guy there, but I don't like his work. He not only didn't do the special things that the ladies did, the polish didn't last 3 days before it chipped. I think I'm going to get an American manicure (but still the red pedicure). I've seen the French manicure and I don't like it. I do like the American though. That looks very nice. So, after I get dressed for the day, the Nail Salon is my first stop on the way to do many errands today.

Lets see...what else? I have to take water from the aquarium to the pet store to find out why it's so cloudy...and I have to buy a leash that my dog can't eat. At some point I have to clean the house but that's last on the list.

I know I'm forgetting something, but that Caveman Dude has me all a dither.

I think I'll stalk him. I mean that in the nicest of ways. :):):)

Ciao for now!

Meg

Hello there!

How are you guys? I'm fine thank you.

I was flipping through the channels and I homed in on a couple of interesting shows. I learned some things that I thought you might like to know. For instance, did you know that the chemical responsibile for the aphrodisiac qualities of chocolate is also found in salami? And...in much greater quantities! I don't think the aphrodisiac is a chemical thing...I think it's a taste sensation. And, a very tactile sensation. There's not a whole lot more that you could put in your mouth that would be more pleasant than chocolate.

Did you know that throwing confetti on people originated as Italians throwing candy at newlyweds? Yep, it's the Italian word for confectionary. I hope they didn't throw Tootsie-Rolls. Those suckers can pack a whallop.

Oh, and...did you further know that the wedding ring is symbolic of the way that men would steal women from other tribes and restrain them until they had children? I wish I had that as an excuse.

Speaking of dragging a woman kicking and screaming into a man's home...have you guys seen those caveman commercials? I think I have a crush on the caveman dude. I find him ruggedly manly. And...he seems to be rather bright in an understated way. What the heck are the commercials for? I forgot...please someone...tell me. Anyway, I wonder what the caveman dude really looks like...ya think he's really cute under there?

Oh! I almost forgot...a tick will climb to the top of a plant and wait for MONTHS for a mammal to pass by. And then, when they find a host without opposible thumbs, they stay a while and grow to be the size of a large grape. You should have seen what it looked like. I'll have to find a picture and post it...if the puter will let me...I'm going to try that.

There might be a picture around here somewhere. It's 10:47 Sunday morning and it'll take me anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 days to get this done.

OK then, I found the tick pic, engorged ticks and hungry ticks...now let me see if I can publish this.



Meg

PS Damn, it took me 20 minutes to publish THIS post and I still don't know if it will work.

Last night...

...there was a car accident here in Georgia that killed 3 teenagers. My heart just breaks for the family and friends who are grieving today.

Sadly, most of us know, or knew, someone who died when we were teenagers. We think of them occasionally and wonder where they would be now if they had lived.

When I was in high school, I lost a friend in a car accident the night bfeore a Speech and Debate tournament. There had been a basketball game the night before and 3 of the kids who were on the Speech team went to the game. On the way home, they were hit by a semi as they crossed Highway 83 in Bensenville.

2 of the kids survived but one of them died after being in a coma for a few days. His name was Dave Daniels and he was one of the kindest, most gentle young men that you would ever have the pleasure of meeting. He was a year behind me and I was 17 so he must have been 16 when he died.

He and his sister, Elaine, would sing Simon and Garfunkle songs at all of the talent shows that the school put on. He strummed his guitar and sang along with Elaine. It was amazing to see siblings get along as well as those two did. Especially considering the way my brother and I bickered.

They were both very kind kids so I know that their parents were wonderful people. It takes wonderful parents to raise such decent children. Dave wanted to be a marine biologist when he grew up. The young man had already bred a new breed of fish all by himself. He was an A student and if he had lived, I'm sure that he would have left this world a better place.

As it is, he did just that. I can't be the only person who was ever touched by Dave's kindness, I'm sure that others remember him lovingly as well.

I really have no point right now...I just wanted to remember a young man who left this life 30 years ago. I'm sure his family thinks of him often...I hope they know that he touched others as well and that he is not forgotten.

It's so sad when young life is extinguished far too early. I'm sure there's a reason for it but I sure don't know what it is. So, when I hear about things like the wreck that took 3 young people last night...I think of Dave. How many of you remember someone who you lost far too soon?

I'm afraid that most of us do.

Meg

Hello there!

I wrote this earlier today then the puter froze and I was tired so I just went to sleep. Now I'm up again and I wanted to see if I could even remember what I had written earlier.

I like the song (at least the words...I haven't heard it yet) that JQ put on his blog (see the link in the comment section of last post). There's only one problem...even if he did "Think before he cheats", he'd be thinking about cheating on someone else. I believe Carrie Underwood is a country singer and they would be the only people who would stay with a cheater. I didn't. I'm sure Rick will think next time...he'll think of the mistakes he made last time and he'll try to avoid them next time.

Maybe he learned not to leave the phone numbers on caller ID. Maybe he learned to pull over and toss the bitch's make-up out of the car before he gets home. Maybe he learned not to leave sex lotion that he used with one woman at the home of another. Who knows what he's learned...or how much he is capable of learning.

More importantly, I have learned to trust my own gut. I won't ever let another man manipulate me into psycho-therapy for my "trust issues" when, in fact...he is cheating as much as I thought.

That's probably the worst thing that he did to me...he made me doubt myself. And then...he said that he wanted the "self confident woman that he married" back. Well, here I am...only a woman with this kind of confidence won't be doing the Rickster anymore.

I remember a time when I went to college as a single mother with 3 kids. I had 3 different day care providers who each took one of my kids. They're different ages and schools made that necessary. After all 3 kids went off to day care, I went to school. People constantly asked me how I did so much and I don't have an answer other than I put the blinders on and did what I had to do. That's what I'm doing now.

I realized a while ago that I accomplished more as a single woman than I ever did with a man in my life. That's not to say that there aren't challenging men out there...I just chose the ones who made me worry so much about the relationship that I couldn't do anything productive with my life.

When you're in a relationship, you should want to make yourself a better person for the other. And...they should support that. Not just in words...Rick SAID he supported me. But, whenever my back was turned, he was supporting his own weight on top of Gail or some other slut. So, the next time I let a man into my life, it will be one who wants me to succeed. He won't be another couch protector...he'll be a man who likes to do things with his spare time that will make life better for both of us.

Damn...I'm hot. I have my long johns on, nothing else. I hate hot...this is icky. Hot and sweaty when it's raining outside is no fun. Unless, of course, I got that way from doing the horizontal bop.

Nothing that I've written here was what I wrote earlier. I can't remember what the heck I said before. Oh well. It'll come to me.

Oh, I just got a call from one of my BF's...he's bringing me a cheese steak for dinner. I guess I should get out of these long johns and into something respectable.

OK then...off I go to change clothes and wait for dinner to be served to me!

Meg

Guess what?

I kariokied for the first time. I usually just shoot pool while the fools sing...but I decided that I didn't have a frog in my throat and therefore, it was time for me to sing. I went into the ladies room and sang a few verses and said, "Sure! I can karioke!"

I didn't even have to get drunk to do it...I just walked up to the microphone and sang. I wasn't the least bit nervous which I find odd.

Being on the Speech and Debate team in high school got rid of all my public speaking and apparently, singing, fears. I know what you're thinking..."Meg...what song did you sing?"

Well, I had to sing something that I've sung a thousand times so that I knew how to sing the song properly. That meant that it had to be an old, old song. And yet, it had to be a very pretty song so that I didn't sound like Betty Boop. It had to be a song that people have heard and that they like. So, it had to have been a very popular song at one time or another.

It would have been nice if it had been a song about a man...but all I could find that fit the bill was a song about a woman. Have any of you guessed yet?

I stood on the stage and belted out my own version of Brandy...you're a fine girl. Yep...I did. Now that I've broken my karioke cherry...I have to do it again. Only this time I am going to take more time to come up with a better song for a chick to sing. Any suggestions?

And, no...I'm not singing "I am Woman". Although I could...it's just not the type of song that you would sing in a redneck place and that's where I was. And no...I'm not singing "There's a Tear in my Beer and I'm Crying for you Dear"....or "It Won't Hurt When I Fall off this Barstool".

OK, I'm open to ideas. And next time I do that...I'll let you guys know so that if you're close enough you can come and watch me make a fool out of myself. Then, after I do that...I'll kick your ass on the pool table.

Meg

Hi there!

I've been working my ass off lately so I've been a tad rare, sorry about that. And, I can't get the house caught up...I've really been slacking in that department. I didn't mind too much, I figured the mess will always be there.

But today, when I was changing into my clothes, my female bitch ripped the trash open with her teeth. I wanted to wait until I was dressed before I took out the trash so I left it for five minutes and the bitch ripped the whole thing all over the kitchen. I think the male might have dragged some shit into the living room to chew on, but that trash mess was a "Maggie" piece of work. Payton will chew up a shoe...but only Maggie rips open trash.

Usually that's not so easy for her because when my father came up on his way to Europe, he brought me a hundred dollar garbage can. Can you imagine paying $100 for a trash can? Well, he did. And he gave it to me. That sucker is absolutely doggie proof. It's solid stainless steel and the lid shuts with a heavy spring. But...it has one flaw...it only works with the trash actually IN the can.

Oh well, at least I hadn't just washed the floor. That dog would be outside all day just to keep me from pulling on her tail really hard. The damn tail is a danger in itself. That sucker can knock a 32 ounce tumblers full of iced tead right off the coffee table.

I bought a set of new burner covers two weeks ago and I've already burned half of them. Don't you hate when that happens? One time it was my fault but the other time my kid put the black tea kettle on the black burner cover (on a small burner) and I didn't know it was there. So, I blame him for that one.

Since it looks like I'm gonna have to buy a black oven to go with my white stove...I bought some black trimming stuff, like the kettle and the burner covers. I also put black tiers on the kitchen sink window and tied them at the sides with a white, lacy pony tail holder. For some reason, the kid made the tiers hang more to the middle of the window, away from the sides where I had put them. Then, he put the Clorox Clean Up on the sink and bleached a part of my new black curtains. He really is a pain in the ass.

Anyway, what with all of the coffee grounds and scraped off food (I don't have a disposal), now I HAD to wash the damn floor. Just sweeping wouldn't cut it anymore...there was ketchup down there and although I love ketchup, the floor is one thing I DON'T put ketchup on.

Oh terrific, now I noticed a smell coming from the refridgerator...I can't wait to find the origin of that. Oh, speaking of which...did you know that a cucumber has the potential to liquify in an amazingly short period of time?

Well, I have to feed the stupid animals and then do some laundry. This should be fun.

See ya later,

Meg

Meg...

"In need of urgent advice! Radio Dial woman is about to meet the parental units and she is scared out of her mind. Any suggestions on how she should tackle the situation?"

Yep. This one is an easy one. Tell her to act like your parents were normal people that she could meet any day of the week. If you fell in love with her, she must be a wonderful person and I imagine you've told her that. So, my answer is that she should listen to you and trust that your parents are not cyclops or storm troopers.

Usually if you just act like yourself and are at ease around new people, they will pick up on that and feel the same way. If she tries to act like something she isn't or if she tries too hard, it won't look good. So, her only option is to be herself and not worry about it. Not only is it her only option, it's the best way to win the folks over.

I meet new people all the time and they always seem to like me. All I do is act like myself. I ask questions out of curiosity, especially the kind of questions that people love to respond to. Things like, "What was your grandmother like?" are great because almost everyone has fond memories of grandparents. She could ask questions about things that they enjoy and show an interest, or at least a concern for the answers to those questions.

But, the best advice is for her to be herself. The woman that you fell in love with is going to be just fine with your parents, anything less would be unfair to them.

It won't be long before she wonders why she was ever so nervous in the first place.

One other thing, an ace in the hole of sorts, you will never find three people in one room who would want to look at your baby pictures more than your fiance and parents. So, if I were your fiance, at some point I would ask to see them. The showing of the baby pictures and the laughing of the only 3 people on the planet who care about those pictures is quite a bonding experience...I highly recommend it. After all, isn't this why we save those baby pictures? For one reason...to show the future spouse and sit around and laugh at them. She really needs to do this one.

OK, now I have to suck coffee and answer some emails. I'll be back soon!

Meg

I went through...

...a shitload of trouble getting that clock on the blog. And IT'S WRONG! I'll get rid of it as soon as I can get back into the template. How can the stupid thing be wrong?

Whatever.

Poor Coconut dude.

I read a post of his where he discussed the need to take a group of NFL Cheerleaders who were visiting the soldiers overseas and dress them up in overalls for sensitivity sake. (http://coconutcommando.blogspot.com/ look under Previous Posts for Frequent Flyer Miles, I can't post a link that long or the blog will be at the bottom of the page. I don't know why, it just is.) Can you imagine? In WWII they hung up half naked pictures of Betty Grable and now they're dressing up cheerleaders like the mechanics of the unit. They take them out of perfectly good slinky, trashy American clothing and cover their asses up.

What the hell are they fighting for? I understand the need to be somewhat respectful but I don't see any Middle-Eastern women stripping out of their burka's...why the heck should we cover up our beautiful women? Could you imagine Napoleon telling the French hookers to bathe before doing a Russion national? I think not.

To the victors go the spoils and I say, let the cheerleaders leave their clothes off...or almost off. Don't cover up the one good reason that a man will go happily to his death...a beautiful half naked woman.

I think the men would be smarter if they let the guys at home cover up all the women. Actually, we'd put the wife's in charge of that one, If WE covered them up, our men in uniform wouldn't have to. I think that's the least that we can do for them.

So, everyone should go out and tell a woman to put some clothes on today. Do it for the men in Iraq. I'm not being sexist by talking to men here, it's just that this situation deals with men. If I catch a female soldier clothing a naked man, I will dress her down as well.

I saw films of old USO Shows, they had legs on the chicks there, why do we have to cover up the cheerleaders anyway? How on Earth can you justify that? I think we have finally found the one and only enemy who would ever have a problem with showing off a beautiful woman. How many other cultures cover up the women?

I know there are some who should. And if you cover up the cheerleaders, those are the only ones you'd have left. There are two kinds of naked....Beautiful naked and National Geographic naked. You don't want to be in a world where National Geographic is the only naked you get to see. That's pretty much the world I grew up in. We had two kinds of naked then as well, National Geographic naked and Sears Catalog naked.

Oh well. MyY computer almost crashed and I got lucky to save this so I'm gonna go play. I'll be back later.

Ciao,

Meg

A lady named Di...

...wrote to me and mentioned a post on her blog. ( http://msmoxy.wordpress.com/ the post called Stupid Girl) I went to it and found that she had a list of man blogs there so I popped in and read a couple of them.

I would expect a man blog to be like Coconut Commando's blog. I expect to see a man in camoflouge. I expect to hear about how well the guy spackles. Or even how he lubes his pistons. But these guys are writing about feelings. What's up with that?

Listen dudes, I'm not hocking lugies...what are you doing talking about feelings? What in the HELL do you know about such things? I suppose that next you expect me to admit that your type actually HAS feelings. Ha.

If you guys are so convinced that you have feelings...try this...pick up the phone, call your best friend and tell him what you wrote on your blog. Tell him all about the part where you worry that your ex mistress's husband was going to be at the PTA meeting. If you can tell your best friend that story with a straight face...I'll grant you feelings. But I doubt that you can do that.

I have to admit, it was kinda cute seeing men write about feelings. It means that they must realize that feelings exist and they are using that knowledge to try to pick up chicks. Why else would a guy pretend to have feelings?

Oh, I know they have man feelings...like gas pressure and blue balls. But when they try to talk about woman feelings, they sound a tad insincere. It's nice that they have paid enough attention to even pick up on areas of female concern...but that's not really the same thing as having feelings.

Rick used to try to tell me that he had feelings. I laughed at him too. You guys couldn't afford to have feelings, AND deal with things like baldness and hairy testicles. It is too much for the human mind to comprehend.

So, while I admit that it was amusing to read the feeling man blogs, I refuse to buy the fact that any of them have feelings.

Now you'll have to excuse me...I'm going back to Coconut Commando's blog. I'm much more comfortable with men in that role.

See ya,

Meg

This is 100% my opinion

The Georgia Department of Corrections...

...won't let you copy the pictures off of it's web site. Nor will they allow you to post a link that'll take you anywhere other than the main page:

http://www.dcor.state.ga.us/

If you want to look up Paul's record, go to that site and you'll find that to the left they have links. One of them has to do with prisoners and if you put the cursor on it, you'll get a cascade of options and one of them is the inmate query. His name is Paul Robert Mergel and the age range is 39-40, he's white and male. He was adjudicated in Murray County. That's all you need to find him under past inmates.

I was absolutely appalled that if you search my aunt's name with the word murder...all you get is my blog. To the police, she's still just a mssing person. I tried searching newspapers in that area to see if any of them covered her disappearance and I couldn't find a thing. I called the police department and spoke to a woman who asked me if we've heard from her yet. They consider this a missing person! The cop I spoke to acted as if he KNEW Paul killed his mother.

Anyway, while I was searchig for any information regarding my aunt, I did find this snippet about the town she was murdered in, Chatsworth:

The number of violent crimes recorded by the FBI in 2003 was 19. The number of murders and homicides was 0. The violent crime rate was 5.1 per 1,000 people.

I find it odd that they stopped at 2003. How could they brag about their low crime rates when a murderer is roaming around their town?

It is my opinion that this man murdered my aunt.

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The following post is 100% my opinion.

Usually, when a person passes away...

...they leave their children behind to remember them. We bury our parents and then we go to the cemetery to remember them. We tell our children stories about the people we've loved and lost and somehow, their memory is kept alive.

But when your only child is the main suspect in your murder and the police never find your body...who remembers you?

My father's sister was murdered by her own son. And my aunt wasn't his only victim. He murdered an ex-girlfriend and then set fire to the trailer that held her dead body. I assume that the ex-girlfriend's family is remembering her...but who will remember my aunt?

Mary Ann was a beautician. She only had one child and she never thought that she would even have that baby. He was her miracle child and she and my uncle spoiled him rotten. They were so happy to have that baby that they did everything in their power to make life easy for him. Mary Ann and her husband moved from New Jersey to Georgia years ago to live in the country and away from the congestion of the city. They loved their little place in the beautiful hills of North Georgia. Mary Ann lost her husband to a stroke a few years ago. She was living alone with her son when all of a sudden, everyone stopped hearing from her.

When anyone, including the cops, called to speak to Aunt Mary Ann...he had a different reason for her inavailabilty. He made a huge error, he never told the same story twice. He wote tens of thousands of dollars of checks on her checking account within weeks. In this state, they have to prove that the forger did NOT have the permission of the account holder before they can convict a person of forgery. Can you believe that? Also, he made numerous suspiscious purchases with her accounts, like numerous cars and trucks full of gas at the same gas station. And 3 or 4 stereo systems a day from the same stores. I don't even remember all the things that he did with her money...but he went through it like it was water.

He did eventually get arrested and he has already served the time for that crime. When the cops got a search warrant for my aunt's house, they found a bunch of stolen guns and he went to prison for "theft by possesion or something like that. Actually, that's what the cop told me...I think it ended up being a lesser crime. I'll get the link to the Georgia Department of Corrections for you if you want to see what he went up the river for. Also, they have his charming picture. I'll try to post that. Yesterday, it didn't work.

Anywa, Aunt Mary Ann was the third of 7 children and most of her siblings are rather elderly themselves right now so they don't have the energy to initiate searches for her body. They all live in states far away from Georgia, where my aunt lived, and that makes it even tougher for them to do much about the murder. Of course, they call the police every so often but they haven't gotten any answers at all. They know that the son is most likely the one who murdered their sister, but if the cops can't prove it, how can they? At least the cops KNOW it, whether they can do anything or not. If all that I can do is have people KNOW that he did it...that's better than nothing. And if the cops KNOW that, that makes them my friends. This is NOT a situation where you don't want the cops to back away at all.

Once I called greta van Susterern and she wrote back that she forwarded my e-mail "to her producers" but nothing ever came of that. I wouldn't have sent it at all if she hadn't said RIGHT ON HER SHOW...that she wanted us to write in with unsolved murders. So...I did. But nobody cares. It touches you guys because, as I learned a long time ago (and I said it many times in the first 6-8 months of the blog before I got sick of saying it or thought that you were sick of hearing it. But, I haven't said it in a long time.) the people who read this blog on a regular basis are almost always thoughtful, kind people. Not perfect, but not evil either. So I know that you understand how it must suck to know a murder victim, much less having one in the family. Murder is such a hideous thing. Can you imagine taking a life? And like everything else in the world...once you do it and get away with it, it gets easier and easier. Isn't that horrible?

My aunt and I were not very close but she's family. Her brother is my father and I care deeply about him. I care that he has to live with the knowledge that the man who murdered his sister will most likely get away with the crime. Mary Ann's other brothers and sisters will also have to live with that same knowledge.

I don't know how on earth they have the strength to do that. If someone killed one of my brothers or sisters, I would do everything in my power to find the person responsible and hold him accountable. But if I couldn't, I would have nothing but prayers to help ease my pain.

But, my original question remains...who remembers the people who die like this? What do we do as a society or as a family? Do we simply go about our lives and pretend that it didn't happen? Do we yell to anyone who will listen that there is a murderer running free? What do I do as the relative of a murder victim? What do I do to protect other people from my cousin?

All that I can think of is to tell you what I know. My cousin's name is Paul Robert Mergel, Jr. He was raised in New Jersey so he has a very pronounced Jersey accent. The last I heard he was living in Georgia but I have no reason to think that he is still here other than his children are still living here. Also, the fact that my father has control over his mother's estate gives him reason to stick around until the money is divied up. If my father succeeds in keeping the money from Paul, then his kids will be the beneficiaries so he will then have a reason to stick close to his kids. But, he could be anywhere.

Then "man" is 5' 9" tall, and well over 200 pounds the last time I saw him in court. He has dark, curly hair and he is a double-murderer. I don't know how he got away with the murder in New Jersey, but he got away with his mother's murder by finding an excellent hiding place for her body. I happen to have his old New Jersey state ID card and I'm going to take a picture of it with my web cam and post it on the blog. It's not much, but it's the only thing that I can come up with right now.

I'm going to give it some more thought and maybe even ask some questions of the police department that is handling my aunt's murder. That police department is the Murray County Georgia Police Department. I may be able to get another picture of him from the Georgia Department of Corrections web site and if I do, I'll post that picture as well. If you have the misfortune of meeting this "man", run away as fast as you can.

Meg

By the way...

...Blog Chicks!!! I see some of you have begun and I'm so pleased about that! Thanks ladies...we are going to be so proud of our work...you wait and see! You guys are great, I chose you for a reason, we're gonna do great!


Meg

Hey ya'll...

...this is Amber and I just had to come back here and tell you mean and nasty people how bad it is to laugh at someone. You'll all don't know me, I could have a sex addiction for all you know. Maybe I need your compassion and not your laughter. That "industrial carpet cleaner" comment was unnecessary. I use A-jax like everybody else.

After all, I don't necessarily go AFTER married men, it's just that I don't care one way or another. See, I don't target your husbands...I just don't send them home if they come to me. And they come to me because you all don't do what I do. You don't fuck your man in all the right places and at all the right times. If I have nothing better to do with my time than to manipulate men sexually, what business is it of yours?

I love the feeling of being able to control men with my body. I have nothing else going for me so I devote all of my time to finding ways to make men worship me. I make them prove themselves to me over and over again. It isn't good enough that they lie to their wives, I want them to HURT their wives. If I can make them go home and treat their wife like shit...while letting them think it's their own idea...I've done a good day's work.

I like to let them talk about the wife and then I can learn all of the weak spots and drill them home at the most opportune moments. I feel much more happy with myself after I've manipulated a man into thinking that he has been treated so poorly that he deserves to cheat on his wife. It's easy for me to do because the wife has no clue that anything is going on so she can't defend herself or even try to compete with me. She has no IDEA that she's even IN a competition. She's living life as she always has, taking for granted that her husband is where he says he is.

I have to be sure that she doesn't find out about me until I've taken every minor complaint the husband has about her and magnified it to the point where he pretty much despises her. The way I make mountains out of the moe hills of his life combined with a lot of INTENSE (Rick's word) sex...before you know it, he can't stand her for keeping him away from me.

Of course, I've convinced the husband that he deserves not only me, but new clothes, a new car and a cleaner place to live that is full of peace and sex...not a bustling family life that an entire family depends on. I've built him into a pathetic, trapped and put upon man and turned her into an albatross, a whiny, needy and uselss parasite who must be excised from his life.

Once I have successfully accomplished this...I don't care if she finds out or not. I actually want her to know. That's when I can be ready to pet his head when she smacks him on it with a frying pan. Now I may even try to let her find out by doing things like making hang up calls but denying it to the husband. And of course he believes me, by now she suspects something and is asking him questions so he's in that denial, "You're carzy, woman!" mode and he won't listen to ANYTHING she says.

Or maybe I'll leave text messages when and where she will find them. I'll be sure to make the message something that he CANNOT explain away...something like talk about us having a baby.

Hopefully, if I have a husband of my own, both spouses will find out at the same time so that we can run right to each other and live together. That way I can go from one man to another without having to pay any bills by myself. That's my ideal situation. Living with a man increases yoour chances of getting pregnant by him. Once he's living with you...pregnancy is the best way to keep him there.

I don't think about long term consequences or who might be hurt because this is what I need to do to feel good about myself. And if I think something will make ME feel good, I'm going to do it. Fuck anyone who doesn't like it. The families will all learn to live with it, especially after I have a baby. They'll HAVE to. Or I won't let them see their grandchildren...or their son. This is my life and it's ALL about what I want. Oh, I DON'T want HER kids living in my house, unless we would have to pay a LOT of child support...then our house would be the best for the kids.

And I'll do whatever I have to do to make him see what a rotten job she has done with the kids. By the time I'm finished with him, he'll be an expert at tough love...I'm sure that HER kids are gonna need it. They better not come running to us for money. Especially after they're 18...her brats should be self sufficient and responsible. Their father has no reason to pay for them after they're 18. He owes that money to me, my kids and any kids he and I might have.

If anybody has a problem with they way a mistress thinks...fuck yourself. I'll go fuck your husband...whether I want him or not.

Amber

Hello there!

I just woke up and I'm drinking my coffee. Actually, I just got out of bed, I woke up 3 hours ago. I had hopes that I might fall be able to sleep some more but it didn't work.

I noticed that Rude Dude hasn't had the balls to answer my question. Naturally, that proves me right. Of course, it could just prove that he hasn't read my challenge. But I like to be right so I'll go with that one for now.

I'm looking at a mess and wondering where the little Brownies are. Did you know that little Brownies used to come into houses in the middle of the night and clean them up? Yeah...that's where the Girl Scouts came from.

Apparently, boys start fires and pitch tents...we girls clean houses and sell cookies.

Or, we get a job and then we pay someone to clean the house and that's what I'm going to do. It's not as much as you would think and I really, really don't want to do it myself. If it were just me making the mess, I could handle it. But it's my son and his kids that take it to the next level. I keep it at a place where you can always clean up pretty easily because I don't cook for myself. I just eat fruit, sandwiches and bowls of cereal. I don't take out board games, puzzles and Lincoln Logs very often and when I do, I put them back.

And, I don't dirty the outside of the toilet. I'm not accusing ANYONE of ANYTHING but how in the hell does the OUTSIDE of a toilet get dirty? That's a special man dirty and I don't want to touch it. So...Merry Maids to the rescue.

I wonder if the Merry Maids are very merry...ya think? If they are, they won't be after they see the outside of the hall toilet. That's not something that makes people merry. No man mess is.

Apparently, the mess factor goes up with testosterone levels. Rick had a lot of testosterone. You could tell because of the pimples and bald head. Anyway...his man mess level was more disgusting that others. He was way up there. If you picked up our bed, there would be a giant U on the floor...made up of underpants and socks. And these were NOT the kind of underpants and socks that most wives would want to deal with. I went on a sabbatical for 6 weeks and when I came back,, there was a giant U-shaped moutain range around the bed. Apparently he was trying to recreate his beloved Rocky Mountains very much like Richard Dreyfuss tried to recreate Devil's Tower in Close Encounter's of the Third Kind. Only it was more disgusting than mashed potatoes.

Well, now that I have a plan of attack regarding the housework...I think I'll leave the house.

I'll see you later, have a good weekend.

Mandi, I've been thinking about you...email me at megbkelso@gmail.com Hope you're feeling OK today.

Meg

Alrighty then...

...I've been tagged again and that means that I don't have to come up with anything clever to talk about...I get to do a little blog chore thing. I have to tell you 9 things about myself.

Well, that'll be tough because I've pretty much told you guys everything that there is to tell but let's see if I can come up with 9 things that I've never told you before.

Now, I've read other people's lists and I must say, I'm not as sweet as most people. I won't be discussing AIDS Orphanages (although I AM a nurse...do I get humanity points for that?). But, if I think real, real hard...I should be able to come up with SOMETHING.

1. My senior year of high school, I was dating a pre-med student. I would visit him on the weekends and once when I was doing that, he left me alone in his room. I took his disecting kit and disected my Virginia Slims. Then, I took the guy's weed and packed my Virginia Slims with it. Later, during a floor party....I started smoking my "cigarettes". The doors were all opened and no one could tell where the pot smell was coming from. That was fun.

2. I dust incessantly...so much so that it annoys the other people in the room.

3. I interview myself. I find me fascinating, deep and well rounded.

4. When I was 15, I had a yellow bra. Somehow it broke and I tied my left boob up with orange yarn. I've NEVER told anyone that before.

5. I got my braces taken off the day that Patty Hearst was kidnapped....February 4th, 1974.

6. I have many socks. I have one huge drawer full of socks alone. I prefer knee highs, but I have numerous ankle high socks as well.

7. When I went to the hospital to have my daughter, my ex packed my suitcase. For some reason, he only packed me HIS underpants. I had to wear them for a day until he brought me some of my own.

8. Sometimes I turn up the music really loud and dance with my dog.

9. Once I did an entire research paper the night before it was due. I handed it in and expected a D...but I got a B. That was cool.

OK...what else would you like to know?

Meg

Hello all!!!

I worked straight through to 3:30 AM and I'm mentally exhausted. I was dreaming when I wrote this so excuse me if I go astray.

I had bit of a surprise today, Rude Dude chose to comment regarding my commentary of him. In his pithy little comment, he wrote the following:

"...hey, there I was, trying to build a deeper bond by showing you these pics from my past - and you were just interested in dirty old sex !..."

Yeah...I didn't invite myself to your lair.

And...did you or did you not say that I was an "excellent fuck" immediately after we had...knowledge...of each other? As I told you in the comments section, I would love to hear your side of the story. As would my readers. Right, guys? Just tell him in the comments section of this post that you want to hear Rude Dude's "version" of the events of that evening.

By the way, Rude, do you also deny saying that in "certain crowds", being called an "excellent fuck" is "considered a compliment"? Did I remember THAT wrong? Feel free to explain yourself fully to the entire class, young man. I dare ya. I double dare ya.

And...so what if I like sex? What does that make me...a MAN or something? You know, weren't too bad yourself...although you didn't go downtown as much as I would have like to have seen you go down there. What was up with that? Was I not simply philanthropic in my oral efforts? Did I not EARN a little reciprocity?

Oh, tsk tsk, Rude.

Oh, that reminds me Sugarplum, I need an online reference. I have a bunch of references from guys who merely SPOKE of my talents...you would be the first to actually give me an online reference. Now, be honest darlin'...don't say anything if you can't say the truth. Tell the good people out there in Blogland of my gift.

I just noticed that the letters on some of my keyboard keys are disappearing. I didn't even know that was an option. Oh well, that's what I get for buying a cheap damn keyboard. I'm buying myself a computer for Christmas...if not sooner. Anyway, the keys that are almost totally gone are N, H, T and R. I'm gonna have to get some white out and make new letters on them. Ya think?

Well, I just came on to say hello and to challenge Rude Dude to retort. DOES HE HAVE THE BALLS TO TAKE ME ON??? We shall see...we shall see.

C'mon, ya'll...help me persuade Rude.

Off to bed I am.

Meggers

OK...

...let me see if I can do this AGAIN without crashing the damn computer. Oh, an aside, I was just wondering why people leave the U out of FUCK. Is U a dirty letter? They replace it with a * but I like to use the U.

Anyway, I had come here to tell you the story that I promised about Rude Dude. He had to know he would see himself up here in one form or another...I've alluded to the INCIDENT in the blog before...but now I thought that you should know the REST of the story...so this is it.

One night we were sitting at his computer choosing songs from his extensive collection of music. He is an ex disc jockey and a computer nerd so he has TONS of GREAT music on a really cool computer. He even had some old reel to reels from DJ's from the 70's. It was really cool. I got to hear stuff by John "Records" Landecker...one of the most famous DJ's in Chicago in the 60's and 70's...on AM yet. But, that's all we poor old folk had so we made do.

We were sitting in separate chairs, but right next to each other. Our shoulders would touch easily. We sat there and chose music and chatted. It was not our first time together, there was the "Excellent Fuck" incident of the other post regarding Rude Dude. So, chances were pretty good that we might end up in the bedroom again. Or so I thought...

Now, he and I had a lot in common. We had both recently been suddenly dumped by long time marital partners for no comprehensible reason. But, there was one huge difference between the two of us...he talked about his ex.

ALL the time.

I didn't mind letting him vent....hell it was nice to have someone TALK TO ME. And he did. Rick never talked but I finally figured out that was because he never thought. I used to think he was deep and mysterious but now I see that there just wasn't anything up there. At least he had the good sense to shut up.

When Rick answered, "Nothing." to the question, "Honey...whatcha thinkin'?", he meant it. He was really really thinking about nothing. I tried it once. I made it for a brief second but it scared the hell out of me. I was afraid that it would stop and never start back up again. Rick certainly couldn't have given me a jump. I'd have been screwed.

So, this guys is talking about his wife and I decided to take his mind off of his problems. I repaired to the rest room, secret little bag in hand...and slipped into my new negligee. It was lovely and sexy and it flattered me nicely.

I walked back into the living room and sat down next to him. By the time I walked all the way into the living room, he was talking again and still looking at the computer. I listened to him continue to whine about his ex...for over a half an hour. The man never once noticed that I had changed out of my WINTER clothing and into a slinky little number that says "Do me now!"

I was perplexed.

Eventually I just went back into the bathroom and changed back into my clothes. He was, oh, so apologetic went I pointed out the fact that I had just spent a half an hour trying to seduce a man who wouldn't stop talking about his ex long enough to notice a half naked woman right next to him. He had it bad.

Oh well. What can ya do? These things happen.

There was something else that I was gonna say but I forgot. I'll remember it and then I'll come right back. If I never remember, I'll still come right back and tell you that I couldn't remember what I wanted to say.

OK?

Meg

I have good news and bad news...

...the bad news is that the MRI showed something growing off of my spine and impinging on my spinal cord. They haven't a clue what it is yet but I'm sure further tests are in my immediate future. I had just gotten home from the doctor's office and before I had a chance to get too upset over that, I got the phone call that I've been waiting for for what seems like forever.

They called to say that I got the job that I was talking about last week. I couldn't be more pleased. It pays more than any job I've ever had and the hours are my own. Luckily, it isn't a physical job, it's one that will be total brain power and believe it or not, when I put my mind to it, I can be a pretty bright lady.

Well, now that I have a plan, I need to get to work on it.

I hope you guys are having a great day! Thanks to all who sent me prayers and crossed fingers...it did the trick!

Meg

Marie and Lori, if you guys see this, give your big sister a call so I can tell you all about it!

I see that a guy...

...I used to date has been visiting my humble blog. I decided, against my original better judgement, to tell you a little story about this particular "guy friend".

I waited a long, long time after Rick left to finally get laid. When I did, it was with a little bald dude. But, he was bright and funny and I wanted to get laid. So, we went back to his house and talked for hours before we finally retired to the bedroom.

It wasn't great, but I did my best. I don't blame him, it takes a while to train one of those. Anyway, he seemed to have a nice time.

After everything was over, I sat up on the side of the bed and he said, "You are an excellent fuck."

Part of me wanted to say, "Ya think so? I DO try."

But you know that's not what a woman would do. (A wopig might) Naturally, I got dressed in a very dramatic fashion and started to leave. The fool was dumbfounded. He had no clue as to what had caused this unprecidented turn of events.

Then, after I voiced my displeasure at his caustic and insensitive remark, the nit wit said, "That's considered a compliment in some crowds." Obviously I was in the midst of a perv and didn't know it.

What the hell kinds of crowds consider that a "compliment"? Maybe after the first 3 "incidents", but not after the first.

Anyway, this guy annoyed me so I thought I'd tell you a little story about him. Only he knows who he is, that's the fun of this little game I'm playing. And...I'm not done.

Tune in again for another episode of Rude Dude.

Meg

Well, I'll be damned.

Did you see what I saw? I had to take a pill. That was the best quarter of a game that I ever saw in my life. I'm serious, when the Cardinals got into field goal territory, I really, really had to take a pill. In case you don't know, the Bears came back from a huge deficit in the 4th quarter and amazed the hell out of everyone. It was absolutely one of the best games I have ever seen and I saw EVERY SINGLE game in '85.

I must say, I was a tad concerned there for a while when Grossman couldn't do shit. But then the defense started scoring so I didn't even WANT the Bears to have possesion. They were scoring more points when the offense was on the bench. Whatever, they won the game...and it was spectacular.

I did see something odd...and pardon me if I sound politically incorrect, but was that ref who announced all the calls a gay black dude? You know, I had to mention it, it isn't something you see all the time so it should be made note of. Gay black men have broken into the world of football ref play calling. More power to them. If I were a gay black dude, there's no place I would rather be. Hell, maybe I am just a gay black dude trapped in a white chicks body...who knows?

Well, I think my heart is finally slowing down. I know that all over the country, my brothers, sisters and kids had as much fun as I did watching that game.

You know what fucked the Cardinals up...the quarterback was wired for sound so we could hear what he was saying. I heard him say, "They're givin' it to us!" That irritated me. If it weren't for that one comment, I would have almost felt sorry for the Cardinals quarterback because he did a great job, to the end. The kicker lost the game and that's too bad.

But, the game is over and I must go to sleep. By the way, Jq, I've decided to solve my sleep problem chemically. I'm going to take another xanax and that should put me to sleep. I have to get up to go to the doctor...again.

So, before I go, I just HAVE to say....GO BEARS!!!!!


Meg

Now it's 8...

...and I'm awake again. I slept on and off all weekend so I didn't have to feel my back hurt or wallow in my misery and the whole time I was feezing. Well, I just figured out why I was freezing...my son turned the thermostat down to 66. He came by Friday and apparently my house was too warm for him so he just decided to make himself comfy. It never ocurred to me that he would do that because this is MY house. So, the little nerd messed me up. I can't believe it took me 3 days to figure that out.

I had a cold so I thought I just had a fever. I actually took medicine for the chills when all I ever had to do was turn the stupid heat on. Aren't kids grand? I think I'm going to wait until he comes back and turn it up to 90 and put one of those institutional lock boxes on the damn thermostat and watch him sweat.

I got him back...I felt too badly to wash the load of laundry that he left here for me so when he shows up to pick it up tonight, I'll just tell him I was too cold to get out from under the blankets. Yeah...that's what I'm gonna do. Weasel.

OK, it's no longer the weekend so I can't justify lying around anymore which means I have to get my ass in gear and get some things done today. Not laundry, that's for sure.

I'm looking forward to watching the Bears tonight, I rarely get to see them play here in Gogia. But, Monday night games freak me out because it was a Monday night that the Bears lost their only game in 85...to Miami. I was so, so sad that night. I spent the 4th quarter on my knees in front of the TV saying, "You're the Bears! You're the best team in the NFL! You can't lose!" But, alas...they did. So, Monday night Bears games when they are on a winning streak make me a bit nervous. Oh well, I doubt that one incident that happened over 20 years ago makes a habit so I won't worry too much.

I felt so bad all weekend that all I ate was a banana and a popsicle. The Marinol didn't do a thing to give me an appetite. Damn...if I could drive, I would go to the Marietta Diner and have a gyro for breakfast. But, in a few weeks and a thousand dollars, I should be on the rode again so look out. It'll be so nice to have a clear license that I won't even mind speeding a bit. After this past year and a half, a speeding ticket is nothing. I've had a ton of those and they don't bother me at all.

When I got caught speeding on a suspended license last year, the computer was down and the cop didn't know that my license was suspended so I lucked out that day. I just played stupid and as usual, when a woman plays stupid with a man, they buy it. "Oh, she's just a silly female, how could she possibly know whether her license is good or not?" I had an old one in my purse but it was expired and since the computers were down, it was enough for him.

Well, I guess I'll just clean the mess that I ignored all weekend so I can watch the game in a nice clean house. And as I do it, I'm going to sing the Super Bowl Shuffle. That will be sort of stupid because all of the lines have a player from 85 in it...remember that? "They call me Sackman, I'm your man Dent...if your quarterback's there, he's gonna get bent." And then there was, "They call me Sweetness and I like to dance, running the ball is like making romance." Damn, that was a fun season to be living in Chicago. And to top it all off, I got to date one of the quarterbacks for a while...until this STUPUD FEMALE went back to Rick. Oh lord, save me from myself.

Well, I'm going to go suck coffee until I feel like starting my cleaning so I'll be back when I get at least half of the housework done.

See ya later!

Meg

We all get in those moods now and than. Sometimes you just have to feel the bottom so you know to start back towards the top. Everyone has the right to whine now and than. Glad to see that you're feeling better.

Uh Meg, cold out (teasing)? Just think of us up north who know what freezing is all about. Keep that electric blanket going and remember us bloggers are human, you can "talk" to us anytime

You know, I woke up at 4 AM and decided to come here to apologize for whining over the weekend and then I see these comments. I felt like such a ninny for complaining when people all over have serious problems and no hope, help or understanding. You guys are great. Hell, a soldier in a war zone even took time to try to make me feel better! How dare I whine? But you guys are right...we all have our moments and you all have truly made me feel better in ways you won't ever know. If it weren't for this blog, I would probably still be imagining my life as the bottom of the well. Thank you so much for taking your time to let me know that I'm not so bad. Oh, and to JQ, you're right, I grew up in Chicago and I should know what cold is. By the way, when I'm done with this, I'm going back under my electric blanket. As one of my nursing instructors use to tell me when I said I was cold, "Girl, you need to get some fat on your bones!" We skinny people stay pretty damned cold wherever we are...but I won't have to worry about temperatures below 2 so shame on me!

Cheer Up...your bears are on monday night football tomorrow night :-)

Hey Sis Bears play Monday night against Arizona.Love Ya Marie

Yeah, right after that last enrty, I went to watch the Falcons and saw that the Bears play Monday night. That means I get to see them play!!!! So, if I ever fall back asleep and don't sleep through the game...I'll be watching them win! And baby sister, I love you too...GO BEARS!

OK, I'm still wearing that one stupid sock and I should really go back in the bedroom and find the other one. While I'm there, I'll turn on that blanket and go to sleep with a smile because of you guys!

Ooh...wouldn't it be a bitch if the Bears game I got to watch was the first one they lost? Oh, bite my tongue!

Well, I am going to bed now and I hope I can fall asleep but if I can't, I'll be thinking about you guys and your kindness. And of all the men and women in Iraq fighting so that my children won't live in a world full of Muslim terrorists.

Thanks again, you guys really, really made me feel better. Now I owe you guys a few smiles so when I come back...I'll see if I can't try to give you a bit back.

Peace,

Meg

Well,

I think I'm getting over my funk.

I don't do that often but when I do, it's time to hide all of the firearms. I was so cold all weekend and I couldn't get warm to save my life, that's how it started. Then, I wished I had someone to cuddle with under the blankets and the next thing I knew...I was at the bottom of a well.

So, this morning, I remembered that I had an electric blanket...DUH! So, I put on my long johns for the first time this season and a pair of knee high socks...all under my flannel pants and funky ass t-shirt. I climbed under 3 blankets (one of them electric) and fell asleep. I woke up sweating like a pig and annoyed. As icky as that was, it was better than freezing and sad.

So, here I am, wide awake and even more annoyed that I forgot it was football day. I have no clue when the Bears are playing (or IF they're playing) and I need to go figure it out.

That Coco dude is a good one to bring a person back to reality...I wish he wasn't in the middle of a war zone. We need guys like him here, there's enough gung ho guys who LOVE to go fight. Aw, who knows, maybe he does too. But right now, I'd take every dime I have and buy him a ticket to Atlanta so we could talk until I stop feeling sorry for myself. He's taking all the fun out of it as it is.

You know, as I sit here writing this, I feel a smile coming on and I don't know why. I don't care why...I'm just glad it's there. I only have one cold foot (when I woke up hot, I pulled one sock off with my other foot and then just got up) so things are looking up. My back hurts like a mother fucker, but that's nothing new. I just took a couple fo aspirin and if that doesn't work, I'll try the hard stuff. That's what I get for crashing all weekend. I NEVER do this. I usually keep my house as neat as a pin (a pin?) but I haven't done crap this weekend. That's OK, I'll get to it.

Once again, shame on me for whining, I'm done now. I can't believe myself when I do this...watching the news should tell me that I have it too well to feel so bad. But, we all do it to some degree so I won't smack me over it. I would just LOVE an human to talk to. The dogs are cool, they show their love in their own way...but they never answer my questions. The fish are pretty uesless all around except for when I sit in front of the aquarium and stare at them.

OK...I'm gonna wipe the shit off myself and watch football. Sometimes when I get like this I feel like deleting all the whiny crap that I write but I'm not going to. I'll leave it there so that I can go back and see how rotten I can feel at times. It might make me appreciate the times when I feel good.

I could use a ladder, but I know that I'm strong enough to pull myself up, it just takes a little longer. And Coco, thanks for the tools you tossed in...come back and play again!

Off to football...as long as the Bears win again, I should be MUCH better! Aw hell, I'm much better now. You guys are great.

OK then...see ya later!

Meg

I'm nothavinga very good weekend...

...so you'll have to forgive my pouting. I watched some really sad stories on the news and instead of making me feel lucky that my problems weren't THAT bad, I felt guilty that I couldn't shake off this funk after hearing such awful stories.

I'll get over it and be back to "normal".

I thiink the problem is that after my mother died, I stopped hearing from all of my brothers and sisters, the the baby graduated from college and went off on his own way. My daughter moved to LA and my husband just plain left. That leaves the oldest who seem to be mad at me for one thing of another most of the time. Oh, then there's my father who has moved his ex-wife into hishome so I can't go there.

I feel useless, alone and as though everything I do is wrong.

But, I'm sure that will pass.

Meg

I've given up trying to sleep...

...and there's nothing else that I even want to do right now.

If you were at the bottom of a well, would you even want to see the sky? Or would you prefer a shutter that allowed you to forget that the sky is up there? How long would you wait for a ladder , or even a tool, before you just pulled the string that would shut the sky out?

When the sun passes by, is it a cruel reminder of something that you can't have or is it something to aspire to? The warmth bounces off the walls and dissipates by the time it gets to you but the rain falls right smack on your head. There's your answer.

If you stare at the walls long enough you see that they were put there for a reason but who knows what that reason is? What good does the knowledge do? If the walls were built properly, they won't cave in on you. That's good. Or is it?

Contempt is nothing more than the death of hope. Not a seed is left and even if you could find one, it wouldn't grow at the bottom of the well. Too much coldness, not enough light, nothing soft to plant it in. So, why would the sky bother visiting?

Cold dark and hard...and so much useless shivering. Day after day. Cold dark and hard. And more useless shivering. None of the passersby toss a tool down as they peek at you from the sky...to hope for a ladder would be insanity. It's never that easy for anyone at the bottom of a well.

But...you can still see the sky. No matter how hard you try not to look, you can't help but glance at it and remember when it was so much closer. How did it get so far away? It must have happened when you were contemplating the walls.

Redemption?

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Hi there...

...I was so bored that I watched a person cook on TV so I thought I'd come here and bore you so here I am. Oh, today is the first really cold day outside...it's got to be close to 60 and I bet it was cooler last night. My feet are cold. I really should put some slippers or socks on. Maybe both, I hate stepping in wet crap with socks and the dogs drink like slobs so I better wear the slippers on over the socks. Yeah...that's what I'll do.

I told you I was bored.

I don't feel like getting up and changing clothes but I really should. That might make me feel wife awake. Going to bed before 4 AM would do it too, but I can't seem to fall asleep lately. Even if I do, I wake up with a yearning for ice cream so I get up and eat some of that. Let's see...what else is new?

Oh, I watched a movie. It turned out to be one that I watched last month but I forgot so I watched it again. I realized that I had seen it but there wasn't anything else to do so I watched it again. Well, actually, I could have cleaned up something in the house...but I didn't want to.

So, I need to shower, get dressed and clean the house but I'm just too damned lazy today. You know...maybe if I just start with the shower...I'll get a bit of energy going. And if I turn on some music, I'm sure I'll get a bit of motivation. So, I think I'll just do that. If it doesn't work, I'll come right back. If it does work, I'll be back as soon as I think of something clever to say.

See ya!

Meg

Have you seen these curtains? Those are the ones that are missing from my kitchen.

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I was just watching television...

...and I noticed a chick with big boobs. I found myself wondering if they were real. Nowadays, doesn't everybody wonder if a nice set of knockers are real or not? I know I do.

I have long nails, I always have. People used to mention how pretty they were because nails that grew as long as mine did were not something you saw everyday. Apparently, it isn't easy for most people to grow long nails but mine are so hard that they rarely break. (There was this hideous incident with a pillow that I picked up in 1974 ...I was unknowingly standing on the pillow case and when I pulled it up with right force, I met resistance with all 4 nails and that was awful....when the fuckers DO break, they break at the quick.) But, now that long fingernails are under a hundred bucks, everybody has them. They had fake nails before, but they never looked as good as they do now. Of course, they were under 5 bucks. And they looked like they were under 5 bucks. Anyway, my point is that now that everyone can have long fingernails...no one ever says that mine look nice anymore. They all just assume that they're fake and leave it at that. The ease with which people can have long nails has taken all of the fun out of my long nails. I'm not special anymore.

So, I was wondering if fake boobs are taking the fun out of the big boobs now. Ya think? Last year a guy offerred to buy me a set of tits. I almost took him up on that but then I came here and asked, rather generically...what the guys reading thought of fake boobs and I think close to 100% of the men said that they did NOT like fake tits. I was stunned. So I had to refuse the free knockers.

When I wore a size 14, I had huge tits but they went away and I miss them. But I have to wonder if they would be taken for granted like my nails are. If everyone can have them, who really cares if you are blessed?

I have to wonder if I heard from the only men on the planet that said they didn't like fake tits. Anyway, I have to ask again to be sure...do guys really DIS-like fake boobs?

I have to know. Now you'll have to excuse me...I'm going to paint my fingernails.

Meg

Apparently...

...I have been "tagged" by another blog and I have to answer these questions:

1. What is the best thing about your workplace?

Well, considering it's in my dining room/kitchen, I like the proximity of the coffee pot and the refridgerator.

2. What do you hate about your workplace?

I have to clean it all by myself.

3. What small irritance at your workplace really annoys you?

The fact that other people can get in.

4. Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person you work with.

Well, I don't work with anyone but occasionally my son comes in and scrambles eggs. Then, he leaves the pan for me to clean. The only thing worse than cleaning scrambled eggs out of a pan is lacking a sandblaster when the Rice Krispies dry hard on the side of the bowl.

5. What is one thing that you would change at your workplace to make life a helluva lot better?

I would hire a night time cleaning service to come in and clean while I was asleep.


OK, are there any more social obligations attached to this task?

Meg

Hello there!

It's finally cooling off down here in Gogia so this will be the month that I don't pay a high electric bill. Next month I'll probably need to use the heater so this month is the cheapest month for me, no more AC and no heat yet. I will have to pay the gas bill, which never goes down. But...I don't even know what in the HELL runs on gas in this house.

I know it's not the stove or the dryer, because I bought them and they both say ELECTRIC on them so they don't run on gas. You'd think that in 10 years of living here, I would have to light a pilot light if there's something running on gas...wouldn't you? Well, no one in this house has EVER lit a pilot light here so I am clueless.

I've considered just not paying the stupid bill...that might show me what it is. But first of all, I would have to pay a reconnect fee and secondly, it might be something I need, although I just don't know what it could be.

So, you might ask, "Why do you pay the bill?" Well, because it comes in the mail, that's why. It has my name on it and it says I owe them money. Crap, if someone sent me a toilet flushing bill I would probably pay that. God forbid the crapper should stop working. Hell, you could send me a Johnson bill...I'd probably pay that too.

When I was in Florida, my father gave me a LOT of cash. I was shopping when all of a sudden it hit me...I hadn't been shopping since Christmas. I hadn't had any cash since that long ago so I hadn't gone to the store. The grocery store, yeah...but no other good store. If I get this account, I'll go shopping again.

But, the utilities HAVE to be paid. I always seem to pay them but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you how. I haven't worked for over half of the time since Rick left and yet I've kept the house running. You see I've always been online so obviously the bills get paid (the cable bill would be the first bill that I would let go so if I have computer access, you know the other bills are paid) but I don't know how I've done it. If the IRS asked me to explain how I support myself (like the probation officer DID!), I wouldn't know what to say.

The best answer I would have is, "One way or another."

Yes, of course, men have helped. I've NEVER asked one for money but they do seem rather eager to part with it when I voice any specific financial concerns. Then, there's the people who helped me out when I couldn't think of a better idea than to attach a DONATION button up on this blog. That's always been my last resort. But, it hasn't been men the entire time...I just don't know how I did it. I know I had to let things go some times...if I couldn't pay the utilities, I'd let the rent go and then pay it back in 3 monthly installments along with the following 3 months of rent. Luckily, my landlord trusts me.

Ideally, the alimony has always gone towards the rent. I owuld just endorse that over to the landlord and send it off with the 50 bucks that it's short after I send the $800 alimony.

That's been annoying...I remember when $800 would have paid my entire month of bills AND rent.

I haven't had to use the alimony for the rent lately so I've been holding onto the money orders for as long as I can. I want to use them to pay all of my fines, get my license back and get a car so I can work outside of my house. But, something always comes up and I end up having to use them for the bills anyway.

If I WAS able to save a few for any length of time NOW...Christmas would wipe it out all alone. Oh, email your address soon if you want a Christmas card from me...I need to know how many to buy. Just send me your address with a hello to megbkelso@gmail.com and I'll put you on my list.

I'm wondering if I should take the initiative to call about the account myself...I think I will. I have balls, why not? What have I got to lose? Bupkus...that's all. I've been in this "I have absolutely nothing left to lose" mode for a while now. Except for my kids...there is nothing that anyone could take away from me now. Freedom's just another word... so whatever.

Oh, although I don't have ONE man...I do have a few that I like to call friends. :):):) I wouldn't want to lose them. It's amazing how much each of them are worth in their own way. I always say, "There's a man for every purpose and a purpose for every man." and I have a list of needs that I have to take care of here so I do like my men. Damn...I love you guys! I just got goose bumps thinking how much I like men. And to think, some bitch dude emailed me to say that I was a"manhater".

Pishaw I say to him.

I adore men and I love my list. It's husbands that I don't like. I finally figured it out.

Anyway, I have to go act like I'm an assertive Southern woman so I'll see you later!

Meg

I felt in a good, playful mood...

...coming on so I sat down at my computer to write something playful and light. I had a hard time coming up with something (and by the way, no, I haven't remembered the other thing I wanted to tell you...but I will!) so I just started surfing the web. One thing led to another and then...all of a sudden I found myself staring at this:

CAN We Handle the Truth?

When Americans find themselves in the midst of a problem, they have a tendency to form committees, commissions and seminars, bringing together the greatest minds on the crisis du jour. We see PSA's on television telling us how we need to TALK about this or SACRIFICE for that. All the "talking heads" say the same thing..."We need to learn more about the current danger and we need to stop hiding our heads in the sand!" Celebrities crawl out of the woodwork and the upper class opens up their checkbooks. But, if the "problem" is racism, WE don't allow anyone to help.

Whites aren't allowed to do the same things that they do when they see unjustices anywhere else.They're allowed to admit that there IS a problem, but they aren't allowed to discuss the problem. Some of the first few white people who made our rules were insightful enough to realize that a free exchange of ideas is not only a good idea, it is absolutely mandatory when solving problems, growing as a people and progressing higher on our path to a much higher level of humanity and civilty.

I, for one, refuse to lump all white people into one category. My parents raised me the same way all intelligent parents, white AND black, raised their children, telling us, as small children, that "God made us all equal in his eyes and He wants us to live together as His children in peace."

The times they were a'changin' and we all knew it. The younger generation that was taking over was going to put a healthy dent into racism, but not by violence.They were going to breed it out.

Who amongst us would deny that we have watched a white person go out of their way to be nice, almost in an attempt to make up for the sins of their ancestors? These white people don't understand slavery anymore than African Americans do. Neither group can fathom how another group of humans can OWN another group. But, if it weren't for a LOT of white people standing up for the slaves, The Emancipation Proclamation would have been written much later than it had been.

History teaches us that all ethnic groups have had their owns trouble while attempting to assimilate themselves into another culture, no matter how they ended up there. Today there are a few different groups in America having trouble "fitting in." So, maybe it's tougher on one than it is on another, but it isn't a race.

When an open dialougue is the answer to so many problems, why isn't it the answer to this problem? If someone mentions that imprisonment rate of black men raised by single mothers, they're being racist. If they want to offer a different solution to a very old problem, they must be a bigot. Especailly if they say anything negative about any one of the groups that already exist for the enrichment of the African American community. These groups that preach love between the races would be out of business if we ever said, "Aw, go on home Jesse, those white folk aren't so bad." If there were no leaders, who would lead the fight? It MIGHT just get boring and stop! Who knows, have you ever tried it?

What cause could Jesse raise money for then? Oh well, that's not my problem. I just think that too many of us are comfotable with the status quo. We don't want to discuss any potential problems, we might be a bit uncomfortable. Also, some one might have to change. And then they might have to realize that skin color only slows you down, it doesn't stop you. To say otherwise takes away from the many people of color who have helped saved lives, enriched our culture with art and added another group to the melting pot we call America. The donations that African Americans have made to our country are as rich as any other culture. To blame color for stopping people of color is an affront to those who have made these contributions in spite of color.

Well, That's was different. I never meant for it to be so long...sorry about that. OK, I have to go to bed now.

See you in the morning!

Meg

Man...

...I couldn't get signed onto the computer all afternoon and now that I have, I've forgotten what I was going to say. Oh well, that's never stopped me before.

Damn it...this time it was something good, too. Whatever...it may come to me yet.

Last night I went out to shoot a couple of games of pool. Well, maybe 7 games. After a shaky start, I finally got my game going. I used to think that I couldn't shoot at all without beer but now that I've been forced to go beer-less...I finally have learned to shoot pool while sober. Of course, it's possible that I've always been able to shoot sober but just THOUGHT that I needed to have a few beers first. One way or another, I eventually found my zone and started shooting well.

I think that I shoot well enough and act aloof enough that most men pretty much just treat me like a lady. And, of course...I don't usually have to worry about any man hitting on me while I'm kicking his ass on the pool table. I behave in a very sports-manlike manner and we all have fun shooting pool, espacially if the other people are good as well. Then, it's not only fun to play the game...it's also fun for others to watch the game.

But...every so often some redneck, drunk or even an old guy in a jet black toupe decides that he must have me. Last night was one of those nights.

There was hardly anybody in the place at all, just about 4 people at the bar and a couple of groups of guys along with one guy by himself all shooting pool. I put my quarters up and waited my turn.

I go to this place because it's pretty safe territory for me. I know the owner and the employees and most of the long-time regulars because I used to host a weekly comedy show there. The people there all know me. That's the place that I tell guys to take me there when I am on a really, REALLY bad date. If, for whatever reason, I have to dump a guy (and I DO have good reasons, really I do.), I have him drive me to this place and I can always be sure that someone that I know well enough will be there and be happy to give me a ride home. So, I wait until the dates from hell goes to the can and I grab a friend, run out of the place and into his or her car.

Last night I didn't bring my own date from hell, but I did spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding one. Amongst the basically decent group of guys shooting pool, he was the one who stood out. He was dressed as though he had been painting houses in Death Valley. And he smelled as though he had as well. He was young, MAYBE 30 and he obviously practiced poor oral hygeine. He was overly friendly and nobody's dream...I assure you. The rest of the guys were intelligent, well dressed, pleasant men.

I wouldn't have accepted a drink from this guy but when I was shooting against him (and he did his best to be the person that I was shooting against. I had to beat him just to get him off the table.) I won and so he tried to buy me a drink. He asked what I was drinking and I said, "Tea."

He said, "Oh! Why the hell are you drinking TEA?!"

I had to argue with him about that. Then, he finally gave up and asked if he could buy me a glass of tea for winning the game.

Those glasses hold about a quart and I didn't even want another one but he insisted so I grudingly said, "OK."

Then, he did something that stunned me. He held 2 bucks out in front of me and said, "Here...go get yourself a glass of tea...on me."

Needless to say, I didn't do it. I said, something like, "You don't just hand a lady cash in a bar...go buy the drink if you want to...I'm not walking up there and buying myself a drink when I already have one."

So...he went up to the bar and bought the tea.

Then, a few minutes after he delivered the tea and went back to his side of the pool table, he must have gotten over any embarrassment that he might have felt and walked over to me and said, "Sorry, I just wanted to show you what a gentleman I was."

He sat at the table corner that I had chosen because of it's position close to the pool table and away from everyone else. The owner just saw a place to stick an extra table and he put one back there. It's nowhere near the other tables but it has a great view of the pool table. Anyway, this creep sat at my nice, secluded table (with 2 chairs close to each other since it's in a corner) and I immediately stood up and began paying attention to the pool game, which I was NOT playing in.

He seemed to take the hint. Then, he worked up some more courage. Either that or he did a couple more shots and worked up some nerve, that's my guess. The next thing I know, he's walking back over to me and my table. I stood up before he got there.

Now, I've heard some lines in my day...my favorite was the guy who smiled at me, licked his finger and wiped it on my sleeve as he said, "C'mon, let's go get out of these wet clothes."

I don't know why, but that struck me as extremly funny. I love a guy who can make me laugh. Unfortunately, the guy in front of me last night made me want to snicker...or smack the hell out of him. So, with his new found courage, he stands in front of me and delivers what has to be the stupidist line that any man, any where, at any time in the history of the planet Earth has ever delivered...with a straight face:

"You know....I really like older women."

I think I'm just staying in tonight.

Ciao,

The Old Lady

YIKES!

Overslept, gotta run, be back ASAP!


Meg

This blog is my property...

...and from now on, anyone who posts a commercial website on this blog, for profit or not for profit, agrees to pay me $1,000 a post. By posting on this private blog, you agree to pay Meg Kelso for each and every single post that is placed anywhere on this blog. Regardless of whether or not I publish the web site...your attempt to place a commercial web site on this blog in any part of it is your implicit agreement to pay me $1,000 dollars. By attemptong to post on my private blog, you and the association represented by the web site have agreed to the aforementioned terms.

Thank you for your business.

Meg

Hi!

I'm back from the probation meeting. I paid off the balance of what I owed them and found out that all I have to do is go back on November 6th for one last meeting and then I'm done. Cool beans.

I promise you this, I will never drink and drive again. I only had two beers and I was entirely secure in my sobriety. But at 92 pounds, I was over the limit. To this day, I don't know what I blew. I was so stunned when they said, "You're under arrest." that I just sat down in astonishment...taking in the gravity of the situation. As bad as I thought it was at that moment, I was clueless as to the severity of the situation. And, unless you've actually experienced the year after a DUI, you don't have a clue either.

The dumbest thing about it all is that I don't drink. Whenever I told anyone who knows me, they responded, "YOU got a DUI? You don't even drink!" I might drink 5 times a year...a glass of champaigne at New Year's, a glass of wine here or a bottle of beer there...but basically I never drink. I don't like the taste of it and I don't like the way it makes me feel.

Don't get me wrong...I'd love to have a nice beer buzz...I just don't like to actually drink.

I used to.

I used to drink until someone said sternly, "Margaret....WE AIN"T GOT NO MORE LIQUOR!" Not only did I drink, and often...I drove after I had been drinking a few times as well. I never planned to...but hell, who plans to get drunk? And, who is thinking in their right mind when they ARE drunk? Hell...who evens REALIZES that they're drunk?

If I had truly been drunk, I would have appreciated the cop for pulling me over. I would thank him publically. Cops never know how many lives they save by pulling over drunk drivers. If I were driving drunk, a cop could potentially be saving my life and the lives of others. I totally respect the idea of stopping drunk drivers and I accept total responsibility for what happened because I did blow over the legal limit (whatever it was) and I did drink and drive, even it WAS only two beers. So, I'm not trying to weasel out of anything at all.

BUT...I was NOT drunk. They didn't pull me over because I was driving erratically...it was because a light was out. I was actually giving a drunk friend a ride to his apartment and he was too drunk to find it. I didn't know where he lived and after a while, I just drove home and asked him to crash on my couch. I was tired and he smelled like a brewery. He refused to come inside and wanted to go home so I actually went back out and tried again. The guy stunk so badly that when I rolled down the window for the cop, HE could smell the drunk dude.

Naturally I heard the question, "Have you been drinking, ma'am?" And for some strange reason, instead of saying, "It's not me, it's him."...I told the truth. I wasn't the least bit concerned, after all, I was sober.

If I would have refused the test, I would have lost my license for a year. As it is, I've lost it for a year and a half all together, I've paid thousands of dollars in fines, done community service, attend weekly group drug and alchohol meetings, monthly probation visits, two weeks in jail, DUI school, drugs screens and the stigma of having a DUI.

I still have a bit less than a month left and then it's all over. Except for the trip to the DMV and the reinstatement fines.

Oy vey.

Meg

OK...I'm back!

The entire time I was in the shower I just kept thinking about the comment that I addressed in the last post. I was so enthralled with that ladies suggestion that I didn't even take the showerhead off of the holder. I just stood under it and wondered.

Anyway, I have to go to the probation meeting today and if I don't get arrested anytime soon, I'll be done with it all by next month. I really want that over with because I want my driver's license back. The account that I'm trying to get would be the highest paying job that I've ever had and although I can do most of the work from home, sooner or later I would have to testify in court and I would hate to tell an attorney that, "Your expert witness has no driver's license." That wouldn't look good at all.

I really, really want this account. It's the highest paying job that I've ever had. If I get it (I should know by the end of the week) I'll be caught up on my bills by the end of January. Christmas keeps me from saying that I'll be done by the end of the year.

I may have to take a drug test...my second in a week. The only thing that has me worried is the Marinol. I have a prescription for it and that was good enough for the drug test that I took last week. I just hope it's good enough for the probation office because once again, I tested a faint positive for marijuana because of the Marinol. They said that the faint positive's always go in favor of the defendant so if it happens again, I should be fine. I just didn't expect it to show up at all. The probation officer told me that she was told that Marinol DIDN'T show a positive for weed at all. She and I tested the theory once before out of curiosity and it was a faint positive then as well. What if it comes up positive one time?

With this job on the horizon, it would be my luck that I'll tet positive this time. That would just suck. I'm considering stopping the Marinol soon because it's done it's job. I tried to stop it once before, cold turkey, and it made me so sick that I not only couldn't eat, but I couldn't stop worshipping the porcelain throne either. So, the next time I see the doctor, I'm going to ask if I can slowly come off of it because I think I've gained enough weight now. My only concern is that once I stop taking it, I'll lose all the weight again.

I spoke to my daughter last night and she was annoyed that she didn't know that Johnny Depp was at her work Sunday night. She was in charge of the event and even planned the menu. But, she didn't know that Johnny Depp was going to be there. She said that she would have stayed at work if she had known. Last night Jesse Jackson had a dinner at the Beverly Hilton and a singer named (I think) Chris Ingram performed for it. Annie said that she watched him set up and practice his set and she really enjoyed that.

She was driving as we spoke, which I hate. As we were speaking, she kept bitching about Beverly Hills drivers. She said they were the worst drivers she ever saw. Oddly enough, I spoke to a friend yesterday in Phoenix who said that the drivers there were the worst she ever saw. Now, they've both driven in Atlanta and with the possible exception of Paris, I have to say that Atlanta has the worst drivers I've ever seen.

So, who's right? If you've had enough driving experience to comment, who do you think has the worst drivers on the planet?

OK, I'm going to curl my hair now. I gave up on the stupid curlers in the pony tail idea...my hair was still wet in the morning yesterday and when I took the curlers out, a third of my hair was straight, a third was curly and the last third was frizzy. That made a funky pony tail. It was worse than if I had just done a bad job curling it and then put it in a pony tail like I usually do so that's what I'm doing today. Damn it all to hell.

See ya soon!

Meg